Recently I have been reflecting a lot on my own evolution and thinking back to that 20-year-old version of myself.
What would I tell her if she were in front of me right now?
The funny thing is – a lot of the things I would say are the same things I need to hear right now, while others I have fully worked through. There’s so much beauty in discovering what you still need to integrate and what you have fully worked through. You learn the same lessons over and over again in life until you fully embody them.
In this episode I’m sharing the 5 pieces of wisdom I would share with the younger version of myself.
Even if you’re not 20 years old, these may be the words you need to hear right now, so I encourage you to listen to this vulnerable, loving transmission with an open heart.
Be sure to tag me and share the 5 things you would tell a younger version of YOURSELF with me over on Instagram stories so I can learn from you and repost!
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Episode #462: 5 Things I Wish I Could Tell My 20 Year-Old Self
By Sahara Rose
Hi, I’m Sahara Rose and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes You, Your Soul’s Highest Evolvement.
And before we get started, I have an announcement for you.
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So, I have created my Free Goddess Embodiment Practice which will allow you to drop into your body’s wisdom in under 10 minutes. This is the perfect practice you can do if you have no prior experience to embodiment or if you’re already practicing yoga, meditation, maybe you’re working out, or you want something a little bit more feminine and flowy to add to the end or beginning of it, this practice is for you!
I play incredible music and I guide you through dancing and just really feeling the messages that your body has for you, and you’re going to feel so different on the other side. People seriously say “I can’t believe how amazing I feel in less that 10 minutes”, and I’m so excited to see how it turns out for you.
So, if you’re interested, head over to iamsahararose.com/embodiment and you can find that link in the show notes and download the practice.
Without further ado, let’s get into this week’s Episode!
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If it’s your first time listening, welcome! This Podcast is all about making spirituality modern, fun, relatable, grounded, diverse! And I welcome you wherever you are on your journey!
I’m an author, I’ve been hosting this Podcast for over 5 years now, and I love taking spiritual topics, but really making them grounded and relatable and into how they fit into our human experience today.
So, right now, I’ve really been thinking about my own evolution and how much I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown. And I was thinking back to that 20-year-old version of myself, I started to think, if I were to give this 20-year-old version five words of wisdom, that would they be?
And yesterday, in my journal, I wrote these words of wisdom and I wanted to share them with you because they may be words that you need to hear right now, even if you’re not 20 years old, you may be 40 years old, they’re words that I need to remind myself of, even right now, too. And sometimes it’s so much easier to look back at former versions of ourselves and give that version of ourselves words of wisdom based on where we are today.
But, often times in life, we continue to learn the same lessons over and over again, until we really embody them. So, there may be some ounces of the lessons that your 20-year-old self hasn’t fully integrated, that still might be showing up in your life today. And it’s also so beautiful to see something that used to bother you so much and really get to you, no longer have any affliction over you because that really means you’ve completed the energetic cycle that it needed.
So, with that, let’s get into the 5 things I wish I could tell my 20-year-old self.
The first thing is – stop staring at your stomach.
For, really, as long as I can remember, probably since I was like 11 years old, I would wake up and stare at my stomach, and not in a good way, in a very judgmental and self-critical way.
I remember reading, as a kid, at some point, that Britney Spears does like 1000 crunches a night before she sleeps, so, I was even younger than 11 years old then, so I would try to do as many crunches as I could. And my stomach was always the thing that I hated about myself, I felt like it was so flat, I hated that my parents gave me these genes, I hated that I didn’t have the hourglass body that the woman in the media, that I looked up to, like Beyonce or Shakira or Christina Aguilera, or whatnot, had, nor did I have this super lanky body either. And I felt so much shame over it.
You know, I went through periods of my life that I had eating disorders, a time in high school and a time in college, and it was always that part of me that I spent so much time just stressing over, like “How does my stomach look today? Is it flat? Is it not?”, I would bas what I was going to eat that day according to what I was going to do that night because I knew if it was going to make me bloated or not, and it just took over so much of my life.
And a lot of it, too, were, that I actually had really bad digestive issues at that time, that I just did not know about, so I would get painfully bloated, and that would just, instead of leading me to like a healing journey, at that time, it would just lead me down a shame spiral, and the healing part of it didn’t come until a few years later. So, I would tell myself to stop staring at my stomach.
When you wake up, think about the things you’re grateful for, think about the things you want to create that day, start your day with reading a book, journaling, breathwork, not just staring at your stomach in the mirror and then basing on how your day is going to go on how flat your stomach is. Because, ultimately, your stomach is here to store your organs, and what a gift that it houses your kidney, and your liver, and your spleen, and your stomach, and all of the parts of you that keep you alive. It is the vessel of your body, it is your digestive fire, it allows you to experience this life through. So, instead of looking at photoshopped, mind you, pictures of women in the media who also had really bad eating disorders at the time, who also were older than you, who also had different body types, and who also, now are speaking about how unhappy and controlled they were, instead of comparing yourself to that and making yourself feel that something is wrong with you because you don’t have that stomach, instead, just celebrate the fact that you have this body that is allowing you to live this human experience through. And that is going to completely change your relationship with your body.
And now, I’m so glad that I really, hardly ever, look at my stomach in the mirror, it’s definitely not part of my morning routine anymore. Sometimes I’m like “Oh, I’m more bloated than others”, for sure, but it’s not based off of how I’d feel that day, I’m not always thinking about that I just let my stomach be my stomach, rather than the priority of my life. And I really do believe that so much of the weight loss industry has been created because if we keep women focused on something so stupid and so subliminal, so unnecessary, like your weight, those last 5lbs, if we make our entire life existence on those last 5lbs, then, of course, we’re not going to go out there and live our Dharmas, live our soul’s purposes, because we’re caught up in these tiny little problems.
So, I really do believe that part of this is part of the patriarchal agenda to keep us down and to keep us suffering and to try to make ourselves smaller. Why are we trying to make ourselves smaller constantly? Because that’s what the patriarchy wants, it’s for us to be so small that we become invisible.
So, I’ve done a lot of healing work around this since, and I’m so grateful that that part of my life experience is completed.
So, the next thing (number two) is – don’t worry about not having a boyfriend and everyone else around you has one.
So, at this time of my life, my college roommate and the other girl I was friends with, and it felt like everyone around me had a boyfriend, except for me. And when you’re 20 years old, that feels like a very big deal. It’s feels like “What’s wrong with me? No one likes me! I’m going to be single forever!”, and it really turns into this giant problem in your mind, which led to, again, a lot of just shame and feeling of unworthiness, I would say, because I felt like I wasn’t chosen.
So, what I would tell my 20-year-old self is that you don’t need to be chosen by a man, you get to choose yourself, and this is the time of your life that you get to go into your interests.
You know, this ended up being the time in my life that I really went into my health journey and starting to learn more about holistic healing, and I then went to Health Coach school and studied Ayurveda. So, it was in this time that I spent so much time by myself that I really started to dive into my healing journey, and I also created my blog Eat Feel Fresh, when I was actually 19 years old. So, I would tell myself to just focus on you, focus on your path and don’t worry about the boyfriends because, eventually, you’ll find the right guy, and then you’ll also break up at the right time and then you’ll find another one who you’ll marry, and that’s who you’re with today, and that’s all okay!
And you know, relationships come into our lives as mirrors, and even the relationships that you have in college, or not necessarily not meant to last forever either, so don’t feel like you need to find your husband, you know, because the type of person that you would meet right now, at this stage of your life, is not someone that you would want to marry.
So, number three – it’s okay that you’re not interested in drinking and going out like the people around you.
So, by this time, when I was 20, I realized I hated going to the club, I hated going to, you know, college kind of parties, but I would make myself do it anyways because I felt like if I didn’t, I would be left behind, forgotten, I would be out of the loop. So, I would make myself go to places that I literally did not want to be and then I would drink because I didn’t want to be there. So, I would tell myself “Don’t go places that you have to be drunk to even enjoy. Or, you’re not even enjoying it just to get through. You should not be surrounded people that the only way you can handle being around them is through drinking. Be around people that you love to be with even when you are sober, because those are the people who you really get to keep in your life, and you will find”.
So, at this stage of my life I actually stopped drinking, the next year, when I was 21 years old, but this was really the time of my life that I wasn’t totally being honest with myself, I was, kind of, living a lie a little bit, of going out but then hating it, but then still doing it anyways because I felt like I should and I needed to, and there just wasn’t any other option. So, I would really encourage myself to take that time, again, for myself and to stay in and cultivate that time towards the things that I am actually interested and passionate about, and find people that I love to be with.
Which brings me to number four – continue to follow your creative pursuits. Don’t stop dancing just because you don’t have the time. Don’t stop creating art just because you don’t feel like going to the store to get art projects. Open up your mind to all of the creative possibilities that are around you. Your school has improv classes, it has dance classes, it has all these workshops, you just need to choose them. And it’s not about not having time, so many of the things that you spend time later on just won’t matter. And there is so much more to life than studying and then later working!
You know, I spent so much time in college, I was so stressed about my grades, you know, “I need to hit the magna cum lauda”, and I would spend all night in libraries. Once a week, I would pull an all-nighter, where I would just drink coffee all night and keep studying to cram for a test and then leave the library at 9:00 in the morning and go straight to the test, especially when I was going to school at George Washington University in D.C., because it was just so competitive there. And then I went to Boston University and I was a little bit more work-life balanced there, but it still was my life and it came from pressure from my family, especially my dad, where grades were very, very important. My dad went to MIT, so there was just so much pressure on me to achieve and I wish that I released myself from some of that pressure because, ultimately, my grades did not matter, I did not go on to get my Master’s, so no one saw them.
And there were so many creative opportunities available for me in college that I wish I did, I never ended up doing improv, I never even painted once in college. Maybe I went to a Zumba class, but I let go of all of those things because, again, I was just so caught up in studying socialization that I forgot just joy and curiosity. So, I would tell myself, if I could go back, to really take advantage of all the creative opportunities that were available for me at that time.
And number five is – you don’t have to have it all figured out, you don’t even need to know what comes next. In fact, it’s better not to, because anything that you can predict from where you are in your life right now, is not something that, ultimately, you would want, because right now, your world view is limited by just what you’ve seen and you don’t fully know yourself. And who you are is going to constantly evolve and change, so if you have your whole life figured out when you’re 20 years old, you’re limited to what your 20-year-old self knows.
So, I would say, just follow the excitement. Those are the breadcrumbs that are guiding you towards your Dharma, your soul’s purpose. Follow what you’re curious about, if you’re curious about something, that is a very strong indicator that there’s something there for you on the other side.
So, when I was 20 years old, I, you know, finally realized I didn’t want to just be an International Human Rights lawyer and work for the UN, which is what I always thought that I was going to do. After working at various non-profit organizations, I realized that I wanted to actually connect with people and talk to them, and, you know, use my creativity in some sort of way, not just raising money for the fundraiser. I definitely did not want to work at a cubicle and be on spreadsheets all day, but I didn’t know what comes next and I put so much pressure on myself of like “Well, if I don’t know what’s going to come next then I’m going to fall behind and people who know what they want to do are going to be taking these steps right now”, and it was this, like, survival fear that was coming in of like “If I don’t have a solid plan, I’m going to lose everything. I’m never going to get a good job, I’m never going to live the life that I want to live, so I need to just stick to something now, stick to whoever or whatever I can find closest to me”, and that is so limiting. Because, truthfully, if a little angel were to whisper in my 20-year-old self’s ear of like “Oh, one day, you’re going to have a podcast and talk about spirituality and have a coaching institute and divine feminine mystery school and be a DJ, and, you know, do improv, and make skits”, I would be like “What?! First of all, what’s a podcast? Second of all, spirituality?! I’m not even into spirituality! Huh! I’m supposed to be a lawyer who’s going to work in Human Rights in the UN! That is not what I want to do!” I was not even interested in, really, the healing, spiritual space, at all at that time.
So, I’m so grateful that I didn’t know because the fact that I didn’t know allowed me to open up to what was to come.
So, I’m curious – what are five things you would tell your 20-year-old self? I invite you to write a list and share them on an Instagram post or Instagram story, and tag me so I can reshare them this week.
So, if you check out my story, I can reshare what other people have learned, because I think we can really regain so much from other people’s experiences, even if they weren’t exactly like our own, I’m sure there was something that I listed that also would’ve been a good lesson for your 20-year-old self.
Or, if you’re 20 years old right now, too, I’m sure it would be really beneficial for you to read what some of your elders have to say, that they wish they knew at that age.
So, write your list, put it on an Instagram post or on an Instagram story, tag me at @iamsahararose and I’m going to be reposting them on my story, and I’m super excited to read yours, to learn from yours!
And I’m curious too, what are some things you wish you would’ve told your 30-year-old self? Because I’m 31 years old right now and I’m sure the women, right now, in their 40s, their 50s, have many lessons to share along too.
So, if you have something that you wish you could’ve told your 30-year-old self, also write and share that, and I would love to read and share it as well.
So, thank you so much for tuning in today! If you loved this Episode, please leave a review for it over on the iTunes Store, and I will give you the free gift of my Womb Meditation, which is a meditation that allows you to connect to the sacred energy of your womb and receive answers for different areas of your life.
So, you can leave a review over on the iTunes Store, take a screenshot before you submit it and then email it over to me at [email protected] and you can find that email in the show notes. And I will email you back my free Womb Meditation.
Thank you so much for tuning in and I’ll see you on the next one!
Episode #462: 5 Things I Wish I Could Tell My 20 Year-Old Self
By Sahara Rose