I’m back with fan-fav Aaron Daughty to dive into a topic that’s been HUGE in both of our spiritual journeys since we last spoke– emotional healing. You have probably heard phrases like “feel your feelings” but how do we actually do that? What does it look like in practice? Well, that’s exactly what we break down in today’s episode.
Aaron shares his own spiritual journey moving from Law of Attraction to emotional healing, realizing the true path to the higher vibration emotions is to delve into the lower vibrational ones. We both open up to discuss the ways our denser emotions have shown up in our lives and how they’re linked to unprocessed childhood experiences.
We then dive into the Spiral Dynamics and how we can hold onto emotions at different stages of our development… including a very cathartic practice I did to release suppressed anger towards the masculine. Aaron shares his experience of attracting controlling women until healing his wounds from his stepmom.
This is an honest conversation between two spiritual teachers being REAL with you on what true healing looks like behind the scenes and I know you’re going to take away so much from it.
Connect with him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aarondought…
Check out his YouTube: 
/ aarondoughty44
Get the podcasts emailed to you each week: https://iamsahararose.com/loveletter
I’m super excited to announced my new course Speak With Soul, which is a 21 day guided journey designed to take you from anxious to confident speaker in less than a month! It’s available now for a super discounted launch price. Click here to get started!: http://speakwithsoulcourse.com
If you are looking for a diverse + nourishing community of like-minded souls I’d love to invite you to join the waitlist of Rose Gold Goddesses at https://www.rosegoldgoddesses.com
To receive a free gift, email a screenshot of your review of the Highest Self Podcast to [email protected]
Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor
Follow me your spiritual bestie to active your fullest expression + laugh along the way:
https://www.Instagram.com/iamsahararose
https://www.tiktok.com/@iamsahararose
https://www.Facebook.com/iamsahararose
Discover Your Dharma Archetype with my free quiz https://www.dharmaarchetypequiz.com/
Download my Goddess Embodiment Practice: https://iamsahararose.com/embodiment
Order My Books: https://iamsahararose.com/books
By accessing this Podcast, I acknowledge that the entire contents are the property of Sahara Rose, or used by Sahara Rose with permission, and are protected under U.S. and international copyright and trademark laws. Except as otherwise provided herein, users of this Podcast may save and use information contained in the Podcast only for personal or other non-commercial, educational purposes. No other use, including, without limitation, reproduction, retransmission or editing, of this Podcast may be made without the prior written permission of the Sahara Rose, which may be requested by contacting [email protected].
This podcast is for educational purposes only. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein.
Transcript
Episode #485: How To Actually Feel Your Feelings + Process Your Emotions with Aaron Doughty
By Sahara Rose
[00:00] Aaron
It got to a place where videos on my YouTube Channel, that were on attracting love, would get so much more views than anything else. So, it was almost like, I kind of pigeon-holed myself into this niche that I didn’t necessarily want to be in, but those got the most views. So, the more videos I would make on attract love, the more views they would get, and the more positive, like, ego reinforcement there would be, the more money would come. But at the same time, I was realizing that I was, like, in a way, trying to feed this machine, that I no longer was really passionate about in that way.
So, in an interesting way, I had to get very honest with myself and look at my own vales, and why I am doing this, because I was starting to make decisions based on what got the best results, which is outcome focused vs. what am I actually passionate about, which is like an end of itself.
So, part of that transition, for me, and that leads to the emotion and all, like, the breakthroughs that you’re asking about, is that I became aware of just how much like, I had no ability to really process emotions because I was on a hamster wheel. I was on this hamster wheel of making, for the first three years on YouTube (three or four years), I made a video every single day, no matter what.
[01:19] Sahara
Crazy!
[01:19] Aaron
For three or four years. And then it was a huge breakthrough when I went from seven videos a week to five videos a week, that was a breakthrough.
_____________________________________________
[01:38] Sahara
Hi, it’s Sahara Rose, and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you, your soul’s highest evolvement.
[01:46] Sahara
I am so excited to share this week’s Episode with you because it is one with one of my dear friends and someone who was on the Podcast two years ago, which, that Episode, became one our top five ever downloaded on Highest Self Podcast.
[02:00] Sahara
You may know him from YouTube, his name is Aaron Doughty. And in this conversation, we get real, we get vulnerable, we share our personal stories of what we’ve been healing and working through and the exact tools that we have been using.
[02:15] Sahara
So, it’s interesting, because I’ve noticed a lot of us, we start our spiritual journey with more, like, Law of Attraction, and yoga, and focusing on the positive. And I believe there’s a lot of benefit to that, especially when you’re just living in, kind of, muggle life, you need to focus on the good, but then, you realize “Well, I can’t bypass the sadness, and the anger, and the guilt, and the shame. I can’t bypass these lower vibrational emotions because they’re all part of me, they’re not actually lower, it’s what makes me a human being. And the more that I can descend, the more that I can ascend”.
[02:46] Sahara
And it’s funny because so many of us have been on this journey on our own. And Aaron and I have been in touch, we’re always sharing different healing modalities with each other, and both of us have really doven into emotional healing.
[02:58] Sahara
So, in this Episode, he shares his backstory of how he moved from Law of Attraction, to really diving into his emotions. He shares different personal stories such as how he noticed that he was attracting controlling women in his life, until he healed his relationship, fully, with his inner child and step-mom.
I also share my experience of attracting relationships where we were living separate lives, until I healed my relationship with my father and the way that my parents were together.
[03:25] Sahara
So, we get really vulnerable in sharing the personal realizations that we’ve had. Like, this conversation is one of the most incredible we’ve ever had on the Podcast. And it’s going to relate to you so deeply because we’re all holding onto these unprocessed emotions from our childhood and when we’re able to fully heal them – and again, everyone says “Feel your feelings”, but what does that actually look like in practice? We break it down, each of us, step-by-step on how we do it, we talk about the spiral dynamics, we talk about the lessons that we’ve learned, pivoting in your career and so much more. So, you’re going to love this conversation!
[03:59] Sahara
If you’re just listening to it, we were in person in Austin, on a beautiful set, so you’re able to actually, like, watch us and be with us in person. So, I also recommend watching it on Spotify video or YouTube, to get the full experience.
________________________________________________________________
[04:12] Sahara
And one of the things that makes this conversation so powerful is that we have both doven into our communication. And communication is key in healing, in having the relationships that you want, but also creating a career online, where you’re able to share your wisdom, share your message, share your story and allow it to be seen, and experienced, and received by others. Because the truth is, you have so much wisdom inside of you, you carry so many codes that you’re meant to share with the world, but the thing is, your throat chakra might be holding you back. You might have a story that “My voice is annoying”, or “No one wants to hear what I have to say”, or “Someone else is already doing it”, or “People don’t like when I talk because I ramble”. You know, we have all of these different stories that we gained from our childhood, that prevent us from speaking our truth. And we need more people speaking their truth, especially right now, in this shift that we’re in. We need more people coming online, sharing their vision, stories, on social media, podcasts, and stages, in their companies, with their friends, with their family, and that can only happen when you step into your voice.
So, for the past seven years of doing this Podcast now, so many people have requested to me “Can you create a course about speaking?”, like “How did you become a good speaker?”, “How did you become confident enough to have these conversations with people or speak on stages to tens of thousands of people at Google and Facebook, and share stages with Dr. Joe Dispenza and Elizabeth Gilbert? How were you able to do that? Like, what did you learn?”
And I really sat with that question and I spent the last year putting together this course that broke it down step-by-step, in just 10-20 minutes a day, over 21 days. And this course is available now, called Speak With Soul.
So, it will take you from feeling like an awkward and unconfident speaker into fully stepping into your voice, which can lead you to recording your own podcast, IG Lives, but also just showing up as the fuller and brighter version of you in your life.
So, this course is really for anyone that wants to open up that throat chakra and allow their message to be heard by others. And because I just launched it, it’s available now for a special 50% OFF March rate. So, if you’re interested and curious, or you’re ready to just dive right in and spend the next 21 days honing in on your voice, because the truth is, most of us never practice speaking, you know, besides from, like, those high school classes where they’re like “Okay, public speaking, memorize this talk, like, word-by-word”, which is so stressful, so mechanical and so old paradigm, we’ve never practiced speaking since then. So, of course you’re not going to feel like a confident speaker because you’ve never doven into it, you’ve never taken the course on it, you’ve never actually made it a priority in your life, and that’s okay, our world isn’t set up that way. And that’s why it’s up to us to decide where we’re going to prioritize our intention.
So, this course might be the first, and only course, that you need to dive into your speaking. And actually, I’ll give you a little taste of the 21st day, the last day that you have, because you’ll be recording your own podcast intro! Whether you want to record your own podcast right now or not, you’re going to get to that level and I’m going to be guiding you the entire way.
So, if you’re ready to dive in, head over to speakwithsoulcourse.com and you can find that link in the show notes.
[07:29] Sahara
So, without further ado, let’s welcome Aaron Doughty to The Highest Self Podcast.
___________________________________________________________________
[07:39] Interview
[07:39] Sahara
Welcome back Aaron, to The Highest Self Podcast, it’s so good to have you here!
[07:43] Aaron
It’s good to be back here, it’s been a while!
[07:44] Sahara
I was telling you, you were my top five downloaded Episodes ever, on The Highest Self Podcast! So, how does that feel?
[07:51] Aaron
That feels – when you told me that a little bit ago, that felt really good!
[07:54] Sahara
You have more downloads than Sadhguru, Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson!
[07:58] Aaron
We’ve concluded that…
[07:59] Sahara
You’re a motherfucking star!
[08:01] Aaron
That’s cool, that’s awesome! I remember just sharing my story and it was just a lot of fun!
[08:05] Sahara
We were, like, sitting on your floor for, like 10 hours, yeah, so good!
[08:08] Aaron
It was on the floor, real minimal set up, way less than what we have right now, but hey, you know, we got the job done! That just shows that, I think that it’s the authenticity and just in the moment, because we were talking about stuff we were just naturally passionate about, and just sharing stories, and I think that’s what people really connect with.
[08:25] Sahara
And this Episode, I feel, is going to be on a whole other level because it’s, like, two or so years later, and we’ve been friends since then, and have grown so much in our journeys, which we’re going to share about.
But before we get into all that, what makes you your highest self?
[08:38] Aaron
What makes me my highest self is when I’m being the most vulnerable and courageous version of myself. So, those are two values that I do my best to really live by. And when I’m doing what I love, it does take vulnerability. I think that’s how, it’s kind of the backbone of my YouTube Channel, the backbone of that Episode that you’re talking about. But being vulnerable, I think, is a way of really opening the heart.
And then, courage is like the ability to step into the unknown. And for me, like this last week for example, I ran live event and it was, kind of, this thing that I’m moving into, I’m kind of dropping the YouTuber identity that I’ve had for so long, that’s brought me a lot of comfort and safety, and I’ve shifted into this new version of myself that is me getting out of my comfort zone, and I want to consistently do that with live events because I enjoy that dynamic. But that ability to move into the unknown, I think, goes into me becoming my highest self. Getting out of the known and into the unknown and trusting that divine process.
[09:40] Sahara
We are on the same wavelength bro, because, like, the unknown has been the biggest theme in my life. Because I feel like you and I, we, in our previous versions of ourselves, we’re planning things and what’s happening, and what does it look like. And to just fully be in that “Spirit, lead me” state of like “I don’t know, show me, through signs, through what feels resonant, through listening to our bodies and our emotions”, which we’re going to be diving into, and it can take us into places our conscious mind could’ve never imagined before.
And I think that vulnerability with courage – because, so often, we think it’s like “Okay, being strong is like, I’m resilient and I’m capable, and I have this shell and armor around me”, and then like, being vulnerable is like “I’m being tender and I’m really soft”, and it’s like, you can’t have one without the other, you know. Because if you’re only in the soft, it becomes, it’s like a flower that just, like, kind of, like, diffuses out and it no longer holds its shape. But if you’re so hard, you’re just the thorn. And I think it’s, like, to have that contrast is what makes both equal to exist.
[10:40] Aaron
Yeah, powerful! And it does take courage to be vulnerable. And it’s like, yeah, it’s like a two-way street on the other side.
[10:49] Sahara
So, many of our listeners know you because of your riveting Law of Attraction videos and your Jesus-like looks, and your great ability to express with your white ward.
[10:59] Aaron
White ward, yeah.
[11:00] Sahara
But you shifted and you’ve grown, and you’ve doven even deeper into yourself and all those versions of you are perfect. And you’ve doven into this deeper layer of yourself, of like, really honoring your emotions and, like, what’s underneath it all.
So, can you share with us, like, what that journey looked like for you?
[11:18] Aaron
Yeah. The journey, for me, looked like me becoming very honest with myself and just where I was at in my life. And in a way, I could tell that the way that I’d been living, from last time I was on your Podcast, we’d talked about the shift that I made from working a 9-5 job, selling women’s shoes, into being a YouTuber. And since then, this last, like, six years, I’ve created a large following on YouTube, through sharing my message, and I’ve created this identity, this ego-like identity around being a YouTuber. And there was, for sure, a part of myself that could recognize that that had been something that had brought me a lot of safety, it brought me money, abundance, ability to travel, lot of impact, a lot of, like, validation. And over the last, like, year, I’ve just realized how much something that I used to be so passionate about, which was making videos and, like, helping people, had created all this pressure. There was all this pressure now, whereas before, I would just make videos that I thought people would enjoy, that I was passionate about. It then got to a point to where I had a YouTube coach that was giving me titles on which videos I should be making. It got to a place to where videos on my YouTube Channel that were attracting love would get so much more views than anything else. So, it was almost like, I kind of pigeon-holed myself into this niche that I didn’t necessarily want to be in, but those got the most views. So, the more videos I would make on attract love, the more views they would get, and the more positive, like, ego reinforcement there would be, the more money would come. But at the same time, I was realizing that I was, like, in a way, trying to feed this machine, that I no longer was really passionate about in that way.
So, in an interesting way, I had to get very honest with myself and look at my own vales, and why I am doing this, because I was starting to make decisions based on, like, what got the best results, which is outcome focused vs. what am I actually passionate about, which is like an end of itself.
So, part of that transition, for me, and that leads to the emotion and all, like, the breakthroughs that you’re asking about, is that I became aware of just how much, like, I had no ability to really process emotions because I was on a hamster wheel. I was on this hamster wheel of making, for the first three years on YouTube (three or four years), I made a video every single day, no matter what.
[13:53] Sahara
Crazy!
[13:53] Aaron
For three or four years. And then it was a huge breakthrough when I went from seven videos a week to five videos a week, that was a breakthrough.
[14:02] Sahara
I’m taking weekends, guys!
[14:03] Aaron
Yeah, I’m like “Two days off a week”, and my friends were like “Really? Wow!”, because they knew me and that was such a – even on vacation, I’d be, like, in Costa Rica and I’d be drinking plant medicine, I’d be trying to make videos in the morning, and it was just, like, that was like the identity was on a hamster wheel.
And basically, what I became aware of that was just how that had brought me safety and I had to become aware of what’s really driving me, what am I really passionate about. And eventually, what I made the choice to do is, I started looking at my values. I realized that I was, in a way, valuing validation and approval, over valuing the vulnerability and the courage. And I started to, then, make new decisions about who I was, where I started looking at my own patterns within my shadow, in a way, where I could see some of the things that drove me were simply childhood dynamics that had never really closed the loop. So, I was trying to get my needs met through being this YouTube person and doing all of these things, and helping people. If I could help a lot of people, I’d be giving value, I’d be worth something, rather than realizing I had value for just being me and that it wasn’t dependent on that.
So, a big part of the journey, for me, has been that. Also, the emotional work which normally come through certain levels of suffering, whether that be breakups, whether that be relationship dynamics, friendships and different relational aspects. For sure, there’s a lot of childhood wounding that gets brought up for me to lean into.
And one of the most powerful processes of this, for me, has been just learning to really sit with the emotion that I’m feeling in the moment because whatever the emotion that is coming up, if it is felt, it then becomes integrated.
And I think a lot of times in the Law of Attraction community and the whole ‘think better thought’ type philosophy, it’s like people are really afraid of feeling their emotions because if you feel your emotions, you’re going to attract something negative. If I feel shame or if I feel guilt, if I allow myself to feel that, then I’m going to attract more negative synchronicity in my life. But that ends up becoming a whole bunch of suppressed emotion that stays stored in the body.
So, one thing that I had to learn is how to really sit with the emotion that I was feeling, instead of distracting myself with business, instead of distracting myself with other things. It’s really sitting with the emotion that I feel in the moment, knowing that it’s showing me something about myself, and that as I don’t, not necessarily let go of the emotion. A lot of time people say “Let go of the emotion” and I even have hundreds of YouTube videos that say that terminology. But a way that I like to wire it in so more now is, it’s not about letting it go because it insinuates there’s something wrong with it, it’s more of integrating it. And the word integrate means to make whole.
So, the journey, for me, has been about feeling the emotion that comes up, becoming present with it, literally welcoming it in, and the funny thing is, when you welcome in the emotion, it naturally, many times, will begin to dissipate. It’s only when it’s met with resistance that it stays locked in. And then, it’s been a process of, even sometimes, dialoguing with, like, the inner child self that feels not seen or heard, and reassuring it, and listening to it.
A lot of, I believe, me, with my YouTube Channel, wanting that to grow and having that be, like, a major thing that drove me for so long, was that, there was a part of me that didn’t feel seen as a kid. And when I didn’t feel seen, it was like, in order to get my needs met, there was a desire to be seen in a different way. And a big insight that I had with that was just around dialoguing with the part of myself, when I was young, that felt not seen, dialoguing with that part of myself and then just being there with them, not trying to change them, not, like, giving them some intellectual advice that my adult would say, but literally just meeting that version of me there and then starting to feel seen with myself, and that was, like, very powerful for me where I was like “Oh, I can let go of this need or this desire for attention or approval, or whatever that dynamic is”.
[18:19] Sahara
I’m like nodding along, I’m like “Yes” to every single thing that you said because, first of all, on the conversation of feeling like “I’m showing up like this on social media, I need to continue showing up that way”, that was totally my story too with, like, Ayurveda, of, if I talk about anything besides Ayurveda, people will all unfollow me, that’s what they want, and, you know. But then it became so suffocating that I was like “Even if everyone unfollows me, I would just rather be myself than this Eat Feel Fresh brand”, and it ended up being the best decision that I ever made, and I see so many students and stuff feeling the same. And I think it’s so, like, refreshing for them to hear someone like you who, like, you did build a career that was true to you, and something can be true to you and that truth can evolve. And as you learn new lessons it’s like the Law of Attraction got you to where you were.
And I think for a lot of us, Law of Attraction is our, like, first rodeo into this world because we’re so, previously, used to feeling like shit, that we’re like “Let me focus on feeling good”, like “If I can focus on feeling good, I’m going to have more energy, I’m going to move ahead”. And you don’t even have the capacity to really feel all of your emotions yet because it’s like, you’re not out of the muck. So, it’s like, the perfect way to get you out of there and then once you build that emotional safety within yourself, of like “I know what feeling good looks like, can we go into feeling bad in a safe way?”
And I’m seeing so many people, like, going through this shift of like all of us being like “Feel your feelings”, just do it. And it’s so cool and beautiful to witness, and also that hamster wheel of content creation and, like, really asking where that comes from.
I’ve asked myself that as well and it’s like, I think, sometimes, it’s our wounds and our traumas, our souls chose them because that is where our greatest gifts lie.
[19:55] Aaron
Yeah, absolutely!
[19:56] Sahara
And you know, you could’ve taken the pathway of “You know, maybe I’m showing up on YouTube because my inner child wants to be seen, so let me quit YouTube forever”, to heal that. But it’s like “Let me heal as far as I can at this time, that wound, so I’m not creating from that space”.
And I know you’ve shifted now from five videos a week to one video a week, right? So, it’s like “Let make this my art and really care”. But also, you’re a great speaker and you love YouTube and you love sharing, and in a way, like, maybe your soul chose to grow up with that wound so it would push you to want to really be seen because that’s your dharma.
[20:31] Aaron
Absolutely, yeah. Thank you for saying that! I’m also in complete, like, recognition that – there’s a lot of very successful people in the world that do have very intense childhood experiences that propelled them to do what they’ve done or to have the impact that they’ve had. So, in a way, it’s, even if they’re not aware of what necessarily the awareness is behind all of that, I still think it can be a good thing.
And for me, I recognized that even though I’m aware that, like, part of me – and part of me also wanted to add value by making videos, for sure. But then there was like this pressure to continue to get the same amount of views and continue to feed the algorithm, what it wants and all the people, what they want. And that’s where the pressure then became this thing that kind of started to feel inauthentic, but it still had a positive side effect of the people it’s reached. So, it’s still like, it’s still in complete recognition that it’s like, it’s still a good thing.
Most people that I know, that are like friends, that kind of do the same thing that we do. They all have some crazy experience or some childhood thing that propelled them to becoming who they are.
[21:40] Sahara
We’re all just misunderstood.
[21:42] Aaron
Yeah. And I think that, like, everything in our reality has zero built-in meaning other than the meaning we give it. And there’s somebody that can give something a meaning that then they just get a complete transformation out of it. And they can even look upon their past, and maybe people listening to this can look at the past situations they’ve been through and through the story and through the lens of how they experienced it, they can begin to see it from a different point of view because many times the most, like, crazy childhood situation that you may have been through, may have led you to becoming more strong, more independent, maybe a leader. Maybe you were in a dysfunctional family and you had to, kind of, be the leader for your brothers or your sisters. Or maybe you had to learn how to become more independent. And even though there’s a negative side effect of that, or, maybe it’s harder to connect to other people now, or something, but at the same time, there’s still, probably, some form of benefit that you can see that then helps you almost tap into that energy to where you start to reap the positive benefits from it.
Because when I was last on your Podcast, I remember sharing, like, the whole, when I was working at, not 9-5 job, but when I went to my spiritual awakening, from growing up, 7-15 years old, having a new step-mom in my life that was, like, narcissistic, abusive, no freedom at all, my brother and I had, and that, for years, had me attracting similar people in my life. Even when my dad divorced her, when I was 15 years old, I kept attracting women, specifically women in my life, that were controlling and narcissistic. It was an ex-girlfriend who was very controlling and jealous, for four years, then I broke up with her, and then I immediately got transferred to a better shoe department at Nordstroms, with the manager who was exactly like my ex-step-mom, literally to a T. She would talk down to employees, she got away with it because she was protected by upper management and it was unfair, just like the same childhood dynamics I had, where was unfair that my ex-step-mom was able to treat us the way that we did.
But the biggest transformation I had was in 2012, I went through my awakening and I then realized that if I hadn’t gone through, from 7-15 years old, that abuse, like, through the ex-step-mom situation, I wouldn’t have had, when I was 22 years old, a spiritual awakening. And with that spiritual awakening came the awareness that, like, it all served that purpose to lead me to that level of awareness, then I became grateful for it. And that’s when, then, I was able to forgive my ex-step-mom. I could see, also, from a different perspective, how her dad was narcissistic towards her and she was just playing out the same pattern, and it didn’t make it right, but it did help me understand more, it wasn’t like “Oh, I’m so grateful that all that happened”, in the sense that I enjoyed it, because I definitely didn’t, but it helped me forgive her. And as I was grateful for that past experience, because of who I became, literally, within two weeks of that realization and meditating on that and forgiving her, that manager of that department, in women’s shoes that I worked, got fired for something really ridiculous. Like, she could have been fired for so many other things that she got away with, by upper management, but she sent one email to, like, this lady that was pregnant and it was, like, uncalled for and she got fired. It was like a whole new world for all of us.
But it was interesting to me that there was always specifically a woman in my life, because the woman in my life that was from 7-15 years old, was super controlling and narcissistic, that there was something that felt safe about that within me. And therefore, subconsciously, I would always attract someone to come into my life that I had to fight for my freedom against. So, it was like I found safety in that.
And one other thing I’ll share about that, this is an insight that I’ve had recently about this whole situation, is, when we talk about shadow work and feeling into the emotions and feeling into the body, I had this realization, working with, like, a somatic therapist, with, like, somebody that’s helping me tap into my body and just feels what comes up. I had this memory where when I was 15 years old and my divorced my ex-step-mom, I went with my brother, my dad and I went to my ex-step-mom, which was our old house to get the clothes that we had, and it was like a week after they divorced. And my ex-step-mom and her mom, they were very angry and they were, like, throwing our clothes in the dirt, like, in the front yard, and it was this real dramatic thing. And in that moment, I had this realization that, in a weird way, we went from not able to watch tv, not able to have friends, having to earn a lot of school activities, normally locked outside of the house doing chores and stuff, having to sneak enough food to get enough to eat, all of that control, we went from that to, within a week, at my grandma’s house, with my dad, being able to play video games, able to watch tv, able to get enough food to eat, all of this, like, cool stuff. Even though we had all that freedom now, as she was throwing those clothes on the ground, I had this realization that there was something about this new life that felt scary. Like, before, to watch tv, and my brother and I would just sneak it, one of us would have the remote control with, like, the finger on the previous channel, so that we could, like, watch tv. When somebody came home, one of us would be on the lookout, when someone came home, we would put the previous channel, so it was on the channel before, so we didn’t get caught, we would then throw the remote and we would then go outside and, like, continue working, you know. So, that was, like, the kind of control we had to live within, now, we had all of this freedom and with that came anxiety.
So, one thing I became aware of is, back in that moment, there was a decision that I was made, that there’s something unsafe about the unknown, there’s something unsafe about that freedom. So, subconsciously, from 15 onwards, I attracted women in my life that could have that level of control so that I could replay and fight against somebody that was trying to control me, so that I could, then, because that was my pattern, that’s what felt safe to me in a weird way. But then, in 2012, when I went through my awakening and I forgave my ex-step-mom, that’s when the patterns stopped, that’s when I stopped attracting narcissists into my life, that’s when I started getting into my own power and I forgave my ex-step-mom. So, it’s almost like the patterns in our life are reflecting back the unprocessed childhood experiences that we had, that we feel safe with, and safe is another word for, like, familiar. It felt familiar to have someone trying to control me.
So, feeling into that energy and realizing that, in that somatic session I had, part of that meant me going back to that part of myself and, kind of, comforting that part of myself, and being present with it, and listening to it, and dialoguing with that part of myself that didn’t feel safe. And as I did that, I could feel my body loosen us and feel myself just really sink into the safety of the unknown and understanding, like, this dynamic.
So, integrating past emotion, a lot of times, is just about feeling inside of your body, becoming aware of these subconscious stories that many times, we’re simply replaying since childhood, so that then we can, kind of, like, learn the lesson in a way, but also become, like, allow ourselves to feel safe with that energy, but also something greater, more unknown, and that that is where transformation has really come for me. So, that’s kind of, like, the full circle, loop, of that whole experience, but a lot of it is the inner child work, and then, also, just feeling present inside of the body.
[28:58] Sahara
That’s such a powerful story, especially how when you created that shift within yourself, your boss was literally fired, so it’s like your outer reality literally shifted. And it’s so cool when we start to notice when we make these, like, growths and these shifts, how, like, certain people are attracted to us or not attracted to us, it’s like the characters literally transform so you know there’s something metaphysical going on, because it’s like, yes, the who you choose to talk to and not talk to, but that was a decision unrelated to you, that shifted in your life, because you changed from within. So, you know there’s, like, this greater karmic lesson that’s happening here.
[29:33] Aaron
Yeah. It was interesting, because when I think about that, to me, it feels – it’s like a complete reflection of my own life, that the fact that manager got fired as soon as I did the forgiveness thing, at the same time I’m like “Is that super egoic to think?”, because there were 13 other people in that department who felt the same way, you know, who was also under the rule.
[29:50] Sahara
Maybe everyone was feeling it.
[29:52] Aaron
Maybe.
[29:53] Sahara
Or she played a different role in their lives.
[29:55] Aaron
Maybe.
[29:56] Sahara
Or played no role in their lives, you know. Maybe some people weren’t triggered.
[29:59] Aaron
I thought about all of that before and I think it’s a mixture of it. But also, at the very fundamental base level, reality is simply a reflection of who you’re being. So, at the deepest sense, everyone in that department, including me, we’re all one consciousness, so it’s like, as I shift, of course, in my reality, that shifted. And it’s, I think, just a beautiful, like, a reflection of just how our reality shifts as we shift on the inside. It’s like the lessons no longer need to be learned.
So, it could be boundaries with people, people may attract people that test their boundaries, but as soon as you really establish your sense of inner boundaries, then maybe you stop attracting certain types of people because you’ve kind of, like, in a way passed the test, or you’re not entertaining energy that you used to entertain. So, it is like a complete reflection of that energy state.
[30:50] Sahara
So, for people listening, how were you able to pinpoint it down to that moment when you were 15 and she was throwing your clothes out the house, how were you able to, like, go back and realize it was that moment?
[31:00] Aaron
I do that process where you just kind of bring the awareness to your hands and your feet, and you bring the awareness in your body, and the mind is what’s caught up with a lot of the stories. So, like, the body knows more than even the mind knows, and a lot of times the mind just gets caught up with the stories. So, by tapping into my heart and certain parts of my body, it was just something that would just naturally kind of came up, I just remembered that moment.
I’ve had other moments as well, even like under plant medicine, for example, where I’ve done something like ayahuasca, for example, and I’ve had moments where, one time, I had this very clear image that came to mind, that I had no conscious awareness at all.
I was working with worthiness and I was in a plant medicine ceremony and there was this one image that came to me of when I was 7 years old. And my parents divorced when I was 5, my mom and my dad, and when I’d come back home from my mom’s house, there would always be an action figure on my bed, and my dad, that was like his love language, like, gifts. So, every time we’d come home, there would be an action figure. And during this ayahuasca ceremony, I had this one memory of when I was like 6 or 7 years old and then I go into my room and there’s just no action figure on the bed. And there was like a feeling of like “Oh, does my dad still love me? Like, what does this mean, am I worthy? Is there something wrong? What’s going on?” And it sounds silly from an adult’s perspective, but as a little kid, they’re constantly, you know, they’re internalizing everything. And that memory came to me while I was in ceremony and then I could kind of play with that memory and see what that emotion was, how did that version of me feel. And as I connect to it, it’s like, it transforms, kind of, like, me in the present moment.
I have this connection, this belief, like, in the present moment right now, because this is the only moment that really exists, the past experience we had, kind of, are still existing, so there’s almost like an inner child that’s, like, locked in a past reality. And when we, energetically, go and, like, dialogue with that part of ourselves, I think there’s a lot of healing that can happen. And at the same time, I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary that everyone that’s listening to this right now, has to find the exact moment and the exact place where this happened. I, just, have been able to connect to my subconscious and see these things and maybe develop a story about it, or a permission slip for me to shift, but even just prompts of different questions.
One thing I did, similar process to this, was, when was the first time that I really didn’t feel safe? And I went back to a memory of when my dad met my ex-step-mom, when I was 7 years old, and I broke my left arm playing soccer, and I was going into, to get a cast at an office, and I remember sitting there and meeting my ex-step-mom with my dad and my brother, and I remember feeling like there’s something off with her, there’s something wrong, and I started to not feel safe in that moment. And there was something that felt intuitively off, even for a little 6, 7 years-old kid. And that was just by asking the question “When was the first time I really didn’t feel safe?”, and I just had this memory that kind of surfaces up with that prompt, and then I was able to, kind of, go back.
And I’ll share one thing that really helped, that was really transformative for me. One thing I did is, I went back into my timeline, in a meditation, and I connected to that 7-year-old version of me that didn’t feel safe and I was able to then, like, also, when that memory came up, there were other memories that came up to where I also didn’t feel safe. There was another memory that came up where, when my dad and my ex-step-mom moved into my dad’s house with my brother and I, within a week the TVs got taken out of our room, the Nintendos got taken out of our room, and when that happened there was a feeling of “This isn’t fair! Why is this happening? What is going on?”, it was like a shock. You know, we had all this freedom and all of a sudden it all gets taken away. And what I did, is, I energetically went back to that time and I dialogued with my past self.
[34:57] Sahara
And when you say dialogued, like, how are you doing this?
[34:58] Aaron
I was asking that version of me like “What are you feeling? How do you feel?”, and then I would be like “I’m here with you”.
And one thing that I did is, I would listen to that part of myself, who would express how they’re feeling, how, maybe, uncertain, how much fear is coming up, or why is this happening, why is dad allowing this to happen, like, questions like that, and I’d be present with that version of me. But one thing I said to that part of myself, in this, like, inner child meditation, was, I told that part of myself, that was like 7 years old, I said “You know what, this, I just want you to know that these next 7 years are going to be very difficult for you. It’s going to be very hard. There’s going to be a lot of freedom that’s taken away, there’s going to be a lot of pain and a lot of experiences that you won’t really understand why they’re happening, but I just want you to know that I’m going to be here with you, energetically, and there is an end date. There is a time when you won’t be in this situation anymore and freedom will come, and you will be happy, and it’s all happening for a reason you just understand yet”. And by expressing that there is going to be, like, an end date to that, there was something in me that really relaxed and chilled out. And I don’t know what it was, but something from that point going forward, I just felt way more relaxed in my nervous system, I feel like I literally, kind of, went back to that 7-year-old version of me that didn’t feel safe, comforted that part of myself and also said “Hey, what you’re going through is serving a purpose. It doesn’t all make sense, life won’t feel fair for the next 7 years, but things will open up after that, you will have a relationship with your real mom again”, because from 7-15, my brother and I were kind of brainwashed not to talk to our real mom because we’d get into trouble if we did, so “You will talk to your real mom again”. Like, there was like a dialogue in that way that then felt very soothing to my nervous system and it felt like, in a way like I was, like, healing that part of myself in a very powerful way.
So, simply prompting with certain questions – there’s always a thread. If you feel unsafe in your life right now, you can ask yourself “Is there another time that I felt unsafe? Where is the core of this?”, and you can start to tap into that part of yourself and realize that a lot of the patterns in life right now are replayed energy of stuff that happened earlier on in life. You don’t have to know exactly where it came from, but that allows you to kind of understand more of why it’s there. And then, to close the loop and to kind of heal from it by feeling into it, and allowing yourself to feel those emotions. I was allowing myself, in that meditation, to feel scared, or to feel uncertain, to feel it’s unfair, or to feel angry. I realized I had a lot of suppressed anger from stuff that happened because if I would defend myself, I’d get into trouble, I wasn’t allowed to stand up to someone that was, like, very controlling like that, you know. So, by allowing myself to, like, literally clench my fists or like feel anger, it would, like, allow that energy to flow through me so that it’s not being held inside of my body.
[37:54] Sahara
So funny, because on such parallel timelines of you, of these exact same prompts and works and inquiries, especially, you know, having just gone through my divorce. And you know, one of the things that I realized for myself that I had normalized and I’m curious if there’s like one instance, I want to actually go back and do this prompt to see if there’s one, but like, ongoingly, my parents had very separate lives. So, I normalized, in a relationship, the mom has a life, the dad has a life, they have separate lives, separate friends, and it’s normal for the dad to come home and go into his office and shut the door. So, throughout my life, I’ve attracted my relationships with people who I’ve had very different lives with, like, people who are like, you would see us and like “You guys are opposites”, you know, and like, kind of like curious, but people are like “I don’t know, maybe it’s working for them”. And so normalized, like, for both of us, our work would come first and we didn’t have many shared friends, shared routines, shared things that we would do on the weekend, but I had normalized it because it’s what I had seen.
Now, on the other side of this divorce, being like, that’s not what I want moving forward, I want someone that I have shared community with, partnership with, friends with, like, not being an island, the two of us by ourselves, but like being part of an integrated tribe. And, like, had I not gone through, like, the depths of the anger, and the sadness, and the grief, and all the things that it came with, I wouldn’t have tied the two of them together. And I shared with you briefly, and we’ll talk about it on this Podcast, I did this, like, somatic-emotional release thing related to spiral dynamics.
[39:21] Aaron
Okay, yeah. Can’t wait to hear about this.
[39:22] Sahara
You love spiral dynamics, I love spiral dynamics, but can you just share with people, because you’re probably better at explaining, what are the spiral dynamics?
[39:29] Aaron
Oh, man, it’s been a minute since I studied it. But spiral dynamics is a way for understanding a value system of, like, how people are interrelated and connected based on values, So, the spiral is, there’s different colors that represent different, in a way, levels of consciousness or value systems, and when you study it, it makes so – once you understand spiral dynamics and you look out to the world, you never really see things again the same way. Like, within my friend group, we’ll say like “Oh, that’s a very green party, that’s a very green party”, a green party, hippy party, you know, there’s, like, certain elements to that, you know. Or there’s, like, going to a sports game is very blue normally, it’s very blue, it’s like Budweiser. But it could be a whole spiel of what these different colors mean.
But basically, once you understand why you’re wired the way you are, and what you value, and what other people value, it then helps you accept family members in a different way, helps you understand why some family members may not understand you in a certain way, because they just simply have different values, and you realize they also have different needs. People that are in, maybe, a blue level of consciousness which is much more about, it’s much about, like, religion and the tribe of like – not the tribe, that’s more purple, but like, what is everyone else doing, they find safety in conformity, safety in, like, what the government is, maybe, telling them what to do. There’s like a, it’s a certain, yeah, like, level, but then you can also see why people, in that level, want to, you know, remain a certain way, so…
[41:06] Sahara
It’s fascinating! And, you know, I think, maybe, I learned it from you and then I went down a rabbit hole and ended up meeting this guy in Bali who – my friend was like “He’s just a great healer who helped me through my breakup”, and I didn’t know anything about him, I thought he was like body worker, to be honest.
[41:20] Aaron
Really?
[41:21] Sahara
He, like, came and I was like “Oh, do you need, like, a massage bed or something?”, she said it was like a somatic release thing, and it was not that at all.
So, basically, he explains the spiral dynamics and the color, but starting with beige, which is like…
[41:32] Aaron
Baby.
[41:33] Sahara
Yeah, exactly. So, the spiral dynamics is also related to your ages and the emotions that you weren’t able to fully express.
So, the beige age, is like, as a baby, were you held enough? And if you weren’t held enough, you have this deep inner need to just be held. And it oscillates between an individual and collective need, and it keeps going up like that. So, an individual and collective need might be like, being heard, and then it keeps going back and forth. And I can link something of the spiral dynamics below this Episode for people to look into.
So, he kind of walked me through them and he’s like “Which one is most resonant for you?”, and I’m like “I don’t know, I feel like I’m pretty good at all of them”, you know, like “I feel like I’m turquoise”, you know, and he’s like, so, the turquoise is the one that it’s like when you’ve fully integrated all of the emotions, you’re in this state of unity, not like totally unity conscious, but you know – I feel like I do spend a lot of time in turquoise, but he’s like “The only way to really be, like, in turquoise is to fully assimilate it, like all of the colors underneath, like all of the emotions underneath”. And for me, the one that was the most pressing was anger because my dad was very angry growing up, so there wasn’t space for another person to be angry because when one person’s – I can’t be angry, he’s the angry one, you know. So, I looked down on anger of like “Ugh, angry people are, like, irrational, they disturb everyone in the house, they’re narcissistic”, like, I hated anger, I hated angry people. And one thing, I never dated an angry person I would stay very far away from them because I had suppressed the anger within me.
So, this guy, his name is James, he’s amazing, he sits on the floor, and I’m sitting on the bed, he’s like “Tell me everything you want to say to men”, I’m like “I don’t know, some men are good, some men are bad, like, I don’t hate all men, you know”, he was like “Tell me everything you want to tell your ex”, I’m like “Oh shit, you know!”. So, I started and he was like “No, really feel that”, he’s like “Tell me everything you wish you could say to your dad and, like, really tune into that energy of anger”, and he’s on the floor, just like, taking it. And a lot of the things that he said would, like, trigger him of things, of like, maybe ways that he didn’t show up in his own life because it’s like, you know, we’re all reflecting back to each other. Then he’s like “Okay, we’re going to go into this energy, somatically”, so, we had to maintain eye-contact the whole time. My hands are up, pressed against his shoulders, his hands are pressed up against my shoulders, we’re standing up, like, jiujitsu style, like this, and he’s like “Now, say all the things you want to say to them, looking me in the eye, while pushing me down to the ground, like, push me against the wall”.
[44:02] Aaron
Wow.
[44:03] Sahara
And I’m like, at first a little – and he’s pushing me back to the point that I’m, like, falling against the wall, he’s not holding back. So, it’s like, it brings that warrior in you that’s like “Shit, I need to rise up and defend myself”, and I would notice I would want to look down and he’s like “Look me in my eyes and say it, say it from your core”, and I’m, like, pushing and saying all these things, and he’s pushing me back, and it’s like a full-blown wrestling match.
[44:25] Aaron
Wow.
[44:26] Sahara
And it was so cathartic because I would notice my pattern of when it would get tense, I would give up, and I’m like “That’s my pattern in life”, that I would rather just be like “Fuck it, I don’t even need them, I don’t need to say the thing, I’d rather move on, like, I don’t want to deal with this”, but that’s me also giving up my power, me thinking “I don’t even want to be an angry person, I’m above that”, but it’s me, not fully standing in my boundaries, and my worth, and, like, connecting to that, and like “No, I will be heard!”.
So, I’m literally in this, like, wrestling thing with him, I’m, like, sweating, my heart is palpitating and it was incredible how much strength that I had, that I was unaware of. Because it’s like, when you’re punching, even a pillow or something, it’s like, you kind of just push yourself as much as you want to push yourself, but when there’s a human being, like, me, I’m a small girl – big man, pushing you back, it’s like – you know how they say like, moms lifts up a cars if, like, their babies are under, and they can, like, lift up a 1500lb car, like, all of a sudden they get the strength, it was like that coming through, and it was like this ancestral, like, all of the women in my lineage who, like, couldn’t say no, who couldn’t say enough, who couldn’t leave. And, like, channeling that anger through my body of just being like “No, like, this is enough! Like, this ends with me!”
And it was also really interesting because, for me, there was the energy of disgust, you know, which, anger, sub of it is disgust, and he’s like “Every time you feel that disgust, spit in this, like, bucket”, I kind of had to do it in combo, and medicine, and he’s like “What most people do is, like, you feel energy of disgust, you swallow it, so then you’re recycling it back into your system”, so I’m, like, spitting into this thing. And when he left, I literally, like dry vomited because I was purging this energy of, like, disgust and just, like, rage that I was holding onto, that I dry vomited, and I realized how cathartic that was.
So, after that, I was like “I feel like I need to sit with combo, because I need to purge”, there’s still this energy of like “I don’t want to feel disgust when I think about, you know, all of these things”, so, I was like “I’m going to sit with combo”, I’m, like, asking people, I’m looking people up and then, all of a sudden, I manifest, like, Bali belly. So, I vomited like the whole day, like, four times in one day I was just…
[46:33] Aaron
What’s Bali belly?
[46:34] Sahara
Bali belly is like when you get the food poisoning of Bali.
[46:37] Aaron
Okay, got it! Yeah, yeah.
[46:39] Sahara
Which, for most people is diarrhea, I actually got the vomit only kind, so I was just vomiting and vomiting, and I was like “Thank you god, this was the exact ceremony that I needed”, I’m like purging that energy of disgust, which is, like, cleared from my system now. And now I’m like “If I had not gone there, gone into the depths of anger, the depths to disgust, the depths of rage, the depths of not being met, and, like, fully experience them at their core”, which, again, there are deeper levels of, like, it’s not a one-time done process, I wouldn’t be able to show up with so much, like, lightness, and love, and juiciness.
[47:08] Aaron
Right, yeah.
[47:10] Sahara
And it’s like my fear, if you told me this four years ago, I’d be like “No, I don’t want to manifest anger, I don’t want to manifest that”.
[47:17] Aaron
Right.
[47:17] Sahara
And it’s, like, the polar opposite is true, so it’s like, this is why that emotional fluidity is so important because it’s like, you can go into that disgust, you can go into the anger, and then, on the other side you’re in orgasmic joy and bliss and union, it’s like, you don’t have to stay anywhere.
[47:32] Aaron
Yeah. Thank you for sharing all that, that’s powerful. So, you did that with doing combo?
[47:37] Sahara
No, I manifested the natural kind, I just vomited all day.
[47:40] Aaron
You didn’t have to do the actual combo, nice! Yeah, I remember one time when I used to – so, back in 2012, when I went through my awakening, before that I was smoking weed, like cannabis, like, all the time, like, all day, every day, for like a year, two, and I remember that I felt – there was this moment that I had where I realized that, like, the reason I was doing it, was to numb the emotions from my childhood. Like, it was a way for me to like, at the end of the job, working a 9-5 job I didn’t like, it was a way for me to go home, smoke, completely, like, zone out of that energy. And I remember the moment that I quit, and I made the choice, because for 2 or 3 weeks I went back and forth and it was, like, something I was very afraid of not doing anymore. And then, eventually, I had friends that owned a smoke shop that I went to and I bought this $300 bong and I was, like, not getting the message, even though my soul was kind of like “You should stop”. And I bought this bong, I went home and I loaded up a ball and I took this one hit, and as soon as I breathed it in, I knew, like, I shouldn’t have taken it, I knew, like, I shouldn’t have bought, like, the bong. And as I was breathing out, I started, like, having this crazy release where I started crying. I could feel all of this stuff come up from my past where – like, I was with an ex-girlfriend before that, that hated the fact that I smoked and I would have to hide it almost, like, she would drink and I didn’t drink, but I smoked, and it was this weird thing.
I felt like all of her energy that she felt when I was always kind of, like, emotionally not present, because I was smoking. Also, I would, like, hide it when I went to my dad’s house to see my sisters, I would smoke and be super high and I could, like, feel the disappointment or the energy that I felt, that self-judgment, that I had about that.
But basically, I went through this process of, like, releasing, and honestly, kind of, like, breaking up with the spirit of ganga in a way, or cannabis, and it was a very emotional experience. But after that, for like 2 or 3 weeks, I would throw up out of nowhere, I, like, stopped cold turkey, I would throw up this yellow stuff. And I intuitively knew that it was the year or two of me smoking all the time, of all this stored energy that was inside of my body.
So, as I was doing it, I was, like, grateful and thank you, of like throwing up this yellow bile. But I just knew it was connected to my lungs, connected to this smoking and the numbing of the emotion that I experienced for 2 or 3 years of smoking non-stop, you know.
So, yeah, I wanted to share that too because it’s like, I think that happens, like, we have stored energy inside of our body that comes from past experience and it kind of stays there until we release it or go through, sometimes, I think, like a detox, or a cleanse can be very powerful, combo can be powerful, I guess the Bali belly can be powerful, you know. But yeah, it’s all a reflection of, like, also, I think, breaking up, energetically, with past patterns. Like, you going through your divorce and then having that purge of that anger and all that energy that was probably, kind of, under the surface somehow, was very freeing for you.
And there’s a saying that I’ve heard before, that I really agree with, and that’s like “If you don’t allow yourself to feel the bottom level of emotions, you’re capping the amount of positive emotions you can feel”. So, if you want to go higher and you want to feel higher vibrational emotions, you must actually become okay with even the lower vibrational emotions because then you, kind of, grow roots to where, then, there’s like a channel that allows you to go even higher. So, it’s the exact opposite of what most people think, they’re like “I’m not going to feel shame or anger or guilt, instead, I’m going to feel love, joy, peace, light or whatever”, but focusing on that, it’s like, there’s no roots. It’s about clearing and feeling into that energy and having a healthy relationship with emotions, because emotions are just indicators, indicating what’s inside of us, what subconscious we can bring into the conscious. We can feel, and the more you feel, you more you heal.
[51:30] Sahara
Absolutely. And I used to try, I’m like “I’m only going to live in joy, all the time”, and it doesn’t work because if one emotion is all you feel, that becomes neutral and it no longer is joy, you know.
[51:42] Aaron
You need a contrast.
[51:43] Sahara
Exactly.
[51:44] Aaron
You know.
[51:44] Sahara
So, my question for you is, you know, we talk about feeling your feelings, I feel like a lot of people, they don’t really know how. Do you use sounds and like emote and sound it out, are you, like, tapping on meridians, like, what are you doing if you’re like “Okay, I’m going to go into this process of, like, feeling my pain, feeling my suffering”? If it’s just you, alone at home, how do you do it?
[52:04] Aaron
So, there’s two things I’ll say: One, if it’s just a simple process where you’re tapping into your body, the key that I’ve learned is to not judge myself for what I am feeling or not feeling. There’s times, in the past, where I do this kind of work and I’m like “I’m not feeling it super strong and powerful, does that mean there’s something wrong with me?” But it’s realizing that the more you put the awareness inside of your body, the more the energy goes there, and the more you, then, start to become aware of what’s there.
So, this isn’t a practice I recommend someone doing once or twice, it’s an on-going thing where, for 10-15 minutes a day, you breathe, and you breathe in and out through your nose, and then what you do is, you put the awareness inside of your body and try to keep the breath continuous, so it’s like [breathing] without, like, long breaks or breath holds, necessarily, but it’s, like, breathing to allow the energy to flow through and putting the awareness into the heart.
[53:00] Sahara
Breathing in through your nostrils or your mouth?
[53:03] Aaron
I do it through my nose, personally. But the main practice is just putting the awareness inside of the body and ask, be aware, like “What am I feeling? What are the sensations in my body right now? What am I feeling?”, and then from there, it’s the outside in, in the sense of “What are the sensations in my body? What am I feeling? What is the feeling that’s tied to this sensation?”. And then, if you’d like, you can ask yourself “Is there like a memory or some type of story, some type of mental mind thing that might be connected to it?”, and it can help you kind of start to unravel this information.
So, simply putting the awareness inside of the body, over time, just for 5 or 10 minutes a day, you start to become aware and you get better and better at having the awareness on the inner energetic field.
I know Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about this, but it’s like the inner body, just putting the awareness on the inner body, brings awareness to the present moment.
And the second thing I’ll say is, I’m a huge fan of just, like, breathwork. So, somatic release breathwork is a practice that I really enjoy and it’s breathing in a specific pattern, the ceremonies are generally like an hour long, and it’s breathing in a certain pattern where you have these big releases where you are able to express emotion that’s been repressed.
And for me, I’ve had some of my biggest breakthroughs, have come through that kind of breathwork, like, breathwork that involves breathing, a lot of oxygen in, in that way, and I’ve huge breakthroughs. A breakthrough that I have energetically completely changes my life in very quick ways, sometimes, but it’s all for a bigger growth process, so.
[54:40] Sahara
Yeah so, we geek out over new spiritual systems. There’s another one called The Spiral, which is also based on Spiral Dynamics, and it’s kind of related to…
[54:48] Aaron
Is it breathwork?
[54:49] Sahara
No.
[54:49] Aaron
Okay.
[54:50] Sahara
So, you go to, like, whatever it is that you’re feeling. So, let’s say, I don’t know, I’m feeling like, I’m feeling lonely, or whatever it is, and you muscle test. So, you know, like, the typical muscle test that you do, like, the little ‘ok’ sign with your thumb?
So, you go – there’s like this chart and it’s based on, like, the Chinese elements, so, you go “Is it related to fire, earth, water, air?”, like, whichever breaks, it’s related to that one. And then there’s organs underneath it all, so “Is it related to small intestines, liver, kidney?”, so, whichever one breaks, it’s related to that one. Then it has a list of the emotions underneath that, so, then you ask yourself “Is it…”, or, even then, you might just know which one it’s related to – “Okay, is it related to the energy of loneliness?”, so, then you feel the loneliness, somatically, in your body, exactly what you just said “Where do you feel it?” Often, a memory comes up, then you let yourself fully have that experience.
So, for me, like, one of them was loneliness, now that I’m single, and I’m like, the memory that came up was this memory of being 12 years old, and everyone had a boyfriend, except for me, and it was this feeling of like “I’m forgotten, I’m never going to have a boyfriend, like, the boy that I liked didn’t like me back”, and it was, like, the end of the world, and I, like “I’m not chosen, like”, and it was like that little girl that was still living in me. So, then, I, like, fully, like, felt her, you know, and she just wanted to cry and she was so upset.
So, you let yourself have the feeling and then you muscle test again and you’re like “Has this emotion fully cleared?”, and if not, you’re going to be weak, and if yes, you’re strong, you can kind of feel it. And it’s like so cool because you witness, a second ago you were strong, you felt the feeling and now your muscle test is firm, so you’re like “Wow, this shit really works”, you know. So, it’s another, just, layer that you can add to it.
[56:31] Aaron
That’s really cool, yeah, I like that.
[56:32] Sahara
I’ll send you the book. But yeah, breathwork as well, I try to do, at least, just 10 minutes a day of a breathwork practice. But the long journeys, I feel like you can go way deeper in.
Another thing I think you do, you cold plunge, right?
[56:45] Aaron
I do.
[56:45] Sahara
That is like life-changing.
[56:47] Aaron
Yeah, it can be, for sure.
[56:48] Sahara
I did not start cold-plunging until this divorce, and I’m like, holy shit, like, getting out of that cold plunge, I’m like “Oh my god, like, I’m safe! And it’s just sensation, it’s just a moment of time”. Like, I’ve had so many downloads from that.
[57:02] Aaron
Yeah, and if you even think about the process of getting into very cold water, the key is becoming, like, present to uncomfortable sensation. You talk about feeling emotion that’s not comfortable to feel. The more you pattern yourself to do that, you then let the energy dissipate, it becomes more integrated, you become more whole. And in a way, getting into a cold plunge is a very similar way of sitting and becoming present to the energy of the cold. Whereas, normally, when you first get in, you’re like “Holy shit, this is cold”, you’re tense, but if you can get in and allow yourself to really focus on your breath and just relax, in a way, you don’t resist the cold, you can embrace the cold. And as you embrace it, it becomes, like, it becomes a lot easier, and then that symbol helps you in your life when it comes to uncomfortable sensations in your body, when it comes to someone else crossing the boundary. Like, you’re able to actually, like, sit and be in your body, to then make the next conscious choice, whatever that is, whether it’s setting a boundary, whether it’s deciding “I’m going to feel this”, and let it be there, because that’s all it wants to do. Like, the loneliness or those negative emotions that come up, they just want to be felt so that, then, the energy can flow through. And it’s like, that’s the pattern that we can have as welcoming the sensation and then letting it dissipate vs. trying to avoid it and not feel the loneliness, so then, going out and doing, like, trying to rid itself of the emotion, you know what I mean? So, yeah…
[58:29] Sahara
Because that’s what life is, it’s like contractions. It’s like contract and then you expand, contract, expand, but if you’re just like, again, always expanding, you’re just expanded to the abyss; always contracting, it’s just, you know, you love like most people do actually.
[58:42] Aaron
Yeah.
[59:42] Sahara
So, I feel like, with the cold and hot therapy, you literally, somatically, get to experience that, and then witnessing yourself, and then knowing like “Me, being in the cold, is just a moment of time, how much can I soften into this?”, and then, when you’re in those shitty moments in life, it’s like “How much can I relax into this, trust that I’m okay?”, and then going into the heat and, like, letting yourself be fully held by the energy of the heat.
I know you’re a big sun worshipper as well, but letting that energy just, like, hug you and engulf you, and, like, know that you’re always supported and held by the elements. And it’s just such a beautiful practice for me because I was like “I will never cold plunge! I don’t want to be cold, why would I want to put myself into pain?”
[59:22] Aaron
Right.
[59:23] Sahara
But it’s like, pain is going to happen, regardless, so it’s like, you can either choose it and become adept at it and make it your daddy, or you can run away from it and then it’s going to spank you in the ass. So, you get to choose.
[59:36] Aaron
Yeah, exactly, yeah, beautiful.
[59:39] Sahara
Yes. So, share with us more about your events that you have coming up and everything that you’re up to now?
[59:43] Aaron
Yeah. The new part of myself is – there’s a lot of things I would normally be doing as of, like, last year. I’d be doing a lot of online, virtual things; I’d be doing YouTube videos; and I’ve kind of taken a step back to where I’m just going to focus on what I’m really passionate about and what really lights up, like, my heart, what really lights up my passion and what I’m excited to grow into, something new.
So, for me, this year, the first month of the year, I did a Live event here in Austin, and it was something that I felt like, I just intuitively had to do, to wire in this new energy, so, I did that last week, it was a lot of fun.
And going on throughout the rest of the year, I have retreats planned, and Live events that I’m going to be pocketing in there, just to get into this energy as much as possible. And then, instead of making separate YouTube videos, the goal is just to get all this footage of Live events and then to clip that into videos.
So, my intention is to wire in this new me and not default back to the old part of myself that found so much comfort in just making YouTube videos and staying at home and doing marketing and stuff. So, yeah.
So, now I’m – events, retreats, you know. Still going to be making videos, here and there, but mainly it’s like, I want to focus on this new part of myself which has to do with the Live event component.
[1:00:52] Sahara
I love that you’re fully going for that. And I so relate to not going back to that old identity.
[1:00:56] Aaron
Yeah.
[1:00:57] Sahara
Because it’s so easy when you have these big life shifts, to, like, cling on to any former version of you for comfort and safety because you know it, you know, and it’s to be like “No, I didn’t experience this huge, you know, phoenix rising from the ashes for no reason, it’s so I can rise”. So, I love how your – you know, doing Live events is harder, it’s harder, it’s more work, it’s more planning, often, there’s less people who see it, but it’s like, you know that you love it.
And I’m the same way, there’s nothing like being with people in person and I feel like…
[1:01:23] Aaron
It’s different, yeah.
[1:01:24] Sahara
You know, in this day and age, too, you can make a YouTube video and, like, edit it and, like, make it interesting, but, like, not actually be able to carry that frequency in real life. So, I feel like those of us who are embodied and are doing this, we also have a responsibility to, like, connect with people in person and give them those experiences.
So, y’all, I highly vouch for his events, he’s the real-deal, in-person, he exists.
[1:01:46] Aaron
Thank you!
[1:01:46] Sahara
Sometimes I’m like “Is that an AI?”, you know, you never know. So, thank you for putting this work out into the world, we will share your links and everything, so… We appreciate you being here.
[1:01:56] Aaron
Thank you so much for having me back on, and it’s always so much fun and a pleasure to be with you!
[1:02:00] End of Interview
_______________________________________________________________
[1:02:01] Sahara
I am feeling so juiced up, yet so grounded, yet so inspired, after that conversation with Aaron!
[1:02:08] Sahara
Yes, to the emotional healing. Yes, to the shadow work. Yes, to the diving deep into your childhood wounds, so you can hate those as soil and grow into the beautiful flower that you are here to be. So, thank you so much for tuning in.
[1:02:21] Sahara
And if you’re inspired by Aaron, by myself, by many thought-leaders out there, sharing their voice, on social media, YouTube, podcasts, stages, coaching, then that means it’s within you too.
So, I invite you to join me for my Speak With Soul course. This is my 21-day guided journey, super affordable, to take you from feeling like a little bit of an awkward speaker to being confident AF, and sharing your voice, whether it’s on Instagram Lives, podcasts, or even just in your friendships, relationships, at your work, because your voice is your calling card and it’s what’s going to create the life that you truly desire. And again, most of us have never spent time on it, and today is your invitation.
So, we have a special launch price going on right now, so head over to speakwithsoulcourse.com. Again, that’s speakwithsoulcourse.com and you can find that link in the show notes, to get started right away.
[1:03:11] Sahara
Thank you so much for tuning into this Episode, I’m so deeply grateful to have you here on this journey, and I’ll see you on the next one. Namaste!
Episode #485: How To Actually Feel Your Feelings + Process Your Emotions with Aaron Doughty
By Sahara Rose