So many of us have walked through a heartbreak that turned out to be an initiation. A breakup that rocked your world. A divorce you never saw coming. A slow ending you knew in your soul was out of alignment. Now you’re on the other side of it, wondering when and how you’ll meet your truly aligned partner.
I was divorced over three years ago, and it moved me onto what I call the sacred union timeline. I recorded this solocast in front of my home altar for every woman who feels that call. Here are the signs your sacred union is about to manifest, and what the waiting period is really preparing you for.
What Is Sacred Union?
Sacred union is the highest level of meeting between the masculine and the feminine. In a same-sex couple, it’s the meeting of the masculine and feminine within each person. It’s a dharmic relationship, where together you co-create your highest selves and something bigger than the two of you.
Karmic vs. Dharmic Relationships
Most of us play out karmic relationships first. Karmic comes from karma: what goes around comes around. These relationships push our buttons and teach us lessons, and we need them, because they turn us into who we’re meant to be.
They often begin with an undeniable pull. I always say the beginning of a relationship mirrors where you are in your consciousness, and the end teaches you what still needs to be learned and integrated. Once you feel that pull, you’re going to do that dance, even if your mind knows better.
You don’t need to go through a hundred karmic relationships to get there. You can do so much of the purging work within yourself.
We Date the Shadows We Haven’t Integrated
If you keep falling for the bad boy, or the brooding man with the brown eyes who needs some healing, look at what he’s carrying for you. Often it’s the version of you who still wants to be the savior, who still feels she has to work for love, who overlooks red flags because she wants the fantasy at any cost.
The qualities we judge or overlook in a partner are often the very ones we needed to integrate in ourselves.
Why I Chose Celibacy
After my divorce I was celibate for two and a half years. In that time I probably would have fallen into toxic situationships. Instead I gave myself space to do the inner child work and take responsibility for how I showed up in my marriage.
I wanted to rush it. I did EMDR, I sat with ayahuasca, I tried everything so I could be done and move on to sacred union. Three years later, I can see there were karmas only time and sitting in my own discomfort could show me.
When you truly learn a lesson, you don’t repeat the dance. If you sat with an infidelity, processed it and healed it, the red flags become so obvious that you simply stop being attracted to that coding. Time away from dating lets your point of attraction shift. You may start seeing a longtime friend with completely different eyes.
Sign 1: You Enter the Void
After the karmic chapters, many of us reach a period I call the void. Situations that aren’t your highest sacred union stop being enticing. You may meet people and think, we could do this dance, and you choose not to, because you know how you truly want to feel.
Sign 2: Your List Turns Into a Feeling
A lot of love manifestation advice says to write down every detail about him. If you’ve been on this path, your list has probably changed many times. I once believed I needed a Latin American man because he’d be romantic enough to meet me. That was a projection. Romance lives in people everywhere.
Maybe you think you need a tough blue-collar guy, when what you really want is to feel safe. Once you create that safety within yourself, it no longer needs to be personified by someone else. That’s karma burning.
Sign 3: Your Obsessive Crushes Start to Make Sense
Limerence is that obsessive crush you can’t stop thinking about. The person usually carries codes you want to embody. After my divorce I was drawn to artists because I didn’t yet know I was an artist. Then I started producing music and released my album, and I realized it was inside me the whole time.
Sign 4: You Stop Looking for a Ticket to a New Life
For generations, women traded youth and beauty for financial security. That runs deep in the feminine consciousness. So many women stay in jobs they’re unhappy in, believing a man is their only way out.
When your bills are paid, you’re eating the food you love and living where you want to live, your point of attraction changes. You get to choose based on love. Want to travel? Become the traveler. Want to be creative? Create. A truly embodied man wants a woman who has walked her own journey.
The Shiva and Parvati Love Story
In Vedic spirituality, every woman wanted Shiva’s attention. He went up into the mountains to meditate in samadhi. Parvati went up her own mountain and walked her own path of self-actualization until her vibration rose so high it woke Shiva from his slumber. He came and found her, and together, through making love, they created the mountains, the seas and the universe.
To me that’s the ultimate love story, and it’s what a dharmic relationship is.
Why a Dharmic Relationship Lasts
Dharma is your soul’s purpose. In a relationship, it’s the something greater you co-create: teaching, a beautiful café, a book, your children. When love only runs on how you feel in a given moment, it fades, because feelings change, especially for us as women. When it’s connected to a north star, you can find your way back to each other on the tired days.
Your whole life has been preparing you for the moment you meet. You’ve probably walked into the same places at different times. Like two comets circling closer and closer, it becomes inevitable when you’re both ready.
Why Traditional Dating Advice Won’t Work for You
I believe there’s a collective war on sacred union, this idea that we’re better off alone and must learn to do everything ourselves. We’re communal beings. If you carry a desire for a love that bridges worlds and inspires people to remember what’s possible, your path will look different.
Your person may surprise you. Maybe he’s a different culture or height than you pictured. My friends in sacred union tell me they could never have imagined how beautiful it would be.
The Waiting Period Is Preparation
To become a doctor, you spend over ten years in school, residency and internship. I remind myself of that. If I want the highest level of sacred union, there will be a long preparation.
The version of you who needs to walk into this relationship doesn’t exist yet. Neither does theirs. When you both do, it is inevitable. The loneliness, the doubt, the anxiety coming up now are gifts you get to heal on your own, so the baseline of your relationship starts higher.
For me, the work has been learning to be alone, learning to be in the unknown and meeting my own shadows. I never had to before, because I was always in a relationship. Now I love my aloneness. I dance with the snake. The more integrated I become, the more integrated a soul I’ll magnetize.
I share my full journey through heartbreak, celibacy and the archetypes that carried me in my new book, Maybe This Love Story Is Really About Me, out December 4.
Listen to the Full Episode
Press play above on Signs Your Sacred Union Is About To Manifest, episode 644 of the Highest Self Podcast. Let me know in the comments what’s showing up for you.
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is sacred union?
Sacred union is a dharmic partnership where the masculine and feminine meet at their highest level and co-create something greater than themselves, whether that’s a shared purpose, a project or a family.
What is the difference between a karmic and a dharmic relationship?
Karmic relationships teach lessons, often through intense attraction and triggers. Dharmic relationships are built on a shared purpose and help both people become their highest selves.
How do I know my sacred union is coming?
Signs include losing interest in situationships, your partner list turning into a feeling, understanding what your crushes were mirroring, and building the life you want on your own.
Should I be celibate before meeting my soulmate?
A period of celibacy can give you space to heal, see your patterns and shift who you’re attracted to. It’s a personal choice, and it was one of the most powerful things I did after my divorce.
Keep exploring with karmic relationships, settling vs. standards in dating and divine feminine energy. You’re right on time, love.