Highest Self Podcast 489: Cultivating Eros Within Ourselves + In Our Relationships with Luci Lampe


On this Highest Self Podcast Episode, I sit down with conscious intimacy and relationship expert who authored the above words, Luci Lampe. Not only is she an incredible teacher but also a mother of four and going on 16 years in her marriage! Wow!

In this episode we are talking about eros and what it really is, how to connect to your own self-pleasure whether you are single or in a relationship, and how to be the living embodiment of the energies you are calling in rather than outsourcing them to someone else.

Luci also shares about her big wake-up call when she reclaimed her sensual sovereignty in her relationship, the hardships she went through in her marriage and motherhood and how she alchemized them into a life that felt aligned with her desires, how to create an erotic container, and SO much more.

This is an extra juicy episode filled with tons of nuggets of wisdom that will bring you back into harmony with your own eros. Be sure to listen with an open heart and take time to reflect on how it lands with you!

Connect with Luci on Instagram here: https://instagram.com/lucilampe
Connect with Luci on TikTok here: https://www.tiktok.com/@lucilampeoffi…
Learn more about Luci here: https://lucilampe.com/

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Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor

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Episode #489: Cultivating Eros Within Ourselves + In Our Relationships with Luci Lampe
By Sahara Rose

[00:00] Sahara

Low sex drive is a symptom of a disconnection to eros. and it really is that we are eros starved. So, can you share a little bit more about that?

[00:11] Luci

I’m speaking to those people who, they were know that they were once sexual beings, like, they had that desire, they had that arousal and they’re just not sure, you know, what happened. Or, I know that on the surface “I’m tired”, but there’s more, there’s something more, because “I’m seeing this as another chore instead of as a potential healing space and a space to let go of the day”, because we’re bringing all of these performative expectations and it’s meant to be this deeply intimate, erotic space where you can bring all of you. And if all of you, if that full expression of you that day doesn’t want penetration or doesn’t want to do whatever the act is, that would usually be done, that could be the space for that, to hold that and be present with it and to find the eroticism in that.


[01:06] Sahara

Namaste, it’s Sahara Rose, and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you, your soul’s highest evolvement. 

[01:14] Sahara

I’ve recently been really going down the journey of self-pleasure, sensuality and eros. 

[01:22] Sahara

You know, I feel for so many of us, after we go through a heartbreak, it really is an invitation for a heart opening. And we can ask ourselves “What do I really desire in relationship, in intimacy, in romance?”, and those things that we are calling in, that we often outsource to other people, right? “If only I could be with that person because he’s so romantic or he’s so in his body or he’s so this”, really, we are just craving those things within us. And every single person that we’re attracted to is a muse for an energy that we seek to desire.

[01:55] Sahara

So, I’ve been really sitting with “How do I want to feel” and “What are the ways that I can deep dive into my own sexuality?”, because, the truth is, sexuality and creativity are inherently related. And when we can connect with this energy, it opens us up to receive so many more insights, and downloads, and awareness, and it’s all related to that sacral chakra energy, that second chakra that represents creativity, sensuality, abundance, pleasure, joy.

[02:24] Sahara

So, this has been my commitment for the past few years, but even more so now, on this other end of the heartbreak and being the phoenix rising from the ashes. And I feel that after a heartbreak, you have two choices, right? You either become angry, pessimistic, “I hate life, I don’t trust men”, close; or you just use it to get blasted the fuck open that your entire life becomes orgasm, and that’s what I’m going for honey! 

[02:51] Sahara

So, I have been following different people who have been inspiring me, and I’ve actually been following this queen, Luci, since TikTok, so, like, I want to say I found her in early 2021, and her videos were just, like, so beautiful, and sensual, and empowered, and then I was blown away to have heard that she had four kids and has been married for 16 years, and is so deeply connected with her eros. 

[03:15] Sahara

So, this is the perfect timing to bring her here on the Podcast, to really discuss, first of all, what is eros, how can we connect to self-pleasure, whether we’re single, whether we’re in relationship, a long-term relationship, and to cultivate in more of these energies that we are really calling in, rather than outsourcing them from someone else, but being the living embodiment of it.

[03:36] Sahara

So, without further ado, let’s welcome Luci, here on The Highest Self Podcast. 


[03:40] Interview

[03:40] Sahara


[03:40] Luci

Thank you so much! I’m so excited to be here and that we get to do this in person!

[03:44] Sahara

So good! And the perfect timing because this has been – like, every single one of your Instagram posts, I save, I’m like “Save, save, save, save”, I’m like “I’m not even in a relationship, but, like, save that one for later!” So, I love everything that you share and it just deeply connects to my soul. 

But before we get into all of that, the first question I’d love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

[04:04] Luci

You know, for me, that would be following wherever my heart is taking me at the moment, which, over the weekend can be creating another music video or finishing an album and the next day putting together a course on sorting. So, you know, just following that, that’s what keeps me connected in my highest self.

[04:23] Sahara

It’s so incredible when we tune into our sensuality and our creativity, it’s like “I can create anything”. Like, I love how you were like “Check out my new song”, I’m like “Yes”, because, like, I make songs too and like, also courses, and it’s like, then you realize creativity can be flowing in any ways and it’s not like “Oh, I’m a singer”, or “I’m a content creator”, or “I am this or that”, it’s like, we’re all artists of life and we can tune into any form of art, including our sexuality, and using that as an art form as well.

[04:48] Luci

Yes, and that’s in fact the erotic energy, is the source of that creation, it’s that creative energy.

[04:54] Sahara

Yes! So, you’ve been married for 16 years, you have four kids and you’re still deeply, sexually fulfilled, but it hasn’t always been this way. 

[05:04] Luci

No, no!

[05:05] Sahara 

So, can you share this a little bit, the journey? You were just born like this, the sexual goddess.

[05:09] Luci

Maybe she’s born with it? Maybe fucking not! 

[05:12] Sahara

Maybe a lot of fucking work!

[05:13] Luci

Yeah, yeah. You know, it was a lot of work initially, just to sift through all of these layers of being the good girl, first of all. I grew up as a pastor’s daughter in Evangelical Christianity, and so, there was a lot of limitations that I had in my belief systems and all these things, especially in regards to my sexuality. 

And I reflect on this a lot, how I was always a wildly imaginative and creative kid and I was always connected to this magic and that eros, that erotic energy and everything. But then, it just got – whenever I hit puberty and I started to get some boobs and I started to look more like a woman, it just took a weird turn, you know. It was like, my parents didn’t know what to do with that and I can’t blame them, they did the best that they could, but that’s when I remember, it began to feel like something inside of me was just being suffocated.

I went to a Pentecostal, full gospel college, and that’s where I met my husband Ryan, which, the whole of deconstruction and reconstruction of faith – I’m not even going to touch that, but there has been that, and that’s been a big part of this journey as well. 

But it wasn’t until after I had become a mother and a wife that I even began to create this awareness, or have this awareness, of “Oh my god, I’m very repressed, sexually” or “I have a limited experience of pleasure and I’m relying on my husband to give me that”. And it really took a big wake-up call for me to just begin to reclaim that sovereignty in general. And that was when he was in the military and he was always, like, this really strong, can do the craziest things (physically) that no one would dare to try, kind of guy, and then he, just mysteriously, but, not coincidentally (this is how the Universe works), for about two and a half years was sucked into this downwards spiral of depression and disability. And we had four kids already, the youngest was just a newborn – actually, it was before he was born, it was when our third daughter was a baby, and I was like “Something has to change, something has to change because I am dying here, this is hell!” I don’t know about that hell that I grew up learning about, but this, this is hell.

So, I knew that something had to change and as much as I hated this, I was like “I have to be the one to make the change”. And I cannot really condense that, the next few years of that, in a very concise way, but I will say that it involved a lot of seeing where I was outsourcing, not just my pleasure, but my happiness, and my well-being, and my peace, to the emotional state of the people around me, especially my husband, And especially as the sole, also, financial provider during that time, it was like carrying this dead weight, and I didn’t have my partner, I didn’t have my, like, the person that I could rely on to really be present with our kids, I, myself, could not be present, there was just so much there.

Yeah, really reconnecting with my pleasure in, and releasing all of the shame, and the resistances around that is what opened up all of this that we’re able to experience now. And that was a really courageous step for me, just even simply, deciding, you know “I’m going to do a self-pleasure ritual”, that thought came to me in a meditation, which, I’ve been meditating for years, but I was like “We’re going to go next level with this shit, okay!” And it came to me, it was like “You need to masturbate every day”, I was like “What?! Isn’t that…but I’m not like one of those women, like, I don’t need to do that, I’m not that horny”. I hardly ever want sex, he’s always, like, having to, it’s like pulling teeth. Whichever direction you want to go in, in that journey, I’m happy to expand on.

[08:48] Sahara

I so relate to that feeling like “Wow, I’m in my living hell”, and I feel like when we get to that place, that’s when we really have the choice of “Am I going to completely shift my life and how I show up in everything, or just stay here?” 

And isn’t it ironic how, like, our greatest pleasure comes from being in our deepest hell, grief, death portal? And for me, with this divorce, it was the same way, that the old version of me had to die, fully. The part of me – same thing, outsourcing my pleasure, thinking that sex was only with, you know, my, then, husband, and that same good-girl conditioning at the same time, and realizing that you’re never going to have the sex that you want, the romance that you want, the relationship, none of these things, if we are not embodying it, because our life is a reflection of our vibration. 

So, even if – you know, right now, I’m like “I want a tantric, romantic lover that sings to me and reads me poetry”, but it’s like “Am I being that? Am I singing to myself? Am I reading myself poetry? Am I loving myself in that way?” And then when you start doing that, then this, like, desire to, like, find someone else to do it for you, it naturally melts away because you don’t need that anymore, you’re already living it. And then, naturally – I’ll keep you posted on what happens, it may or may not happen, but I’m holding the space, but ultimately, it’s releasing the desperation.

So, I have so many questions for you but I want to start with low sex drive, because that’s something that you mentioned, and I know it’s something that so many women experience, of just like, frankly, we’re fucking tired in today’s world, you know. We’re working, you know, you were working as the breadwinner, while taking care of four kids, while, then these expectations as a wife and mom and etc.,

So, I feel like a lot of us women, specifically, and men, are just too exhausted at the end of the day to then, like “Oh, now I’m supposed to, like, put on lingerie or do this or do that”, and it feels like another thing on the to-do list. And you wrote, in one of your Instagram posts that, low sex drive is a symptom of a disconnection to eros. And it really is that we are eros starved. So, can you share a little bit more about that?

[10:59] Luci

Yes. Okay, also, before I dive in, I want to preface it with, that not everyone – I know that there’s a wide spectrum of sexuality and somebody did ask on that post “What about asexual people, to which I addressed in that post, if anyone wants to see that. But when I’m speaking this message, I’m speaking to those people who, they know that they were once sexual beings, like, they had that desire, they had that arousal and they’re just not sure, you know, what happened. Or, “I know that on the surface I’m tired, but there’s more, there’s something more”, because “I’m seeing this as another chore instead of as a potential healing space and a space to let go of the day”, because we’re bringing all of these performative expectations and it’s meant to be this deeply intimate, erotic space where you can bring all of you. And if all of you, if that full expression of you that day doesn’t want penetration or doesn’t want to do whatever the act is, that would usually be done, that could be the space for that, to hold that and be present with it and to find the eroticism in that. 

So, just, I’ll speak to my own journey. A lot of what I experienced in working, intimately, with my sexuality, is, I realized how much had been stripped in my entire life, of erotic essence. And I thought it was so cheesy at the time, like, when people said “Are you turned on by life?”, I’m like “I don’t know, my pussy’s not wet by it, but I guess, it’s good enough”, but it’s that feeling of aliveness in everything. And when I would cry, when I cry, it’s extremely erotic, it’s alive, my grief is alive, my pain is alive, all of it is extremely erotic. When we are just aware and we expand our awareness of the aliveness that’s all around us, it’s so much bigger than the sexual.

I love, in the Mark Gaffney’s work, he talks about how the sexual models the erotic and the sexual is just that we have forwarded it and made it all about sex, when it’s that energy that is pulsing beneath everything that is alive, it’s all around is, all in us, it’s all up in you, but we just sometimes confuse that, we’re like “Oh, this means sex”, or “Oh, I need to get all of this sex”, and sex cannot carry that pressure, it will collapse under it. 

So, that feeling of aliveness, when we restore that and we liberate the erotic presence in our lives, it makes sex way better than we can ever imagine it. It doesn’t become about “Is there an equal exchange of orgasms”, it’s just all, it, kind of, as weird and paradoxical as this may sound, it just, like, works itself out because the bigger the thing you’re being held by, is the space of deep presence and love. And in that, it’s like “Well, I got mine, let me make sure I get mine”, when we can carry that energy into every single thing that we do.

[13:56] Sahara

Yeah, I feel like, you know, we talk a lot in our society about “You’ve got to schedule sex, to get it in”, and, I think just scheduling connection time, you know, just connecting physically, emotionally, spiritually…

[14:06] Luci

And touch. A lot of sensuality that has nothing to do with outright sex, that could lead there, but we’re not doing it so that it would lead there.

[14:15] Sahara

Yeah, because to me, like, any time I, like, scheduled, or even had an expectation – like, let’s say you guys went to a special dinner, there’s, like, expectation of okay, you have to have sex, that would make me just not want to because it’s, like, the expectation is there, that, for whatever reason, but then it was the times that it was spontaneous, that’s the best.

But I think it’s hard because, often times, you know, couples are like two ships passing in the night, of different work schedules, etc., so, just having that time, like, a sensorium, where you’re just touching each other and being with each other, and I feel that that will naturally open your hearts and lead to sex, potentially, but the pressure of it is off.

[14:53] Luci

Yeah. And one of the biggest things I see with couples, when the woman feels shut down, because, usually, not always, but usually, the couples that come to me, the woman has a lower sex drive and she’s like, and they’re usually moms, and they’re usually working moms (I guess like attracts like). But what often happens is that, when we remove the pressure of sex, they begin to, their hearts begin to trust their partners more, that “I can open and I can be myself with you and you’re not going to try to, like, twist that into ‘now give me what I want’, because I give you what you want”. 

So, one of the first thigs that we do in our work together is, we’re moving that pressure from it having to be sexual and really bringing it back to that intimacy. Because even if it ends with sex, a lot of times, they don’t feel, uhm, they still feel the emptiness because it’s just like “Okay, check. Why are we still not happy? Why do you still want more? Why is it never enough for you?”, and he’s like “Well, I don’t know, why aren’t you…”

So, when we make seeing each other’s hearts and showing up as we are, and being deeply present, the goal, instead of “How long do I have to go down on you until I stick it in and then we can be done, and like, let’s go to bed because we’re tired?”, it can energize you. 

So, a lot of the things too, that I like to teach in these erotic practices that couples can do, that are playful, and fun, and bring back the curiosity and the newness. So, we create these containers on purpose and then we let whatever wants to unfold, unfold in that. So, we are very intentional in all that.

[16:25] Sahara

So, what does creating an erotic container look like?

[16:28] Luci

Yeah. Okay, so, it depends on the couple, depends on what they’re into. I, personally, really love to play a lot in the kink space. And so, sometimes it looks like, I’ll use ourselves as an example. If we’re doing something that is more in the kinky space, and we will talk ahead of time and say “Okay, what is it that you want to experience in this? Like, what’s off the table? What are the hard limits or the boundaries for this? What’s aftercare going to look like?” However, I know that not everyone is, like, going deep into kink. 

So, it could be, simply, like, as easy as, we’re going to set aside 30 minutes or 45 minutes and let’s just begin breathing together and let’s begin touching each other’s skin and just, like, recognize the erotic, the aliveness, in each other. And any time that we notice like “Oh, I need to rush, I need to hurry…”

[17:18] Sahara

Do you always start with eye-gazing and breathing together?

[17:21] Luci

Not always but most of the time yeah, some kind of connection. Or at least a – the thing is, the eye-gazing and breathing is such an easy thing to do, that it’s like, most of the time, that’s a part of it. 

Ryan and I, we make it an intentional practice to stay connected and keep the erotic energy alive between us, throughout the day. So, that’s a whole other, kind of, art or set of skills.

[17:46] Sahara

I’ll bet. Next. 

[17:48] Luci

But yeah.

[17:48] Sahara

So, okay, so, you schedule time, this is going to be our connection time, you look into each other’s eyes, you breathe together and if you’re working with kink, you discuss what you want before. 

So, I’d love to ask you, because I feel like kink is coming up more in the collective with tantra, as opposed to before, it seemed separate, right?

[18:09] Luci

And almost opposite. 

[18:10] Sahara

Opposite, exactly, like, you’re either going to have this sensual, connected, spiritual sex or it’s like dirty, raunchy, kinky.

[18:16] Luci

I’ll beat you up!

[18:18] Sahara

But I’m seeing so many people are really merging them together, including yourself. So, can you share, like, what do some of these practices look like?

[18:25] Luci

Well, I, personally, really love, I love spanking, I love rope tying, I actually have like a really nice leash and collar that I ordered, that’s, like, custom. But the whole thing, for me, is the art of surrender and learning how to lead. 

And so, as long as everything is consensual, you know, it can be incredibly healing. And also, not only that, it can relieve so much of the shame that we tend to bottle up.

And Rene Brown’s work, she says, as soon as we bring it out of the shadow and we just expose it and call it out, it begins to lose its power on us. 

So, imagine how powerful and healing it is to let those parts of yourself be seen by this person that you’re sharing your life with, and they accept all of you. I don’t know, everybody’s got different kinks, okay. They might not be totally on board with it, ever, or at first, but it’s not even about that, it’s just letting ourselves fully be seen, that’s the intimacy.

And so, those spaces, I’m going to bring it back to your question, uhm, yes, what would those scenarios look like? 

So, my personal favorite is when there’s some form of “Okay, you’re leading or I’m leading” and we establish what are we feeling today.

[19:40] Sahara

And do you guys switch off or is one of you always dom or something?

[19:42] Luci

No, we do the switch off, where, I think if we could both be in the surrendered space, in the sub-space, all the time, we would. But this is the beauty, actually, of our dynamic, is that both of us have this ability to lead, that we didn’t happen to until the other person really expressed a desire to be led.

So, my personal favorite is a combination of, let’s say somebody’s doing some leading or some dominating, or some kind of, like, really deep care, and you can completely let go, and then we move into this like energetic space where there’s this, like, deep, like, felt sense and I can feel his cosmic cock and stuff like that, you know, before he’s inside of me, and just feeling that presence. And consciously working with that energy, inside, as we transition between the scenes or whatever we’re doing.

So, for me, the kink is very deeply, energetically connected. And I know that it isn’t for everyone, which is, I really love that this is becoming more of a thing now, that people are merging, that with the energetic and the spiritual aspects of sex.

[20:50] Sahara

Yeah, like, personally, I was never into kink, like, it was my least erotic blueprint, I was like “Why would I want to be hurt?”, you know.

[20:58] Luci

And you don’t have to be hurt, that’s the thing.

[21:00] Sahara

Well, here’s the thing, it just wasn’t practiced in the correct way. Like, someone like, just, you’re having sex and suddenly spanks you really hard, of course you’re going to be like “What the hell?!” That’s not the contact, it just stings and then it just felt out of the blue. However, my friend Alexa, That Sex Chick, I don’t know if you know her, I recently had her on the Podcast as well, and after the Podcast she created a little, like, kink, sensorium, temple space for me, and she, kind of, was, like, was spanking me with different – sounds crazy, I had my clothes on guys, but I was like “I want to know more about kink because it’s not something that I’m into and there’s obviously a lot there. 

And a lot of the people I respect and I resonate with their words, it’s been such a huge part of their spiritual journey, so I’m just, like, there’s obviously something for me there.

So, basically, what she did was, she showed me like “Okay, right now, I’m spanking…”, and it was very rhythmic, so, nothing was, like, out of the blue and she’s like “Okay, right now, I’m spanking you with cuffed hands, how does this feel, how is this 1-10? Okay, this is a 4. Okay, what number is this? Okay, this is a 6, I’m only going to go up to 6”, there was, like, so much conversation and she’s like “Now, I’m spanking you with a flat hand, how does this one feel?”, and I’m like “This one feels a little bit more of a sting after”, and she was like “Okay, now, what does the 1, 2…?” And she would never go to 10, but it’s like “What number do you feel comfortable until?”, and then there was one that was just, like, the top of the hand, which was much more, just a little more stingy

[22:25] Luci

Yeah, it’s a little stingy that way.

[22:29] Sahara

Yeah. So, then, she, it was like, it kind of felt like, you know in the massages where they do the chop-chop thing, it just felt like…

[22:35] Luci

It’s very therapeutic. You’re releasing trauma from the body too, and the stuck energy and things like that.

[22:38] Sahara

Well, because, I twerk, so…

[22:40] Luci

Yes, yes!

[22:41] Sahara

It was just letting my butt jiggle. That’s why I love twerking, because that just feels good because it’s, like, releasing trauma.

[22:45] Luci

And you don’t have to do anything.

[22:47] Sahara

And you don’t have to do anything, I was just jiggling and like “Oh, this is nice!”, and I’m like “Oh, no wonder I didn’t think I liked spanking before, because that was just a freaking blow”, whereas this is like, it feels like a massage. And then, so, she would do the cuffed one and then, like, add in a little – it felt like fireworks, you know. Using these fireworks and like a big one.

[23:05] Luci

Yeah, like a surprise.

[23:06] Sahara

Yeah, a surprise, and I was like “This, I get it now!” And then she tried this pinwheel thing.

[23:10] Luci

Yes, the pinwheel thing!

[23:12] Sahara

Like, I saw it and I was like “I don’t want to do that”.

[23:14] Luci

It looks scary.

[23:16] Sahara

Like a dentist’s appliance. 

[23:18] Luci

So traumatized by it.

[23:20] Sahara

It’s like this handle with this circle pinwheel with ridges on it, I was like “Oh, I thought it was going to hurt”, but it didn’t at all, it just felt like sensation, and then she had feathers. And she says she has this, like, low temperature candle wax, which we didn’t use.

[23:34] Luci

Oh, I love candle play, yes!

[23:37] Sahara

Yes, but it’s like a way that you can put candles, so you’re interacting between hot and cold. So, then she had this metal thing that was cold and hot. And it was a really beautiful experience to just, like, be in my body and, like, feel things and receive things, because, at the end of the day, you know, we’re so in our heads, we’re so stressed, we need a pattern interrupt. And you know, often, we’ll just go on a walk or stretch, or something, but to have something, like, done for you – and it really inspired me, I’m like, whoever my future lover is, I would just love to create these containers that we’re just, like, creating that for each other, because it allows you to, exactly, have that surrender. 

But, like, I feel like in our western world, our minds are so engaged, but when there’s all these different sensations, the mind naturally just dissipates. 

[24:20] Luci

Yeah. And, but what happens often, we’re like “Oh, that this is going, at the end of the day, to pattern interrupt, it’s going to be sex, but it’s the same predictable pattern of sex and it doesn’t give us what we want.

[24:31] Sahara

And even sex, you’re like “Am I going to be turned on?”, it’s like, you have to show up for it, whereas this, this is like, you don’t need to do anything, you can just receive and maybe it will lead to sex and maybe it won’t.

[24:40] Luci

Yes. That’s the other thing, is that kink does not include sex. Like, it can happen completely independent of sex. So, that’s a whole other thing because that can also get confused. It’s not abuse, it doesn’t always hurt and it doesn’t always lead to sex.

One of my favorite kink educators and mentors, Kimmy Inch, we learned so much from her. If you don’t already follow her, I would highly recommend it. She does the conscious kink and we got to experience a weekend with her two Falls ago, and that was so healing, that was so healing for both of us. So, this is going to be a really powerful thing to explore, yeah.

[25:14] Sahara

And I think it’s so powerful to go with your partner to learn these workshops because, what I feel the dynamic that women like us often get into is, we become the teacher, we become the coach, we become our…

[25:25] Luci

Yeah, and that’s not erotic.

[25:26] Sahara

And that’s no erotic if you’re, like, teaching your partner – okay, you know, I guess communication…

[25:31] Luci

It’s different from communication, though.

[25:31] Sahara

Yeah, communication needs to happen but not like you’re his sole, like, sexual educator. I think for both partners, whether you’re in a heterosexual, homosexual, any kind of relationship, unless you’re asexual, people want better sex, right? So, making it a priority to go to these workshops and for both of you to learn new things because that’s sexy, that you’re bringing something new into the table, rather than being in the dynamic of like “I need to be your teacher”.

[25:58] Luci

Right! And coming home from something like that, it’s like “Oh, I didn’t know I love being flogged so much, we need to get some new toys”. And for the next month after that, we were doing something different every day and it was just so refreshing because we go through seasons…

[26:12] Sahara

Do you guys do like a container like this every day?

[26:15] Luci

Not specifically like that, no, it depends. We’ll see what sort of…

[26:17] Sahara

But some sort of connection, every day?

[26:19] Luci

Yeah, definitely some connection every day. One of the biggest things too, in practice, the emotional side, is that, whenever we notice – we’re very attuned to our resistances. When I feel a resistance in myself and also when I feel a resistance against him, like “Oh, I just don’t like that you did that”, like “Urgh, that was a turn off”, and to be able to communicate “Hey babe, when you did this, I felt this”, and he doesn’t need to do a damn thing about it. That creates so much more openness and trust in the relationship that it’s like “I don’t need to change who I am”, our behaviors can be modified, yes, but there’s not this feeling of, like “You need to change or else”, and that is wildly underestimated, how important that is in creating the environment for eros to actually flow. Because it cannot breathe when there is this, even, contempt (that’s probably the most severe), where there is this feeling of needing to control each other, or not being able to let yourself be seen.

And so, in the great, bigger, larger scope of things, even though exposing those parts of ourselves will create some ripples, some little, you know, rock the boat along the way, it’s always for the best in the long run. But the alternative is hiding and then we wonder why we feel so alone. And I did that for a long time, I didn’t even notice I was doing it, I didn’t know any different.

[27:44] Sahara

Because our erotic lives are a representation of our emotional well-being, overall.

[27:50] Luci

They’re not separate.

[27:51] Sahara

Yeah, exactly. You can’t have all these things swept under the surface in your relationship and have amazing, mind-blowing sex, it’s just, you know, that’s just not going to happen. 

And you know, I’m reading this book called “Vagina”, by Virginia Woolf.

[28:03] Luci

Yes, yes, yes. 

[28:04] Sahara

And she writes about how for women, when we are feeling like, angry or unheard, in any way, we actually are, we repel from physical touch.

[28:15] Luci


[28:16] Sahara

Like, you know when you’re angry at your partner and they try to hug you and you’re like “Get off of me”, you know, whereas for me, that doesn’t happen much. Like, men still want to be touched often, so men, often, will go closer to the woman when there’s something and it’s like, that’s not what we want, we want to be heard, and respected, and received. So, I think that voicing the thing that shows up. 

So, when you say that he doesn’t have to do a thing about it, like, what comes up for me, like, I feel like, sometimes you want the changed action, right?

So, let’s say, I don’t know if an example has come up in your relationship that you can share something like this, of how did you voice something and – so, does he just like listen and like nod, what does that look like?

[28:55] Luci

Yeah, yeah. I mean, there was a thing I said, I haven’t talked to him about this, but there was something – so, I’ll just give, like, a very vague example, it’s going to be cryptic. But we were at the store and he got something and it wasn’t something that he would usually get, and we were just vibing with each other before that, we were so happy, I felt so open. He can feel – men are so sensitive, emotionally, so much more than we give them credit for (side note), but he can feel when I’m open and when I’m contracted. And something about the energy in me around me and towards him contracted, and then the whole drive home, I could feel that he could feel it. Like, there wasn’t that same aliveness, that same erotic energy that was there just, like, five minutes before. So, we get home, and I’m kind of, like, in my head about it, I’m like “Well, maybe I should just, like, why am I so upset about this, I’m doing all the inner work, right? Why is this triggering me? What is this bringing up in me?”, and then it just got to the point where I’m like “I’m going to go be with him again right now and I’m not going to carry this with me”. And so, literally what I said was “Babe, when you bought that, I felt this”, and I told him what I felt, “And I just want to let you know there’s nothing you need to do about that, you don’t need to change anything about that, I just want you to see me”. And he was just very present in that space, he was like “Yeah, thanks for telling me”. 

Now, there’s a lot going on in each side, in a moment like that, because if he’s not doing his own work or he takes that personally, his ego is like “Well, what do you mean, you know, that’s your fault, that’s a you problem”. We went through some years of that, okay, and we didn’t come out unscathed, like, we went through messy times, really, really messy, but for him to be able to say “You know, thank you for letting me see you”, that was all I needed to feel better about it. I realized, I didn’t need him to go back and not buy that, I didn’t need him to not do anything with that, I just needed him to know “I’m done hiding”, and for him to be able to see me, and I felt accepted in that moment. And then I just felt better and it was not an issue anymore. 

So, it’s not that that happens every time, but more times than not, for me, it does. And for a lot of women, we just need to be seen, and heard, and known. 

[31:09] Sahara

Thank you for sharing that example in context because I know for myself and a lot of, like, us spiritual women, if something’s bothering us about our partners, we’ll do the work around it to be like “Oh, don’t bother me”, or “Just let it slide”, or “It’s not worth it”, or whatever the thing is because it’s easier to do that than to communicate and risk the potential anger, or even, at the root of that, abandonment, you know. “I’m afraid that if I really speak my truth of how I feel, you’re going to leave me. So, let me tap it out, you know because it’s easier than that”.

[31:44] Luci

Yeah, let me meditate, let me do my embodiment practices, let me scream into my pillow. And all of that is still very, very much a part of my personal practice, but what really took us into this next place, this place of union together, is the oneness. Like, there is no oneness without that communication, and it’s very risky. 

[32:01] Sahara

To me, that’s the ultimate spiritual path, because, yes, we can have relationship where it’s like “You’re you, I’m me, your problems are yours, my problems are mine, we’re just reflections of each other, so I’m not taking anything personally”. And like, I think that that’s an important stage of the journey because before that, we’re just projecting on each other and “You’re the source of my anger, you’re the source of my happiness”, so then we have to learn – okay, a lot of this, a huge percentage of it, 95% of it, probably, is us. However, it’s that, like, 5% that is just, like, interrelational and it is needing to be heard, and it’s like “Yes, I could try to, you know, journal about this and I’ll feel better about this, but I want you to see me in this because that’s going to help you get to know me”.

[32:44] Luci

Yeah, and to make the journey a hell of a lot less lonely. Our biggest moments, our biggest catalysts in our relationships, in our personal growth, have been in those moments in relationship where it wasn’t just me, screaming in my closet or, like, wailing my eyes out, but also bringing that and letting it be seen and being like “Here, this is me”.

[33:04] Sahara

And that’s how you get that, like, tender, vulnerable love that we so deeply want, of like “I am hurt and this is how I feel and can you see me and hold me in all of this?” I feel like that’s what actually leads to eroticism.

[33:18] Luci


[33:19] Sahara

Because the guard is let down. 

[33:21] Luci

Yes, you can have your guard up and have that. And to that point, there are times where it’s like “Can you please see me and just hold me?”, and he has full permission to say no, that’s the fucking scariest! Because, there have been times, I’m telling you, so many times, I’m, like, raw, and vulnerable, and just like, I feel like my soul is bleeding out of the eyeballs, I don’t even know how that’s possible, but it’s so painful, physically painful. And I will bring that to him and say like “Can you, please, just be with me in this?”, he’s at his capacity and he’s trying to hold himself through that. 

And so, in those moments, it’s always, still, worth the risk, because, what I begin to learn about myself is, I can trust myself to make these requests and to let myself be seen and know that I’m going to be okay, whether he can hold me in that or not. And when he can, like, amazing, oh my god, like, so much healing that happens in that.

[34:15] Sahara

So, how do you then respond, if you’re, like, crying and you’re like “You know, I really want you to hold me through this”, and he’s like “I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m just at capacity”. Like, how do you respond to that?

[34:26] Luci

Well, I don’t push it. There have been times where I’m like “But, can you just do this for a minute? Can you just, at least, hold me, hold my hands?” And sometimes he can, because he honors his truth and I don’t want a man who will just bend to my will either, I want someone who is firm in his truth and he knows like “This is a yes, and this is a no, for me, and I love you so much. And because I love you so much, I’m going to tell you the truth, I’m not going to sugar-coat it for you and be mommy’s little boy”, because he was that for many years. So, I appreciate that he’s not. 

So, a) I take that into account, I’m like, I fucking respect this man, that he’s being honest and I know that he loves me, I trust that he loves me. And sometimes when I make, like, a different kind of request and say “Okay, well, can we do this?”, he might say yes. A lot of times he does, to those, we just have to meet somewhere where we’re both actually in that capacity. 

But when he says no, and it’s just no, and like, no, like “I’m way too activated, I’m way too triggered, like, I just cannot even be around you right now”, in those moments it’s like “Okay, I’m going to go be with myself and go deeper into feeling the fullness of my abandonment pain that takes me back to being a 14-year-old girl that lost her daddy, you know. Like, those are the things, those are the moments that you heal, then you bring that and you bring your heart, after we’ve had our own times to kind of recalibrate and regroup and clear the energy, and come back and just let the other person see this is what I felt through.

And throughout that whole time, things like inner child work, and moving, and working with the energy in your body. But beneath all of that is a fundamental trust that this storm is going to pass. Just because it feels like all-consuming right now, it doesn’t mean that this is our relationship now. A lot of times we get caught up in those stories because they feel so dense and they feel so heavy. 

And I made a promise to myself, years ago, when he was going through his disability and depression, that I would never make a life-altering, family-altering decision in a moment like that. So many times that I wanted to, I was like “Fuck this and fuck you, and I’m leaving and I’m taking all the kids”. And one time I actually did and the next day I came back and I was like “You know what, this is not what my heart wants”. And it’s like, constantly, really checking in, like, what is fear driving me to do? What is love inviting me to do? My does my soul want? What does my ego want?” And there are a lot of really deep inquiring moments in this journey.

[36:56] Sahara

What has helped me in the times that I have not been met by the masculine, is to realize all divine.

[37:04] Luci


[37:05] Sahara

If he can meet me there, that’s divine. If he can’t meet me there that’s divine. It’s my invitation to go further into myself.

[37:10] Luci

Yes, exactly. 

[37:12] Sahara

And when you see it as it’s always perfect, then it doesn’t matter. If he didn’t show up for you, that’s exactly what you needed to – maybe there was like a deeper level of that abandonment wound, a deeper level of unconditional love, a deeper level of even asserting your boundaries, and it’s like every single situation is so unique. But I feel like, sometimes, we’re like angry or upset, like “He should’ve responded like this”, and there’s the human level of, like, yes, we’re always working on ourselves and we can always shift, when we show up in relationship. But I also feel like there’s the soul level of, sometimes people need to not show up for us, so we can learn how to show up for ourselves.

[37:47] Luci

Yes, thank you for saying that. That’s not a popular thought.

[37:52] Sahara

I’ve just been in it.

[37:53] Luci

Yeah, you know. Like, when you’ve been in it, you know.

[37:55] Sahara

Yeah, and it’s like “Oh, I wish this person could show up for me and meet me and say the things that I want to say and make me feel heard”, but it’s like, he’s just not able to. So, I can’t force someone to be able to do something that they’re not. But where can it guide me? How can I speak those words to myself? How can I find those conclusions within myself? How can I see someone for exactly where they’re at, you know, while also not think that “Oh, well, now I just deserve this level”. It’s like, you can always ask for more and I think that there is a decision in a relationship of like “Do you want to be together or not?”. And it’s sounds like, with your husband, you’ve had many moments of that, of like “Do we actually want to keep doing this?”, and you continue to lean back in. And then, there are some people who are listening to this, it’s like, maybe the relationship isn’t serving your highest good, maybe the lessons that you’re meant to learn at this point, can only be learned in each other’s absence. 

[38:54] Luci


[38:55] Sahara

You know, and that doesn’t mean forever, or it might, but I think that a lot of us, we desire these, you know, really communicative relationships where we’re seen, and we’re heard, and we’re this. Like, I’m curious if you have any advice to know, how much can we, like, work on a relationship and mold it to be this type of container, because I know for you guys, it didn’t start out that way vs. knowing that, just this relationship is no longer serving us?

[39:21] Luci

There’s just no clear-cut answer for that. It’s like, your heart knows.

[39:25] Sahara


[39:26] Luci

And sometimes, what the heart is trying to tell you can be a really hard pill to swallow. The hard pill for me was “No, I know that you want to go, but don’t”. For other people it may be “I know you want to stay and try to make this work, but you’ve got to go”. 

And so, there’s not like a “Here’s the prescription and here’s how you know and here’s the check list”, but you just have to be radically honest with yourself.

And, like, for us, I had this deep knowing, this deep sense of, like “This is going to be some work. I’m committed, I’m going to do this for myself, because no matter what happens with us, this is going to serve me”. But again, that was just, that was my path.

[40:05] Sahara

So beautiful. And you know, it all comes back to being honest. And this journey, for me, has been marrying truth with love.

[40:13] Luci


[40:14] Sahara

Like, because truth can be really harsh and blunt, and be a knife if it’s on its own, you know, of like “This is my truth, take it or leave it, or I’m out!”, you know.

Some of us really have that energy, and some of us really struggle with that energy, and it’s, like, finding your balance with it. And then love, which is, you know, the shadow side of love can be like the empath, the people-pleaser, of like “Love is everything, love will save the day, our love will get through this”, and like, not, like, looking at the communication and the shadows. 

But then, the other side of that is, what do we really want in life, you know? And it’s like, we will always have ways that we won’t be fully met by our partners too, you know. No relationship is perfect, no matter how much work and things that we put into it. So, knowing that, bringing – what I’ve been telling myself recently, is like “Truth with a dollop of honey”. So, it’s like, speaking your truth without, like, that sharpness, but, like, bringing the love into it, especially with your partner, because they want what’s best for you, you know.

And again, sometimes what’s best is not being together, and sometimes what’s best is leaning in. But, yeah, like, marrying that throat chakra and that chakra and, like, letting them dance together has been – and I feel like that’s what, like, sexual alchemy is, is like, being heart open while also communicating our desires. 

[41:35] Luci

Yeah, there has to be. To me, really, the truth, like, the big truth, the big T and love, big L, they’re inseparable, you cannot have truth without love, like that real, unconditional love, which is not about niceness and people-pleasing, one of the biggest things that I had to learn. I kind of went off the deep end for a while of like “This is my truth and fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, boundary, boundary, boundary”, but again, it was perfect, it was the perfect part of the process at that time. 

And so, anyways, I know we have so many questions, so…

[42:07] Sahara

So, it’s all related because we can’t have the mind-blowing orgasms without the deep, inner communication. 

So, I want to talk about some practicals right now, for having a more erotic life. So, one practice is the yoni egg. And I know you’re a fan, I’m a fan, but everyone has a different way of using eggs. Some say use it overnight, some say just use it for practice, I’m curious what your take is.

[42:31] Luci

Okay. So, I’ve, personally, also been all over the board on this. The way that I use it now is only in intentional practice. So, if I use it, it’s going to be 5-10 minutes, and I’m doing certain exercises in that practice, and bringing awareness to the energy in that space, while I’m using it.

However, over the years, the most powerful practice for me, even more so than the yoni egg, this requires a little bit more, like, you can’t just tuck it away and keep it there, but is a self-pleasure practice. Working with a glass pleasure wand, especially because of the density and I, like, bless it with different kinds of intentions and things like that.

[43:11] Sahara

So, you prefer glass over a crystal.

[43:13] Luci

Literally, just because of the availability of different shapes.

[43:16] Sahara


[43:17] Luci

If the crystal – like, let’s say we can have a rose quartz glass, a rose quartz wand, in the shape of the one that I use in my daily practice.

[43:23] Sahara

Which is the more curved one.

[43:25] Luci

It’s like a curve, yeah and it has this bulbus smooth end.

[43:29] Sahara


[43:30] Luci

So, if I could get that in rose quartz, I would love that, but it’s just, usually you get the, that, you know, standard shape and I like that extra oomph in the bulb at the end. But that has helped me to relax, oh god, so much, so, so, so much. So much spiritual, energetic, emotional, physical healing has come from my self-pleasure practice. I don’t even know where to begin, like, my mind is…

[43:52] Sahara

I wanted to talk about using orgasm as a form of healing.

[43:56] Luci

Oh yes.

[43:57] Sahara

Because, you know, years ago, I would hear from friends like “I cry, you know, after my orgasms”, and to me, I was like “Why?”, I didn’t get it then, now I’m like “Oh, now I get it”, you know. You can cry, you can laugh, you can just transmute so much.

So, how can we consciously use our orgasms for healing?

[44:13] Luci

Yeah. So, a lot of women – this is another thing that I’ve learned in the work that I do, is, a lot of women have a hard time reaching orgasm. And for them, and for anyone listening or watching, who that applies to, just like with the sex we talked about in the beginning, removing the pressure to have an orgasm, removing the pressure to even do any penetration. So, this whole experience of having the sacred space of a self-pleasure ritual is a practice of deep self-acceptance. And whatever is there, is what you bring to the table. That’s, you’re just practicing being more present with what is, instead of going through the motions or rushing through something to get a particular outcome. 

Now, if you go at it with that approach, you’re already in a more surrendered and open space, and you’re going to have a very different experience in your pleasure and in your orgasm, if it does go there.

So, when you get to that point of orgasm, there’s so many different little micro things that you can do in that moment. You can envision, like, you’re just, whatever tension you’re holding in your body, resistance, or energy that you want to transmute, you an envision that being transformed, visually, into – my favorite thing was, like, a big exploding bowl of gold glitter, that turns rainbow, I like to work with the visuals. You can also imagine that certain parts of your body, internally, your energy body are opening and releasing, you can draw the energy up through your entire body. But the biggest thing is that you give yourself permission to fully let go, that’s what makes this practice so healing. 

A lot of women, when they cry after they have an orgasm, they realize like “Oh, I’ve been holding in so much, and when I gave in…”, because orgasm is surrender, you cannot cum without surrendering. And they realize that when they let themselves have that release, like “Ahh, I’ve been craving this so much, I’ve been craving surrender in my life, I’ve been holding on so tight”, and then, of course, there’s all the feel-good chemicals in the brain and everything that’s yummy. 

Yeah, a lot of women do cry when they first begin this practice, they realize that they have been rejecting themselves so much. A lot of feelings can come up, and also, when those feelings come up, a really beautiful part of the practice is to, not try to figure it out and say “Oh, this is coming from this or that thing, you know, or this experience that I had”, but to just let it be and give it space to be and just witness it and feel it. And maybe, later on, it’ll become clear, you know, in retrospect, this was closing this thing up for you.

[46:50] Sahara

So, a question that I have for you is, given that it is more challenging for women to orgasm, and often times they really have to concentrate or watch porn, or something, how can they, like, remember these practices of like, bringing the energy to different parts of the body and this? Like, I feel like, sometimes, that then you’re concentrating on that and you can’t orgasm.

[47:10] Luci

Yeah, if it takes you away in the moment, don’t do it.

[47:13] Sahara


[47:13] Luci

That’s kind of been – I think I would consider it “advanced thing”. The biggest thing is to focus on letting go. If you feel rushed, slow down, focus on letting that go. And it’s not even a focus, it’s just an openness. If there’s anything that you can envision in those moments, it’s just your, wherever you’re feeling like you’re holding on, just breathe.

[47:35] Sahara

The holding on is so huge because it’s like, we, you know, when we’re children and you start touching yourself for the first time, it’s like, you’re afraid someone’s going to hear you and you’re as quiet as possible and you tense your body up. You know, I do think it’s easier to have, like, a quick little orgasm when you tense your body up because it just, like, blows over, it’s a smaller container.

So, how can we bring in more voice and breath when we feel like that, maybe, that, like, shame around, like, taking up space?

[48:04] Luci

Yeah. So, one very practical thing is just to let yourself make sound. A lot of women who have taken the self-pleasure course are like “But I’m in a place where people will hear me”, you know. So, I understand that can be a very real challenge, if there’s a way for them to either get to find a pocket of time where those people will not be around, or maybe turn on some music.

I actually blast my meditation music, that’s my little trick. But, like, everybody knows what I’m doing in the house, it’s not a secret, so, there’s also that. So, we’re at this point where they’re like, all this is a beautiful thing, it’s just like mom’s exercise or her meditation practice.

[48:46] Sahara

Yeah, like, let’s get to the root of like, why are we ashamed, like “Oh my god, like, mom is self-pleasuring, how dare she does”, like, let mom do her thing and she’s going to be a lot nicer to all of you.

[48:54] Luci

Yeah, same thing when we’re – I know this is a, maybe not kind of, going off the rail on the parenting thing, but we don’t hide that we have sex, either.

[49:01] Sahara

Of course, yeah.

[49:02] Luci

It’s like, we love each other.

[49:04] Sahara

How were they made?!

[49:04] Luci

Yeah. Like, if you have questions, we’ll answer them.

[49:07] Sahara

Isn’t it funny how like – I remember as a teenager you would be like, tell your friends like “Have you ever heard your parents have sex?”, and they’re like “Oh my god, like, once I, like, walked in and saw my dad under the sheet and it was so traumatizing”, it’s like, who decided that was traumatizing? Did society?

[49:19] Luci

It’s the stories around it.

[49:21] Sahara

Yeah, who decided that this was a trauma? It’s sad if your parents aren’t having sex anymore, which is the case for a lot of that generation. So, I think that’s beautiful to just be like “Yeah, you might hear mom make sounds, she’s doing her self-pleasure practice”.

[49:35] Luci

And I make a lot of sounds when I’m dancing too, when I’m doing yoga, I’m just like “Ahhh”, like it happens all the time.

[49:41] Sahara

That’s how we’re meant to be as humans, we’ve just, like, suffocated ourselves and our jaws are so tight.

[49:46] Luci

Yeah, we’ve just become so domesticated.

[49:48] Sahara

So domesticated.

[49:49] Luci

Literally taking up space to do that sound space, and then, also taking up time space. Instead, even if I cum in 30 seconds or 3 minutes, hey, I’m still taking these 20 minutes, or however long, you know, I’m doing, and I’m just going to be with myself. And I might cum again, I might not, I might just feel into the pleasure in my body, and just let myself feel more comfortable with feeling pleasure.

[50:09] Sahara

I love how you commit to the time period, because I think a lot of us, after you cum it’s like “Okay, back to work”.

[50:14] Luci


[50:15] Sahara

“Back to the thing”, and it’s like, it could be a challenge for you, of like “Okay, can I stay in this experience longer?”

[50:20] Luci

Yeah, it challenged me a lot to stay in the experience, because I used to not be able to receive stimulation after I had an orgasm.

[50:26] Sahara

Right, like “Okay, done!”

[50:28] Luci

Yeah. Even just my body, it would begin to shut down, like “It’s too much, it’s too much”, and it’s like “Oh, I was also communicating to the universe, at large, that like, no, what I want is actually too much”, like “No, no, this is enough”, there’s always just enough, always just enough, in every area of life.

So, when you’re also in that space, when you do cum and you continue to expand that pleasure, like, you continue to feel the pleasure, you don’t just stop (if you can), again, this is a building of capacity. But being present with the pleasure that’s there and not just cutting it off because you’ve had enough, because all of that will translate into the rest of life.

[51:04] Sahara

It’s so true, because we’ve set such a low standard for female pleasure that we’re like “Oh, if you cum once, oh, you’re lucky you even came”, you know. And it’s like, the type of orgasms that most of women are having from sex are just clitoral, you know, they’re not even getting to those deeper levels because it takes time, it takes opening, it takes softening and surrendering and we’re in this like…

[51:26] Luci

So much surrender.

[51:27] Sahara

…drive-through sex experience. And I feel like, I’ve been very grateful for diving into my own self-pleasure practice, now being single, because I’m taking a lot more, like, time and space for myself, exploring myself, and I’m consciously building new neuropathways for my pleasure.

[51:42] Luci

Yes! Big thing!

[51:44] Sahara

Because if we’re so used to, like “Okay, this is my move that I always know”, that’s going to be your move, right? And for a lot of us it’s like, however we just first started, is like our life-long thing we know that will make us cum and that’s it. But instead, I’m like “Okay, let me try this thing that I normally, I’ve never really been into, but let me try it”, because then your brain is showing you that you can receive pleasure in all of these different ways.

So, do you have any tips on that and becoming more multi-orgasmic.

[52:07] Luci

Oh, yeah! For me, when I started my practice, I could only cum through clitoral stimulation, and then I learned how to cum in G-spot, in my A-spot, in my cervix, how to have full body energy orgasms, how to squirt, like, all these things I learned in my – nipple orgasms, anal orgasms, like, all these things, I was like “My body doesn’t do that”. I didn’t know, I didn’t know until I gave it a chance. 

The first time that I had an orgasm during sex (penetrative sex) with Ryan, he felt like the man, he was like “I did that with my dick!”, I was like “Yes, teamwork!”, you know, like, he knew that he wasn’t just – like, it’s me opening up to my pleasure. 

So, a lot of it is re-sensitizing these different parts, internally, that aren’t used to being – we’re not used to feeling. So, again, working very slowly and patiently, and consistently. That’s why I love the pleasure wand, because I can’t quite do that.

[52:57] Sahara

Yeah, deeper.

[52:58] Luci

Yes. And I can work with different areas in there that were either uncomfortable or numb, especially after four childbirths, I just, I was, I don’t know, I had the same image in my mind of like “Oh, my vagina is very, somehow, fragile and can’t withstand this or that”, I was very wrong. But yeah, really patiently practicing, re-sensitizing these parts, internally. And that does create those new neuropathways in the brain. 

And also, another thing is, coupling something that you already feel intense pleasure through. So, for example, the clitoris, right, so, you can couple that with something new and practice that for however long you want, however long feels right for you. And then, that begins to associate, make this association in your brain of like “Oh, this feels good in here too”. That was, kind of, a gateway thing for me, to internal orgasms, it wasn’t just switching straight to penetration. We’re tying in the ways that we’ve already experienced pleasure and then adding something new and consistently pairing those things together.

[53:59] Sahara

I love that. I’m imaging, like, those like back massager machines, you know. And it’s like, we have all these parts of ourselves that really haven’t been touched, they need to be needed open. And it’s literally inside of us, so you don’t have access to it, so it’s like, yes, activating and releasing and, you know, we store trauma there and ancestral trauma as well, and just so much that we hold on to in the yoni, in the womb space. So, I think that that’s such an important practice to just sit with ourselves, feel with ourselves, like “Where do I feel numb? Where do I feel tense? Where do I feel sadness or whatever the thing is?”. And then, as you need those parts of you open, you begin opening your heart, you know, and then what’s on the other side of grief and sadness? It’s always joy, it’s always love, it’s always pleasure, it’s like they’re hand-in-hand. 

And I feel that you can only get to those depths too, in your self-pleasure practice, because, unless you feel very, very comfortable or you’re in the intention of like, this is a healing sexual experience. Often times, you won’t feel comfortable, like, grunting, crying…

[55:01] Luci

Especially not at first, like “This is new to me, I’m embarrassed in front of myself!”

[55:07] Sahara

So, it’s like, so, you’re going to have a different sexual experience with a partner that’s passionate or whatever, then have those healing sexual experiences for yourself. 

[55:16] Luci

Yeah! And I continue to have this every day with myself.

[55:18] Sahara

Love that!

[55:19] Luci

Even through our best sex ever, like, it keeps fueling that, it’s not either/or. In fact, he knows, if I skip a day or something and I tell him, he’s like “Oh, what happened?”

[55:29] Sahara

I love your commitment to this! Yes! Daily! This is my new norm! You know, this morning, I was thinking, I was like “I need to commit to a daily self-pleasure practice”, I was like “How am I going to, you know…”, because you think “Oh my god, how am I going to, like, get myself to have that much time or the turn-on?”

[55:42] Luci

Right, or just like “How am I going to get myself to have an orgasm?”

[55:44] Sahara

So, do you schedule it at the end of the day, beginning of the day, how do you get this in?

[55:46] Luci

It depends. If it’s a school day, I do the rest of my morning rituals before they get up, and then we take everybody to school, and then I do my sauna and my swimming, and all that stuff, and then I will do it before I get into work. But sometimes, like on the weekends, things kind of get – we’re getting up, we’re having coffee first and then I’m getting into my self-care rituals. 

So, it’s just a matter of, when you do it consistently enough, it just becomes another thing that you do, it’s like “Yeah, I can skip my, whatever, MCTs and my coffee in the morning”, but like, I do it every day, why would I…

[56:17] Sahara

Yeah, you’re just going to have more glow to you.

[56:18] Luci


[56:19] Sahara

That’s why you’re so magnetic. 

[56:19] Luci

Yeah, it’s just a part of my thing, you know.

[56:20] Sahara


[56:21] Luci


[56:22] Sahara

An orgasm a day.

[56:23] Luci

Yeah, at least. 

[56:24] Sahara

Keeps the who away, it keeps the bad vibes away.

[56:29] Luci

Keeps the, I don’t know, the self-judgment away, really.

[56:33] Sahara

Keeps the self-judging away, keeps the closed heart away.

[56:35] Luci


[56:35] Sahara

I love that. Well, thank you so much for sharing! I could talk to you for hours, it’s just a fun, and juicy, and needed conversation. I love the merging of spirituality with sexuality and communication, and consciousness, and it’s just – I feel like we’re on such frontiers, that, I feel like the spiritual generation of, like, the 60s was very, like, disembodied and like “Sexuality is your lower self”, and like our generation now, we’re really here to be like “Oh no, your body, your sexuality, it’s all sacred, it’s all integrated.

[57:04] Luci

Yeah, we’re trying to transcend it, we’re here for this too, it’s deeply sacred.

[57:09] Sahara


[57:10] Luci

Yeah, exactly.

[57:11] Sahara

So, where can listeners connect with you further?

[57:12] Luci

They can connect with me on Instagram at @lucilampe and lucilampe.com

[57:18] Sahara

Yaya, well, thank you again so much for being with us today!

[57:21] Luci

Thank you so much!

[57:21] End of Interview


[57:23] Sahara

I hope you enjoyed this Episode! And if you loved it, please leave a review for it on the iTunes Store, it really helps get the Episode out to more people so we can have better sex on planet Earth, and as a free gift, I will send you my Womb Meditation. 

So, this is a quick little 7-minute meditation that you can connect to your womb’s wisdom and actually ask her answers for anything that you’re really pondering on in your life. So, head over to the iTunes Store, leave a review, take a screenshot before you submit and email it over to me at [email protected] and you can find that email in the show notes.

[58:00] Sahara

I hope you loved this Episode and I’ll see you in the next one! Namaste!

Episode #489: Cultivating Eros Within Ourselves + In Our Relationships with Luci Lampe
By Sahara Rose

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