This conversation felt good. Ease is a core value of mine, however my path hasn’t always been easy. In this conversation with my friend and author Susie Moore, we discuss what it truly looks like taking the path of ease– how to navigate conflict, speak your truth, overcome adversity and grow while letting it be easy. We talk about our relationships with ease, how most of us have been told by others everything must be hard and letting go of our addiction to struggle. You’re going to LOVE this episode.
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Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor
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Episode 400: How To Choose The Path of Ease While Still Growing and Evolving with Susie Moore
By Sahara Rose
Namaste, it’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes You, Your Soul’s Highest Evolvement.
I am so excited to share this Episode with you because it’s about a topic I feel so passionately about, which is the Energy of Ease.
So, ease is definitely not a word that was always my core value. In fact, so many of us, when we’re in the personal development space, it’s all about hard work and growth and sacrifice and keep getting there, and there is some validity to that, but sometimes life doesn’t feel easy and sometimes we do have to face our deepest challenges and obstacles in order to grow. However, a mindset shift that I’ve made over the past few years, is to overcome those obstacles through the path of ease.
So, in this conversation with my friend and author, Susie Moore, we discuss what it actually looks like to take the path of ease while still growing.
So, taking the path of ease does not mean you’re opting out of life, does not mean you’re opting out of difficult conversations, living your soul’s purpose, speaking your truth, but it’s actually doing those things from a place of joy, without having the drama and the stress and all of the hardships that we often add onto things because we’re so used to carrying that energy.
So many of us, we’re lived our entire lives, stressed out that we actually don’t know what it’s like. I mean, see most people, even when they’re on vacation, they’re still extremely tense, and it’s because that energy of tension is within.
So, this is such a feel-good conversation, we speak about how to overcome adversity and grow, while letting it be easy. We talk about our relationships with ease, why most of us have been told everything must be hard, and letting go of our addiction to struggle.
So, if you’re new to this Podcast, or you’ve listened to many Episodes, I know you’re going to love this Episode!
So, without further ado, let’s welcome Susie Moore to The Highest Self Podcast.
And before we get started, I have an announcement for you.
Are you ready to finally discover your Soul’s Purpose, the big reason why you are here? Well, I’ve created a Free Masterclass experience for you where you will discover what your Dharma is and how it may be different from your career; how to navigate having multiple passions; different ways to transition into your Dharma; ways to overcome people-pleasing and caring what people think. My number one tool, whether knowing a decision is right for you and journal prompts on the different types of resistance and how they show up for us. All of this is available for you, for free, in my Discover Your Soul’s Purpose Masterclass. You can head over to iamsahararose.com/masterclass to join today.
Again, that’s iamsahararose.com/masterclass and you can find that link in the show notes. I’m super-excited to see you in there!
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Welcome Susie, to The Highest Self Podcast, it’s so great to have you here!
Sahara Rose! Lucky me, spending an hour or so with you! (kiss, kiss, kiss)
(Kiss, kiss, kiss) Oh my Goddess, I’m so happy to have you here, especially because we’re real-life friends and I love getting to know you and I honestly think you’re literally enlightened, and I’ve told you this before, and we both feel the energy, I’m just like “Wow!” You really have just this natural booty-nature to you that you have such a profound way of looking through any obstacles and seeing the best and truly letting it be easy! So, I’m so excited to chat with you today!
And the first question I want to ask you is what makes you your highest self?
Oh, what a great question; what a great name for your Podcast, no wonder it’s so successful! I think that, well, my answer today, that comes through for me is, I don’t lie to myself, that’s what makes me my highest self, and I don’t believe the lies that come up as thoughts, every day.
I like to question what comes into my mind, especially if it makes me heal that, and I really think that’s what self-help is – stopping lying to ourselves, essentially.
I love that so much! And you are the person who introduced me to this woman we work with, who does Byron Katie, The Work, and that was so helpful for me, it’s like, if you just question the thought, instead of running away from it, instead of even over-analyzing it, it’s just question it and then, often times, it’s just, you actually can live a life where there’s no pestering thoughts.
And I didn’t know that was possible until doing this practice. I’m at this place that I’m like “I don’t need to do more sessions with her because any thought that comes up, I just question it and it’s gone. So, it’s the freedom on the other side of questioning your thoughts.
And I think that most people don’t realize that that’s available, ever. We go through life and we think stress is assumed, everything’s difficult, obstacles, and look, obstacles will always be part of life, but obstacles are to be expected; constantly, we’re meant to suffer, this is just what life is. We never, ever think whether or not that’s actually real, or if there can be another way.
So, even just making that statement, saying “Hey, I don’t have to believe my thinking, I don’t have to believe what’s causing me stress”, that’s it, we can end now Sahara, this was fun, thanks!
But really, there’s so much power that we have that we give away because we just take on other people’s stress or we see how other people live and we think that this is the only way.
So, someone that may be listening to this, like “Yeah, I really want to believe that, but it’s easy for you guys to say, you guys are already successful, you guys have books, you guys have it all figured out. I have money problems. I have family problems, I have relationship problems, I have a lot that’s really real for me and I’m worrying about it.”
So, can you share a little bit about your personal background and how you got to where you are?
Yes. And this was actually really the driver for writing this book “Let It Be Easy”, because I grew up living in domestic abuse shelters.
So, for anyone who doesn’t know what that is, if you are in a family where there’s domestic violence, the country that you live in has housing that’s shared with other families like yours. If you’ve been in a shelter, you, kind of, are familiar with how it all works, it’s very different to a regular home. You live with other families and, often, you move between shelters based on who can accommodate you, who can’t.
My family, we grew up on welfare, I went to over, I can’t even remember, 25 or 30 schools (my sister keeps count). My father died of addiction when I was 19 and I remember when I was, kind of, in those shelters, with the, kind of, chaos and the constant moving and so much change, and everything really feeling quite scary, going to myself “Oh, when I grow up and I have a job, and I have a husband and I have my own apartment or home that I live in, everything’s going to be just really good, it’s just going to be so good! And I’m going to be able to take care of my mom and I’m just going to be happy and cool and easy.” And then, I worked hard, aged 30 I had a great career in Tech, I made, $500,000 a year, I’ve got a great husband, and it still wasn’t easy. There was other stress, it was hard back then, it was then hard when I, kind of, got what I thought, everything I needed, for my life to be easy, and I’m like “There has to be something missing here, this can’t just be, life, suffering and stress, others suffering, different stress, just looks a little different now”, and this is when I just became obsessed with figuring out “What is it? What is it that some people have? What is it that some other great spiritual leaders, or whoever you even look up to or admire, what are they doing, what’s their secret?” And it just really became obvious to me that ease is a skill like any other skill, and you learn it, you practice it and then it’s almost like you can never go back, you can never go back to who you were before.
And that’s how I feel, I feel like I’ve really seen life from two very different points of view, and no matter what happens in my life, I’m going to be okay because I know this; I know that I can allow ease in, wherever I am, whatever my obstacles are and your life will always have challenges, things that come up for you, but when you this almost like ‘let it be easy’ wisdom, or another way of looking at it, you’re just significantly better off and you allow a whole lot more to flow to you as well.
Thank you so much for sharing that. And I think that someone could look at you from the outside and be like “Oh, Susie, she must’ve always had it so easy. Look at her, she lives in Miami, she’s British and she’s so beautiful and blonde, and this must’ve been so easy.”
And another thing I’d love for you to share about is your mother’s challenges with mental health and how that helped formulate this ease mindset that you have today.
Oh, yes! If anyone has, in their family, someone who is very erratic, unpredictable, constantly changing – my mum, she grew up in communist Poland, it was Nazi occupied, she had nothing, there was no bathroom. When she was a child, there was a fire, because she was not being supervised near their small oven, the fire burnt her face and her arm, she had so much real trauma. We talk about trauma a lot, but the trauma that she experienced, having no parental supervision, really having to fend for herself, having to leave a communist country, to go to England. I look at her with so much compassion, and when I used to think that she was wrong, I needed to change her, she needed to be normal, she needed to be stable. When I began to really understand where she, what happened to her and accept her, meet her, exactly where is, it’s almost like a new woman came in, as my mother. and she didn’t change, she was exactly as she is, but instead of fighting with her, arguing with her, saying how out of her mind she is and “Da, da, da, you need to be different”, when I began to just accept her exactly as she is, and she is a very unique lady, everything just became easier for me. And we have a good relationship, we have a really good relationship. And that’s not true, necessarily for everyone my family, I’ve got four older sisters, but I can tell you that, even in a situation where you want more, you want more from a parent, you want more stability, you want more safety, you want them to, kind if, feel like other parents, it can actually still be good, not for everybody, but there is always an opportunity, there’s always an option, if that’s what you want. And realizing this, realizing, making peace with my past, even my father, who has passed on, I just feel as if there’s so much power that we have, Sahara. Truly, I feel like my power of my mind is the only thing that’s really important because then everything else becomes simpler and I’m not in this place of suffering.
So, I feel as if, no matter what your situation, with your family, your upbringing, there can be another way. And I still think now, even though I like to let life to be easy, I’m open to a whole other new level of ease that I haven’t discovered yet. I feel like this is us school, this is what we’re here to do and what happened in the past also doesn’t create the present. The present moment is always what we’re deciding right now.
So beautifully said! And I remember I was chatting with you about families and how sometimes it can be really triggering to go visit your family, and they might want to watch the news all the time or have this really divisive political conversations, and you shared with me, when you visited your mom in England, how she didn’t even want to put up the curtains, so you just sat with her in her home, with her curtains down and re-watched the same show and ate cake, she only eats cakes or sweets or something.
Can you share a little bit about that? I always said “Wow”, it inspired me, the level, of, just, acceptance, and your ability to just go with the flow. Whereas, for me and so many people, we’re like “That’s not conscious, don’t watch the news”, we try to change and we try to fix. And I really admire your ability to just accept people.
Oh, yeah. So, it was soon after I moved to Miami, I was actually really excited to wear clothes that I can’t wear here because it’s so hot (as you know). I remember I just packed a coat, packed some pants, I was like “Oh, I want to go to England, it’s going to be nice and cool”, that was kind of my idea. When I got to the UK and it was this record-breaking heatwave. And if anyone’s lived in the UK, you’ll know that it’s not set up for warm weather. So, there’s no air conditioning, there is maybe like one fan in 1/10 people’s house. So, my mom, because she is older and she refuses to be uncomfortable in the heat, we were at home, curtains drawn, she even put paper in the windows (where the was gaps) and we stayed home, watching television, with this tiny little rusty fan, juddering its face between us. I was showing her Duolingo on my phone, we just kept drinking tea, putting the kettle on, it was, in her apartment, dark, small, hot, we had a great time. It was not what I expected, but what can you do? What do you have control over in any moment? Often, not a lot of things, especially in a situation like that, which is unexpected. But isn’t it funny how fun is still always an option?
I love that because that can trigger so many people of like “I don’t want to be at home”, and now I’m at home doing – I feel like, especially when we become more conscious, we become so aware of our time and how important our time is, that for so many of us, it’s hard to spend our time doing something that we don’t want to do. But I’m assuming, you did not want to stay at home, in the heatwave, with all the curtains down, during your trip to England, for the week, but you wanted to have a relationship with your mom, and that desire was stronger that the desire of ‘it needs to look the way that I want it to look’.
Right. And when you think about it, isn’t fun, joy, happiness, the goal of all other goals? When you think “I want to go wear my pants and stuff and go to a nice lunch and sit outside”, why? Because it’ll be fun! Why do I want to have that relationship or that boat, or that dress, whatever it is? It’s because I feel happy, I’ll have fun in it, and it’s like, what if you just chose that? What if you just skipped the middle man requirement and you just go “Okay, there’s something that I can’t change, I’m also with a person I can’t change or convince, or persuade”, that’s true for a lot of parents, I know too, “So, what am I going to do? Resist the moment and reject everything, everything that’s still available?
I love in the Course in Miracles that says “The only thing lacking in any situation is what you’re not giving”. ‘The only thing lacking is what you’re not giving in any situation”, what am I not giving? I’m like “My goal is to see my mom and have fun, so, we’ll do that! That’s what we’ll do! Doesn’t look like what I’ve planned”, but this even happens if you go on vacation and it’s raining, great! What can you do instead? Make out with your partner, play Scrabble, read a book. Don’t you always say you don’t have time to read? It’s always an option, we just to love to abdicate our power all the time and be in this place of like “Things aren’t working out!” Maybe things are working out just fine. What if it’s all just fine?
I feel like so many of us, we want to feel like that so badly, but we’re like “I’m lying to myself if I’m telling myself that I’m having fun. I’m honestly so triggered, everything that my family, or whoever, is saying, is annoying me, how can we go through this process to actually get to this place where we’re enjoying our time doing something that we didn’t think we wanted to do?
Yes! So, I would just think, “Okay!” The way that the mind works is instantly, within a millisecond, there’s an external situation, we can sometimes call it a stimuli, and then there’s an emotion, right? So, it’s like, somebody said something mean, and immediately responds “I feel bad; I feel hurt; I feel rejected”, right? So, that happens so instantly, we always believe that the stimuli is the reason we feel bad. But if that were true, if the stimuli were the reason that we feel bad, that would mean that every single person in the whole world, in any situation, if they receive that same comment, for example, they would feel the exact same way you do, and that’s simply not true.
So, just say, someone said to me “Hey, you’re stupid” or they said to you “Hey, you’re stupid”, or to 300 people, “Hey, you’re stupid”, that would mean nothing to me if that person didn’t know me, that would mean nothing. It could ruin someone else’s life, it could make them question how stupid they might be, without realizing.
So, if the comment, if we give the power to the comment, or anything external, we’re always going to be at the mercy of feeling anyway the wind blows, this very unsteady ground, of like “Oh, I hope things go right for me. I hope things are exactly what I need so I can feel okay.’ And when you realize that that’s just not true, the stimuli and your emotion are not connected, it’s just what you’re making every single thing mean, you become like this dangerously free person, where you’re like “Who cares?!” This happens, like, really, “Who cares!?” It’s almost like you bring a sense of humor lightness, and this is kind of, I know this is somehow why people think “Oh, wow, it must be so easy for you”, because I laugh a lot. And if something happens, where someone else would be like “This is terrible”, I’d be like “Oh, that’s a relief, I don’t have to do that them” or “Oh, woops, I broke that, oh well, I needed an upgrade of wine glasses anyway”, whatever it may be. Just knowing, knowing that nothing, and it’s tricky because with our eyes, we see the world, and we see everything on the outside, but everything’s happening inside.
So, I would just say, you know, when something happens or if someone is struggling in a place, “There’s this relationship problem I have and this is causing me pain”, a really great question to ask is, okay, this is, what I believe about the situation, someone should treat me better, for example, you can say “What am I making it mean that they’re not treating me better?” And then it becomes our personal story, it’s like “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not interesting enough”, “I don’t get any respect because I’m not bright enough”, whatever it may be.
So, often, I think if something’s causing me stress, pain, suffering, what am I making it mean? What exactly is happening and what is the fact, the stimuli, easy? That’s often just something that’s really tangible, but what am I making it mean? And then just saying “Is this necessarily real?”
I mean, Socrates said “Am unexamined life isn’t worth living”, and isn’t it great to examine then? We’re not animals, we’re not – my dog will bark if there’s someone, no matter what. I can’t say to her “Darling, let’s think about this. We’re on the 74th floor, you can’t get up to it without security.” My dog can’t reason with me, but as human beings, we are this evolved species, we’re so intelligent, we can question everything and that is where our power lies and a whole lot of fun, and freedom too, which for me, is definitely the best part.
So, as an example of that, like walking through it, let’s say, we all have these certain triggers that we don’t want to hear, for some people it’s like “You’re fake” or “You’re unprofessional” or “You’re toxic positive” or whatever the things are, I feel like we all have our certain things that may be stupid, that one doesn’t land for me because I know I’m not stupid, but maybe toxic positive is like a big one for me, and for someone. I don’t believe in that term, I did a whole podcast on it, we can talk about it, but let’s say that is one for you. So, it obviously means something, there’s a deeper story behind that.
So, let’s say my thing was, I don’t like when people call me a fake. So, let’s say someone’s like “Ugh, I hate Sahara, she’s so fake”, how can I, now, question this, look at this, maybe look at is there some truth in this? How much should we be looking at, is there some truth and how much should we be “No, that’s their own projection”?
So, someone could say “Sahara’s a caterpillar”, does that make it real? “Sahara is actually a 4-year-old elephant in India”, words, woman says words. This is how I think about it, just say, someone says something mean about me, and people have called me toxic positive, fake, all of the above, yes. The way that I think about it is, okay, what is happening here? If you slow it down between the comment and the negative charge in my body, so, the feeling of stress or pain, I’ll just think “Okay, woman, says words”, this is a disassociation technique which I love. It’s like, whenever something happens, we see it in the first person, this is a really interesting thing, when something bad happens, we see it in the first person, meaning we experience it again, if we’re reliving a painful memory, we’ll experience it in our body, like it’s happening again. But if something good happens, we’ll see it in a disassociated state, meaning we’ll see ourselves from a distance.
So, what I love to do is flip it, consciously, and if someone says “Hey, you’re fake” (I’ve had that a million times), okay, I’m fake, if I disassociate, it’s not me, my story, am I fake because I cheated once in an exam or I copied some girl’s make-up look when I was a teenager to be like her, or I used to say things to please my dad so he would love me. Those parts of me that weren’t real, maybe there’s a connection there that I’m making, but what’s actually happening in the moment? There’s a woman somewhere, there’s a human being, there’s a homo sapiens on earth, we get so basic, there’s someone on earth who says words. And words are man-made too, language is man-made, to another human, that’s what’s happened. If we look at it factually, again, question this if you don’t believe it, what is actually happening? Woman says words. What’s it got to do with me? It’s not like someone says that I’m fake and this is touching my wound of what I used to do or what I had to do to survive at a difficult time, or whatever, that whole story is internal only. And frankly, the person who maybe says someone’s fake, they don’t even realize what they, they’ll never know, they’ll be thrilled if they knew if you took all of that on and had a story about it.
But if you disassociate, you say “Okay, what’s going on right now? Woman says words, this is what happens.” Even if there’s – I was even speaking to somebody about this, about divorce, because it was so painful, I’m like “What’s actually happening now?” Matrimonial paperwork is being dissolved. Person, person, new paper, dissolution of marriage, this is what’s happening. Why do we have to make it a failure, life over, God doesn’t love me? All this extra, we can just go “Hmm, I don’t know about that. I don’t know if all that extra is required here.”
So, when something happens and feels troubling, or it feels shocking or sad, you just feel that charge, I just feel like “Really, what is happening in this situation, because I’m believing something is dangerous or that I’m under threat.” This is what we do, this is what the brain does, it’s our number one job to perceive threats. And it’s doing a really good job, but we can also just help calm it down by introducing the truth.
I love that, of the stories that we’re creating around it. And I think too, it’s like, it depends on that person and the feedback that you’re getting. Like, if it’s a stranger on the internet who heard you on a podcast and they’re like “I don’t know, you’re fake”, it’s like, they don’t know you, there’s no rapport, there’s no trust, why would you take advice from a complete stranger who doesn’t even know you?
Now, in different relationships, let’s say it’s a romantic relationship or a close friendship, let’s say someone gives you feedback in a situation of like “Hey, Susie, I feel like you don’t really listen to my needs” or “I feel like you always put yourself first” or whatever it is, how can we take feedback, without doing the wall of “It’s all your projection”, how do we take that feedback while not creating a story around it? Because I feel like what happens is, we either feel like we’re wrong and create all of the things like “I’m a bad friend, I’m this, they hate me, our friendship is over”, thinking about ourselves, or we’re like “It’s your thing, I’m out, here’s my boundary”, because we don’t want to get close.
How can we be in difficult conversations with ease?
Oh, I love you! Oh my gosh, I just love this so much, it’s so helpful! So, loving feedback from someone you care about is so generous. Someone puts themselves on the line when they give you feedback because there’s always that risk that you’ll shut it down, you won’t like it, you won’t like them. And I’ve had feedback in the past, someone said to me that I speak too fast, I speak too fast and it sounds, just doesn’t sound good, I don’t sound confident. And what’s some other feedback that I’ve had? Oh, I’ve had feedback that I just diminish people’s emotions when they want to rant, because I’m like, I’ll let them rant but not too long. And so, someone said to me “You don’t give me the space to…”, and so, it’s – and our body knows when someone’s telling us something out of love out of just, vs. just spite, to get you and “I want you to feel bad”. You know, I think when we open our hearts, that we know when we’re getting some loving feedback, I always think it’s really generous of the person who’s doing it, whether or not you agree, and it’s a vulnerable thing to be like “Hey, this is how I feel. This is one piece of information I just feel like could be helpful for you”, someone’s putting their neck out, it’s easier to say nothing.
So, if someone is giving us some loving feedback or even just giving some advice that you haven’t asked for, I already feel like some appreciation there, even if, I’m not in agreeance, and then I think “Wow, isn’t this like a really delicious invitation to become closer?” There’s an intimate moment that happens when someone tells you a truth and you listen, and without judging yourself or them, you just kind of hold it and you’re like “Oh, you know, I didn’t think about that” or “I need a moment to think about that.” I find that when we have feedback, or even this word ‘conflict’ isn’t required here, but when there’s a conversation that happens, when there’s maybe something that feels uncomfortable for someone to share, isn’t that when our relationships can become good, can become even deeper? Or if someone says “Hey, that thing that you said, I don’t know if you’re making it about me”, I just think, most people don’t do this, they’ll just skip over it, it’s fine, don’t worry, live with a secret resentment for 50 years, but if someone says something, I feel like there’s a gift there and it can be blessing, a good thing can happen. And maybe it doesn’t, doesn’t have to, but if someone’s willing to give you something, I feel like that’s something that you can appreciate and either go a little deeper or just lovingly move on. It also doesn’t have to be so big.
Yeah, and I feel like when you are at ease within yourself, you don’t get defensive with feedback, you’re like, you know, “I’ll look at that and see if there’s any truth and feel into it’, and maybe I’m like “Thanks so much for the feedback, I acknowledge that you put yourself out there, I still disagree with that but thank you so much”, and there’s an acknowledgement, or maybe there’s a blind spot that that person was on edge of “Should I tell them or should I not?” When we give someone feedback, I really think it’s out of love, if you don’t give a shit about someone, you’re going to be like “Ugh, I don’t like that person”, you’re not going to explain to them why necessarily.
So, I feel like when you’re truly at ease with yourself, it doesn’t matter what people say about you or to you, because it’s not as sharp of a firewall around your ego.
Yes, yes! And I feel like – I have this policy, I’m not perfect with it, but I have this policy that I never defend myself. I think about that; just never defending yourself, ever. If someone says “You’re this, you’re that”, whatever, you did something bad, what if you just didn’t defend yourself? You can go “Okay!” There’s so much strength in that, it doesn’t seem obvious because we’re like “No! Armor on, you show them, you set them straight!” Even my mom did this once, she read a mean comment about me on Huffington Post, and she was like “I set them straight”, and I was like “That’s very sweet”, it’s not necessary, what if there’s nothing to defend?
In the book, in “Let it Easy”, I reference, you know the movie 8 Mile, have you seen it? Remember at the end, I’m listing old movies there for you here, but this is an Oscar winning movie, and at the end, when he wins this rap battle, he just puts it all out there, everything about him that’s undesirable, “I do live in a trailer with my mom”, put it out there, it’s almost like – oh, in Course in Miracles, it says, “In my defenselessness, my safety lies”. So, think about that, what is there to defend? Defense is, it feels like a battle that we’re going in, it’s like, right, gearing up – what if there’s nothing to defend? If you’re defenseless, in a way choosing it, from a place of strength, then, nothing can really happen, there’s no next step because if you want to spar with someone, you need to have a partner, right? And, if you’re not the partner, then I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to go somewhere else.
Yeah. Every single time, I’ve received a comment from someone online and I responded to it, I’ve always regretted it. That person is in place that they’re not even willing to – and also, when there’s no face-to-face, it’s like, you can’t really even have a conversation, it’s just words against words, without human connection, and that heart-to-heart is missing. And I feel like that’s really what’s happening on social media, is like, projection upon projection and this need to defend yourself. I know so many people, they get a comment and they need to, they’re like “Okay, I need to address this and that” and it almost creates this sense of entitlement, I’m finding online, of “I don’t like this thing about you so now you need to defend it publicly.” And it’s like “No, you actually don’t, you can just read something you disagree with and move on with your life”, believe it or not!
Oh, okay, this is so freeing! This is one of my matras – “I don’t owe anybody anything, anything”. You can say “Hey” – oh, there’s one exception to this, if we’re talking about social media, the one time I will (and this isn’t to defend) is clarify – like, for example, there was this funny thing that happened with this girl, she like sober coach in Australia, she was like “Oh my God, I love bears”, she was traveling, and someone said “You said you don’t drink beer” and she’s like “No, I said bears, not beers!” That, for clarification, sure, that’s one area, but that’s not being defensive.
She doesn’t drink bears? Like the animal?
People, she was like “I love bears”, yes, the animal, but someone thought she said beers and they’re actually “Oh, so, you actually”, and she was like “No, I said bears, not beers!”
Nobody with the accent (beer, bear), it’s down, so similar.
But who the hell knows! But that I can understand it’s kind of funny, but if someone says anything, if I need to clarify, fine, like “Oh, there was a mistake, that was a typo”, sure, but anything else, twenty people can say defend that or “Hey, how dare you”, you don’t have to respond at all, ever! You can do whatever you want, you could just be swimming in the ocean instead or eating a key lime pie, or whatever the heck it is, it’s not you, you’re not in that. That whole thing that’s going on – people say words, people type words onto an internet platform, towards someone, and that person is in the ocean. It’s really wonderful!
I know. Sometimes I look at Joe Morgan, for example, and he’s an example in my mind, because he’s a podcaster too, but he’ll say anything, he’ll offend a lot of people and they’ll be coming at him and he just, I feel, doesn’t give a fuck, and I’m like “Wow”, part of me wants that level of say what you want, doesn’t reply to comments.
I think, as women, we’ve been so conditioned to be like “Is everyone okay? Did I hurt your feelings? I need to explain myself”, and we’ve been conditioned to be so apologetic, whereas the masculine, and men, haven’t been trained to be like that.
So, there’s also less of this feeling of “You owe me an explanation” that I see happens with woman between woman.
Oh, and you see it happen in so many areas. There can just be this feeling of owing and even this very common statement like holding people accountable – I don’t hold anyone accountable to anything, it’s just trying to control another person. You can be free of that, worry about yourself, are you feeling good with yourself? In your conscious, in your energy, are you good? That’s it, that’s your only job. Everyone else holds their accountability and therefore, someone else can do that, because, I don’t know Sahara, it’s too big of a job for me. I’ll just mind my own business over here.
Exactly! Especially, too, like, if someone’s putting someone in danger, yes, if it’s like a personal relationship, yes, but I think what we’re really talking about is, us, not liking the choices of strangers online and how we really have – who are we to think that our opinion about their decisions matters? And we see this happening – we’ve had conversations about this happen to different public figures and how, I think what happens with public figures or social media influencers etc., they put themselves out there so much that people feel like “I’ve gotten to your story, so now you owe me an explanation about everything, and if I don’t like where the story is heading now, I want the show to change”, and it’s like, we almost look at it like media, whereas that’s like, a human being who – you know, I could decide tomorrow, “Hey, this Podcast is now going to be about kittens”, and people might be like “Fuck this Podcast, I don’t want to hear about kittens”, and I could be like “Well, this is the direction I’m going”, and I’m allowed to do that because I’m a person.
Aha, and this is, kind of, where we really show respect to other people, because even if we give a loving judgment, any judgment, good or bad, it’s like a judgment, like “This should happen” or “This is good, this is bad”, and whatever someone decides to do with their life, the highest gift we can give them is just seeing them in their strength.
I feel like, Sahara, I don’t know if the kitten idea is really going to be great, but I could say whatever I wanted to you, but I actually wouldn’t, and who’s to say, what do we know? Kittens are a big business, as far as I understand with YouTube! So, so quick to judge, so quick to say “You own me”, you make it about little dinosaurs, little kittens, I’m like “Whatever”, the best thing I can do is just honor and respect your decision by letting you be you and letting that be.
I mean, look, the first words of “Let It Be Easy” are let it be, so much of it is just that, not getting involved and stuff, that has nothing to do with you. We love to stick our nose in everyone else’s business.
Let it be…let it be! Love that!
It’s wise! And if you’re sticking your nose in everyone else’s life, their problems, there may be some intention there to help, but the way that I see it is how I look in the world is that everyone is strong and capable and whole and resourceful. If I come in to save them, or if I’ve got really step in here, it would just mean that I see myself as stronger and/or with better judgment and that they need my help, and that’s just not true.
Yeah, I think, coming face-to-face with our inner savior, and so many of us as kids, we had to save our parents, save our siblings, save people around us, and we’ve gotten gratification from saving people, so that’s the persona that we may carry as adults, to responsible for other people’s decisions and experiences. And you know, you’ve got you to worry about and that’s enough! Even if you have kids, you’ve got them to worry about too, but it’s like, random people? No! Let it be! And everyone has their own internal guidance and karma is a real thing too, so, we don’t need to be the one who controls.
We’ll take a quick break so I can give a shout-out to our sponsors.
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Another thing I love to talk about with you is, I noticed in my own questioning of my thoughts, what I came face-to-face with was, I had this belief of “Well, if I don’t worry about something, then I’m not going to find the solution for it.” So, me worrying about it and thinking about it a lot is going to help me find the solution. And I could have evidence of that being true, of things I’ve worried about a lot, or thought about a lot, that through thinking about, I made my decision, and in my heart, I know that the mind cannot solve the mind’s problems. And me, worrying about, ruminating over it, it may just prolong what my intuition originally guided me towards, or make me even blow the thing out of proportion.
So, I would love for you to share about how our mind causes us to believe that we need to overthink about something, to find the solution for it.
Yeah. I used to think similarly to you that, unless I worried about something ahead of time, I wasn’t prepared for it. Or my worrying is like me, “I paid my dues so the thing will go well”, like, whatever it is, this is requires here, this is required.
And it’s so interesting how it’s the opposite and it’s when we feel stressed, the creative center of the brain shuts down. You know what happens when the body is under stress, because again, it feels like a perceived physical threat, like tunnel vision, heart beating, dry mouth, we have these somatic symptoms, they’re very real. When stress enters our body, we aren’t receiving, we’re not connected to ourselves, the higher self, right? (to mention the Podcast, perfect name here!) But we’re not ourselves in moments of stress, we shut down, and so we think we need the stress because it feels like we’re doing something, there’s some momentum with it. And also, the punishment, suffering, can sometimes feel good in a way because it’s like “Look at me sweating it out over here about the problem. I’m suffering, and there’s something good about that because look at me, I’m suffering” vs. if we look at a problem, whatever it may be, say, two people, one person’s stressed out about a problem; one person is just handling the problem from a very calm place and measured place. The person who’s calm is going to be so much more receptive to ideas, and then instead of asking “What’s wrong? How do I fix it?” they’ll have questions like “What’s missing? What could be added here? How can we simplify this? What could be simple?”
And it’s easy to observe in others, more easily than ourselves, often, but, the problem that we’re perceiving, the problem itself is never the problem – the parking ticket, the can’t make dinner, the got a big decision to make – that’s never it, it’s always, what are we making that problem mean, what’s the story here, what is all the nonsense going through our mind about it? And if you ever observe, say two people, who’ve gone through similar circumstances, say it’s a challenge or obstacle, and one does it with stress, and one does it from more of a calm, trusting place – and interestingly, the word ‘confidence’ comes from the Latin origin word ‘confida’, meaning ‘to trust’, so, coming from a trusting place, namely, the outcome is meant to be good, it’s friendly universe, you’ll just see, far more swiftly, they work through the problem, how they don’t have any physical, kind of, fall out, they’re not exhausted or they’re not feeling stress in their body, and they get to a solution with, of course, more speed, but also a curiosity, like “I’m in my life. I’m not observing my life as a stressed person who has to get through something, but I’m in it, and also, this is part of the human experience.”
So, whatever it is, looking at it, being a bit more curious about it – and there are three questions I’d love to ask, this is practical, so if ever there’s a problem, and I say ‘problem’ because there’s so many perceived problems that are just life, but my favorite three questions are:
First of all, especially if it feels very stressful – how serious is this really? Already that’s like a real interrupt because we’ll believe that some email or some something, whatever, or someone pulling out of a collaboration, whatever it may be, it can feel like death in the moment, it can feel like this imminent gloom, like something terrible has happened – how serious is this really? Breather, three breaths, pause, interrupt.
Secondly, what’s essential here? So, this can really be anything you know. A friend of mine recently said “You know, I was even just feeling so stressed out after a busy day and I have to cook for my family” and she was like “How important is it that I cook tonight? What’s essential thing here? The only essential thing is that the kids have something in their bodies, to go to sleep with; they’re fed.” So, what’s essential here? One time, I remember, someone asked me to do a presentation and I completely forgot, and they asked me for my slides the day before and I was like “I’ve completely forgot and I don’t have slides”, so I asked and said “Can we just do a Q&A? Can we do a Q&A, I’ve got no slides”, I didn’t even say I didn’t have any slides, I just said, “You know, I was thinking, could we make this a Q&A format instead”, so there’s nothing for me to prepare essentially. And that’s what’s essential, just that I was present, showing up, loving, that was the only essential thing. How serious is it? Cooking for your kids, not being prepared – not serious, right? What’s essential here? The kids have to eat, you have to show up for an hour, you have to be present.
And then the third question is (or is my favorite): How can I let it be easy?
And because our mind is so obedient to prompts, whenever we ask the right questions, we get good answers. We just ask bad questions – How am I going to survive this? Am I going to be okay? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with other people? Bad questions.
How serious is it, what’s essential here? Often, there’s not much that’s required, not much more than you need, ever. And then, how can I let it be easy?
The mind gives you solutions when you ask really good questions.
I love that so much! Can you repeat those three questions again, so people can write them down?
1. How serious is this really? And this requires a pause because you’re like “It is serious! It’s serious tomorrow!” Three breaths really – how serious is this really? Because just say, all of a sudden you were sick, you’re just sick today and you couldn’t do the thing tomorrow or you couldn’t even order food for your kids you’re so sick, I mean, how serious is it really?
Someone else will help, they’ll find a replacement; there’ll be a pizza; there’ll be something. How serios is it? It’s not life and death. Even though that’s how the brain perceives, it’s always trying to protect us, its number one job – survival.
So, how serious is this really? Again, we examine the thinking.
2. Secondly, what’s essential here? Not much! Truly, a lot of the time, what’s essential is just you, your presence.
3. And then, how can I let it be easy? And there’s always an easier way.
I’m obsessed now, Sahara, with allowing even more ease in, I’m like “I’ve got a nice amount of ease, there has to be a new level?” So, how can I let it be easy?
I mean, I even joke that my next book will be “Let it be Easier”, there’s always more, there’s always more for us.
I love that! And I think, honestly, a lot of us have a block against that word. We feel like ‘easy’ is not worthwhile; ‘easy’ means ‘if you’re taking the easy route, you’re not pushing your boundaries and facing your fears and going through the challenges and obstacles, and going through the shadows’. And there are benefits of all of those things, so how can we go through, let’s say it is the level of seriousness is like “I’m choosing what to do with my career” or “I’m choosing whether to continue this relationship with parent”, or something like that, that does feel it’s bringing up, maybe, our deepest fears.
How can we choose ease even through these tremendous obstacles?
Well, I say the ‘ease’ needs a good lawyer because no one’s defending it, right? It’s just like “Ohh!” Sahara, tell me what in life is meant to be easy? Starting a business is hard, right? Working for someone else is hard. Not having a job is hard. Making money is hard. Nor making money is hard. Being married is hard. Being single is hard. Having kids is hard. Or not having kids, oh that’s hard.
It’s absurd! It’s insanity, absurdity! What is the truth here? How can we catch our breath? Where’s the break? When does the good part begin? When does the easy bit kick in? Because I’m waiting! What is easy? Truly, what are we allowed to perceive, is easy?
And when you let your life be easier, you ask questions around ease “How can I let this be easy”, you give yourself that grace, that love, that permission, which is always available to you. It’s like going for a walk without a ton of bricks on your back. The walk will be the same, you want to get to the same destination, like finding your career or getting hired, but you do it, you just walk as yourself or you walk with bricks. And when we’re believing that everything has to be hard in life like “Getting a job is hard” and “The economy is so unstable”, and “You should be so grateful that you even have an interview and bla bla”, look, those things may be true, those things may be true, but what has to come in?
There’s this old analogy that I love, it’s like, a boat doesn’t sink because of the water around it, it sinks because of the water that gets inside of it. So, all the perceived stress, whatever everyone will tell you, you’re supposed to be scared about, worried about, nervous about, that isn’t your stress. And if you have a destination in mind, and you have a goal, and that’s something that you want to achieve, there will be obstacles, life will always have obstacles, even with ‘let it be easy’ wisdom, it just means you’re going to be a lot better off and a lot more creative, and frankly, you’ll be faster, you’ll get to the end resolution faster because you’re actually tapping into higher resources. You’re tapping into what’s available to you vs. shutting it out and figuring it out and right-knuckling it and suffering, and even feeling slightly smug when you’re suffering, because look, look at poor you vs. really, there is another way, here.
And I also, I also don’t have to act like everybody else.
I can tell you, walking through life, having a good time, is an unusual thing to do, Sahara. Walking through life, putting pleasure first, doing what feels good, not killing yourself in so many different ways.
It’s funny, but I say “I’m not hating my body. I love my body, I have a curvy body, I love it.” I love my work, yes, I have challenges and things to do, and there are deadlines, I love that, I’ve chosen it remember, I’ve chosen it. I’m annoyed at my husband, we shout at each other sometimes, in tense moments, so, that’s marriage sometimes. I’m also not going to suffer between the moments of the obstacles.
So, there’s just a lot of stuff that you don’t have to buy into, you don’t have to be like everybody else. It’s almost like when you kind of let this in a little and you play with it, try it on, allow small things to be easier, allow some bigger things to be easier. Say there’s even just a gossiping situation where you’d normally jump in and then even defend someone else, or yourself, and you just didn’t, you just sipped your latte, observed it all, let it be, people kind of start to want to know your secret, they’re like “Why, why are you happy? Oh, you must have a really easy life!” And it’s like “No, I’m not believing all of those things anymore.”
Yeah, ease is a choice. It’s not something that people aren’t born into a life of ease, sometimes we think “Oh, only if I were born into a rich, an easy life”, then it’s like no, actually look at some of the richest people in the world, definitely, they’re not living with the most ease, often they’re living with the most amount of stress and conflict and fear. So, it truly is like a choice, I feel like one day we make of like “I’m going to choose the path of ease, and that doesn’t mean my ambition is going to stop, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop working.”
I think a lot of us are afraid of “If I choose ease, then I’m choosing an unworthy path.” So, how can we rewire this relationship we have with ease, of like, doing the easy thing doesn’t mean we’re like taking the basic average road.
For example, you’re here in a book launch, most people would be like “Oh my goddess, are you okay? Book launches, they’re so tough! Are you good?” they are so crazy. And it’s like, you could’ve taken that on of that book launches are tough, books are being delayed and all of the chaos and stress that comes with it, but you’re choosing to step into it and just laugh at the challenges that are showing up.
So, how can we make this vow to the path of ease?
I love that question! So, it’s interesting because I’ve had this question a few times where people have asked me “Don’t you lose your edge if you become too chill?” Like you need to be stressed out to succeed, it’s so interesting, isn’t it?
I think what the question behind the question is, you’re allowed, you’re loved. Sometimes we think if something good as to happen, I have to suffer first because I have to earn every good thing that happens to me. Oh my gosh, if we knew how loved we were and how safe we actually are, and how intended for good things.
If you look at nature, nothing’s hurried, nothing’s anxious, but everything gets dome, there’s so much harmony. If we allow that in for ourselves, almost like if there was never this idea that life has to be hard and we have to suffer and struggle, and there’s a reward in that, and some aliens came to earth, where they never had that doctrine, they’re like “Why are all these people so miserable? Why are they working so much? Why are they sweating so much?” There is a rhythm to life, we’re meant to receive blessings, joy is our natural state.
I’ve expected things to happen to me with me doing nothing, I expected things to flow to me, I expected to meet people. Look at how easy and lovely it was that we met Sahara. A friend connected us, Cathy, who we love, had a lovely time, what a blessing. Imagine if I was like “You can’t make friends in new cities as an adult, it’s too hard” and poor me, I’ve moved so much in my life, it’s like my constant struggle, I never have friends, it’s like “Huh?” I expect to meet people all the time! And it’s because of that feeling of safety, and also love that I have for myself, so, I don’t feel like it’s necessary.
And you can see this in others, you can see people who live big dreams. I say even a big musical artist or someone who maybe creates movies, they’re not doing it, their best work comes from a very joyful – I remember seeing this interview with Taylor Swift years ago, and one of her big songs, of course all are about her ex-boyfriends, she’s like “Me and my best friend eating Cheerios in bed came up with this line – ‘I knew you were trouble when you walked in’” and I’m like “See, that’s it!” Look at what she’s accomplished, like, look at what she’s just allowed, she’s allowed those lyrics to come, she’s put them in her song, she’s not questioning it, saying how hard the music industry is and how impossible it is, how, as a new female artist, you can’t break through, it’s just like “I trust. This is for me. This is all for me.”
And we didn’t ask to be here on earth, at this time, we’re here, there’s a reason and I believe in the loving universe, I believe that good things happen to us, for us, we can be, do and have what we want, when we stop resisting so much.
I, so agree with you, and I think, yeah, to me, that question behind the question is “What motivates you?” I think so many of us are motivated by pain, we’re motivated by “I’m suffering so much, so I want to suffer less. So, if that suffering is gone, then I won’t make any changes. If I’m good with my life, then I’ll just become complacent, so I need to find more things are bothering me, that are so uncomfortable so that I can keep moving forward.” And it’s really shifting – you know, I don’t really like the word ‘motivation’, I don’t resonate with it, because I’m not motivated by anything, it’s all a natural, internal orgasm of expression that is flowing through me.
Let’s look at an orgasm, when you try to force it, when you try to be like “Okay, I need to have the orgasm right now, in this way, I don’t have much time left, I have a meeting”, it doesn’t happen. Even if you get it to happen, it’s not going to be very good.
So, it’s like, we are here to orgasm; creation is an orgasm, we’re all orgasms, we’re all our father’s orgasms, and our mothers, that’s what we are, right? We’re walking orgasms!
So, if we can just live that way, of “Let me orgasm through my creations and innovations, and the lyrics of my song, of the next expressions. And adapting that mindset, it just shifts.
I do think, sometimes, around that – let’s say Taylor Swift, that moment of genius “I knew you were trouble when you walked in”, that is her biggest song, it orgasms through her, and around it, sometimes she has to show up for a really early rehearsal that she doesn’t want to, and that doesn’t really feel easy, and sometimes she has to do these things that don’t really feel easy, that go around it, but what makes her, her, and what makes her so successful, and expressed, and her highest self, is not those moments, it’s not those moments of struggle, it’s the ease, the orgasm that flow through her.
Yes! And going back to the question of “Well, don’t you lose your edge or don’t you have to…”, it’s like, yeah, the girl works. I mean, she’s going to stadiums, working, doing all of her things, but I would say, if we’re talking about ease here, wouldn’t it be harder for her, and we’re just using her as a random example, harder to not do that? The ease is actually following through on the truth of what you want.
When I had my nice-paying job in Tech and everything was pretty sweet there, it felt hard being there because it wasn’t right for me, it was not the journey of my purpose in this life, and so I’m like “Yeah, I have all these benefits and expense account and bla bla bla”, but that was actually hard. It’s harder to not do the thing.
So, ease is actually – again, you’ll have early mornings, like you said, there’ll be requirements, you won’t always feel like it and you’ll be tired, but when you remember what is it you’re choosing, what is it that you’re following? It’s not because you’ve got this desire that’s random and it’s just kind of weird, it’s because there’s something there, and following that is always going to be easier than resisting it. And if you feel like everything has to be earned and stress and bla bla bla, you’re just missing, also, 99% of what happens in life because – I mean, even as a small example – so, we’ve got a car at last, finally being in America for 12 years, in Miami for 2 years, we got a car, he was so excited (my husband) about getting this car. He was watching these videos, the car, car, bla bla, and then, you’ve got to get the car, and that’s 5 minutes, you get the car, that’s the euphoria moment, that’s the moment you’re waiting for, and then I’m like “I’m hungry, what are we going to eat? Where are we going to take this car so I can eat?”
It’s like, of you only live for those peak moments, that’s less that 1% of your life. So, unless you’re allowing some joy in, or even just, not necessarily joy, but not additional nonsense in your mind, it aligns it to be neutral, “Yep, I’m going to get through it today”, that’s what I always ask from myself, if I’m tired, that’s easy, that’s easier than resisting it, causing problems, causing fights, building up in your mind everything you have to do tomorrow. There is like a dance that we can play with ourselves, with life, where we’re not getting in the way and not changing the music all the time, we’re just kind of allowing things to be.
Yeah, I love that so much. And it reminds me of living your dharma, living your purpose, right? Taylor Swift’s purpose is to be the singer and show up in this massive way. It would’ve been so much harder for her to swallow that dream and spend the rest of her life wondering ‘what if’, which is what most people do. They carry that resistance, they carry that inner knowing that they’re not really living their potential. That’s not ease. For her it would be so much harder to be like “I’m not going to show up for rehearsal and I’m not going to perform at the Grammy’s and I’m not going to do all this stuff because my sleep is more important”, that’s not being authentic to her. Whereas, for someone else, they may genuinely be happy being a fisherman. Somebody may come up to them and be like – it’s like that, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard that story of the Mexican fisherman? Yeah, so it’s like that beautiful story of – I’ll just briefly, sort of, share it. The Mexican fisherman, who, this American came and was like “Why don’t you get a bigger boat so you can get more fish”, and the Mexican fisherman was like “Well, and then what”, and he’s like “Well, then you’ll have more money and then you can hire other boats”, and then he’s like “And then what”, and he’s like “Then you can have a whole fleet boats and you can have more money and provide for your family”, and he’s like “And then what”, and he’s like “Then you can buy a vacation home and you could travel and live this big life”, and then he’s like “And then what” and he’s like “Then you can just go on vacation whenever you want and hang out at the beach”, and he’s like “But I’m already doing that.” And here we are thinking “I need to do all of these things, to maybe get to where you already are.”
So, again, it comes back to your authenticity, your truth, your dharma, your purpose.
Some people, I think, are forcing themselves into this big vision that’s not authentic to them. They may have genuinely been happier in a small home, in the countryside, drinking their latte, going to the Sunday grocery with whatever the medium salary is there, that may be their ideal definition of success. Whereas, for other people, it may be to be a Toni Robbins, Taylor Swift, etc., but that’s ease for them, that’s truth for them.
So, it’s honoring who you are and letting that expression be easy with all of the choices that it comes with.
Yes, and this is our only job, right? In Hamlet, Shakespeare says “To thyne and self, be true”, best words ever said.
I can tell you, my sister is a stay-at-home mom, two boys, she’s happier than all of us. She’s just like “Oh, I love my life”, she’s like “I got a new fridge”, I’m telling you, she is like “I don’t know how you do it with all those things you do”, and I’m like “I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you manage your very rumbunctious boys”, always a mess, always want to get attention.
This is why we, it’s easy to listen to yourself, right? When you’re listening to anyone else, that’s hard, it’s like “You should, you should, don’t you want, you need to!” For example, my sister always gets these offers to sell MLM products, nothing wrong with that, I like MLMs, but she’s like “I don’t want to do that. I want to read my books and be with my boys”, great, ease! But that’s her being true for her vision, what she wants with her life. I’m doing what I want, you’re doing what you want, it’s when we’re not necessarily doing that because we’re believing something else is better, something else is superior, something else, maybe, is more impressive, and they’re all just judgments, nothing is real here, it’s just how it feels for you.
That’s when, again, we throw up more and more resistance. Let stuff be hard vs. just naturally following our instincts. That’s why we have them, that’s why intuition is so loud when we listen.
I wonder, I look back on my own journey, and I definitely didn’t always choose a path of ease. A lot of times it was my relationship with my family and it was so hard, and I’m writing this book and it’s hard, so I can’t say I’ve always run the path of ease and that’s why I’m here, I can’t say that. However, I made a switch, and I noticed that the thing that was motivating me before is not going to motivate me or inspire me now, to where I want to go.
So, sometimes it’s like when you’re in a shitty relationship, when you’re in the dead-end job, when you’re in the place that’s like “This is so uncomfortable that the only thing that’s maybe slightly less uncomfortable is to go through the discomfort of changing.” And it’s like, that is when you do often feel a lot of resistance, you do feel like you’re swimming upstream, you may have no friends, you may not even know where you’re heading and may feel really overwhelming and confusing, but that pain of changing is less than the pain of remaining exactly where you are.
So, you make those shifts and you go through the waves. And then I found, at least for myself, that, then I got to this place that I’m like “I wrote the book, I did it, I created it. I did the thing, I have the business, I have the things that I’ve been waiting for”, but then I was noticing my old self was like “Fill up your schedule with more. What’s next? Where’s the next place to go? Look at these people, they’re writing a book every single year, you should be writing a book every single year, you should be doing a podcast every single day. You should be doing this, you should be…”, and then I asked a question, “Is, because I was so wanting to change, that I was like ‘I’m going to devout any amount of free time I have to making my dream come true’”, but now, my dream is to have space. It’s not to be the most “successful” author or podcaster, or any of that, my goal is to have conversations I love, have time to dance and that may not look like, you know, the climbing the ladder, but I had to be honest with myself of “What do I want my life to look like?”
And I feel like so many people are missing that question and missing that different stages of their life are going to require different levels of energy to get there.
Oh! This is so gorgeous, listening to this, time to dance, having space, time to have good, deep conversations. I mean, at the end of it all, and we never know when the end is coming, and I actually really love thinking about death, often, because I feel like it keeps us so real. At the end of it all, what will it be? What will be the question? It will be “Did I have a good time? Did I use what I was given? Was I white-knuckling it or did I let myself be happy?” It takes courage to be happy. It’s really easy to not be happy and to be suffering and to get attention, but looking back “Hey, I danced”, “Oh, I had so many deep conversations that felt like heaven to me”, “I went on spontaneous trips that just made me feel alive”. That will be the final “Did I do those things or was I listening to what everyone else said I should be doing? Going to shitty meetings that don’t even mean anything, but hey, did three meeting today!”
What you said to me feels like just a demonstration of loving yourself, of “Hey, I know what’s right for me”, and that’s allowed, oh, it’s allowed, how about that!?As if someone could even allow it. Of course, that, to me, is bliss, complete bliss!
So, if someone’s listening to this and they’re like “I love everything you’re saying, I’m all about it, but I haven’t gotten to the part yet where I get to think about my bliss, where I even get to think about making space in my schedule. I haven’t “made it” yet’?
This was my belief, people can have it easy once they made it. So, how can we, even if we’re still in, I call it the shitty part of our memoires, where everything is still falling apart, how can we, in that place, where there are really big and scary decisions that may have to be made, how can we move through those with ease?
Can I just say that the shitty part never ends, it only ends with your decision. I want to tell you what Cristiano Ronaldo said, and I don’t relate to this guy, he’s a male footballer, I think its football, but from what I understand he’s the most successful footballer in the world. So, he said this “At the bottom, no one respects you (when you’re at the bottom), in the middle, you’re ignored, everyone ignores you; when you’re at the top, everyone comes after you and when you’re at the top top, you’re terrified of losing it.” So, you tell me, where is the good part? The shitty part of the memoire – I look back at my shitty parts, I’m like “Damn, I did have a good time!” Going out in the snow in New York, when I moved from Sydney, not having a proper coat, having ballet flats (silk ballet flats), not snow boots – I had a good time! I could’ve let myself enjoy it more, I certainly had a lot more anxiety and stress then, but that wasn’t a shitty part.
I had no money, I remember I wanted to join Soho House and the under 27 rate was $700 a year and I was like “I don’t have it, it’s too much, I can’t join for $700 a year, it’s way too expensive.” That shitty part of my life, which I could call and look back at it, instead I’m like “It wasn’t. It isn’t.” And I’m sure, Sahara, you’ve had these thought too, or you’ve realized this, you have a book, you have a big podcast, you’ve reached revenue goals, there’s always more. You can feel like, depending who we’re comparing ourselves to, compared to, I mean, this is ridiculous, but compared to Michelle Obama, or compared to, I don’t know, whoever, Lady Gaga, surely, we’re still in the shitty part.
Seriously, when is the ease level? It’s whenever you decide. So, I even love to talk about how often you see people who, like, Steve Jobs and his Google garage, Amazon in the shitty back room, it’s like, the pride that people have, looking back, it’s like, why wait, why not have that now? And just go look, we’re always on our way somewhere; we’re always on our way somewhere, desires never end, life just ends.
And so, to always stick by, I want to enjoy the good old days while I’m in them.
Yes! I love! It just reminded me, recently I went to Costa Rica with Steven and we stayed at this beautiful hotel and it was amazing, and there were tons of crazy bugs, cockroaches, spiders and there was no mosquito net and he was freaking out, he was like “Dude, how are we going to sleep, there’s ants all over the wall”, and I started laughing and sharing with him like “I used to live in this hut in India that was $2/night”, I lived there about 6 months, $2/night because that’s all I had, I couldn’t afford one of those $5/night. That hut, I was laughing, telling him this story. I had a padlock to it so only I could get inside, I’m kidding you not, it’s a hut, and I noticed, one day, that my underwear was half way through the wall, and I was like “How is my underwear half way through the wall”, literally, no one has a key to this except for me. So, one night I was, and I would always hear rates on the roof, there were lots of rats around, big ones, but I had no choice, that was the money I had and there were rats, it was a tin roof and I would always hear them in there. So, one night, I wake up, because I’m hearing them moving a lot, and my mosquito net is like 6 inches from my face with this giant rat that was on the mosquito net, that the net came down and the rat was scrambling because it was stuck, inches from my face, and I was realizing that the rats were coming into the hut, in the middle of the night, taking my underwear, from my one suitcase of clothes that I had, and trying to build a house with it, so they were trying to get it through the wall and it wouldn’t go.
So, I’m trying to throw my pillow up to get the rat to fly away, and I’m laughing, telling Steven this story and he’s like “Wait, WTF?” And I’m like “Yeah, luckily I didn’t get rat fever”. my friend got rat fever because she got bit by one of them but I had a mosquito net and I’m like – honestly, looking at those days, with fondness. It’s funny to me and it’s like “Wow, I was in that experience” and I was still so hopeful. I was “I’m here, I’m finally free, I have my own place, I’m in India, I’m loving life right now!” Yes, I had nothing thrown out, zero income, no relationship with my family, no friends, lived by myself, it was, looking back, you could definitely say a shitty part of a memoire, but I also, could dance whenever I wanted, and I would walk around and just talk to someone for an hour and then do yoga. I actually had this huge level of freedom that I actually don’t even have today.
So, I share this because it’s like – you know, you might look back on your college days, of having no money, but the ways that you and your friends would take those $3 to get the best pizza. Even days that we would drink and mix all these alcohols in one bottle, steal it from our parents, we look back on those days with fondness, so why can’t we, in this experience, be like “This is so funny that this is my life right now, let me just enjoy this chapter!”
I completely agree! And when you think about any past memories and you’re like “Oh my gosh, I’ve really come a long way”, it’s like, are you actually happier? I mean, I don’t know, I don’t know. I mean, I feel like I’ve learned a lot to allow stress to be not so much of a part of my life now, but I don’t know, in my happy moments, and now, it’s the same, it’s all just the same.
When my girlfriends used to come over when I got divorced in my early 20s, I would get red bull and the cheapest Prosecco, which is like $9 and I’d mix them and we would have one packet of Cool Ranch Doritos, that was my budget, and I’m like “Everyone gets at least one Cool Ranch” and I was so happy then.
So, for me, to even look back, I’d be dishonoring a whole excellent time. And if something goes wrong now, and just say there’s a real struggle and there’s something unexpected that happens, I will bring my perspective, that will be the gift in any situation. And everything, too, is temporary, every life stage, every home, all the relationships too, are temporary, not all of them but you just think “This is it, this is it”, and to honor it, allow it to be and to treat it as if it was that was it, to know that it’s all special, all of it, the shitty parts, whatever that means, it’s all like the tapestry of your life.
I love that so much! So good, you made laugh and really rethink. And I hope everyone listening to this, it just really is a mindset that we can always step into, and again, it really doesn’t mean taking the easy route is taking the less worthy route, it’s often times, taking the path of courage, but dropping the story and letting it be from a place of the heart and joy. And I genuinely even think I could’ve done everything I could’ve done even faster if I had an ease mindset. It’s not that the pain was motivating me, I think that if I even adapted this sooner, it would’ve been even better, but of course, everything happens for a reason and if someone’s listening to this and they’re like “Oh my God, I really have realized that I’ve been addicted to struggling”, right now, this is your initiation into the path of ease.
Yes, yes! I mean, really, think about, wow, what can be available when we drop the armor. I agree, things do speed up because we’re not creating so many problems and our energy is really a ghost of creativity, different solutions, what else is possible? And it’s really unlimited, what’s available for us, human beings on earth. And to be alive right now, what a blessing! Having a podcast, this wasn’t even available 10 years ago! There are so many blessings that just surround us! And I just feel like ease is clarity, it’s putting on glasses, it’s actually seeing the truth. And we’re worthy of that, we’re worthy of that in our very short lifetime!
Well, thank you so much for sharing so much great wisdom with us today and where can people get your new book? I love it so much, it’s the perfect book if you just flip to at any page, it’s like these little stories and little tippets, if you just read it, take that in and go on with your day with that lesson.
So, where can people get the new book and connect with you?
Yay! So, it’s available wherever books are sold. There’s also, if you head to letitbeeasybook.com there are a couple of extra goodies I’m giving you too. So, lovely and easy for you!
Well, thank you again for sharing with us today, we’re so grateful!
Thank you, Sahara, you know I love you! What a wonderful conversation, let’s do it again tomorrow!
Yes, love it! And right now, it’s exactly 1h11m.
Wow! So much love!
[1:14:22] End of Interview
What a reminder that Episode was! Let’s just take a deep breath together and really fill our being up with ease! Doesn’t that feel easy? Choosing what would ease do in this moment of time? What would the path of ease guide me to? How can I make it easier? What a beautiful affirmation to bring throughout our lives!
And again, I hope this Episode helped you see that that does not mean you’re opting out of growth, but rather you’re stepping into growth from a more expansive place where you aren’t holding to the baggage and the weight of the past, but rather, you’re moving forward in presence, joy and harmony.
These are qualities that the world deeply needs right now, and we cannot create them in the outer world without first creating them within.
So, thank you Susie Moore, be sure to check out her book! And if you’re interested in joining me in my Divine Feminine Mystery School, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com. We have all types of workshops from relationships, sacred sexuality, your soul’s purpose, opening your throat chakra, dance, breathwork, yoga, so much more, it truly is beyond just an incredible Divine Feminine Mystery School, but a community.
So, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com if you’d like to join!
If you loved this Episode, I would love to send you a free gift which is the first half of my unreleased book “Eat Right for Your Mind-Body Type“. This is a different book than “Eat Feel Fresh“. My first book ever which is not released anywhere, and I am gifting it exclusively to those who leave a review of my Podcast in the iTunes store. So, all you’ve got to do is head over to iTunes where you’re maybe listening to this Podcast and leave a review, take a screenshot that you’ve left it and email it over to me at [email protected] and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book “Eat Right for Your Mind Body Type“, which goes all into Ayurveda, Doshas, Plant-Based Nutrition, Body Types – all of the things in a really fun and engaging way. So this is my gift to you for free for supporting the Podcast. Every single review I personally read. It really helps the Podcast be listened to by more people so we can raise the vibration of the planet together, and I am soul grateful to have you on this journey.
Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you on the next Episode. Namaste.
Episode 400: How To Choose The Path of Ease While Still Growing and Evolving with Susie
By Sahara Rose