The holidays can be a triggering time, however those triggers are there to point us towards deeper levels of healing our soul gets to embark on. In this experiential practice, I guide you through a process to notice what shows up for you in the triggers, what age these come from and what your inner child needed at this time. We then move through a reconciliation process to connect and reparent with your inner child for deeper healing and integration. Enjoy during the holidays and beyond!
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Episode 407: Embodying Your Highest Self During Holidays with Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose
Namaste, it’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes You, Your Soul’s Highest Evolvement.
And before we get started, I have an announcement for you.
Are you ready to finally discover your Soul’s Purpose, the big reason why you are here? Well, I’ve created a Free Masterclass experience for you where you will discover what your Dharma is and how it may be different from your career; how to navigate having multiple passions; different ways to transition into your Dharma; ways to overcome people-pleasing and caring what people think. My number one tool, whether knowing a decision is right for you and journal prompts on the different types of resistance and how they show up for us. All of this is available for you, for free, in my Discover Your Soul’s Purpose Masterclass. You can head over to iamsahararose.com/masterclass to join today.
Again, that’s iamsahararose.com/masterclass and you can find that link in the show notes. I’m super-excited to see you in there!
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The holiday season is upon us and for some of us it’s filled with cheer and joy, and for others of us it’s filled with a lot of family trauma and triggers and wounding, and all of that is okay, because we’re human and it’s important for us to also look and question the shadows that may be arising, especially with our families.
So, as you may know, Family Constellation, Ancestral Healing Work has been major in my own journey. And I know for so many of you, just the word family can bring up a lot of heavy feelings. Maybe feelings of burden, maybe you’re dreading being around them, you love them but you don’t enjoy your time together, and sometimes that can hurt. It’s like “I really want to enjoy this time with my family, but I just can’t get myself to do it.”
So, I wanted to have this conversation, kind of guide you through a little process that may bring you more healing because the truth is, we cannot totally heal until we heal our relationship with our family.
Now, this doesn’t mean they have to go on a spiritual journey or go to therapy or any of that, but it means that we need to find neutrality in how we feel towards them.
And if you catch yourself getting really triggered when you’re around them and going back to this hurt, wounded inner child, then that means there’s some healing work to do there. And what a beautiful invitation, it’s pointing to us the place that there still may be a little bit of wounding. And just know that every single human has them, every human, even if you felt like you had a really great childhood, we always had areas that we felt, maybe, unheard or unseen, or unacknowledged, or uncelebrated. Maybe you were bullied and you feel like your family wasn’t there for you, or maybe your parents were fighting and you remember hearing them from your room and wishing you could do anything you could to stop it.
You know, there’s so many ways that we can actually take on trauma from our childhood. And when I say trauma, the word trauma is such a loaded word, but trauma with a capital T, of like Trauma, are more those really big, threatening situations such as abuse, rape, etc., however, trauma with a little ‘t’ are the more micro ways that we may have experienced hurt and wounding, such as being bullied or feeling misheard, or, again, hearing our parents fight etc. and we all have that type of small ‘t’ trauma. So, it’s important to acknowledge that it’s not just about what happened, but really, it’s about how we feel about it. And that’s what matters. The mind doesn’t even, necessarily, need to remember what happened to have a response to it. That’s something that goes beyond the mind, it actually goes into the nervous system.
So, if just being around your family makes you all of a sudden feel some type of way, you don’t even know why, maybe they haven’t even said anything yet, but all of a sudden you’re feeling really defensive or nervous or you’re trying to get out of there, that’s your nervous system having a response to something that you may not even consciously realize.
And it’s important for us to dive into it and to heal it, otherwise, it’s going to show up in other areas of our lives. We can’t completely block out our childhood and our families because that is the foundation from which we started from.
So, I wanted to do this conversation, this Episode, about bringing about more healing because that has been so helpful for me to open my heart and to love and find more joy and more purpose. The deeper I do this inner family healing work, and by no means is this Episode conclusive of all of the work that you can do with healing your family. I highly recommend checking out the Episode I did a few weeks ago I did with Marine Selenee, all about healing from ancestral trauma and family wounds through Family Constellations Work, which was also a wonderful Episode to dive into, and all books and practices related to Family Constellations
So, when you go home and you’re with your family, I invite you right now to think about one thing, maybe a certain member of your family says or does, that really triggers you. So, maybe it’s “When my mom starts asking me when am I going to get married; when am I going to give her grandkids”, or maybe it’s your dad only wanting to talk about money “How much money did you make? Are you saving? Are you this? Are you that?” Maybe it’s your uncle saying some really inappropriate political comments. Or maybe it’s just the dynamic of everyone in your family, the way that they just argue and they don’t listen to each other and everyone’s just yelling over each other.
So, I want you to bring to mind one situation right now that triggers you.
Okay, so now that you have this situation in mind, just start to, in your own head, give it some words, what is going on, what is happening here? Mhmm, mhmm, hmm, I see. Yeah, that can be frustrating. Thank you for sharing.
So, how do you fell when that starts happening? What starts going on in your body? Are you sweating? Do you tense up? And where do you feel it in your body? Maybe it’s your heart, your stomach, your neck and shoulders, maybe your palms are sweating? Where are you feeling it in your body? And how do you start breathing, even just thinking about this right now, where is your breath coming from? Is it really shallow? Maybe just coming from your chest, maybe you don’t even feel yourself breathing. What’s your breathing like?
Now, I want you to notice your jaw. In this experience, bringing your body into that experience right now, imagining yourself being there, feeling that thing right now. What’s your jaw doing?
Is it tightening up? Feeling tense?
Now, notice your hands. How are your hands feeling?
Maybe your hands are curling up into a ball? Maybe your palms are sweating? Maybe you can’t even feel your hands? Hmm.
Let’s take a deep breath together.
Now, in this moment, when you’re feeling this way, you’re feeling triggered, your body is responding, this version of you right now that’s showing up, that’s getting really angry or sad about what’s going on, how old is this version of you? When did you start feeling this way?
Now, this version of you, what did they really need at this time?
Maybe it was a hug. Someone to listen to them. To be seen, heard. Or someone that asked them how they are.
What did they desire?
How does this version of you feel?
Now, bring to your mind’s eye what you looked like at this age. Maybe you can remember something you used to wear, how you did your hair, what your room looked like.
Now, visualizing this child version of you; or maybe you were a teenager.
I invite you to imagine yourself walking up to them now, seeing them right in front of you. They’re looking at you with amusement and amazement, “Wow, that’s me later on?!”
And now ask them “What can I give you right now?” and let yourself hear the response.
And now, giving this version of yourself a big hug and saying “I vow to give you what you need.”
Maybe they need more space, creativity, support, acknowledgement.
Tell them “I will give you exactly what you need. I’m here for you. I love you. And I am here to reparent you.”
Again, giving them a big hug and really just filling them up with your love, and moving forward, you will always be there for them, especially in the times that they may be triggered, you will give them what they need, you will listen to them, you will honor their desires, you’ll create space for them to thrive. You’re here now, they don’t have to do it all alone.
And now, giving yourself a big hug for being this beautiful, evolved, open-minded and mature person that you are today, who is able to hold your inner child with such love.
Your inner child is so proud of who you are. And they are so grateful for every single decision that you’ve made that has brought you here.
Now, allowing your inner child and you to merge together as one and feeling that grounding now in your body; that integration; that peace.
And I invite you to take 10 minutes now to journal on whatever has shown up for you. Write a letter to your inner child, say to them all the things that you wish someone could have told them. How loved they are; how unique and magical they truly are, even if they can’t see it; and that you’re here to support them fully.
When we are triggered by our parents, our families, it’s because there is an aspect of us that is still wounded, still hurt, that needs to be listened to. And it is our jobs, our Dharmas, our greatest gifts, to be those people who can listen.
And whenever you may feel triggered by your family, you may be going back to that state, I invite you to bring your inner child to your mind’s eye, imagine holding their hand, giving them what they need and taking a deep breath and feeling into your body, what is showing up for you right now and really breathing into that space. Maybe giving it a name, a color, a texture, an area of your body, and feeling it melt away as you really breathe into it, because, truly, this part of you just needs to be heard and acknowledged in order for it to be free.
And that is why we are here, that is why we embark on the spiritual growth journey, to reparent and heal our inner children.
So, Happy Holidays, however you celebrate! I acknowledge you for the strength and the courage it takes to do this work.
And I invite you to dive deeper into inner child healing, Family Constellations and all forms of Ancestral Healing to bring you to higher levels of truth.
Thank you so much for being here today. Happy Holidays! Namaste.
Episode 407: Embodying Your Highest Self During Holidays with Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose