Part two of my “Stages of a Woman’s Evolvement” Highest Self Podcast episodes. This is where I discuss stages 8-11, stages I have yet to experience from motherhood onwards.

What stage are you in? Join the discussion in the Mind-Body Balancers FB Group.

Connect with me on Instagram @IAmSaharaRose and learn more about mind-body balancing in my book Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda here.

Transcription

Episode 020- Stages of a Woman’s Evolution Part 2

By Sahara Rose

Namaste, and welcome back to the “Highest Self” podcast. A place where we discuss what makes you your highest evolvement. I’m your host, Sahara Rose, the author of “The Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda,” which is going to be out August 8th. So excited, and thank you to so much of you who’ve pre-ordered. I love seeing your pre-order forms on my book bonus page on my website, eatfeelfressh.com, which I will post the link to in the info and show notes.

So this is the second half of the last episode that I began recording, which is about the stages of a woman’s evolvement. So I discussed how on my trip to Europe I realized how much I had changed, and how much I used to be excited about travel, and just trying new things, and new experiences. And now I’ve noticed shifts in myself of wanting to stay put, and build, and grow, and really set up roots, and a foundation, which I’ve been doing for the past three years now that I’ve lived in Los Angeles. And how much traveling showed me that I’ve grown and I’m no longer really as excited about just like seeing new things. As amazing as it is to see the whole world, the world right now exists within me. And I’m finding so much more enjoyment from going within than seeing the world without.

So it was a really incredible finding to discover because it shows that I’ve been evolving. And that I’m a living and moving entity just like all of us are. And it got me thinking about the stages of evolvement that every woman goes through, every man goes through as well. But this episode specifically is about women’s. And I will do some meditating on the stages of a man’s evolution as well.

So in the last episode, if you’ve not listened to it yet, I suggest listening to it first because I discuss the first seven of the 11 stages. These are stages that I’ve come up with myself, they’re not like—there’s no research or anything about them. It’s literally just my—from what I’ve observed from living on this planet and just information that I’ve downloaded form the universe. So it doesn’t look the same for everyone, so keep that in mind, but it’s definitely patterns that I’ve been noticing. So if you haven’t listened to the last episode yet, about the first seven stages, I suggest listening to them as a little refresh.

Stage one was

• pure childhood

• imagination

• creativity

• connection to your past lives

Stage two was being a tween.

• So being self-conscious about your appearance

• and hormones kicking in

• and just emotional instability

• and body changes, and things like that.

Stage three was young adult. So declaring independence, questioning things, experimenting—substances sometimes. So kind of just testing your limits.

Stage four is what I call our first mid-life crisis, but it’s realizing that maybe what you’ve been studying in college, or who you thought you were going to be isn’t really panning out the way you thought it would be. A lot of people we’ve grown up to think life is very linear, and you go to college, and you get a job, and you get married, and you have kids. And like everything’s just going to happen as planned, and then you realize it doesn’t. Especially for our generation, who graduated to like the worst economy in like 80 years. So definitely a lot of mid-life crisises to people in their mid-20s.

So stage four is that. Again, not everyone experiences it, but I think at some point in your life you will have this identity crises of… I mean you have to. There’s no way that you can grow up and everything that you expected in your childhood is going to happen, and there’s no returns. It wouldn’t be life if it was that way.

So stage five is trying out your first identity. I call it your identity because most of the time the first identity that we try is not who we’re going to be, so that might be your first job, or for me it was traveling the world, and like being this like gypsy studying holistic healing systems, thinking I’ll never settle down in one place. So that’s your first identity.

Stage six is rethinking who you are. So now that you have more knowledge, more experiences, more awareness, you’ve been in the real world, and you’ve realized really how little that you knew because before you kind of thought you knew it all, and then you realized, “Oh wow, I actually don’t know anything.” And that’s when you actually begin to go back and maybe you start a new job, maybe you go back to school, maybe you really start putting your feet on the ground. So for me, that’s when I began writing my first book, “Eat Right For Your Mind Body Type,” which is not out. So that was a really groundbreaking time for me, and I think for a lot of listeners, they are in that phase of just rethinking who they are and like setting up that foundation.

And then stage seven, which is the last stage I discussed on the last episode was flow. And that’s when you finally have found your mission, and you’re doing everything that it takes to get out there. And you’re full throttle in your work, you don’t want anything that distracts you from your higher purpose. And you’re just really motivated and you know, you’re living and breathing your message. And it’s an amazing, but also can be an overwhelming feeling. But as long as you remain in a state of flow, things will continue, continue to come to you.

So those are the first seven stages. So now in this episode we’re going to begin with stage eight. Now, stage eight is something that not all women experience, especially now more and more women are choosing to not have children or get married. So this stage is regarding that. Still, from a population perspective, most women do have children. This is universal. I don’t know the exact percentage, but definitely around the world, I would guess maybe 80% or 90% of women eventually have a child. So it’s still definitely the general trend, but definitely in Europe you’re seeing like the average child per family is like 1.5, so it’s like between one and two kids. And in some parts of the world it’s like four, even more. But then in other parts of the world it’s diminishing.

So whatever your choice, that’s your choice, but I’m going to just speak about what’s happening with the majority of the world, which is still having children. So stage eight is family. So it’s not just a baby that is born in that labor room, but also a mother. You inherently change as a human being the moment you give life to another. Your body changes. Your mood changes. And you access deeper levels of your soul that you never experienced before. Love takes on a whole new meaning. And everything else before that was just a puppy version.

You’ve experienced the fundamental purpose of life. Rebirth. The moment you have a child, it’s no longer about you, and your entire life it’s been all about you. You no longer decide when you’ll sleep, or when you’ll wake up, or even what you’ll do that day. No, you are at the mercy of another. A being so small that carries so much. And you wonder how they even let you out of the hospital with this thing. No matter how much we say that a woman is no different than a man, and having a kid doesn’t change anything. It’s just not true. It changes everything. No matter how career woman you are, the moment you hold that little alien in your arms, nothing will be the same.

You live for their sneezes. And gush over their feet. You will lose sleep over their coughs. And pray that their illness was yours. You will realize how meaningless everything else in life has been until this very moment. You will stare at your little avatar as they sleep. And wonder how often on earth your body could have created this thing that now has a heartbeat of its own. And with every learned word, and first step, it will slightly break your heart because you’re getting closer to the day that that child won’t need you.

You’re going to miss showering, and nights out, and laugh at the clothes you used to wear. And you’re going to meet up with your old friends and bore them with your talks about strollers and vaccines. People will warn you that childrearing is going to fly by, and just to stay present. But 18 years, honestly feels like several lifetimes away. And you’d kill just to be able to go to the bathroom without someone pounding down your door. But you couldn’t imagine life otherwise. And you realize how little everything else you used to worry about even matters compared to keeping this little being safe. Which gets harder as they begin to walk, and drive, and you’ve realized that your heart has its own feet, and just walked out of your body.

It’s a lot to have on the side of your mind while trying to manage a business, a marriage, a social life, a self-care practice. Oh, and stay sane. If you’re a mother, you’re wonder woman. I don’t even have kids yet, and even just overwhelmed with the thought of the magnitude of how much I will love them because I’m seriously obsessed with my dog.

Before, there’s been a lot of pressure, especially in the past 40 years or so for mothers to also have careers. But you have to listen to your own inner voice. For some people, motherhood is a job enough, especially when it comes with cooking, and cleaning, and driving your kids around. It’s more like four jobs tucked into one with no pay and constant after hours. For other people, the thought of staying home all day with their kids literally drives them up the wall. And they can’t show up as loving mothers if all they’ve done all day are house chores.

Listen to yourself. You can definitely still have a career as a mother. But you don’t have to if you don’t feel the call. You still deserve respect. We each have different ways that we express motherhood. For some, it’s to be at every PTA meeting and help your kid with homework every single night. For others, it’s making your child proud of your career choices. But if you choose career, remember that being a mother still must always come first. Because a paycheck means nothing when your child doesn’t want to speak to you. Instead of trying to work hard to make them proud, just spend time with them. You’ll realize that all kids really want is just contact. One day, and when you look at their empty rooms when they’re off to college, you’ll realize that you missed all of the most important moments of their lives, and yours.

Stage nine. As your child gets older, he or she needs their mother less and less. This is the first true heartbreak women experience. Your kid not needing you anymore. This actually hurts way worse than a man leaving you. Because you didn’t give that man life. For some women, it may hit them the day their kid goes to kindergarten and waves goodbye. For others, it may take the day they go off to college and wave goodbye from an airplane. It’s the undeniable truth that one day your child will no longer need you. Just as you don’t need your parents.

In fact, they may try to get as far away as possible from you. And blame you for messing them up over things that weren’t in your control. It’s going to hurt. But that’s life. The only thing you can do is put yours back together. Even with an open hole in your heart. I recommend for women who’ve taken time off to raise children to get back into the work force before their children leave. That way it’ll be much easier than when your home is empty and your days are, too.

When that child leaves, let them. They need to go through their own phases, just as you did yours. You cannot teach them lessons that will prevent them from making mistakes. And experiencing heartbreaks, and living lives as human beings. In fact, life is way more complicated now than it was when you were a child. Let your child go. And instead, work on yourself. This is the time for you to become the person that you’ve always wanted to be.

At this stage, you have years of experience under your belt. You know your strengths and weaknesses. You know how to talk with people. Your skin is much thicker than it was in your 20s. You have a huge leg up with all of the wisdom you’ve acquired. Yes, the world is now a much different place from that which you grew up in. And people are working from tablets, and there aren’t even cashiers anymore. But there’s still a very important place for you on this planet outside of your dear role as a mother. Find it. It’s easy to let your now grown child encompass every free moment of your thoughts. However, at this point, it’s no longer necessary. They don’t need you for survival. And it’s time for you to make your greater impact on the world.

Stage ten. This is, I think, a prime time in a woman’s life.

• She knows who she is.

• Her children have grown.

• She’s comfortable in her skin.

• And she’s ready to live her life in her fullest expression.

She’s overcome the heartbreak of losing her child to adulthood, and now can finally become friends with her kid.

• She dresses how she wants.

• Acts how she wants.

• And isn’t afraid of being her authentic self.

She’s no longer plagued by the insecurities her younger self once had. And will rock that outfit without worrying how fat her thighs look. I think a woman in her 50s is the most badass of all. And I honestly can’t wait for this phase in my life. My mom is in stage ten, and it is epic. She’s like going to African drum classes, she’s like, “I’m only wearing gypsy clothes.” I love it. It’s amazing.

Stage 11. So some women stay in stage ten and rock on for the rest of their lives. My paternal grandmother is one of them. Every day she still dresses up, she does her hair, she tells everyone she meets that she’s 65 years old, which is younger than her son, and that she used to look like Sophia Loren. So some women continue rocking on in stage ten, but stage 11 is when we tend to wind down. And this happens earlier and earlier, especially in Western society, because of our diet and lifestyle. So when we end up slowing down because of this perceived notion of age, our mental and physical health rapidly deteriorate. So a woman may become more sedentary, which causes her to gain weight. And this will make her joints hurt, which may lead to osteoporosis, or arthritis.

And without the jolt or hormones she may feel weak or cranky, and it just continues and continues. However, this does not have to be a reality for everyone. So now in the United States, people spend the last ten to 15 years of their lives just sick. But the body was not meant to live this way, we were not meant to live to 90 years old if we’re going to spend 15 years of it bedridden. Age does exist, and we can’t ignore it, but aging doesn’t have to look the way that it does in America today. We must keep our minds and our bodies active. So this is why it’s so important to have an exercise practice that you love like

• Yoga

• Or dance

• Or tai chi

That you can continue doing in your older years. And it’s equally important to have hobbies that you enjoy like painting or music so you have something to look forward to when monetary value you realize is no longer truly a value in itself.

In this last stage, you realize that money is just a tool, not a goal. It allows you to do the things that you love, and live a comfortable life, which is extremely important. However, it can’t come to the next life with you. It’s up to you to paint your canvas with the things that give you joy. Only you can hold that paintbrush. So let’s prepare for our later years, our stage 11 elderly years. By living lives that we love today.

• Exercise your body and mind.

• Create something larger than yourself.

• Love the person that you are.

• Find your soul tribe.

• And be the type of person that you want to age with.

I hope you guys found these 11 stages of a woman’s evolution helpful. I’m really looking forward to the next stages that await me. I definitely want to have kids, personally. Probably in a few years, so excited to bring you guys on that journey. It’s not going to be any time soon,  but it’s amazing how life has so much in store for us, and we’re constantly opening the books in new chapters, and we really don’t know it’s like this book that has partially been written for us and partially we are writing ourselves. And it’s this beautiful dance between free will and destiny. And no one knows how much plays which role, but we’re creating our own paths.

And I think it’s really important to have frameworks and guidelines, which is why I love thinking about stages of evolution, and archetypes, and doshas, and things like that because we’re all so interconnected. We are all one. We are all created from the exact same stardust. And if there’s something I’m experiencing, chances are many of you guys are experiencing it, too, especially if you’re listening to this podcast this deep in. So we’re all vibrating at the same level of frequency, we’re all experiencing these same patterns, and these same phenomenons, and these same heartbreaks, and all of that. And I think it really helps us get through our everyday lives and transform the obstacles into opportunities when we realize that nothing is happening to us, but it’s all happening for us to grow.

So embrace whatever stage you’re in and allow yourself to full-heartedly go there into its distress and into its beauty and abundance because we need to feel both light and shadow in order to become whole. So take care of yourself, love yourself, take care of those around you. I honor your and respect you so much. If you have not pre-ordered my book, “the Idiot’s Guide to Ayurveda,” make sure you do that because I have an entire section on the doshas and age, and how the doshas change as we age. And how we’re more Kapha when we’re children, and then we become more Pitta in our middle years, and we become more Vata later on. So this whole concept of aging is something that Ayurveda writes extensively about.

So I’m really looking forward to sharing that with you in a later podcast episode. After August 8th I will be going through different chapters of the book so I definitely recommend having a copy of the book so you’re able to flip through the page numbers. And I’m having a virtual book launch party. It’s going to be a free webinar that you are all invited to participate in. And I will have that link in the info of this—whether you’re listening on iTunes or on SoundCloud. So you’re all invited, I’m so excited to hang out with you there, answer your questions, and really have our virtual celebration of this book coming together, coming to launch, and taking its physical form in your loving arms. So thank you so much for being part of my journey. Atma Namaste.

Episode 020 – Stages of a Woman’s Evolution Part 2