This week on Highest Self Podcast I am back again with my bestie, Rosie Acosta to deep dive on what it truly means to be magnetic. Magnetism is a word thrown around a lot in the spiritual world so we wanted to really dig in and define it in our own ways as well as universal ways.

In this episode Rosie and I will be sharing about…
– Our own experiences with magnetism and what we have noticed within ourselves and other people
– What creates attraction in dating and relationships
– How your dharma (purpose) creates magnetism
– Connecting with your sacred feminine + masculine energies
– Not needing someone to complete you and how to create more self-love
– The power and subtleties of confidence
– The art of giving less of a fuck about what others think
– Questioning your beliefs around what makes you worthy
– Why you should prioritize having fun/play
– And MORE!

Stepping into your magnetism can create a beautiful chain reaction that inspires others to step into their own magnetic energy. The more we are bringing our gifts and confidence online, the more we cultivate this energy across the collective and raise the vibration of the planet.

I hope this episode reminds you of your innate power to be magical and magnetic af. Because when you are embracing this ability, the world around you shifts and life begins to align with all of your manifestations and desires.

Connect with Rosie on Instagram here: https://instagram.com/rosieacosta?igs…

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Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor

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Transcript

Episode #509: What Makes Someone Magnetic with Rosie Acosta
By Sahara Rose

[00:00] Sahara

I would say what holds women back from being magnetic is this “I’m going to zoom into how you feel about me and I’m going to be your perfect girl”. And it’s like “How are you reading me? Do you like me? Do you this?”, and we’re, like, maneuvering and, like, perfecting ourselves, and that very thing is what’s making us repelling, because it’s, like, we’re not being ourselves, you’re being the yes person of like “Oh, do you like this? Yes.”, “Do you like that? Yes.”, it’s not fucking interesting. It’s like, you don’t need to agree with everything that person has to say.

______________________________ 

[00:42] Sahara

Welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast! My name is Sahara Rose, and on this Podcast, I love to take spiritual concepts, but make it really grounded and modern, fun, relatable, so it could actually serve the needs of our lives.

[00:55] Sahara

And on this Episode that you’re about to listen to, kind of, has become like a monthly segment. So, you’re going to hear my bestie, Rosie Acosta, and I, just kind of shoot the shit on the things that we go back and forth with on our voice notes.

[01:08] Sahara

So, her and I, honestly, our voice notes, first of all, if they were ever released, I think we would just, like, go to jail, but secondly, they would be a podcast, because we love to talk about things, especially around relationships, and dating, and sensuality, and spirituality, and shadow work, and trauma, and kind of, we go everywhere.

[01:25] Sahara

So, after 6 years of doing these voice notes, we’re like, maybe we should just, like, have these conversations on the Podcast because a lot of you guys are like “I want to have friends that I can talk to about these things, things I’ve noticed in society, things I’ve noticed in myself, but I want a safe space that I can actually have these conversations”. 

So, she’s back on the Podcast, and today’s topic is going to be about magnetism. 

[01:47] Sahara

So, what does it actually mean to be magnetic? What does this energy mean? We talk a lot about it in spirituality, we’re going to, kind of, be giving our own definitions. And then, what makes a man and a woman magnetic? So, we’re going to be speaking our own experiences of what we’ve noticed within ourselves and other people, and hopefully it gives you some really good advice and takeaways of, first of all, what makes you feel magnetic and you come alive, because that’s what matters most, how we feel about ourselves, and then, also, who are we drawn to in dating and relationships, and how can we cultivate more of that energy.

[02:20] Sahara

So, without further ado, let’s welcome Rosie back on the Podcast!

[02:22] Rosie

Yay, it’s been so long (not long at all)! 

[02:27] Sahara

So long, a good two weeks, I missed you kid!

[02:30] Rosie

You know, what I was going to say is, you are very magnetic. Yeah, but, like, right now. And I know you just came back from an event, but that’s, you know what I noticed about you – any time you do an event with a lot of people, you do come back radiating this magnetism, this excitement that’s very contagious, it’s very inspiring, it’s very full. And I think it’s really interesting that we’re having this conversation on the…

[03:02] Sahara

Thanks for noticing, girl! But it’s because I’m living my dharma when I’m doing it.

[03:07] Rosie

Yeah.

[03:07] Sahara

Dharma, for those who you don’t know, it’s your soul’s purpose, it’s your unique frequency, it’s why you’re here. And so, when I, you know, this weekend, and I had the highest self weekend, which was 300 people, over 3 days. Day 1 was all about the inner child, so, inner child healing, and workshops, and poetry. Day 2 was all about the inner teenager, so, our rage and releasing it. But I also did the most amazing DJ set I’ve ever done in my entire life with, like, all of my favorite 2000s throwback, and I’m talking about Raise Up, Pede Pablo, I’m talking about Kryptonite, I’m talking about that stuff that you’re like “I have not heard this song in so long”. It was so good and so fun and so joyful! And then, Day 3 was all about the highest self and the integration. So, I guided this, like, channeled meditation that we were, like, standing up and channeling our highest selves, and back down, and having this conversation. It was just like “Oh, this is why I’m alive”, like, I am living my soul’s purpose doing it with so much flow, and I was just surrounded by people who listen to this Podcast, which, like, lights me up so much, and having conversations about how this has impacted their lives, that I just feel so oozed up with lifeforce in myself that I feel, I just feel radiant even though, I mean, I haven’t even seen anyone since, so, thanks for the feedback.

But yeah, it shows, and that’s, I think, the number one thing for me on my list. I wrote (we both wrote) lists of what we feel makes a woman and man magnetic. And I think for both, and all genders, it’s living your dharma.

[04:41] Rosie

Yeah, I think, for sure, that has to be. But it’s like, what is the lead-up to living your dharma? You have to be in that state of confidence, you have to be in that state of trust, you have to be in that state of authenticity, to be able to even approach something as challenging as following your purpose, right?

But I think that’s absolutely one of the biggest magnetic traits that we could have. I mean, think about when you are inspired by somebody. Often times, you are inspired by, you know, maybe something they’re teaching, something that they’re really excited about. The people that you’re most drawn to, let’s say for you, you really love 2000s music, you know, or you really love a certain genre of Afrobeats or whatever it is, it’s not just the music, it’s not just because you love to dance, it’s because you are connected to the soul of the song. You’re listening to the lyrics, you’re feeling what the artist is feeling in that moment, right, because you like to go deep. So, for you, it’s that appreciation of this art, and so, it magnetizes you to a specific genre, or a specific artist, or a specific music type, right? Because we feel when somebody is being fully who they are, it gives me permission to be fully who I am, right?

And when we’re talking about, in terms of the people that we attract into our life, or the people that are magnetized into our lives, or the people that we find magnetic, it’s like, what are those traits? 

And again, we can go back to the list of what we discussed, but I think, for me, you know, what magnetized me to you was exactly what I just said, it was this energy of somebody that was very open, because you know I’m not a group things person, right? For me, I would’ve never met you at a group gathering, which is where you shine, right? But you also have this energy that can also be immersed in by one person, right? I can sense from you that you have the capacity to hold a room full of people, right? So, to me, that’s really inspiring because only people who are fully immersed in their dharma, and their purpose, and their passion, can do that. But you’re also very playful and very open. It’s not intimidating, because there are also people who are all of those things, but they’re very cut off from connecting from people, right? We’ve seen a lot of those speakers, they can be totally charismatic and magnetic on stage, the minute they come off stage and you see them backstage, and maybe they don’t know you’re a speaker, they don’t treat you well, right? 

But I think it’s really important to be a well-rounded magnetic person. I don’t know, what do you think?

[07:42] Sahara

Well, I think magnetism is you being your full expression all the time, and not wearing a mask, right? So, if you’re wearing a mask, and this is the problem I have with a lot of, like, the dating advice out there, it’s like “Say this and don’t say that. Show up this way, don’t show up like that”, let’s say you memorize them and let’s say you did it, okay, great, you make it to month three of the relationship, which tends to be, month three is when the masks come off because you can’t be playing this game, you can’t be so calculated anymore. And then, it’s like, the relationship will dissolve because you weren’t being your authentic self so you might as well lead, and I’m not saying lead with like, all your traumas from the get-go, but lead with who you are consistently going to be, because that’s who this person is signing up for and that’s what you’re signing up for.

So, getting into magnetism, I want to share with you my list, I want to hear your list, and then let’s zoom into them.

So, to me, what makes a woman magnetic is her openness, how much you can feel her heart. The best compliment I’ve ever gotten from a man is “You’re so open”, and I was like, I loved receiving that because I don’t think the old version of me would have gotten that compliment, and I know it’s, like a direct result of the work that I have been doing. And I feel like – and we’re speaking about more women who identify with feminine energy, men who identify with masculine, so if you’re non-binary, non-gender conforming, this will probably look different for you, I’m not the expert in that, so I can only speak on it from my own personal experience of this. So, that’s my little disclaimer on that. 

But I would say for a feminine-leaning woman, I would say our beauty comes from that softness, it comes from that receptivity. So, receptivity is one of the things, the beauty being inner and outer because, you know, you see people who are perfect Instagram models, but you see them in person and it’s just something about them is, like, dry, it’s like a dried up well energy, and often it’s that she doesn’t feel confident within herself. So, that confidence, that sense of joy, feeling her heart, feeling like she’s filled within herself, a sense of radiance and glow. So, taking care of yourself, feeling fulfilled, rested, vibrant, vibrant. And on that sense of confidence, also a sense of self, of knowing yourself.  

So, I feel like one of the shadows of the feminine is that latchy energy of like “I need a man I need to be saved, I need someone”, and a lot of this, if you look at, like, the biology of a woman, like, we have this literal womb within our bodies, which is this empty space, this void that we are carrying. So, a lot of that, like, deep feminine desire is to be filled, it’s to be penetrated with a masculine force, and there’s such a beauty to that. And I don’t feel that, I think our western, you know, psychological model is like “Just love yourself and you are enough and you don’t need anything else”, and it’s like, I don’t know about y’all, but I am a lover. 

[10:31] Rosie

You’re like “I need this void filled!”

[10:32] Sahara

I’m not giving up on that! However, if it’s like “Save me from myself”, that can create that repelling energy because it’s like, no man, no person, can fill you up with something that you are lacking within yourself. So, it’s like, having that openness without it being a void. And I feel like that really is what magnetism is. Like, you can come dance with me, but if you’re not, I’m good dancing on my own.

[10:59] Rosie

Yeah. Well, that’s – it’s that confidence piece, right? It’s the confidence piece of us being in a state of self-acceptance, of self-trust. And I feel like, for many of us, that have had experiences being in toxic relationships, we come in with this armor, right? We come into the world having experienced pain. And so, we have to learn how to deescalate the fear when we go into a new relationship or a new space, because we have all this armor. And of course, we want all the things, “I want to have my armor because I want to protect myself, but I also want all the things on my list that I’ve created”, but you can’t really have both, you know. You have to be able to release the armor in your time, doing whatever healing work you’re doing, and also learn, re-learn, because we lose our trust when we’re in a – so, when we’re in a toxic relationship, right, we lose that self-trust, whether we like it or not, that little bit of discernment that we once had, has now left the building, or it feels like it’s left because we feel like “Oh, I missed something. I didn’t see something”, and we start to doubt ourselves, right? So, then, this is where having friends, community, therapist, loved one, really comes into a place of helping you because then, if I’m not really clear on my discernment, I need help reflecting that, right? So, I’m going to send you a voice note and I’m going to say “Hey, I’m, you know, kind of going through this”, or “I’m thinking about this, you know, I want to run this by you”, your community, your tribe, then, shows up for you in a way, to help you sift through the discomfort of not knowing whether your intuition is right or your, you know, what you’re thinking is correct, because you’ve lost that edge, right?

So, I think being able to navigate that, for most of us, creates that level of confidence. Once we get into that state of self-acceptance and self-trust, and we can build back up that discernment, we can then get into that state of, what you’re saying, feeling fully embodied.

Like, you and I’ve had these conversations before where, you know, we talk all the time, you talk to a lot of your friends, but at the end of the day, you’ve said this before, I’m going to do what I’m going to do because I trust myself, right? Because you can be grounded in that empowering state, that’s magnetic, right? And I think that that’s also recognizing everything else on your list. You know, you have to be in a state of openness, like you said, to be able to receive the lessons that we learn from past relationships and past traumas, or you know, past hurt, to get into the state of feeling confident and feeling magnetic, and feeling like we can continue to move forward, right? I know I kind of deviated, but I think it related to what you were talking about.

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[14:07] Advertisement

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[15:21] End of Advertisement

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[15:25] Sahara

Yeah. I mean, I knew, in my own sense of self, like, after going through my divorce, I was like “Oh my god, like, what did I not see, how am I in this situation?”, and it made me lose that sense of, like, like “Can I trust myself? Is my intuition off?”, which is, like, the most disempowering space that someone can be in, you know. If you can trust yourself in your intuition, it’s like, all radars are off. And I feel like that’s why so many systems are actually trying to make that happen.

[15:48] Rosie

Right.

[15:49] Sahara

But then, then I just started to realize like “Wait, I freaking love every area of my life. Like, look at this life I’ve created, look at the friendships I have, look at the business I have, look at the ways that I’ve shown up, it’s like, I can definitely trust myself, because if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be living this experience”. And then, it’s like, even the things that are harder for us, like leaving relationships, etc., it’s like “Oh, I trust myself enough to leave”.

[16:15] Rosie

Aha, exactly! 

[16:16] Sahara

And that’s the trust right there.

[16:17] Rosie

Yeah. That is also very empowering, and that is also empowering even for the people listening to this Podcast, that are watching you through your journey, and seeing how magnetic that becomes, you know, this ability…because then, like is going to attract like, right? We’re also just discussing what makes women magnetic or feminine-leaning individuals and what makes a man magnetic. Like, what makes people magnetic in the first place.

[16:43] Sahara

Let’s break down like, what do you even see as the definition of the word magnetic, when you think about it?

[16:47] Rosie

So, when I think of the word magnetic, I mean somebody that is a lighthouse, somebody that is just shining so bright that you cannot help but look and feel in that direction. Somebody, a human, a person, that is just radiating so much light, that you want to just, you want to know what they did, you want to know what they’re doing and you want to follow that path. That, to me, is what magnetism is. 

[17:18] Sahara

To me, magnetism is, like, they’re alluring to you, there is a draw. Because I think about, what is a magnet, it’s a push-pull, it’s emerged, you know. So, to me, someone that’s magnetic, it’s like, I just want to be in their energy field, you know. I want, yeah, I want to be around their orbit, I want to know more about what are they sipping, what’s in that cup.

[17:42] Rosie

Yeah, what are you drinking, what is this?

[17:45] Sahara

And I feel like there’s this “I don’t give a fuck” energy to them, you know. It’s like they’ve let go of the polished perfection and they’re just themselves, and there’s something very relaxed about them. And that relaxation makes you drop in and it also exudes confidence because someone who is confident, doesn’t need to try so hard, you know.

And one of the huge realizations that I had within myself is, the last time that I was on stage in October, at my Sun Being Wave event, to now this event in June, so, like, 8-9 months between, the old me, I used to think like, oh, when you go on stage, you’ve got to be behind stage and, like, giving yourself the pep talk, you know how you see videos of like the speakers and it’s like, you’ve got to prepare yourself for the talk. And I used to do that because it’s just what I saw, it’s like, how the fuck am I supposed to know? And with this, I was just myself the whole time, I was like, talking to people, I would get on stage, I would do the practice the other speakers were doing, it was just me flowing in through life. And there was no me and the audience, me on stage, me talking to this person vs. me talking to that person, I was just oozing me at all times. And I believe that that was what made me magnetic because so many people were like “Holy shit, we’ve never seen you on that level and on that vibe that you have right now”, and it’s because I let go of this need to perform. Now, that need was, I need to perform on stage, that can show up for people in relationships, which is a huge piece, I feel like, one of the – actually it’s both, I would say it’s equally both. I was going to say feminine, but masculine performs a lot as well. 

I would say what holds women back from being magnetic is this “I’m going to zoom in into how you feel about me and I’m going to be your perfect girl”, and it’s like “How are you reading me? Do you like me? Do you this?”, and we’re, like, maneuvering and, like, perfecting ourselves, and that very thing is what’s making us repelling, because it’s like, we’re not being ourselves. You’re being the yes person of like “Oh, do you like this? Yes. Do you like that? Yes.”, it’s not fucking interesting. It’s like, you don’t need to agree with everything that person has to say, sometimes it’s just being like – you know, for example, I mean, you’ve seen me, like, I don’t watch movies or intros really, I watched Never Have I Ever, that’s basically about it. And so, someone might be like “Yeah, what movies do you like?”, it’s like, I don’t watch movies, you know, and I could try to, like, come up with something and it’s like, you know, and it’s like “Okay, I’m not going to pretend to be someone that I’m not”, and you’ve seen that happen. But I feel like there’s something magnetic about, just, like, yeah, I would rather, you know, have conversations with people and stuff, it’s just not my thing, and at least I’m being myself from the get-go. And then, if someone who watches movies is a deal-breaker for that person, then it’s like, I’m not going to be their cup of tea.

[20:26] Rosie

Yeah. Oh man, the deal-breakers, the lists and that whole… I think that the magnetism, one of the faults for your journey towards magnetism is building lists, I think.

[20:42] Sahara

Oh, it’s holing me back?

[20:44] Rosie

No, no, I’m not saying you, I’m just saying in general, for people, because it’s limiting. You know, you’re creating a list, in a way…

[20:52] Sahara

A list of what you’re calling in, in a partnership?

[20:53] Rosie

Exactly. Because, I guess, one of my questions, while you were talking was, is regular human magnetism different than relationship magnetism?

[21:04] Sahara

I would say they’re connected.

[21:06] Rosie

Okay.

[21:06] Sahara

You know, because, when you are feeling sexy, and you are feeling embodied, and you are filled with pleasure, that’s going to ooze into your meetings, and your conversations, and how you show up on stage, and in life, right? It’s just like, you feel alive.

Now, because, then again, if you’re only one way and you’re work, and you’re not that way in your relationships, there’s a performance element going on.

[21:28] Rosie

Aha, yeah, there’s a mask, it’s like what you were talking about, you know. But I feel like, for some people, maybe they’re in that process of, yeah, deescalating the fear, and maybe they have the armor on. So, maybe they’re, like, in that process of dearmoring themselves and that’s why – I’m a fan of everybody taking the masks off at your own capacity.

[21:48] Sahara

Mask on, mask off, aye!

[21:53] Rosie

Oh, like, we have to have that future song play in the background. So, but, I also, I agree with what you’re saying, you know. I think that they’re definitely connected because a sexual magnetism and just an outwardly magnetizing person, is going to have all of those check marks, right? They’re going to have all of the same qualities, confidence, optimism, embodiment, they’re going to have a sense of humor, they’re going to have that charisma. It’s something that really draws, again, it draws you in, because most of us want to have that level of confidence, that level of connection.

When Tori and I first started dating, actually…

[22:37] Sahara

By the way, Tori is her partner of 20 years, guys!

[22:40] Rosie

Yes!

[22:41] Sahara

She’s got the street cred!

[22:42] Rosie

Good old Tori! Yeah, to all those relationship experts out there, move out of the way! JK! But one of the things that Tori, one of the biggest compliments that Tori gave to me, that really stayed with me, was, one of the times that we were having a good time, we were just walking around naked, he was like “I love how you just don’t give a fuck”, and I’m like “What does that mean?”, I’m like “Should I give a fuck?”, you know what I mean? It was one of those experiences, I was like “Wait, should I not be walking around?”, but he’s like “No, I mean, I love how you just are so comfortable in your skin”, and I’m like “Hmm”, I’m like “Okay” And I had never felt that comfortable with any other person. And it was almost – well, truth be told, I didn’t really care because I wasn’t trying to be in a forever relationship at the time, I was just wanting to have a good time and I just was comfortable, you know. And I think it’s going back to what you were saying, I just didn’t care what anybody else thought, I just, in that moment, I just felt embodied, I felt comfortable, I felt like I could be authentic, and honest, and myself, and that always stayed with me. And even now, 20 years later, he’s still very much attracted to my ability to be confident, you know. I’ve never once, and even if I did feel insecure in the relationship at times, or even within myself or my body, he’s never made me feel any type of way, and I’ve never asked for him to validate me. And he appreciates that, you know, he really appreciates the fact that I don’t rely on him to make me feel comfortable. And I think that that’s a big mistake that sometime happen in relationships, you know. 

[24:35] Sahara

Right! Well, because it’s the embodiment element. So, let’s say you’re in the embodied practice of covering your breasts, and covering your stomach, and turning off the lights, and closing yourself, that’s what’s going to be felt in the space vs. regardless of what your body looks like. Maybe you feel like “I’m out of shape”, or “I have stretchmarks”, or whatever the thing is, which, by the way, we all have things that we hold that shame around. But if you’re just owning it, it’s like, the person’s not even looking there. It’s like, whatever we try to cover, is actually where that person’s going to be zooming into. 

It’s like, I see a lot of women, they’re like “Oh, like, I’m so sorry, I have a zit right here”, it’s like, I wouldn’t have noticed the zit, had you not said that, you know. But it’s like, we feel like we need to do this, like, disclaimer as if everyone’s looking at it, but they’re not. And it’s like, all these little ways we minimize ourselves, which sucks us out of our magnetism.

And that’s why I love going to different countries. Like in Trinidad, at the carnival, there are women of all shapes and sizes there, wearing the skimpiest of outfits, bedazzled to the nines, and they were so confident, and radiant, and magnetic, and alive, because they were owning themselves and their expression. Whereas, you see these women in, you know, Brentwood, with, like, stick figure, perfect little, Gwyneth Paltrow bodies and hair, and Botox, and this and that, and it’s like, zero part of them is magnetic, because you can feel they don’t love themselves.

[25:55] Rosie

I think that’s the heart of magnetism.

[25:58] Sahara

Yes, self-love.

[25:59] Rosie

Yeah. It’s always going to come back to self-love, isn’t it?

[26:02] Sahara

Always! Self-love! So, what do you think it is for men? Because i feel like, for men, what makes a man magnetic is different. In fact, I wrote a list.

[26:10] Rosie

Let’s hear it.

[26:12] Sahara

So, to me, what makes a man magnetic is a sense of direction, and his dharma, but like really having a sense of direction where he’s heading. And I feel like, with a woman, it’s a little bit different, it’s more like she’s so filled up with her life, it’s her fulfillment, whereas with the man, it’s something about, like, where are you taking this shit?

[26:29] Rosie

You want to get in the car and you want to know that he’s driving you exactly where you need to go.

[26:35] Sahara

Do I trust the direction that you’re taking your life?

[26:37] Rosie

Yeah.

[26:37] Sahara

Because I think the ultimate feminine desire is to surrender to that, you know, of like “Can I trust you more than I could trust myself?” And for most men, it’s a no, you know. But I think in deep partnership, there needs to be an element of that, because you can’t always be in control. And if it’s someone that you can’t truly trust the direction of their life, and actually give up the keys, that points, then that’s not your person.  

And I feel like most of us women, we’ve never had that, that we’re like, our guards are up and then that creates the shield, and creates the armor, and it doesn’t – it’s like, the magnetism is always there, it’s just how many barriers and armors and layers we have on. It’s like, when we release it – that’s why you see people, after a divorce, get a glow up and say, they’ve actually released all this energy that was not theirs, that was in their energy field, that it’s like “Oh, I can just be me and I can process my stuff, which is, like, hot pink, you know”. 

So, I would say a sense of direction and dharma. To me, a man that’s inspiring. 

So, I feel that when you’re having sex with someone, especially as the feminine, like, think about it biologically, your – you’re laughing…

[27:44] Rosie

I was just like, expecting, I wonder, I don’t know.

[27:47] Sahara

To me, a man needs to be inspiring because, essentially, what you’re doing is, you’re creating a life with him, whether you want to have children or not, that’s what your body is doing. And so, evolutionary, you would look at the man that had the qualities that you would want your offspring to have, so, whether you wanted like a warrior child, or a very calm and peaceful tribal leader, or a poet, or whatever it was that you were looking for. And often, these are qualities that you don’t have within yourself, that you are desiring, and that’s what makes that other person attractive. It’s like “I want to be you”, right, and that’s what “I want to fuck you” is, it’s “I want to be you”. I think about it as Kirby, in Super Smash Bros, I don’t know if you ever played that. It was this little pink ball that would, like, suck up the superpower of the other person, and then, for like 30 seconds, it would like turn half and have that person’s superpower. You know, I was always the dragon with the egg. What was his name, Yoshi?

[28:39] Rosie

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[28:39] Sahara

Yeah, that was my main boo. But Kirby was great because you could just try a little bit of everything. And I feel like that’s actually kind of the feminine, of like, when we are attracted to someone, it’s like “Uh, I want some of that magic, I want some of that”. So, it’s like, to me, if you’re not inspiring to me, then I’m not trying to, like, merge with you, you know. So, inspiring, sense of safety, huge!

[29:04] Rosie

Safety, in what way? Physical safety, or financial safety, or emotional safety?

[29:10] Sahara

All.

[29:11] Rosie

I’ve just…

[29:12] Sahara

All! Yes! I mean, it’s all related. And I think, you know, certain women are attracted to certain things, we could talk about, like, the differences between, like, your sense of safety vs. my sense of safety. But I think a woman needs to feel safe to express. And the reason why many of us are not in our fullest expressions is because it hasn’t been safe to, there has been judgment, there has been, you know, unwanted attention, and it’s not a safe world for women.

And often times, even in relationship, it’s not safe for her to be emotional, it’s not safe for her to speak her needs, it’s not safe for her to own her desires. So, having a sense of safety that, like, all parts of me will be met, and loved, and cherished, makes a woman come online so much deeper and become so much more magnetic, to know that all of you is held. So, having a sense of safety.

Protection, which is related to that, but having a man, I really believe, like, again, this is more, if you’re looking at the traditional feminine/masculine polarities. But to me, I want a man that I know could kill for me if need be.

[30:12] Rosie

Okay.

[30:13] Sahara

That’s what I need.

[30:14] Rosie

Did you hear that? Put that on a Tinder profile – “Will you kill for me?”

[30:18] Sahara

But think about it this way, it’s like, will you, like, face the depths of – and not kill like, in a human sense, it’s like, will you face the depths of consciousness, will you face the depths of, like, what this life has, like, how far are you willing to go, or is this just a thing for you right now, until you find something better?

And I think the feminine can feel that, she can feel if she’s just an option and he’s waiting for the next best thing or whatever else, and so she’s not going to fully bloom and open. 

So, for me, what makes a man attractive is like, he has that warrior energy to him, but it’s contained, and he’s calm, and he’s peaceful, and he’s not just fighting random people on the streets and, like, you know, because that’s very unsafe. A man that can’t contain his warrior self, what is a samurai, you know? A samurai can kill, but he’s not going to, he’s extremely discerning without using his power. And I think that sense of, like, the next one I have is emotional intelligence, a man who is emotionally intelligent is…

[31:15] Rosie

Will tie you two together.

[31:16] Sahara

Exactly! Who can read you and feel into you, whether it is romantically, sexually, conversationally, in life, of he’s not just, like, in his head of like what’s supposed to be done or what he’s seen in porn, or whatever the thing is, it’s just like “How deeply connected can I be to you?”, which I feel, tends to be harder for the masculine. Often times, they need to, like, take mushrooms or something to, like, get base level empathy, though, some men are getting there, in whatever your tool is. But it’s like, to be able to not have to minimize yourself and water yourself down. I feel like that really creates magnetism. 

Sensuality, being in his body. So, like, for me, a man that can dance because I dance.

[32:01] Rosie

Naturally.

[32:02] Sahara

So, for me, now that I know this about myself, of like, this is a requirement for me, in relationships, swimming forward, of “Can we dance together?”, because…

[32:10] Rosie

What kind of dance are we talking here?

[32:12] Sahara

Any dance, it’s just…

[32:13] Rosie

And dance?

[32:14] Sahara

It’s just – I mean, I love Afrobeats music, so, I would prefer to have someone that has similar music taste to me, Afrobeats. I really want to get into the Kusuma dancing, Salsa, Bachata, partner dancing. But I feel when a man can dance, that shows that he’s not so in his head, he can release, and soften, and be silly, and then that’s also a sense of grounding and connection. So, it’s really, dancing is like, it’s almost like a symptom of who you are, right? The more liberated you are, the more you can actually dance.

[32:44] Rosie

You know what’s interesting? I’ve never really – because you’ve said this forever, and I’m like “Oh, that’s what it is”, it’s not necessarily the “Oh, I want…”, well, I’m sure, yeah, dancing, because you’re a great dancer and you love to dance, but at the same time it’s, that’s what it is.

[32:58] Sahara

Yeah, it’s who you are, the fact that you’re… If you’re like “No, I can’t dance”, it’s like, you’re in your head and that, to me, is unmagnetic.

[33:05] Rosie

Yeah, it’s rigid.

[33:07] Sahara

It’s rigid. And then, to me, and this is a personal one – is creativity. Because that is such a huge part of who I am and what I desire in relationship is someone to co-create to with. So, specifically for me, it’s music. I’m always attracted to men who are DJs, music producers, singers, like, some sort of musical talent, because that’s what I desire to step more into myself, and I desire to be in dharmic relationships, rather than karmic relationships. Karmic relationships are those that, like, bring up all your wounds and all your shit, and dharmic relationships are ones that are going where you want to go. 

So, for me, like, the purpose of relationship is really to go somewhere that you can’t go on your own. And it’s like, to join forces and co-create something that is so much greater. So, to me, what that looks like is, enhancing, not just my DJ-ing, but just, like, creating frequency on this planet here.

But I know for you, your list actually looks different, based off of your childhood and your parents. Because, again, let’s bring in the dad component.

[34:03] Rosie

Let’s talk about this.

[34:04] Sahara

So, my dad was – I mean, he had a very strong sense of direction and protection, I would say, but definitely not a creative, dancer, sensual type, very type A, rigid, traditional alpha man, very emotionally disconnected.

[34:20] Rosie

I would marry your dad.

[34:21] Sahara

So, for me, I want nothing like my dad, you know. I’m like, I know what it’s like to be with someone who’s just like “Okay, the bills are paid and all the things are done”, but there’s no, like, emotional intimacy in his marriage, in his relationship. So, I saw what that looked like, I saw how lonely that made my mom, and I don’t want that.

So, for me, I’m attracted to men who are way more in their hearts, right. So, to me, a singer also. If you’re singing, that’s so vulnerable of you, you’re literally sharing your heart and that, to me, is very attractive.

Whereas, your dad, was a professional singer. Share with us your…

[34:54] Rosie

The over-sharer. Yeah, my dad was overly emotional, like, to a fault. And I love my dad, he’s great, but he is very much in the frequency of the creative. He’s an incredible singer, incredibly talented, very emotional, very much charismatic, very magnetic. My dad can walk into a room and everybody’s watching him, he’s talking to everybody, he’s making everybody feel special, like they’re the only people that exist. And he’s a superstar! He’s a superstar! In his own right, he is that superstar. It’s like, if it’s his daughter’s birthday, it’s his excuse of having a concert for himself so that he can shine, you know. If there’s a pinata, he’s pulling out the microphone, putting the spotlight on himself so that he can announce the pinata, you know what I mean, like? And I love that quality about him, I think it’s very special. And you know, my dad’s Mexican and so, he’s a very emotive, he’s really in his feels, he’s always talked about his emotions. I mean, he’s, like, a hopeless romantic, he is a romantic to the very end. I mean, he’s still very much in live with my mom, like, that is so…

[36:12] Sahara

So, I need to marry someone like your dad. I’m like, yes, sing me love songs, please! In Spanish, great! Yeah.

[36:19] Rosie

And so, for me, although that archetype is very beautiful, I was always very repelled by artists, in general, because I was around them. I was around my uncles, my cousins, my friends, you know, growing up in LA, there was a lot of musicians, and artists, and actors. And I appreciate the art, I appreciate the creativity, but to me, I needed somebody who was stable, who could keep me safe, who was secure, who I didn’t have to coddle, who I could be my full strong self, who wasn’t going to be intimidated by me. My mom had more of the, I guess you could say, masculine qualities, because she was very much a left-brained thinker, very much into routine, very much into, like, executing the household in a very organized way. 

[37:20] Sahara

Let me guess, you mom’s a Virgo, and your dad’s a Pisces.

[37:24] Rosie

My dad’s a Cancer, like me, and my mom’s a Taurus.

[37:27] Sahara

Okay. Earth and water.

[37:28] Rosie

Yeah, same thing, it did not mix. They made a lot of muck together. But yeah, so, I wanted to find somebody that was – I love creatives, I never thought I’d be able to meet somebody that was creative and also could give me the security and build me a house, you know, and have that – yeah, like, I need somebody who is like your dad, you know, that’s very structured and has a routine, because I didn’t have that growing up, you know. I was taken to clubs here in LA, at 3:00am, on a Tuesday night, and then I have to go to school the next day, because my dad had a gig and, like, we had to be there, you know what I mean? So, for me, that world, although it was very inspiring and very beautiful and very, yes, magnetic and fun, I also felt like there was only room for one star, you know what I mean? And I just didn’t feel like I wanted to be in a relationship where I was going to have to cater to somebody else’s overly bright star. Not that having a star… We all have that star, right, but I just never wanted to be with somebody who – their ego was going to come before me, right? And that’s something that I’ve worked through, and fortunately, Tori is like the perfect combination of all the things, and he definitely has his flaws, but…

[38:53] Sahara

And I want to talk about the star thing, because we’ve talked about this before, of how… Like, I’ve heard a lot, in relationship, there needs to be one kite and one rock. So, the rock is like the grounded person, the behind the scenes, the taking care of the details, and then the kite is the one who flies, who’s often inspiring, who’s more of the visionary in the relationship. 

And often in relationships, like, I’m curious for you guys listening, are you the kite or are the you the rock? Because we tend to fall…it sounded your mom was more of the rock and your dad was the kite, and in your relationship, you’re more of the kite, Tori’s the rock. In my relationship, I was definitely more of the kite. But the thing is, I’m not really attracted to rocks.

[39:31] Rosie

Yeah, so here’s the thing, right…

[39:33] Sahara

I’m like, I want another amazing kite too.

[39:34] Rosie

You want another kite. So, the thing is, I think it depends, I think it’s both/and. I think that two rocks can absolutely – we’ve seen two rocks together.

[39:45] Sahara

But two rocks, I think the relationship, it’s very stable, but boring.

[39:49] Rosie

Okay, but that’s your opinion, because you’re a kite.

[39:50] Sahara

Right.

[39:51] Rosie

Right. So…

[39:52] Sahara

Because some people might want – it’s like two very Kapha people in a relationship. 

[39:56] Rosie

Yeah, and they’re just, like, totally happy. My sister and my brother-in-law are two rocks, and they’re just, like, perfect for each other, like, they’re happy, it’s great.

I have another couple of friends that are two kites very dynamic, you know, it’s very dynamic. What I will say is that, it works, but there are moments where one kite has to pretend to be a rock sometimes, you know what I’m saying? And I feel like, of course, you’re going to be attracted to another kite, like, because kites are more fun.

[40:27] Sahara

Well, I think my I might be like Ariana Grande.

[40:29] Rosie

Okay.

[40:29] Sahara

You know, like, she dated, like, Big Sean and you know, all hosts of different people, they’re on that song Thank You, Next. What is…

[40:38] Rosie

Oh, right, right, Thank You, Next. No, not Mac, what was his name?

[40:42] Sahara

Mac Miller?

[40:43] Rosie

Mac Miller.

[40:44] Sahara

Yes. And Pete Davidson…anyways, lots of kites. And then she ended up marrying this real estate agent guy, who’s like total rock, I don’t even know how they met. And I think she’s really happy, I mean, I don’t really know her. 

But so, you see sometimes…

[40:58] Rosie

But a lot of these people, a lot of these celebrities, a lot of these Oscar award-winning actresses go on to marry their agents.

[41:05] Sahara

Right, right. So, it’s like, I feel like, I mean, look at, like, just an extreme example, Kim and Kanye. Two total freaking kites, huge personal brands, huge personalities and it did not work because Kim needs the Kim show, Kanye needs the Kanye show, and they couldn’t be each other’s rocks, right? So, they fled off into different directions and I think both of them are now, looking for more rock people.

Whereas, then, you see other partners like Angelina – although Angelina and Brad did not work either.

[41:29] Rosie

They did not work out!

[41:30] Sahara

Two kites. I think most celebrity relationships don’t work – okay, I’ll share an example. These two photographers that I know, they’re like these beautiful, creative, German photographers, and they, like, travel around the world and do these gorgeous wedding shoots, and they’re so creative, they’re both very Vata, and it’s like, that’s their relationship, it’s like the relationship is the work and it’s all, like, mixed in together. And I feel like, for the level of creativity that they desire, they couldn’t be with a rock.

So, I guess it just depends on what you’re wanting in your life. Are you wanting a relationship that’s going to boost your creativity or are you wanting a relationship that’s going to be more of your solid foundation? Because, also, some of the things that you feel like you need a relationship for, you could literally just hire someone. Like an accountant – like, do you need… We’re not talking about sex workers here! But you could do that if you want, no judgment.

[42:21] Rosie

No judgment, no judgment.

[42:22] Sahara

But I see a lot of women, they’re like “I can’t leave my husband because I can’t manage my finances”, I’m like “You know you can hire a bookkeeper, like, you don’t need to be fucking your bookkeeper”, like, literally not that, but you can find one that can fill the pieces for literally $150/month, like, please girl, want more for yourselves!

So, it’s like, so, I feel like, too, as we ascend, as consciousness, we’re not needing someone to fill these voids within ourselves. I don’t need to be with a man for his money, I don’t need to be with a man to manage the money, I don’t need to be with a man for security, because I have all of these things within myself, so, it’s like “What do I want that money can’t buy?”, and that, to me, is intimacy, and creativity, and pleasure, and passion. So, those are things that I look for in a relationship because those are the things that I can’t get from anywhere else.

[43:09] Rosie

Yeah, this is true. And I think that it’s very, this is where it gets very specific for different people, you know, because some people would be willing to have the same requirements that you’re asking, you know, or want the same requirements that you’re asking, intimacy and connection, and all of that. But maybe they don’t have the stability of having a job, right? So, it’s like, what’s more important to you, the fact that they can provide the prerequisites that you’ve placed or are you willing to do that? And some people…

[43:41] Sahara

But are you willing to sacrifice love for money?

[43:45] Rosie

Yeah, and that’s…

[43:46] Sahara

And I think that’s where the whole, like, sugar baby/sugar daddy comes from, that’s like, yeah, you could get a sugar daddy and do that, but it’s like, will you ever feel love? And I feel like love is why we’re here, like, the one thing to not – it’s like, figure out the dharma piece before sacrificing feeling like you need to give up on love.

[44:02] Rosie

I feel like, I agree with what you’re saying, but I also think that, you know, for some people, maybe the security, maybe the financial security supersedes the desire for love. You know, it’s hard, because there’s so much factors in that, right? If you didn’t have a loving childhood and you’ve never experienced that level of connection or love and care, why would you look for it later on in life? Or the opposite, somebody that doesn’t grow up with it, maybe that’s all they want, they’re just craving that connection, they’re just, they don’t care what that person does for a living, they just want that love, 

I think our childhoods have made us either predisposed to good situations or predisposed us to bad situations, because, maybe the person that didn’t get that live and care and connection is very easily love-bombed, you know. And so…I mean, look, this is such a complex…

[45:03] Sahara

And I think it comes back to, the more magnetic that you are from a genuine space, you’re not going to be looking for those things in relationship anymore, because you’re fulfilled. You know, like, 20-year-old version of me, if you said “What are you looking for in a man?”, I’d be like “Tables at the club”, you know, because that’s what I wanted in my life at that point, you know. Like, I wanted to go out, and then go study abroad in Barcelona, you know. And now, it’s like, that’s not my desire. So, what is my desire is, it’s like, okay, I want to dive deeper into my spirituality, into my sense of awareness, into my sexuality, into these things, and then, if you ask me this next year, or in five years, those things are going to change as well.

So, I’m curious for you, do you feel like, being in a long-term relationship and shifting, do you feel like your level of attraction and magnetism to your partner has shifted as, like, you and what you have access to has shifted?

[46:00] Rosie

Yeah, of course it’s shifted, absolutely. I think it goes in waves. I feel like there are moments where, I think we talked about this the last time, where we’ve grown apart and there are times we’ve grown together. 

But I will say is, we know what each other’s magnetic spells are, right? Like, for him, when he is doing something a certain way or speaks to me in a certain way, or treats me a certain way, it makes me want more, and it makes me feel more connected to him, and it makes me feel like – I still get those butterflies in my stomach, you know. And we take breaks from each other sometimes, you know, it could be a couple of days, it could be, I mean, I used to travel a lot more before, but it could just be throughout, I mean, we both work from home, so, I mean, it’s not that hard actually. He works on one side of the house and I’m on the other side, and we just, we’re not talking all day long, but at the end of the day, when we reconnect, there is something really special about being able to talk. We have a nightly download, and I’ve told you this before too, and in the morning, we have breakfast, every morning, and we try to have dinner every night, but sometimes it doesn’t happen, you know, we run different schedules, but breakfast is that non-negotiable. And, you know, there’s just, like, certain things that, when he is fully in his secure and confident self, when he’s really satisfied – so, this is what I notice, I’m going to backtrack this. So, we’re talking about magnetism, and I said we know each other’s magnetism spells. So, his magnetic spell for me is when he’s fully happy, and he’s excited, and he’s working on something that he’s totally, 100%, ignoring me, focused on, you know. He is so immersed in this project…

[47:57] Sahara

Well, it’s that sense of direction, yeah.

[47:58] Rosie

Yeah. He’s so immersed, where it’s like, I’m not even a thought. I know I am, but it’s like, he’s just that, I’m like, so dramatic, I’m like, wanting to talk to him, so…

[48:10] Sahara

“Notice me”.

[48:11] Rosie

I like, I put makeup on and I’m just like “Oh, honey, do you want to take a shower”, you know, like “Do you want to hang out, you know, do something”, and he’s like “I definitely do, but you know I can’t, and that’s the only reason why you’re telling me”, and it’s true.

[48:23] Sahara

You’re like “Oh, I’m wet”.

[48:25] Rosie

Yeah! Like “Let’s go take a bath. Come take a shower”. But the same thing, you know, it’s the same for him. You know, when he sees me fully immersed in what I’m doing, or if I’m not around, or if I’m travelling a lot, it’s, you know, he very much gets that desire, like “Oh, she’s disconnecting from me, I’d better…”

[48:48] Sahara

Well, I think it’s seeing them in their zone of genius.

[48:50] Rosie

Yes, that’s exactly what it is.

[48:52] Sahara

Yeah, and I don’t know if it – it’s like, the disconnection is, like, a little part of it because we’re like “Oh, give me the attention”, but I think it’s like, you’re seeing them doing what God designed them to do.

[49:01] Rosie

Yes, exactly.

[49:02] Sahara

Which is living their dharma, so, there’s something that’s so attractive about that because they’re in their flow and they’re in their element, and that’s – if you’re not attracted to someone in their flow, don’t be with that person. And that’s where the inspiring piece comes, because if you’re not attracted to that person, if you’re not inspired by them, if seeing them in their flow isn’t turning you on, then it’s like, do you want to merge with them, do you want to be Kirby on them?

[49:28] Rosie

Yeah, Kirby, exactly, exactly! Because, even if you’re not into what they’re doing, if you’re partner is, like, an accountant and you’re just like “Oh, this is not turning me on”, but they’re really into it, you’re like “Oh, crunch those numbers!”, like, you know what I mean? It’s just, it’s about being fully committed to it, it’s the sense of direction, like what you were saying, being in the zone of genius, it’s being fully – none of what we’re talking about is “Oh, you have to latch onto them, you have to try and get their attention, put some lingerie on, try and get them to love you”. No, it’s like, love yourself, get into what you’re doing, fully immerse yourself in your own life and in your own authentic self, and the person, or people, will become magnetized to that, they’ll become attracted to that, you know.

_______________________________________________________________ 

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[51:22] Sahara

And that’s what men are so attracted to women, when a woman is feeling herself, in her own pleasure, that’s why men are attracted to women touching themselves. Even strippers, it’s not she’s trying to get the man’s attention and show off, but it’s like, she’s literally feeling herself. 

And from what I’ve been studying in, like, polarity teaching, is, men have a harder time doing that. Like, men don’t typically have, like, self-pleasure rituals where they light candles and, like, gently touch and caress their faces and be like “I love you so much”, like, men just don’t, they have a harder time accessing that, you know. And we’ll do a separate podcast about, like, porn and all of these things, we’ve got to dive into that topic. Whereas, the feminine does, we do get turned on by ourselves, like, we do, like, look in the mirror and feel that – I don’t know, but I don’t think men really have that as us, they don’t really look in the mirror and like, I mean, they would be kind of narcissistic, I feel, if they were. Whereas, for a woman, it’s totally like, you should be loving yourself in the mirror, you know. 

[52:23] Rosie

Interesting, what is that about?

[52:25] Sahara

Even in bed, like, a woman is, often, turning herself on, she’s touching herself, you never see a man doing that. 

[52:30] Rosie

No. And what’s interesting is, like, any time, again, I’ll use my relationship as an example because it’s the one that I’ve had the longest. But anytime I, you know, tell Tori like “Oh, you look really sexy”, or like “You look really hot today”, or “You’re so beautiful”, you know, he’ll say thanks, but there’s times when I’m like “What is your problem? If I looked like you, I’d be, like, naked”.

[52:55] Sahara

I think men typically don’t resonate with words of affirmation as much as women do as well. I find most men, I would say 90% of them, who I’ve spoken to, I always ask people’s love language is – physical touch and acts of service.

[53:08] Rosie

Oh, Tori’s is acts of service. I tell you, if I want to get some tonight, I’m going to make him food, I’m going to clean the house, and it’s, like, instant. 

[53:15] Sahara

Right. And physical touch because they have such a harder time with emotions that they need to feel that physical connection. And for women, I would say, I mean, it’s a range, but I would say quality time is a big one, words of affirmation, it’s like, tell us how amazing we are. Whereas, for men, I don’t think it hits as much, not all, but it doesn’t hit as much.

And I notice, I was the most magnetic when I would come back from my dance classes because I was so filled up with myself, and so juicy, and so turned on, and alive, that that was like, just such a natural radiance to me, because I didn’t need – I think there’s something that’s very repelling about “You need to turn me on”, because then it turns into your partners responsibility, and then, they’re not really knowing, necessarily, what to do or what you need, and then you’re feeling frustrated, and then they’re feeling frustrated, so it’s like, the very thing that the feminine wants, which is to be taken to God by the masculine, well, it’s actually your inner job. You know, you can only take yourself there through finding what takes you to God, whether it is your dance, whether it is poetry, whether it is being in nature, whatever the thing is. And maybe you get yourself there, you can take yourself to God all the way, but then there’s that extra, like, 10% that you can go with a partner, but you can’t expect them to go all 100% for you.

[54:34] Rosie

No, you can’t, for sure. 

[54:36] Sahara

Yeah. 

[54:36] Rosie

Yeah, no. I’m fascinated by the topic, obviously, we’ve talked about it a lot, and I just, I think it always comes back to our commitment to ourselves, to be able to just commit to doing that work for ourselves, to loving ourselves, to being in self-acceptance, to being in self-trust, to be in that state of embodiment.

[55:01] Sahara

And I think, also, prioritizing the things that you know fill yourself up. I see a lot of us, we lose ourselves in the work, and the grind, and the getting things done, and then we wonder why our relationship is not sparkly anymore, and you know, why we don’t feel inspired, why we’re not having the intimacy, and it’s like…

A huge realization I had through being single is, like, before, I didn’t have to be intimate with myself, like, just on a spiritual level, as much, because there was always someone there, right, that it’s like, I came home, there’s someone there, there’s someone to talk to, there’s always something. Whereas, being on your own, it’s like, you must become very intimate. So, now, I notice, these, like, micro, there’s something on my heart and I, like, sit with it and go into it, and that intimacy within myself allows me to have more intimacy than with other people, and it allows me to then, eventually, one day, be in partnership, whenever that day comes. 

So, I think taking time to be by yourself, whereas, when you are in a relationship that feels like loveless, or you’re single, it’s like, the last thing you want. When people are like “You have to be alone”, you’re like “No, no, no, please, don’t make me be alone, like, I felt so alone already”, that that very, like, true aloneness, with no distraction, no guided meditation going, no anywhere to escape, that’s going to take you to those, like, deeper levels of penetration that you’re actually really desiring, which is going to open up that pathway to then have that penetration from relationship.

[56:36] Rosie

I don’t have anything to add to that. That is so good! Because you know I love me a ten-day silent, be by yourself…

[56:46] Sahara

You love it.

[56:47] Rosie

…ritual. Oh yeah, I love it! You know, I agree with that. And look, I know plenty people in relationships that have somebody and are some of the loneliest people I know, right. And I know so many people that are single and living their best lives, and they are the most filled, most connected people I know. I don’t know, it’s very complex.

I think we tend to let the mind make these things, relationships, you know, issues that we might have, we make things so complicated all the time. We’re always trying to figure out how to heal, how to make something better, how to connect more, how can I feel like more myself, how can I, you know, be more confident, how can I be more magnetic, how can I be…it’s like, we’re not broken beings, everything we have is already here, it’s present, it’s just a matter of exercising that muscle. Just like a regular muscle, you have to do the work, you have to practice, you have to fail, you have to practice again, you have to fail. It’s like the idea of mending something that’s broken, you know, it’s like, we feel like “Oh, I’ve been broken”, or “I’m not good enough”, or “I’m not confident”, or, you know “I don’t have Sahara’s life so I can’t, like, be there, I can’t get there, I can’t get to that state of joy or fulfillment”, and it’s like, you can, you know, we all can.

I think we all have the same capacity to get to a state of connection. And ultimately, it’s in that state of connection that’s going to lead us to being that lighthouse, right, that magnetic, full of life, full of joy, being, that we need to be for ourselves, not for anybody else.

[58:37] Sahara

And those very things that, like, when we’re sitting alone, the things that come up, those distractions, those thoughts, like, whatever it is, that’s the path. That very obstacle is the thing that’s holding you back from being magnetic, right there. Whether it’s “I need to buy another outfit online”, it’s like, why, question that. Whether it’s “I don’t like being bored because I’m not making the most use of my time, because I feel like I always need to be productive, because I feel like I’m not worthy of my time here on earth”, it’s like, well, there it is. And it’s like, unless we go to those actual core, deep, underlying beliefs, everything else is just surface level, you can put on the fancy bra, and get your hair done, and twerk on the internet, you can do all those things, but it’s like, the deeper level of self-awareness, that’s really what magnetism is about, and then you can wear anything, you have your hair messy, you can whatever it is, and people can just feel that you, so deeply, are intimate and know every little nook and cranny yourself, and very few people are like that. And there’s something so magnetic about someone who’s actually gone there because, I think, on a deep, core, level, we all want to go there. So, if I can feel like “Oh, wow, you can hold me, all of me, because you can hold all of yourself”, I think that’s actually more magnetic than anything we’ve ever said.

[59:58] Rosie

And the mic has been dropped! Oh my god, we should do dance…

[1:00:09] Sahara

“When the podcast in the crib, ma, drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot. When magnetism try to get at you, pop it like it’s hot, pop it like it’s hot, pop it like it’s hot. And if Rosie get an attitude, fuck it like it’s hot, fuck it like it’s hot, fuck it like it’s hot”.

And also, I want to add, being playful. 

[1:00:25] Rosie

Oh yeah.

[1:00:27] Sahara

Not taking ourselves so seriously. Going into the depths of consciousness and then also sing a Snoop Dogg song.

[1:00:31] Rosie

Yeah, we have fun.

[1:00:32] Sahara

Also, we’re all going to fucking die.

[1:00:33] Rosie

I mean, all of us. 

[1:00:35] Sahara

All.

[1:00:36] Rosie

Every single one.

[1:00:36] Sahara

It’s the one thing. And when we realize that, it’s like, I feel like, I mean, we’re always just laughing at everything, we’re like, yeah, something horrible happened, it’s so funny.

[1:00:47] Rosie

We just start laughing, it’s kind of funny.

[1:00:50] Sahara

Because there’s something about detachment that’s also very magnetic, of like, I can go to all those places and question those beliefs, and I’m not those beliefs, and I’m not that, I’m not any of those things. And then, that’s freedom, that’s liberation, which also is the most magnetic thing. Someone who is actually liberated, and not their stories, not their past, not their “Well, I don’t know, I have trust issues because this happened in my relationship and blah blah blah”, it’s like, that is so compartmentalized. And then it’s like, I feel like a lot of these, like, relationship, again, advice Instagrams that I follow, it’s like “Show up with your deal-breakers on date on”, and like, literally, it’s like, create a slide show presentation of like all your traumas and this, and see if they like it. And it’s so clinical and heady, and it’s like – I also want to say, above all this, love has its own intelligence, that, we can write the list of what’s magnetic to us and things like that, and it’s like, love will guide the way. And by the way, most couples I know, the person that they’re with is not the person on the list.

[1:01:47] Rosie

Yeah, it’s true.

[1:01:48] Sahara

It’s like, something energetic that’s happening, and you might think you have this type, but ultimately, it’s like, something deeper that your soul is being called to, to not just learn, because I feel like that’s like a lower octave, it’s like “Oh, I need to learn the karmic lessons”, but it’s like “I’m inspired to become”.

[1:02:05] Rosie

Yes.

[1:02:06] Sahara

And that’s really what, that’s why I’m magnetized towards you, because I’m inspired to become something together, greater with you, than I can’t on my own, and there’s something here for us to explore.

[1:02:16] Rosie

Yes. And there’s no list that’s going to get you there.

[1:02:20] Sahara

It can’t.

[1:02:21] Rosie

I cannot believe this, really! You know, one of my students told me this story, she’s recently single. She went out on a date, and the guy she was sitting across, she said he pulled out his phone and had a list, and said “Okay, so, we’re going to start like this before we order any food. I’m going to go down this list and you’re going to tell me if this applies to you”.

[1:02:42] Sahara

Like, how do you get out of a date like that?

[1:02:44] Rosie

She said she just got up and left.

[1:02:44] Sahara

Oh, she actually did? Good for her!

[1:02:45] Rosie

Oh yeah, she’s like “No”, she’s like “I couldn’t tell if he was joking or being serious”, and I’m like “This is red flags all over the situation”. Like, you go to a date and somebody pulls out a list and starts saying “Oh, let me see, before we order anything…”, because he said “Oh, I don’t want to spend money on a date that’s not going to go anywhere”, he said what?!

[1:03:07] Sahara

See, this is how out of touch we are with our own intuitions that, instead of getting to know this person in front of me, I’m going to look down at my list and see if you fit the criteria, as if love is a mental process. 

And what I’ve observed too, is that a lot of people go into dates like a freaking interrogation.

[1:03:25] Rosie

Yeah. 

[1:03:26] Sahara

And they’re like “Are you this, are you that? What time do you sleep? Do you this, do you that?”, and it’s like, do you get along, are vibing? You know, it’s like, there’s no actual connection there and all of a sudden I’m on a fucking deposition and I don’t even know I’m applying for a job that I don’t even know if I want the job, and you’re just answering these questions and it’s like… I think people are taught, like, when you go out on a date, like, know what you’re looking for, and have your deal-breakers, and ask these questions, and like, don’t be shy, ask it where it’s heading and what they want, and it’s like…

Like, I was joking with you, like, imagine the first time I met you, I’m like “Rosie, are you in this for the long run or not, because otherwise, I’m out”. “Rosie, do you see this as a forever friendship or a momentary, because I don’t have time to waste on momentary friendships”.

[1:04:12] Rosie

“I don’t have time to invest in this”.

[1:04:13] Sahara

But we’re trained to think like that, it’s fucking ridiculous!

[1:04:14] Rosie

Can you imagine that you came and like “This is how many hours a day I’m going to be texting you”.

[1:04:20] Sahara

Yeah. “Can you commit to my text style, if not, we’re incompatible in this way”, it’s like, you learn and you figure it out.

[1:04:28] Rosie

Do you remember when you asked me “How do you want me to itemize the voice notes? Do you want a long one or do you want…?” No, but wait, let’s talk about the communication. I think it’s important to be able to communicate that with your person.

[1:04:43] Sahara

Yes. Well, what Rosie’s laughing at is, we send each other voice notes, like, non-stop, we’re in a co-dependent relationship, yeah, we’ll admit that here. But often, we send this long voice notes, like a 17-minute, or like a full-on podcast, but then, recently I tried itemizing them. So, I made one, you know, about one thing, you know, and one about another thing, and I was like “Rosie, what do you prefer? Do you prefer the itemized or do you prefer the long one”, you’re like “I like a variety”, I was like “Thank you”. And it’s like, that’s the kind of thing that a relationship is built off of. Imagine, like, the first time I met you, which was, by the way, we interviewed each other on our podcasts in 2017, and that’s how we met. But imagine I was like “Hey, Rosie, here’s how I communicate. If you can’t communicate in this moving forward, like, this isn’t going to work”, and it’s like, we are so trained to see relationships toeither be marriage or not.

[1:05:33] Rosie

Yeah.

[1:05:33] Sahara

And if it’s going to lead to marriage and children, then I might as well stop this right now, that we actually don’t get to know the person, that we may have actually had a beautiful relationship, or marriage with, or just the experience of life with. Like, you’re going to be my bestie forever, I hope you know, even though I’m not – but if I went into this, like “You have to be my best friend forever”, it’s like, we wouldn’t have ever considered ourselves to be best friends for maybe the first, after two years, of being friends. But imagine from the get-go, I’m like “If you’re not down for this label, I’m out”, that’s so much pressure.

[1:06:07] Rosie

Yeah, it is, it is. And some people do that, you know, some people do that. I also, I love what you’re saying, because I think it’s more about the experience. Yeah, the people want to know how long they’re going to be in this relationship, right? Is this going to be forever or is this going to be a short while? But you know, it’s really about building character, you know, it’s like, character, the Greek word character, charactar, is, it means to scratch, or to scrape. And that is what happens with every interaction that we have with people. Like, maybe this person just came in to shape you a little bit, maybe they came in to just be this portion of the programming at this time, for this specific reason. And we don’t have to know the reasons, and not everything has to mean something, it’s just character building, it’s shaping the person that you’re supposed to become, you know, on your process, on this spiritual journey.

[1:07:07] Sahara

And you might need that relationship, that wasn’t it, for the next relationship that was. And also, what does it even mean? Does it mean a lifetime? Because, I mean, statistically, most relationships don’t last a lifetime, but does that mean the relationship is successful or not.

And you know, I think a lot of these things actually are to detract magnetism from someone because, when you’re going into a relationship, you have all these rules and deal-breakers and timelines, and this and that, that’s putting pressure on the other person, then it’s turning it into an exchange, which is like, initially what marriage was created for, it was a business transaction rather than, you know, this natural progression of love. And I think that’s what’s also hard about relationships, is like, love and marriage were actually never things that were together until, you know, the 1600 or so. And they talk a lot about that in the book “Conscious Uncoupling”, of how it was always just a business transaction thing.

So, I understand the perspective of like “Well, if I want to have kids, I want to know these things from the get-go”. And I’ve seen couples who get together, both on the get-go, saying “I want to have kids in the next X number of years, is this what you want?”, and I think if that is your intention, like, then be honest about that, and be open about that. However, if your intention is just to have the most loving relationship as possible, you can’t predict that, you can’t plan that, you just don’t know where it’s going to go.

And also, on the kids component too, just because you’re on the same page right now, doesn’t mean you always will be. And I think that it’s important to also know like “Will I be okay with having this child on my own?”, because that is a very real possibility. And a lot of people go into even having children thinking “Well, I’m going to do this if I’m with them, but like, no way I could ever be a single mom”. And I’m friends with so many single moms and it’s difficult, and they’re beautiful and thriving at the same time, but I think – I have friends that have gone into relationships where they just both really wanted kids, but they both had to be honest with “If this relationship doesn’t work, are we committed to co-parenting?”, and I think that that’s really… When you can be so truthful about things like that, that makes you become so much more magnetic, because it’s not like there’s wishful thinking and fantasy and “I’m holding onto you, and you better hold onto your side of the coin because you agreed to this at the beginning, right, so you better be that person”, that’s very repelling. But rather, like “We’re felling called, you know, to take this next step of creating life, or whatever it is, and if it’s for our highest good to no longer be together, we will still honor what love looks like for each individual”, and that’s, also, truly magnetic.

[1:09:43] Rosie

Yeah, that’s also very confident. And again…

[1:09:48] Sahara

And trusting God and Source.

[1:09:49] Rosie

Yeah, exactly.

[1:09:52] Sahara

So, here we go kids, back to being more confused than ever before! No, I’m kidding!

The beauty of it all, it’s like, the things that we want the most in life, it’s like the spiral, it’s like, you go super deep and you come back up, and you go super deep and you come back up. And it’s like, also that, I think that ambidextery, you know, they say like “Women on the streets, a freak in the sheets”, but it’s like, the both, or a man who’s, like, stable but also playful, it’s like, we also want to have people who have balance in their lives, you know, and range. And I know, I gave a really funny quote that’s just what I do here, but that means us having those sides of ourselves too, and tapping into our different full spectrum self. And the more of ourselves that we can hold, the more other people that we can hold, and the more magnetic we become. So, really, it all comes down to your spiritual journey, at the end of the day.

[1:10:43] Rosie

Mic drop, again! Yeah, again.

[1:10:45] Sahara

Is there anything else you want to add to that?

[1:10:47] Rosie

I mean, I think that you covered so much. I mean, this topic, we can do an entire 300-episode series on just this topic because there’s so many complexions.

[1:10:58] Sahara

We should bring a man on the Podcast too.

[1:10:59] Rosie

I was thinking that. 

[1:10:59] Sahara

Yes.

[1:11:00] Rosie

When I was driving here, I’m like, we should have a guy come and answer some of these questions.

[1:11:02] Sahara

Yes, just drill him.

[1:11:02] Rosie

Just drill him and be like…

[1:11:05] Sahara

I’m curious their perspective. 

[1:11:05] Rosie

Right? I think it could be really smart to understand that perspective because, you know, we’re just, you know, they might get tired of just listening to us.

[1:11:13] Sahara

How could they? We’re so interesting and funny! Well, if you guys have a man that you would like requested on the Podcast, leave a review on the iTunes Store, not only… but you can share any other topics that you want us to speak about as well. 

You know, Rosie and I just, kind of, base these topics based on what we were voice noting about that week, but we would love to hear any topic suggestions you guys have, whether it’s about dating in relationships, or about spirituality, or something else. So, please a review for the Podcast on the iTunes Store, put your suggestions there, put the man/men that you want on the Podcast to hang with us as well, and as a free gift, I will give you my Free Womb Meditation. So, this is a meditation to connect to your womb’s inner wisdom so you can receive her answers. So, every single one of us, whether we have a physical womb or not, carries that womb, feminine, sacral wisdom. So, if we can tune in and drop into our bodies, we can really connect to our intuition, which, again, makes us more magnetic.

So, leave a review, take a screenshot and email it over to me at [email protected] and you can find that link in the show notes. 

[1:12:15] Sahara

Thank you so much for tuning in and I’ll see you in the next one!

Episode#509: What Makes Someone Magnetic with Rosie Acosta
By Sahara Rose