On this week’s Highest Self Podcast Episode I am joined by an incredible healer, nurse, and womb expert, Alexandria Durgan, who I did a two-day womb temple initiation with recently while on my own path of reclaiming and healing my womb space. Alexandria has taught so much about the importance of nurturing and listening to the womb space because they hold onto so much trauma. (Not just from this lifetime but from your lineage as well.)

In this healing episode, we cover…
– How women and the womb have been suppressed
– How to yoni map
– What can lead to womb trauma + womb healing
– Family lineage womb healing
– The importance of pleasure/self-pleasure
– The power of self-touch
– How to create safety, wholeness, and love within your body
– And much much more

The word yoni means sacred portal in Sanskrit. Think about how much more elevated that term is than many of the derogatory or clinical terms we call her.

When we honor, nurture, and turn on our womb space and the sacral chakra energy that resides there, we access our fullest pleasure, abundance, superpowers, wisdom, and creativity while releasing stored trauma that we may have not even realized was there. I hope this episode is medicine for you on your journey and creates a safe space for you to tap into deeper healing and gifts. Enjoy!

Connect with Alexandra on Instagram here

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Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor

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Transcript

Episode #511: Step-By-Step Yoni Mapping For Greater Orgasmic Pleasure + Trauma Healing with Alexandra Durigan
By Sahara Rose

[00:00] Sahara 

I feel like so many of us, we can’t tune into our pleasure because of this wall that has been created to protect us, to keep us safe, but it’s also keeping us from our pleasure. So, how can we begin to gently and kindly dissolve this wall?

[00:17] Alexandra

Ah, I love that. And I’m also glad that you touched on shame because I think shame is a major armoring and it keeps us from expressing these things that we’ve experienced, just like you said. And we need spaces to hold us so much more. 

And so, for me, in my work with women, like, one of the biggest, most foundational, pieces in why I do whole-day ceremonial containers is because we need the nervous system to get on board, that is our body’s most foundational wiring. And with that, right, we’re on this trajectory of safe or not safe, can I open and expand, to ease in please, or am I in protection, am I literally in survival around this part of me?

And what’s happening in the nervous system is that, our nervous system directs our blood flow. So, when our nervous system reaches that parasympathetic safe state, it reorients blood back to our sex centers, back to our womb, back to our deep pelvis. But when we’re not feeling that way, then it’s orienting blood flow away from these parts of us. So, now, we’re literally, like, to some degree, you could say, like, malwatered or malnourished in our sexual body because it’s not receiving the energy and the blood, and that alone makes it more hard for us to deeply sense into these spaces. 

____________________________________ 

[01:50] Sahara

Welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, my name is Sahara Rose, and this Podcast is all about taking spirituality and making it modern, ground, feminine, relatable, deeply connected to earth, our pleasure, because, to me, this is really what the spiritual journey is about.

[02:07] Sahara

Growing up, I always, kind of, subscribed to the more masculine pathway of spirituality, like many of us did. We think God is this angry old man outside of us that’s going to punish us for our sins and that our pleasure is wrong, and that any kind of desire is distracting and we must divorce ourselves from these sides of ourselves in order to be holy.

And if I learned anything along this journey it’s that, quite the opposite is true. That our pleasure, our desires, our womb, our blood, the earth, the dirt, the soil, the tribal roots, the ancient wisdom, this is truly the spiritual path. And these things have been forced to be made to believe to be sinful because it’s actually where hold all of our power. And specifically, for us women, connecting to our womb spaces.

[02:55] Sahara

So, when I talk about our womb space, this is beyond your physical womb, but this is the sacred womb energy that we all hold and we all carry, including men, the Hares center. 

[03:06] Sahara

So, this womb portal is really a hologram that created the whole of life. Every single person was printed in the 3D printer of the womb and literally incarnated from the spiritual realm, into the physical realm, through being initiated and nurtured by a womb, and then birthed into this reality. So, we all came from a woman, got a name from a woman, so we can give thanks to the woman because we birthed this planet. And because of that immense power that the womb holds, the womb has been the most suppressed force on this earth.

Systemic rape has been used for millennia as a form of warfare, not just for the actual warfare, but for the generational trauma that it causes. 

Our wombs have been a commodity, in my family included. My family comes from Iran, which is probably the most, or one of the most, suppressed countries for women in the entire world, where a woman is legally considered half of a man, not a full human. And because women have been so suppressed, we don’t know the power that our wombs hold, we are afraid of our vaginas, which we will call yonis, which is the Sanskrit term for this, the sacred portal that creates life. 

[04:27] Sahara

Even the word vagina, we hear so much stigma, it’s like this dirty, shameful, disgusting word. Periods, we’re like “Oh my god, you have your period? Like, put a tampon in, like, pretend it doesn’t exist”, and all of these ways that we have been made to believe that our womanhood makes us inferior to men.

[04:45] Sahara

And my own journey of spirituality, has been reclaiming my womb space. So, I have been studying this for many, many years and I was so blessed to find this beautiful healer that you will hear from today, Alexandra. And I ended up doing a two-day full womb temple initiation with her, and she is a nurse, turned, really, a womb healer, womb priestess, I would say, who taught me so much about the importance of really nurturing and listening to our womb spaces because they hold onto so much trauma, not just from this lifetime, but also from past.

[05:22] Sahara

So, in my lineage, every woman in my family was in a forced child marriage, my grandmother included. So, of course, there’s going to be generations of trauma held in my womb space, simply because my womb was in my mother’s womb, which was in my grandmother’s womb, which was in her grandmother’s womb, and the traumas are passed on, intergenerationally, until we do the healing work to release it.

And the womb is like a hologram, it holds onto these imprints and traumas. So, for me, it was the ancestral trauma, but traumas can live in many shapes, ways and forms. 

[05:54] Sahara

So, of course, we have the big T, the capital traumas, such as rape, which might be a subject that comes up, so I’m going to give a trigger warning here; sexual assault; but also – I won’t even say it’s a smaller T because it’s just as impactful for the nervous system, but any type of sexual interaction that was not a full body yes for you. That is a trauma and that may have come from your boyfriend, that may have come from your husband, that may have come from someone that you trust. Any time the yoni was not a total aroused, one hundred percent yes, and maybe you even convinced yourself because you wanted to satisfy them, you didn’t want to take too long, you wanted to maintain the connection, you didn’t want to whatever the thing was, you were made to believe you would be abandoned if you do not show up in this way sexually, but it still didn’t feel like a yes to you, which is why lube and all these things are such a thing in our society because we, most of us, have never actually been fully aroused, period!

So, we’re going to be speaking about the importance of this and how we can actually heal our womb spaces through yoni mapping, and pleasure, and becoming aware of this part of our bodies that holds so much, not just trauma, but our gifts, our superpower, our wisdom, our creativity. It is the sacral chakra, which is in charge of creativity, abundance and pleasure. So, when we can turn our womb space on, we unlock all these superpowers within ourselves and we become truly unstoppable.

[07:20] Sahara

So, let’s welcome Alexandra, to The Highest Self Podcast! Welcome sister queen!

[07:24] Alexandra

Hi love! Wow, buzzing already, from just everything that you shared, and so grateful, so grateful to have this conversation with you today.

[07:34] Sahara

Beautiful! So, the first question I would love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

[07:39] Alexandra

Oh, I love this! Let me feel into my body. I think that’s just it, what makes me my highest self, I feel, is living in my body, is living in the sensuous well-watered terrain of my body, the way that supports me in feeling held, and feeling belonging, and feeling capable, and feeling connected to Source. Yeah, so many of the things that I think that we’re going to touch on today.

[08:10] Sahara

I agree, the highest self is in the body, it’s not outside of ourselves, it’s our full spectrums, so, with you sister! 

So, I got the privilege to work with you personally, and it was so life-changing for me because it made me realize all of these ways that I was not being patient with myself. And how so many of us, as women, we are taught to prioritize the man’s pleasure before our own, and because of that, we don’t even know what it means to even feel like a yes, so, I really want to dive into this, and the cues of our body. 

But before this, can you share with us a little about the importance of the womb space in the healing of the feminine, how we really can’t, we can’t skip this part?

[08:51] Alexandra

Yeah, we can’t skip this part. So, the womb, right, so, for me, I speak about the womb as the origin of life, because really, authentically, that’s what it is. Just like what you were saying earlier, we are all descendants of the womb, we’ve all come from that space, have been held and gestated in birth through the body of a woman. And just to honor how profound that is in this, kind of, shared thread of life. 

And in that, science and research shows us this, that trauma can be held in the body and the tissues in a cellular memory for up to 13 generations, and that we rested as an egg in our mammas body and our grandmammas body, right? So, we were living within our grandmother’s womb, literally, in the real, physical, time of her life, and I just think that’s extraordinary to sit with.

And, you know, we’re learning so much about fascia right now, learning so much about the emotional holding patterns in our physical cells and tissues. I’m just so excited to be here in this time for our womanhood because we get to re-center ourselves in our body, we get to come back into relationship with the womb, which is also the cycle, the whole life cycle, including death and endings, which also includes transformation, which is also this incredible opportunity that we have right now to be in that transformation and alchemization of trauma, as we come back into our womb and into our center.

[10:34] Sahara

So beautifully said! And that’s crazy, about the 13 generations! Which, you know, for many of us, I think all of us come from cultures where the feminine has been suppressed, so then you’re like “Wow, I can’t even imagine what my great, great, great, great, 13 grandmothers ago, went through. And while that can feel really heavy, it also gives us a little bit of that release of knowing that this is not only ours and we’re not just in a vacuum by ourselves, but really, this is an intergenerational trauma that has been passed along, and our awareness is the first step in healing, and we can be the last in our lineage that has gone through. Because, I find, that traumas are often passed down intergenerationally, like, the exact same story is repeated with different characters, until we become aware.

So, I want to start with, what can we know was a traumatic imprint in our womb spaces? Because I think a lot of people, you know, well, I had my event, Highest Self Weekend, a few weeks ago, which was just so beautiful. And you know, a lot of my work is around embodiment and sensuality, and what came up was just so many women felt like they couldn’t even tap into their sensuality because of the traumas that were there.

So, what are some signs that we can tell that we are holding onto these trauma imprints?

[11:54] Alexandra

Yeah, absolutely. I think there’s just so many, and really, anything that has made us feel unsafe, separate from, or not belonging, within our flesh, and blood, and menstruation, and sexuality and deep pelvis. Like, anything that has made us feel separate and unsafe towards this part of who we are and towards this part of our vessel, you know, is a traumatic experience. And for some of us that might be something like rape or sexual assault, for some of us it’s religious teachings around what it means to be a woman, around what sexuality is, right, sin, dirty, wrong, we start to embed these in our consciousness very early on. Also, watching mirroring from our mothers and grandmammas and people in our culture and how they act in their bodies, how they respond to their blood and menstruation, how they act around birth and love-making. What we’re taught about our sexual bodies as young girls, you know, if we were ever caught in our pleasure as young children, and then, we just have the cultural imprints that I think we all experience as women that have in so many small and big, all equally relevant, and valid, and powerful ways, been made to feel unsafe in our womanly bodies. 

For me, a big one is the separation of sexual health from whole health in our healthcare system and what we know today to be allopathic care. And so, it’s like, wow, and in all these moments, there’s been fractures around our sexuality, around our womb, around our womanhood, and inhabiting these parts of us and what we’ve learned to be true about their importance their value and how we can enact and express them in our own bodies and lives, and so…

[13:47] Sahara

It’s so multilayered because I think we all have a form of trauma in all of these areas. You know, we, for the most part, weren’t celebrated when we first started bleeding, you know, it was like “Oh, here’s a pad, like, figure it out on your own”, and, you know, it was, like, other 12-year-olds helping other 12-year-olds, like, there weren’t rites of passage. So, even just that, you just start bleeding, you don’t even know what it is, it is traumatic.

And so many people, you know, first sexual encounters were often either not by their choice or something they were peer pressured into; date rape is a huge thing that happens. So many women opened up to me at the event of like, you know, having a sexual encounter, but then their friend being like “Well, you liked him, right? So, it’s all good”, or, you know “Well, you were just too drunk”, and, like, the blaming and the gaslighting that then happens of like “Was this okay or not?”, and your body was telling you that it was not, but then the people around you, because it’s so big and they don’t know how to hold it and they don’t want to feel responsible for it, try to get you to think that this was okay. And so many women have been living with this their whole lives and were opening up to me and I’m like “No, that is not okay, what happened to you, and you also don’t need to hold that shame”, and just the protection armor that then comes on, you know, and I’d love to speak about that.

I feel like so many of us, we can’t tune into our pleasure because of this wall that has been created to protect us, to keep us safe, but it’s also keeping us from our pleasure. So, how can we begin to gently and kindly dissolve this wall?

[15:20] Alexandra

I love that. And I’m also so glad that you touched on shame because I think shame is a major armoring and it keeps us from expressing these things that we’ve experienced, just like you said. And we need spaces to hold us so much more. 

And so, for me, in my work with women, like, one of the biggest, most foundational, pieces in why I do whole-day ceremonial containers, is because we need the nervous system to get on board, that is our body’s most foundational wiring. And with that, right, we’re on this trajectory of safe or not safe, can I open and expand, and to ease in please, or am I in protection, am I literally in survival around this part of me?

And what’s happening in the nervous system is that, our nervous system directs our blood flow. So, when our nervous system reaches that parasympathetic safe state, it reorients blood back to our sex centers, back to our womb, back to our deep pelvis. But when we’re not feeling that way, then it’s orienting blood flow away from these parts of us. So, now, we’re literally, like, to some degree, you could say, like, malwatered or malnourished in our sexual body because it’s not receiving the energy and the blood, and that alone makes it more hard for us to deeply sense into these spaces.

And when we don’t feel safe, when we had this memory that we didn’t get to be held and supported through, and we’re still in, kind of, this like, unsettled path in our nervous system and body and we’re holding that space, we’re holing those muscles, we’re trying to contract at our yoni to be safe, these patterns, over time, they develop into these compensations. We develop these compensations in our deep pelvis, these holding patterns in our deep pelvis, and those start to affect, again, our pleasure pathways, our capacity for blood flow, our literal physical capacity for blood flow and arousal. And so, when we want to come home to ourselves, just like you said earlier, like, first seed is awareness, first seed awareness that I have this desire to know who I am as a safe, connected woman, to her sexuality, to my sexuality, and that that desire is worthy and important and deserving. And then we get to turn towards our bodies, our flesh, our nervous system, our tissues. And there’s just so much more possible for our womanhood than what we’ve been demonstrated and shown.

And you know, for me, that might look like a deep exhale into my hips, like, orienting to my hips are a safe and wonderful part of my body to reside; a deep check-in with my womb midday, like, breathing down into that center. Following our sensual wisdom is something that we get to remember and come back to because it informs us so much about our lives, it helps us stand up for ourselves, take care of ourselves, experience the lives that we are meant for.

But yeah, I think that coming into safe spaces, starting to work with our nervous systems, starting to orient down and into our body, and our body is going to tell stories. So, starting to listen to those unread stories so that we can begin paving a new way forward to ourselves.

[18:50] Sahara

So beautifully expressed! And yes, it’s creating that safety and it doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to even be a sexual encounter with someone else, I think there’s actually, most of this work is really us, on our own, and a huge part of this is, we have become numb, you know. We have become numb to sensation because we have, for whatever reason, it wasn’t safe to feel.

So, I want to speak about the practice of yoni mapping and how we can begin, you know, really getting aware of our centers, and your beautiful process of really starting with, like, your full body and getting your body warmed up. 

So, can you share a little bit about how we can cultivate a self-pleasure practice, but like, all of the things for that, that actually help arouse our body so that we can welcome that pleasure?

[19:39] Alexandra

Totally! I love this question! So, for me, first thing is environment, right? Can I make a juicy corner with some soft pillows and maybe a candle? What is an environment that cues safety to my body? Like, let’s just really start there. Okay, you know, then, can I spend time in that environment with my body? Can I just start with breath?

And, in my practice, you know, we go so slow, we breathe, we start in these safe spaces and that’s all intentional because we want to begin to allow the body to settle, to allow the body, the nervous system, the blood flow, to reorient, to come back home, to come back to deep body. And you might start with just breath, and letting your body, again, really start to tell its story. 

So, let’s say I have pain at the vulva, or pain at the vaginal opening. I might, first, make that safe space, I’ll find a time where there’s spaciousness, I’ll slow down enough to have that spacious time, I might rest there. And first, just bringing that breath to that part of me because, you know, we want the next step, the next edge of intimacy to feel safe and good. And then, maybe, it’s just asking my vulva “Can I hold my hands over my vulva?”, like, getting that permission from our body.

In my work with women, we never go to a new part of the body before we get consent from that part of the body. And that’s huge, because we’ve lost our authority along the way, and when we take that authority back and we take that choice back, we start to create an entirely new possibility for our experience. And so, asking body “Can I bring my hand to hold you?”, if it’s a no, respecting that, even for our own selves so that we can start to feel what it’s like to be heard in our body, and to honor that, know that that no is safe. And if it’s a yes, just going so slow, like, holding over that part of you. And then, when it feels good and right, and we can enter into some curiosity, like, bringing oil to our tissues, but again, going so slow.

You know, I think one of the traumas that we’ve all experienced, is this, like, fast-paced sexual culture. And for me, like, the womb lineage, bring that back into our healthcare systems and the places that we’re cared for as women, like, that’s a repair, and then engorgement is a cultural shift because now we’re shifting the culture of our sexuality. And engorgement and arousal requires us.

[22:23] Sahara

Can you share what engorgement means?

[22:24] Alexandra

Yeah, thanks. Engorgement is the filling of blood through our erectile network at our vulva. And our engorgement is essential to any internal work; our engorgement is the bringing to blood to that area so that our tissues can drink, so that pleasure can even, truly and authentically, be possible, so that our bodies can be receptive. So, we have to slow it way down.

You know, this is not a place where I’m going to go from numbness and pain to absolute erotic orgasm in a day, but “Can I slow down and devote to my body, to myself, to my deservingness of deep sexual wellness and expression, and can I listen to that storytelling? Can I hold my fingers at that point of pain right at my vaginal opening and just that my body tell her story and listen? And as I hear her, can I orient towards what she, what I need, what I desire, what I’m yearning for, how I’m yearning to be touched?” So, yes…

[23:25] Sahara

And that was such a huge realization to me! Because I remember, all the times that you go to a gynecologist and you’re, like, in this cold, uncomfortable room, and they, like, come in and they’re like “What’s your name? Birth date? Okay, this is going to be cold”, and it’s just, it’s very traumatic, and there’s no concept of sensuality in the gynecological world. But I’m not going to say it’s just that, because that’s a once a year something, but all of the times, even us women to ourselves, you know, of like “Okay, I have X amount of time, the kids are asleep”, or “I have this much time, so, I’m going to self-pleasure, put on lube, vibrator, shove it in”, that’s traumatic to yourself, that you’re doing, and then you’re mad “Oh, why can’t I get an orgasm?” It’s like, your body was not prepared, there was no conversation, it’s like coming into someone for a kiss that you’ve never talked to, you know. It’s like, you need to build the rapport, especially for something as sensitive as your womb, your yoni space.

But again, we’re in this fast, quick culture, and I think because of porn, which is made for men, for the most part, I would say 99% of it out there is made for men, and men don’t require as long, they don’t have this physical womb space that needs to be lubricated to open, that takes… You know, you shared with me about 35-45 minutes of just outer labia, and I was like, never in my life had I spent that much time on myself, because we don’t believe we deserve it.

[24:54] Alexandra

Yes, taking up space, right? I, so, believe that our vulva teaches us that we’re deserving of taking up space, because that’s her medicine, that’s how she comes into fullness, and then who am I in that fullness, in that deep, sensual, erotic, well-cared for fullness? 

The vulva is an initiation of herself, and I don’t believe that we should be doing any work. And, you know, I think the closest thing, some, it’s not too close either, lovingly, pelvic PT. Like, often times, they don’t do the vulva, they just lube the fingers and go in. And we’ve got to change, culturally.

And I want to touch on the engorgement piece for men as well. Like, so truthfully, most men have also never experienced a fully aroused pussy. And oh my god, the love that we can make with our partners, and the healing that men can also receive when their woman is fully aroused and receptive to him, you know, it just goes both ways. 

And yeah, just to come back to the taking up space piece, like, when women work with me around sexuality, it’s like, you know, sometimes there’s this feeling of, and I’ve so been here, like “I don’t know, it’s, my love-making with my partner, or my sex with my partner, is not what I want, but I don’t really know what it is that I want, or like, I start to get, like, friction or frustrated”, or, you know, whatever it is, and we’re not satisfied. But to know that pulse, to know that embodied ask, to know the yearning of our body, we have to bring our hands to our bodies and really get to know our pleasure pathways so that, then, we can ask for it, and we know what we’re asking for and we feel confident in what we’re asking for because we can feel how vital, and alive, and safe, and delicious we feel when we’re being touched with the quality of touch that is true to our body. 

So, you know, there’s just so much here for us to explore and discover.

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[28:15] Sahara

And what you said about it will actually be so much more satisfying for the man because a fully engorged pussy is going to be juicier, it’s going to be wetter, it’s going to be enriched.

And you shared with me that, you know, our society talks a lot about a type of vagina, and there’s surgeries for it, and vaginal rejuvenation, our society is obsessed with it. And you share with me it’s not actually a type vagina that people are looking for. In fact, the tight tense vagina is not going to be filled with pleasure, it’s going to be dry because it’s not ready for the lubrication and that’s not actually what feels good. What people are seeking when they say that is an engorged vagina because that’s actually for the man, what’s going to feel juicier, and plumper, and more alive. And then, for the woman, you’re going to feel like that wet, dripping, waterfall, like, receptivity, like, wanting it, instead of like “Okay…”. I think a lot of us women, we have sex with our minds, of like “Okay, it’s been two weeks so I probably should, to keep him happy, or to keep this relationship going, or whatever the thing is”. And I see a lot of women use sex as, like, a way of getting things in the relationship too, of like “Okay, if you, I don’t know, take out the trash…”, and it’s so sad, you know, because it’s for us, it’s not this thing that we have to put… even the concept put out, “Did she put out?”, put out – that means there’s nothing in it for you, you know because…

[29:36] Alexandra

Like “Did she receive”.

[29:38] Sahara

Exactly.

[29:38] Alexandra

Like, wow, what a different question.

[29:40] Sahara

Yeah. Or achieve an orgasm, as if it’s, like, an achievement. It’s like, oh, it’s a natural state of who you are. 

But again, you know, put your hand up if you’ve actually spent 45 minutes just stroking your outer thighs and outer labia, period. I don’t think there’s a hand, very rarely.

[29:58] Alexandra

Yes.

[29:58] Sahara

And because, you know, one of it, I think, is just the time, right? A lot of people don’t make the time, I won’t say have the time, because if I say who’s watched two hours of Netflix this week, they’ll watch it; if I say who’s done two hours of self-pleasure, no one. So, if you can watch Netflix, you can self-pleasure. Who’s been on Instagram for more than two hours today? You could’ve been self-pleasuring, you know.

So, what you really taught me was just the importance of having the pussy be, like, asking for it, from you. So, can you share a little bit about, like, your process of how one can get… you know, I think it’s, like, harder to turn yourself on, because it’s just you, and then you’re in your head. So, how can we, if we’re someone that’s gets very in our heads, distracted, how can we actually stay in that ceremonial pleasure-filled mindset?

[30:45] Alexandra

Yes, I love that. For me, again, it really, again, goes back to the environment, like, let’s make this so fucking delicious for ourselves. And when we do that, it’s like we’re getting to know a whole new part of who we are.

You know, a well-watered woman, a well-pleasured woman, a woman who feels safe and belonging and her connected in her body, we just live differently. And being willing to be where we are now, on the road to discovering who we are as a well-watered, well-pleasured woman, I think that, when we start to take the time to really need ourselves, we so quickly start to experience the difference in our lives. Like, so quickly, all of a sudden, we have blood flow go into this regenerative, wise, wonderous part of our body. All of a sudden, we’re meeting something that has been stuck in blocking us for a really long time. All of a sudden, we’re feeling safer to inhabit our hips in soft belly, and it’s like, all of these teachings that our sexual bodies and our pleasure give us, they support us in living a more alive, intimate and connected life. The intimacy that we’re actually craving from our partner gets to become possible. The belief in confidence that we’re yearning for within ourselves, actually gets to become possible. 

So, you know, I just think creating the space and coming back to our worthiness of getting to live such radiant lives as women.

For me, it just, it stems out and ripples out so quickly if we’re willing to show up for it, you know, those first couple times, yeah.

[32:39] Sahara

Totally! And I think, you know, it’s so easy for our minds to go into, like, the story of like “Oh, I don’t feel pleasure because of this. That thing happened, and this…”, and then we’re out of the pleasure practice then, and we go… And then, sometimes, the mind justifies like “Oh, well, I’m figuring out this really important problem in my life, so this is, like, worthwhile”, and then we’re like, we just go into, like, problem-solving, figuring out, analyzing mode, and then the pleasure is gone and then we just, like, give up, you know.

And so, I think that it’s important to give ourselves that, like, time period, you know, let’s say it’s one hour or something, to be like “I can solve my life’s problems after this”.

[33:18] Alexandra

Yeah, probably better!

[33:20] Sahara

Yeah, but the best think I can do to actually get to the root of it is to create more pleasure in my body, because then my body is going to be responding from a much higher vibration than a lot of these things that I’m worried about right now actually won’t even be in my frequency anymore. Because the mind can’t – you know, the mind is going to continue to create more problems because the mind is a problem-generating machine.

And so, I find that when I go there, of like “Oh, this happened, and that happened”, it’s just like, right now, the task at mind is how much we can focus on this pleasure, that’s what we’re going to be focusing on, and then after, we can go into the analyzation.

And what’s so beautiful about that is, you recognize all the ways that you have stories of you don’t deserve it, you know, of, you’re not worthy of just being in pleasure. And the mind – and wherever your mind goes to, that’s your block, that’s your thing. Is it the shame, is it “I don’t have time”, is it “Will anyone hear me?”, is it the kids, is it the guilt, is it the that, and it’s like, that’s your work. And it doesn’t mean you have to analyze it, it just means to override it by creating a new response of “I’m not going to give into this guilt, shame, time story, I’m going to override it by choosing my pleasure”, and then it’s no longer there. It’s like, you can, in real time, heal yourself from that thing, it doesn’t need to be years of figuring out, it’s just like “Okay, I’m no longer choosing to respond that way”.

[34:41] Alexandra

Totally, totally, yeah! And for me, like, when we have access to our deep pelvis, when we have access to our womb, when we have access to our vulva, it’s like “Oh, actually, this thing that I’m trying to figure out up here in my head space, what if I just drop it down to my body? What if I orient to the way that makes me feel in my body? What is my body asking me, or sensually guiding me, with my body’s wisdom, into or around this?”, like “Oh, if I just exhale into my hips, like, what’s the wisdom of my hips for me, in this thing that I’m moving through?”

I also would love to touch here on the vagus nerve which, kind of, is our reservoir of our nervous system. And our vagus nerve, yeah, runs at this, like, really amazing ratio, which is 80:20. 20% of the vagus nerve goes from our brain and our head down to our body. 80% from our body to our brain. We’re just so used to operating out of our head space. And again, that’s that nervous system blood flow that I talked about earlier. We either have blood going to our sex centers and our deep organs, because we feel safe, or we don’t. But 80% of that nerve travels from body to brain, like, how much wisdom is in our bodies, and what would it be like to make choice through the truth of our bodies instead of the stories and conditioning in our head. I think that excites me, that feels like aliveness, yeah.

[36:23] Sahara

So true! And I actually read that, when we have cervical orgasms, we actually reset our nervous systems because of how deeply healing it is.

So, we spoke a bit about the importance of really stroking your outer thigs, your outer labia, getting engorged, getting to a place where you receive a yes from your body, really teasing yourself, getting your yoni to be like “I’m ready for penetration”. Now, can you share a little bit about the vaginal opening and the importance of this portal?

[36:55] Alexandra

Totally! The vaginal opening, wow!

[37:00] Sahara

I love your passion for…but I love her, I love it! We should feel this way about our pussies, period!

[37:09] Alexandra

Yes, because she does invite us in! And oh, my goodness, experiencing that, like, internal receptivity in our bodies when she’s wet, when she’s engorged, when she’s ready, when we feel safe, when blood flow is present, this entirely new possibility of sensation becomes alive and accessible in our internal reservoirs. And our yoni is really, again, only ready to receive after we’re engorged and aroused with our best girlfriend, the vulva, who, if we could just give one last touch to the vulva. No woman’s vulva is the same. 

[37:51] Sahara

The art, I love seeing the art of the different vulvas because you’re like “Wow, they’re so unique, and beautiful, and different!”

I went to this workshop at Burning Man a few years ago, that was a yoni gazing workshop. And basically, we were paired, you know, it was all women, and she had to, you know, we both had to do this, but like, open up her legs, and for 20 minutes, I had to just stare into her yoni and tell her what I loved about it. And it was so difficult because I – you know, first of all, just staring at anything for 20 minutes is hard, but I wanted her to feel so safe. And it was so interesting for me because I had never stared at a yoni in my life, you know, let alone someone else’s yoni that long. So, I was like, even like, it was like, hard for me to be like, what are the compliments I would even give it, you know, because you’re just not used to it, and then, like, receiving that back. And I was, like, noticing how, I was, kind of, like, disembodying myself, I was, like, uhm, disassociating, kind of, because it’s so vulnerable to do, that you’re just like “Okay, get out of there”, rather than actually receiving it. And then we went around and, you know, really saw so many different ones. And so many women were crying and having these really cathartic experiences because they had never been witnessed, you know, like, they had been penetrated, married, but never witnessed.

[39:17] Alexandra

Never witnessed. 

[39:19] Sahara

And never complimented. 

[39:21] Alexandra

Right.

[39:22] Sahara  

And so many women have stories, you know, labiaplasty, I’ve heard that’s the number one surgery.

[39:26] Alexandra

Oh, it’s so oversold, especially to our younger generation right now. It’s like, it’s increasing exponentially every single year. But honor insecurities, and honor shames, and honor really broken narrative that something is wrong with our anatomy and nothing is…yeah.

[39:45] Sahara

Yeah. And that, to me, was just such a beautiful practice of, you know… and a great practice that we can do at home, is just gazing in the mirror and looking at your yoni. And it will bring up a lot for you – shame, disgust, like, unwillingness to look at it. But if we feel that way around ourselves, how do we expect someone else to worship our yonis when we can’t worship our yonis?

[40:07] Alexandra

Totally, yeah! I have a workshop called Vulva Worship, it is something that I am so passionate about. I don’t think that our vulvas get nearly enough love. And also, like, coming into relationship to what is the sacred expression of my vulva, of my labias, because there’s literally not another vulva like mine in the whole world.

[40:0] Sahara

They’re like little snowflakes.

[40:32] Alexandra

They are like little snowflakes, like the most sensuous, delicious, radiant snowflake ever, I love that so much! 

And like, what if we were told that story? What if we walked around, since we were little girls, knowing like “I have something so unique and sacred between my legs that is unlike any other vulva”.

[40:51] Sahara

Instead, I remember in high school, there were rumors of like “Oh, so and so has an outie vagina and this”, and it was so mean, you know. And yeah, and just, like, the comparison and all of the stories around the shame that we have around it, and this idea that there’s a pretty pussy vs. a non, which, I think is also based on porn, and we’re just shown a certain type, and then that type is what’s decided. And they’re all so beautiful, in all stages, in their own unique ways.

[41:17] Alexandra

Yeah. To all my long labia women, you are amazing!

[41:20] Sahara

Shout out to you!

[41:21] Alexandra

Shout out! Which is, honestly, like 90% of the vulvas that I see.

[41:26] Sahara

Oh really? Wow!

[41:27] Alexandra

It’s actually so much more common, really interesting.

[41:30] Sahara

Is it like a 50…what is the percentage, we don’t even know?

[41:33] Alexandra

I don’t know, I don’t know.

[41:33] Sahara

Yeah. And I it’s not even a long vs. short, it’s that there are many different shapes.

[41:39] Alexandra

Shapes, expressions.

[41:40] Sahara

Yes.

[41:41] Alexandra

Yeah, everything.

[41:42] Sahara

Yeah.

[41:43] Alexandra

Yeah. But coming back to our girlfriend, the yoni, and the vaginal canal. You know, this is such a wise… I mean, for me, all parts of the body are wise and wonderous, but she is wise and wonderous. 

And there’s so much that can happen in our internal reservoir. I was convinced, until I was about 21 or 22, that I could not have internal orgasms, and I really just like, I just, like, let that go for myself, like “Oh, my body doesn’t work like that”, and that makes me so sad.

And I think a lot of women, I mean, I even have clients who are like 50, 60, 70, who are still carrying that belief.

What’s actually happening is that, more than likely that we have hyper tonic souls, really intense muscles, internally. Our yoni is the interweaving of tissue, of fascia, of ligaments, of musculature, and then, the top of our yoni is the cervix, the mouth of the womb, our inner most space. The space of life and creation. I mean, just to give reverence and respect to this part of our body. 

We know that the vagus nerve comes to the surface, I know you touched on, just a little bit ago, on the cervical orgasm and how that illuminates our whole body, it’s so life-giving. And our yoni, herself, is like this lotus, she deserves to be plump, she deserves to be well. So many of us don’t know that we have multiple, internal orgasmic spots in our yoni. And so many of us endure a fast, quick penetration unlubricated, or like, I guess I want to rephrase that – un-engorged, unaroused penetration, and then we have mass amounts of lubrication trying to compensate, right, and that can create micro-tears. 

I mean, a lot of women have internal pain, a lot of women have cervical pain with deep penetration, and it just doesn’t have to be that way, you know. Like, that’s why, for me, I do what I do, like, hands-on, ceremonial care for our bodies. We have to integrate these parts of ourselves back into our understanding of whole health, and we are just so deserving of so much more within this part of us.

And, you know, I’m always asking, like “What do our lives become when we feel deeply safe in our inner most reservoirs?”

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[45:31] Sahara

So beautifully expressed! And what you showed me is to really start with one side of your yoni and feel into the different parts. 

So, we talked about, now, with the vaginal opening, and really stroking it and getting that to a place that it feels receptive. And then, once you enter into the actual vaginal canal, would you recommend starting with the left or the right side? Does it matter? And what is, like, the, kind of, the finger pattern that you were doing? 

[46:00] Alexandra

Yeah, beautiful. So, really, ask your body “May I enter you?”, get that yes, feel what that’s like, let’s really get to know our yeses and our nos. And again, if it’s a no, “Okay, what do you need, body? Is there anything that you need to feel more safe?”

I also, often, invite sound around the vaginal opening, because that’s, like, the mouth of our yoni, and how many times does that part of us become tense, or tight, or clenched. Or maybe, for some women, they’ve always held really tight there, or their no didn’t get to be heard there and that boundary and threshold of their body was crossed. So, feeling our nos is really a healing and sacred thing. 

But when we do get that yes, that incredible yes, one feeling, that’s a gift, wow! Here I am, in some deep intimacy with my body, and when we arrive inside, it feels so good, for me, to just rest my finger, internally, and, like, listen there for a moment. 

In my Pussy Parlor Workshop, we go through the whole body and we really get to know our anatomy. I know that for a lot of women, like, we don’t really, fully, know our anatomy. And so, for me, the way that I teach pelvic mapping or yoni mapping is, like, understanding our anatomical landscapes so that we can be really body literate and know what we’re feeling, where.

Another big thing that women discover, internally, is like, we might have pain in one space, but it’s not actually our whole yoni, so really understanding where is that pain actually stemming from, and that actually, over here, maybe there’s some ease. And so, I like to think, when we do self-mapping, of kind of, like, two rings, and if your body says “I want to go to the left first”, go in there, if your body says “I want to go to the right first”, you know, go in there.

[47:56] Sahara

So, when you say two rings, make a circle with your finger, two times?

[47:59] Alexandra

Yeah, like, get the first, maybe, inch depth, and then a little deeper.

[48:04] Sahara

Okay. So, you put your finger, like, one inch, make a circle, feel into any tense or tight areas, any areas of pain. If there is any area of pain, should you focus there? How should you avoid? What should you do?

[48:16] Alexandra

Such a great place to just rest your finger and listen, like, let your body’s story be heard, take some really deep breaths with her, let your exhale be extended, explore a little sound, a little vibration, you know. And then, yeah, around that first step, just travelling, listening. You might envision it like a clock and that clock, you know, you might go around, notice how the left feels, spend a little bit of time there at each point. How does this tissue feel? Is she firm? Is she tense? Is she alive? Is there a blood pulse? There’s so much to notice, and then, just slowly making our way, again, hearing that story. And when we feel that tightness, when we feel pain, like… I always tell my clients, you know, that’s not bad, that’s your body right there saying “Come love me”, x marks the spot, baby. Like, where we have pain, and tension, and tightness, x marks the spot, let’s go there, our body, in that exact place, is saying “I need love, I’ve been holding, I’ve been stressed, I’m imbalanced. You know, I’ve been compensating, or I’ve been armored around this really deep, emotional memory”.

And that’s why, you know, I also advocate for, like, us being in safe and sacred spaces as women, because to be held by another woman, or to be held in a circle in a group of women, it helps us regulate and it helps us feel safer to let go and to start to really feel. And sometimes, on our journey, we might need that, you know, but we all deserve to bring our hands to our bodies as curious learners of our terrain, and of our tissues, and of our own landscapes.

[50:11] Sahara

Wow! What you just said about how x marks the spot and that’s your body asking to be loved right there, is just such a powerful reframe, because we do hold so much shame, as women, around “Why do I have pain? Why do I have numbness? What’s wrong with me?”, rather than “How is my body asking me to be loved in that place?”

And yes, a lot of the stories come up, you know. We realize, maybe that was the spot that you held onto the story that “Sex with me is not enough, my body is not enough, my body is not able to experience pleasure, my body is not mine, my body is not safe, it’s not safe for me to be here”, so many different things that we hold onto, and it’s like, it lives in a point in your body. And for most of us, it will in some space in our womb because these things are all related to our sexuality that it’s like, we can’t talk about embodiment without talking about the way that our womb spaces are holding this because sexual trauma is going to be housed in our sexual organs. 

And the beauty of it is, it doesn’t stay painful or numb forever. That very spot that you might feel the pain or the tension, or just nothing, you know. There might be areas that you’re just like “I don’t feel anything here”. 

With continual touch, just very gentle touch, like, opening something up, that very spot will become orgasmic.

[51:41] Alexandra

Absolutely. And go slow! And then, if we think that we’re touching ourselves slow, go a little slower. That’s what I always share with my clients because we just are used to fast and quick, but really, our yoni is gentle and deep, oh my god, she’s so deep!

So, what happens when I touch, and I listen, and my finger stays and hears that part of me, and then sinks in a little deeper, and now we have blood flow coming in, now we have lymph clearing, now we have nerve reawakening, right? And this is where our sensual body really gets to heal and come alive.

[52:24] Sahara

I want to speak about the energy of disgust because this is a huge energy that came up for me and I know, for many women that I speak to around actually using your fingers inside your vagina, because we are, like, afraid of our inner organs, it’s like “Eww, it’s like, an organ, it’s my body, like, ugh”, and it can bring up this feeling of disgust. And that’s why a lot of – I see these long nails, I’m like “How do you self-pleasure?”.

[52:49] Alexandra

Yeah, we’ve got to be careful with long nails.

[52:51] Sahara

But I’m assuming they don’t, you know, you literally can’t, with these long, acrylic nails and diamonds and gemstones, like, you can’t, because most women these days just use vibrators, they don’t use their own fingers.

[53:01] Alexandra

Fingers first!

[53:03] Sahara

Exactly! There’s this, like, funny meme, and it was like “When I use my fingers for self-pleasure, instead of a vibrator, it’s like, this medieval lady”, and the fact that that is being shared so much shows that, as a society, we are not using our fingers, we are just using this mechanical, battery-operated thing that doesn’t, it’s not what… sure, you can use it, that’s a different practice, you know. But a yoni mapping is, you must…and you showed me. Can you share, like, the importance of, like, actually using your fingers and the connection between your fingers and your tissues?

[53:37] Alexandra

Oh yeah! I mean, right now, when we bring our hands to our body, we’re completing our own energetic circuitry, like, wow. And our fingers are so wise and so highly innervated, and if we’re not listening, with our fingers, to the texture of the tissue, to the expression, whether it’s tense or holding, we actually might bypass some pain signals with a vibrator or with a wand, because it’s not as attuned, we must bring our fingers to our flesh, to our beautiful tissues, to feel them so that we can really touch them and be aware of the quality of touch that they’re asking for.

And especially when we have numbness or pain, because when we look at the nervous system, like, some people may call it like a ladder, like, we have our parasympathetic, you know, this is a little patriarchal, but we place it at the top, yay, parasympathetic. And then the mid-range we have, like, our sympathetic, and it’s like, fight, flight or freeze, right? A lot of people live in that space in their sexual bodies. And then we have deep dorsal, which is, like, collapse and disassociate. And so, that’s where that numbness really is, and that numbness and that low sensory access, if we’re touching that part of the body really hard, we might be actually be causing more harm. And if we’re doing that with a vibrator, trying to get sensation, we might actually, accidentally, out of good intention, right, be causing more harm. And it’s important to re-sensitize our body at our body’s perfect pace, to go slow so that we can move through that nervous system cycle. And in that, if we’re coming out of, like, numbness and pain, often, there’s something to feel, that fight, flight or freeze, we’ve got to shake it off, there might be an emotion to move, something to emote, anger to sound, grief to be with, and on the other side of that, entirely new sensuous reservoirs open back up. 

But that’s, again, you know, being willing to show up for ourselves, knowing that we deserve to know who we are on the other side, yeah.

[55:55] Sahara

It’s almost like, even the wand, it’s like this separation, you know, of, it’s a stone in between us and ourselves, because we are deeply afraid of touching ourselves and the vulnerability of literally being inside your body. I mean, there’s no other organ where you can be inside your body.

And so, I do think, especially those of us who are, like, a little bit more squeamish, it’s like “Oh my god, it’s very vulnerable”, but it’s like, how Reiki, you know. Our fingers are so powerful, and you know, the moment you, like, stub your toe or something, what’s the first thing you do? You put your hand on it, because our hands are healing. And once I became aware of this, I notice, like, every time I, like, hit something, I would instantly want to put my hand on it, so I was like, so, what if I don’t put my hand on it? It would continue to hurt until I put my hand on it. So, we’re not, ever, putting our hands on this very spot that there is hurt, and there is pain, and there is trauma. All it wants is our touch, all it wants is our love.

And, you know, I think with using these tools, like the vibrator, it can create more trauma because it’s not a natural human form of movement, you know. It is mechanical, it’s extremely fast and it’s setting your body up to have this quick response to this outer stimulus. And then, when your body is not like that with your finger or with a partner, then the shame comes back, which gets stored into your tissues and then you become more numb, and then, the cycle continues. That, I do think, if you’re someone who is very reliant on vibrators, just to take a break, take a one-month break and just see what happens, start to just get acquainted with your yoni, start to just warm your body up and begin re-sensitizing, and you will see that… you know, for me, from doing these practices, I’m having better orgasms now, by myself, with my finger, than I ever have in my whole entire life. And that doesn’t mean my fingers have gotten bigger or longer, it just means that I am more sensitive and aware, and there’s more sensation. And when a woman holds that power within herself, she is not seeking anything outside of her anymore, she doesn’t need to have a man, a one-night stand, or whatever the thing is, because she knows that all of the pleasure that she is seeking is within herself, it just requires that patience.

And because of how much love and going into your portal container, is such a huge part of this, of, like, really giving myself so much love, and so much patience, and so much space, that I’m like “I will only be in relationship with someone who treats me with this level of reverence”. It sets the tone for all of your future relationships and how you want to be. And guess what, the masculine wants to serve us in this way, they want to, they just don’t know how to, they’re watching these movies that are showing them something else, so we think “If I take too long, I’m going to lose his interest, so let me hurry myself up for him”, and he’s thinking “Does she like this, does she like that? Let me try this, let me try that, I don’t know, I don’t know if she’s liking this”, trying a million things, and both people aren’t communicating, and both people aren’t actually getting what they want, which is connection.

[59:10] Alexandra

It is connection, right? Oh my god, I love that, yes! And our fingers and our own flesh, like, that’s self-belonging, “I belong here, in my body, it’s me and me, this is that intimate connection and coming home, like really coming home”. And when we know our pleasure and our body, then we, like you said, it sets the tone, it’s like “This is my compass now. Does this relationship, or person, water this? Do they want to meet me here? Can they? Do they have the capacity, so lovingly?” 

But even, there’s this opportunity, you know, whatever it is, it’s like “Wow, this is my sovereignty, this is my body, this is my vessel, my temple, this is how I like it, this is how I deserve to be cared for, this is my worth”, and now we go out into the world, from that place, it’s so beautiful.

And I loved that you touched on, just like, in relationships, you know, when we can have clear asks, like “Will you touch my vulva so slow, here?”, what a delicious gift and invitation for, then, him to serve you in that way, like, it just gets to get really juicy.

[1:00:26] Sahara

Absolutely! So, I want to speak now, we’ve talked about the vaginal opening, now, inside the vagina, you go to your left side, your right side, you feel these different spots of numbness, you hold your finger there.

Now, getting into the G-spot, can you share a little bit more…and I love the term The God Spot…

[1:00:44] Alexandra

Oh, that’s new, I love that!

[1:00:46] Sahara

Yes, yes, because it takes you to God. 

[1:00:49] Alexandra

I love that, I love that, yeah! I’ve heard G-pad, G-spot, G-reservoir.

[1:00:56] Sahara

“Fly like a G-six, like a G-six”.

[1:00:59] Alexandra

That also, we need to do like a G-six.

[1:01:02] Sahara

Exactly. 

[1:01:03] Alexandra

Yeah, our G-spot is a really wonderous place, a lot of women don’t know about it. G-spot, if you were to, like, insert one or two fingers and make a ‘coming here’ motion, like, up to the top of your yoni, you’re going to feel your G-spot.

[1:01:19] Sahara

What are we looking for?

[1:01:21] Alexandra

It’s like a spongy, thicker pad of tissue (body of tissue), it’s actually a urethral sponge, it wraps around our urethra, and this is where amrita and female ejaculation comes from. Which, yes, I really believe that every woman can experience her waters.

And again, I believed, for so long, that that was not possible for me, but actually, it was just a new depth of safety, of health and integrity in my pelvic bowl, in my yoni, really, really, really standing up for my engorgement and my arousal, so that my vulva was full, so that my yoni could be full, so that my G-spot could open her doors and her waters.

Uhm, but yeah, the G-spot is just such a delicious and extraordinary part of our body and anatomy. And I’ve also had women be like “Oh, I thought that something was wrong with that part of my body”, because they felt it and they didn’t know what it is. So, it’s very distinct from the other tissue of the yoni, yeah.

[1:02:24] Sahara

And I think it’s important to note, because me and my friends, we’re always talking about this stuff, and for some people it’s lower and for some people it’s higher. And to know where is your G-spot in relation to your body because, you know…yeah, I think for a lot of us, we’re just not…I think, like, we all read in Cosmo magazine like ‘come hither’, but it does actually take this acquainting. And you know, then, above the G-spot is the A-spot, so, can you share a little bit about that?

[1:02:48] Alexandra

The A-spot! Yes! That makes me wonder, like, is my G-spot higher? Like, maybe, oh, are you an A? Because A is right behind G. 

And I will say, just because A is activated, doesn’t mean that G is, or just because G is, doesn’t mean that A is.

[1:03:03] Sahara

And also, ultimately, they’re all labels, because I feel like every part of your vagina can be orgasmic.

[1:03:07] Alexandra

Can be, when we really awaken her, absolutely! When she’s really well-watered, her whole reservoir is just so delicious.

But yeah, after G, after that G-pad, i’s A. So, we’re deeper, still on the upper wall of our yoni. A is, like, softer, she becomes really buoyant as she beings to fill the G-spot, like, in my body. Get to know your body, like, don’t take my word for sacrament, because it’s not true, there’s a sacrament of your body to get to know. Uhm, but, like, my G likes a lot of pulsing and my A is, kind of like, likes this, kind of like, wave. So, yeah, I think, just again, knowing our pleasure pathways, knowing how we like it, knowing the language of our own bodies is just so important. And there’s just so much wonder in our internal spaces and that wonder feeds, and fuels, and waters our life.

[1:04:06] Sahara

And next, can you talk about the cervix? Because a lot of us think you can’t reach your cervix with your finger, which, you showed me, is not true, and I’ve been sharing that with all my friends, this is the position you shared. So, can you share with us, how can we reach our cervix?

[1:04:21] Alexandra

Yeah. So, I like to be on my knees, for my cervix. And you know what, god, it feels like a prayer sometimes, like, I may have a little pillow under my head, and just, you know, on our knees, on our knees with our legs wide open and our knees spread out so we can really reach the body of our cervix. 

Our cervix is so wise. Again, we know, now, that the vagus nerve innervates her, which literally allows us to connect to nervous system safety, and repair, and regeneration, and rewiring, right? Now, we get to travel new sensory pathways within ourselves. 

The cervix’s orgasms can truly take us to some transcendental places. And a lot of that, you know, if we’re speaking by science, be contributed to the vagus nerve in the way that it creates brainwave change. But she’s just wonderous! She’s the gateway to our womb, you know.

For me, too, the womb is like the dark feminine, because she is that dark reservoir. Our cervix has multiple ligaments that attach around her, to the pelvic wall, to the pubic symphysis. Our cervix can be really tight. A lot of women, when they have pain that shocks them with deep penetration, that’s cervical tension.

And then, we have so many other things around our cervix, Like HPV is a really big thing for women right now. HPV responds through allopathic care, leap procedures and different things, those are pretty aggressive treatments, and our cervix is regenerative.

And just to bring it in, I guess, since I brought it up, but like, 98% of HPV heals on its own, within two years. We can feel so much shame when we get a diagnosis like that. A diagnosis around any part of our part of our body, whether it’s vulvodynia, vaginismus or pelvic dysfunction, you know, all these crazy labels – and again, it’s listening, it’s hearing our body’s story, what she’s speaking and sharing. And just, if any woman is having pain in her cervix, with deep penetration, like, that’s your cervix saying “Come, love me here, I need care”.

Our cervix is also a really important place to know if our womb, if our uterine body is in center. If our cervix isn’t straight back, and she’s to the side, then we can get curious “Is my uterine body actually also tilted one way or another?”, and that would be a really, you know, important reason to receive some manual support, to bring your body back into alignment and just that it can be such a pleasure-filled, orgasmic space. It’s not meant to be painful, it doesn’t have to be that way.

[1:07:01] Sahara

And what can we look for to feel our cervix? What is the physical sensation?

[1:07:05] Alexandra

Yeah, yeah, So, when she’s closed, she’s so scared. She opens three times in our life, during menstruation, during ovulation and during birth, like, wow, wow, I think that’s amazing.

[1:07:23] Sahara

Yeah, she reminds me of, like, a clock, you know, of like, it has to be the right time for her to open. And also, you shared with me, she comes up and down.

[1:07:33] Alexandra

Yeah, she dances. She dances in a well-integrous, dynamic, pelvic bowl. Not for everybody, because if we have a lot of tension patterns in our internal reservoirs, in our cervical ligaments, if our womb is imbalanced and, kind of, stagnating her to one spot, she might get a little stuck, but she’s meant to dance, and she dances when she’s really fertile, when the whole pelvic bowl is fertile. And sometimes, her tension can be so much that she has trouble opening and really receiving an egg, that’s another reason, like, that might be a fertility component. 

But I want to circle back to how she feels, which is like the tip of our nose, when she’s closed. And then, if we lick our lips and we get them really wet, and we have a really good lip gloss on or something, and we touch, right, where our lips meet, and we just have our lips set, not tight together, but just resting, she’s going to feel like that. She starts to soften and blend in with the pelvic wall.

[1:08:35] Sahara

So, if you’re feeling the hardness, that means she’s not open?

[1:08:39] Alexandra

Yeah. 

[1:08:40] Sahara

And if it’s not open, should we be, like, touching it, massaging it, like, what is the best for it?

[1:08:46] Alexandra

Yeah, we can absolutely touch her and love her and bring blood flow to her. I mean, any time we touch our body, we’re supporting circulation, we’re supporting tissue health, we’re supporting structure health, we’re letting the lymph move to make it a clear, vital environment for that part of our body. We’re stimulating the nerves, letting the nervous pathways know this is a safe and wonderful place to be in, that they can innervate and inhabit that part of our body with wellness. 

I mean, we’re just really, truly, promoting health, when we touch our bodies, when we touch our cervix. But is we’re cervical tracking, like, for menstrual tracking or fertility tracking, right, she’s going to get soft and high during ovulation, and then she’ll be soft again during menstruation.

[1:09:36] Sahara

When you are aroused, does she come down?

[1:09:39] Alexandra

Yeah, she can come down to meet you. She can also raise up to make space, she dances, yeah. But sometimes she’ll come down and say “Hey!”

[1:09:47] Sahara

Right! I have found, because you shared with me that that position, and it’s sort of like a child’s pose, you know.

[1:09:53] Alexandra

Yeah, that’s a really great way to describe it.

[1:09:55] Sahara

A child’s pose with, like, a pillow underneath your face and stuff, uhm, for me, it’s, obviously your middle finger is your longest one, it’s just straight up, but I would never start there. Like, that, to me, is like, after you’ve had multiple orgasms, it’s like, I feel like she requires space to be invited and open, and she’s like the queen and she’s like scoping it out and she’s like “Okay, do I like this party, do I want to be here in this?” But wow, there’s no other feeling in the world like that!

And like, this is, and then, like, I get like, wow, every woman, if we knew that we had this within our bodies, like, the way we would treat ourselves, so much differently. And it’s like, the most spiritual experience I’ve ever had in my life.

[1:10:41] Alexandra

Yeah. 

[1:10:43] Sahara

It really takes you to God.

[1:10:44] Alexandra

It takes you to God. You know, and like, I come from allopathic care, I love science, and I find myself using the word sacred all the time. And you know, it’s like, I don’t just use the word sacred sexuality or that my orgasm felt sacred, like, I don’t use it for no reason, it’s because it’s the most accurate word and description that I have access to, for the sensation in my body.

And I feel like you probably feel the same, like…

[1:11:11] Sahara

And the way that I feel like with these deeper internal orgasms, it’s very healing. Like, it heals trauma, it heals whatever emotion that you have underneath the surface of like, you might cry, you might grunt, you might…what I meet, different archetypes within myself through this, because it’s so internal, and it’s you on your own, that I feel like it’s a very different practice of you doing it with a partner vs. you on your own because you allow yourself to really go there. 

And that has been, like, my biggest path of healing after my divorce, of like, through the path of pleasure. And it’s not always, like, amazing orgasms, like, sometimes, especially towards the beginning, it would bring up tears of grief that I was not willing…like, I was just not able to really let myself feel in this dimension, that, when I brought myself into that tender space, it was underneath it all. And then, bringing that pleasure into it, and knowing that you can have both simultaneously, and it’s not like “Okay, sex, you’ve got to be in your, like, sexy porn star mode, and then like cry, like, that’s unfuckable”, it’s like… and I think, ultimately, what sex is for, is like, to make love to our shadows, and to make love to our sadness, and make love to our grief, and make love to our rage, and make love to, like… I feel like we all have this, like, inner, like, witch woman in us that is like, often, like, feels so abandoned and misunderstood by the masculine, and like “Ugh”, like, and when we can make love to her and love her, it’s like we come into this beautiful wholeness that, to me, like, no other healing practice in the world can take you to the depths, that being inside your body can.

[1:12:53] Alexandra

Yes! Oh, amen baby! Absolutely! Just so, yeah, tingling with that in it! I love that you use the word wholeness, because we are meeting our wholeness in our bodies here, we are tending the self-belonging, like, wow, “Here I am, I get to know safety, and love in my body. I get to be cherished in my body. I’m whole onto myself, I’m with my grief, my pain”, there still gets to be love there, like, it’s just, it’s so, it’s so incredible. 

And I just share that prayer, that women get to know who they are and experience themselves in this way because it brings immeasurable healing to our lives.

[1:13:46] Sahara

And changes it into this, like, masturbation, which is, I feel like, is such a lower vibration word, to like a literal ceremony with your body.

[1:13:54] Alexandra

Yeah.

[1:13:55] Sahara

And it takes you on a journey, and every single time, you don’t know where you’re going to go. 

[1:13:58] Alexandra

You don’t know where it’s going to go.

[1:13:59] Sahara

And then it’s like, all these things, and then you’re like “Thank goddess, that I sat with myself in this, because I wouldn’t have felt what I felt”, and you know, and then, when we take that understanding of, women are not like fire…you know, in sexuality, men are very much like fire, it’s like, on, it’s off, on, you know, they just, right there. Whereas, for women, it’s like, the water and it takes time for the bubbles to boil, but once we’re boiling, it stays on a boil.

So, I actually find, like, once I have the first orgasm, it starts to unlock the next series of them, which continues to go deeper and deeper, that maybe, you know, the clitoral, vaginal opening, those are more surface levels, but the deeper ones, it just takes you to deeper levels of self than ever before. And it never stops, you can actually keep on going forever, it’s just a pleasure capacity of like, how much pleasure will you allow yourself to have and…

[1:14:52] Alexandra

Receive and surrender into “What’s my safety?”, yeah.

[1:14:55] Sahara

Exactly. 

[1:14:56] Alexandra

Totally. 

[1:14:57] Sahara

And then you’re like…and I think that this really is an inner practice. And I think one of the biggest blocks, too, for women, and for myself, is like, we don’t want to make sound, you know, we don’t want to be heard. 

And, so, what advice do you have for people, because I think, as children, teenagers, you know, when you start self-pleasuring, you learn to be really quiet so no one would hear you. So, if you were someone that’s like “Oh my god, I’m afraid of self-pleasuring because what if my kids hear me, what if my partner hears me, what if the neighbors hear me?”

[1:15:26] Alexandra

Yeah.

[1:15:26] Sahara

How can we…

[1:15:27] Alexandra

Oh, yum! So, and maybe this would be a really great free gift for your audience is, I have a womb, like, voice awakening practice. And really just, like, starting soft, like, what part of my body would I like to, consciously, sound from? Is that my vulva? Is that my womb? Is that my cervix? And like, be where you are, if you’re really needing your vulva, like, let’s explore it there. If you’re really needing your womb right now, let’s explore it there. But like, you know, maybe you just hold over that part of you and you bring in a little hum, you know, and then, maybe, it just starts to get bigger and louder. And again, do it an environment where you feel safe. But with our pleasure, the more that our throat opens, the more that our breath opens, the more that our sound opens, the more that our yoni opens, the more blood flow moves down into that place, the more we stimulate that vagus nerve, the more we can expand into those higher states of pleasure.

And now, today, I would honestly say, when I can make sound, it feels like my orgasms and my pleasure are deeply inhibited, and, like, I’m really aware of that. And I do believe that our sound is like another pole to our pleasure pathways and a really important part of them. 

So, get with your own voice first, like, really start to have these experiences. When women work with me, we’ll sound at different parts of the body so that we can have our first experiences of this is safe, of this is safe. And then, we get to practice, and with any practice, over time, that pathway becomes more and more easeful. And my god, I think we learn a lot about ourselves when we, authentically, sound from pleasure. Not how we think it’s supposed to sound, but like, the sound that, like, wants to move through our body.

[1:17:30] Sahara

I think this is so huge and it’s such a missing link because, yes, we have seen porn where these sounds are fake, it’s not actually how people would sound, it’s acting and it’s, often, very child-like.

[1:17:41] Alexandra

Yeah.

[1:17:42] Sahara

You know, and like, this is, I think there’s a huge agenda behind this porn industry because I was, you know, I research these things and I’m like “What are they showing people?”

[1:17:51] Alexandra

It’s totally, like, hurting our men too.

[1:17:52] Sahara

Well, it was almost all around stepmom, stepdad stuff, and I was like “This is what they’re putting into the collective subconscious”, because, when you’re in an orgasmic space, I mean, we know it’s sex magic, the manifestation power that we have in this orgasmic state, so it’s like, all these aroused, men for the most part, they’re in this very orgasmic state, and then the programming is like stepmom, stepfather, like, what the hell is this? And then yeah, like, we, and then, the suffocation, don’t want anyone to hear, like, we’re suffocating ourselves. 

And yes, the throat looks exactly like the vaginal opening, when we look at the organs there, they’re very interrelated. 

And I think the biggest thing is like, in the United States, we carry a lot of shame around sound. But I remember doing study abroad in Italy, I was hearing people fucking all the time, it was, like, very normal, and it was just like…because they live all very close to each other, there aren’t soundproof apartments, and they leave their window open and they have sex, and it wasn’t a big deal. Whereas, now, it’s like “Oh my god, I think I heard my neighbors have sex”, of course they’re having sex, they live together, they’re a married couple, they should be having sex, you know.

[1:19:00] Alexandra

It’s a beautiful thing.

[1:19:02] Sahara

And it’s like, why do we feel such shame around it? Why do we feel such shame around “Oh, what if my kids know that I self-pleasure?”, it’s like “Bless, mom deserves to self-pleasure.”

[1:19:11] Alexandra

Oh, bless! And what if we, like, just, we’re engaged with that safety and that it is our nature, that we are, innately, sexual beings, since day one, then we wouldn’t have this internal schism and confusion around it all, you know.

I just, yeah, I love that. I think there’s so much incredible beauty, also, generationally, that can be watered for the generations ahead. Like, as we, as sexually embodied women, women who are well in our sexual health, intimately connected, whole and belonging in ourselves, start to move in the world, and new in that kind of way, like, we’re creating ripples in our friend groups, in our communities, demonstrating to our daughters, to our children, through our sexually safe, well-watered bodies, that they get to stay safe in their bodies, yeah.

[1:20:10] Sahara

So powerful! I mean, imagine if we all grew up with the role model of a woman who was living in her pleasure, and imagine how differently our mothers would’ve shown up in our relationship with us, imagine how different parents’ marriages would be, there would probably be less divorce that, like, the world would be such a more beautiful place if we all were able to share our pleasure and to live in it and not to feel this shame around it.

So, I think that, yeah, like, if you have kids, like, have the conversation around, you know, what it means to be a sensual person and releasing the shame of it early on so we don’t have to, like, grow up and then undo this.

And you know, I think we’ve made it into this, like, traumatic thing, like, I remember as a kid, like “Oh my god, like, I think I heard my parents have sex”, and it’s like “I’m traumatized”, it’s like, of course they have sex, where do you think you came from, you know.

[1:21:01] Alexandra

Yeah, like a natural sound of life.

[1:21:03] Sahara

Exactly! So, it’s like, once we’re, like, releasing this idea that this is a shameful thing, I feel more of our sound can come online, and then the sound can actually direct the energy, and we can use sound and toning to actually have different types of orgasm. Tone, with our root and our sacral solar plexus, and heart, and throat, and third eye, and all of it will have its own tone and sensation, and it all has a different orgasmic sensation through it, and then we can actually channel it up with the Kundalini energy, and there’s so much there.

[1:21:35] Alexandra

Baby!

[1:21:37] Sahara

Yes, baby we all deserve this! So, use your sound and release the shame! You know, we need to release the shame that we hold on to because on the other side of that shame is our greatest pleasure, and our greatest bliss, and our greatest healing.

[1:21:52] Alexandra

Yeah. Oh my gosh, right? Oooh, I’m just, like, yeah, sinking into my body with you! And I think, one last piece for me, on the sound, is like, the more I have access to my hips, the more I can, like, let my belly go, let my body soften down, like, really sink into my sex centers. And that sound feels more, like, just more and more alive, and deep, and wonderous. And so, you know, there’s just so much that comes from being in our body.

[1:22:24] Sahara

Yeah! That’s why belly dancing, twerking, all these have been such spiritual practices for me because, after I do my dance practice, I feel so much more sensual, so much more embodied, because I’ve actually brought my energy and focus down into this hip portal. Whereas, we spend all of our times in our heads, and then our neck and our shoulders get very tense, and we get this very Saturn, masculine, like, energy, instead of the Venusian hip energy.

And I’ve noticed, even the way that I walk, the shape of my body, all these things have shifted from me practicing more self-pleasure.

[1:22:57] Alexandra

Totally! Absolutely! The way that we move in the world, and what becomes possible in our life, changes by with way that we are pleasured and connected in our bodies, yeah.

[1:23:10] Sahara

Ah! Such a beautiful conversation! Now, where can listeners connect with your further?

[1:23:15] Alexandra

Yes. So, you can find me on Instagram, at @originpelviccare or, I have a website, if you want to come to Boulder, for a hands-on origin pelvic care ceremony, yeah, that website is originpelviccare.com.

[1:23:31] Sahara

Well, thank you so much for your devotion to this work, you really are a womb priestess of many lifetimes. I’m sure you’re a Goddess of Echelle, the Mayan Goddess, and who probably Isla de Mujeres together, which was actually the original priestess island, that’s why it’s called Isla de Mujeres (Island of the Women), where they were doing sacred womb work.

So, I’m just so grateful to have recrossed paths with you in this lifetime, and for the remembrance that you evoked within me.

[1:24:00] Alexandra

Oh, babe, such a gift to be with you, to witness you and to love you.

[1:24:05] Sahara

Well, thank you all so much for tuning in. If you love this Episode, please share it with your friends, this is a conversation that needs to be heard. 

And leave a review for it in the iTunes Store, and as a Free gift, I will send you my FREE Womb Meditation, which is everything we’ve been speaking about in this Episode. So, this is a quick, 8-minute meditation for you to actually drop into your womb space and ask her any questions that you have really been sitting with, and receive her answers. 

So, you can leave a review for it on the iTunes Store, take a screenshot and email it over to me at [email protected] and you can find that email over in the show notes, and I’m super excited to share it with you!

[1:24:42] Sahara

Thank you so much for tuning in, for being brave and courageous in listening to this Episode. This is something that is new for a lot of people and can be edgy, so I just want to acknowledge you for being open and for saying yes, and for all of the collective healing that this ripple effect will make.

[1:24:57] Sahara

So, I thank you for tuning in and I’ll see you in the next one!

Episode#511: Step-By-Step Yoni Mapping For Greater Orgasmic Pleasure + Trauma Healing with Alexandra Durigan
By Sahara Rose