Have you noticed that what your partner really wants is TOTALLY different from what you want?
Maybe your idea of a beautiful night includes lit soy candles, soothing music, organic cacao, a long deep massage followed by slow and intentional love-making.

Yet your partner’s involves them just coming home, grabbing you and heading straight to bed for O-ville.

Perhaps one of you is into whips, chains and hand-cuffs.. And for the other that sends them running the other way!

Maybe you’re actually more turned on from the idea of it, then the actual thing.

There are so many different styles out there and this week I am joined with Erotic Blueprint Creator Jaiya, who you may recognize from this season’s S* Love Goop Show with Gwenyth Paltrow!

In this episode, we dive deep into each of the Erotic Blueprints and how you can know which one is you.. In fact you can tell exactly which you are by the way you eat CAKE! Yes the answers may surprise you. And I even share what mine is in the episode!

If you’re ready for a delicious treat that may change your s* life forever, this episode is a must-listen.

I highly recommend sharing this podcast with your partner + girlfriends so they can let you know what their Erotic Blueprint is!

Take the Erotic Blueprint Quiz: https://theblueprintbreakthrough.com/

Doors are opening back up for Dharma Coaching Institute to become a Certified Soul Purpose/ Spiritual Life Coach this Fall! Join the waitlist here: dharmacoachinginstitute.com/

 

Try Betterhelp for 10% off at www.betterhelp.com/sahara

*As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided

 

Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor

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TRANSCRIPTION

Episode 433: How To Have The Best Sex Ever Through Your Erotic Blueprint with Sex Love Goop’s Miss Jaiya
By Sahara Rose

[00:12] Sahara
Namaste, it’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes You, Your Soul’s Highest Evolvement.

[00:19] Sahara
This Episode is juicy, delicious, delightful and all of the things!

[00:26] Sahara
So, I watched this new show called Sex Love Goop, on Netflix, which is Gwyneth Paltrow’s new show. If you’ve watched the first season of Goop Lab, this is actually the second season, and it’s all about sex. And in it, she brought on this incredible expert named Miss Jaiya, who dives into the different erotic blueprints.

[00:46] Sahara
So, I’ve heard about the erotic blueprint before, I actually did a quiz, years back, and it’s something that, you know me, I love archetypes, the Dharma Archetypes, Astrology, Human Design, Myers-Brigg, Enneagram, throw me a system, I’m here for it! And I love this because it was all about your sexuality.

[01:02] Sahara
And I’m sure you’ve noticed that certain partners are different, maybe you have your own sexual flavor and your partner’s is totally different. So, for a lot of, especially women, we tend to be a little bit more sensual, we care about the room being clean and the lighting, and the candles, and the smell, and the silky sheets, and all these things really matter to us. Whereas, some people are a little bit more sexual, they just want to get to the point and they’re turned on by porn and more sexual act, whereas other people are more kink, it’s like whips and chains, hands, cuffs, back little booty up with my belt, that Ludacris energy right there, that they’re into a little bit of the pain and the game of sexuality, the dom/sub duality, and all of that.
And then, we’ve got the energetic types which are more tuned on by the thought of sex, that even just that lust, and the romance, and the sensations, far before anything, becomes physical, and that turns them on the most. Now, we have people who shape-shift, and they actually shape-shift according to their partner and their different moods.

[02:10] Sahara
So, in this Episode, I sit down with Miss Jaiya, to talk about all of these different erotic blueprints. And she shares that, in this Episode, she actually dives much deeper into the erotic blueprints than normal because, you know me, I’ve got lots of questions, but I also really want to know how it connects with spirituality. And I really believe that our sexuality is a gateway to higher states of consciousness. So, understanding why we are the way that we are, what turns us on, what are our desires, how do we experience pleasure, opens us up to these gateways of higher levels of being in consciousness.

[02:43] Sahara
So, this Episode is such a good one, not only for you to listen to, but to listen to with your partner. Maybe you send it over to them, you ask them, afterwards, what is your erotic blueprint? It’s also kind of fun to know your friends. I love talking to my different friends about theirs, and I learn so much about sexuality because each and every one of us is so different, and sometimes we think the things that turn us on are the things that must turn everyone on, but that’s actually not true. So, this is such, just, a fun, rich, pleasure-filled conversation. I loved having it and I know you’re going to adore listening to it!

[03:17] Sahara
And, of course, if you’re interested in this type of conversation, come join my Divine Feminine Mystery School, Rose Gold Goddesses, where we dive deep into Womb Wisdom, Joy, the Divine Feminine, the Goddess, and all things sacred. Because I truly believe when we tap into the pathway of beauty, we allow ourselves to experience the bliss that is all forms of life.
So, if you’re interested in learning more, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com.

[03:45] Sahara
So, are you a sensual, a kink, a sexual, an energetic or a shape-shifter? You’re about to find out in this Episode.
So, without further ado, let’s welcome Miss Jaiya, to The Highest Self Podcast.

_______________________________________________________________

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Again, that’s iamsahararose.com/masterclass and you can find that link in the show notes. I’m super-excited to see you in there!

[04:58] End of Advertisement
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[04:59] Interview

[04:59] Sahara
Welcome Jaiya, to The Highest Self Podcast, it’s so great to have you here!

[05:03] Jaiya
It’s such a pleasure to be here!

[05:05] Sahara
And the first question I’d love to ask you is what makes you your highest self?

[05:10] Jaiya
Me. I am, I am this, I am everything, I am nothing, I am love.

[05:21] Sahara
You are that!

[05:23] Jaiya
I am that, yeah.

[05:25] Sahara
So beautiful! Simple and just a remembrance for all of us, of just like “My highest self is right here in this physical body, in this flesh, in these desires, in all of it, and there’s no separation.”

[05:37] Jaiya
Nope, none. It’s right here, right now. This.

[05:42] Sahara
So, I’d love to know, for you, how did your sexuality become a pathway for your spirituality?

[05:49] Jaiya
That started very, very young. When I was young, I had interesting experiences early on, of not separating spirituality from sexuality. So, when I would pray (I grew up Catholic), and when I would pray, I would be in pleasure, I would be in ecstasy, I would go into these different states of consciousness. So, for me, it was never the separation of pleasure and sexuality, or ecstasy and bliss. So, these positive emotions that we experience, when we’re in that pleasure, and God, and I don’t know how I got that, because Catholicism does not teach that, but somehow that was what I came in very early with; and exploring my body, and having my body be prayerful.

[06:37] Sahara
Maybe in past lives you were a tantrica, for many, many lifetimes.

[06:41] Jaiya
I think so! I think I kind of came in with this. A joke that, some people are good at accounting, some people are good at playing the drums, I was good at going into ecstatic states of consciousness, through my body. So, yeah, definitely relate to the tantrica piece.

[06:59] Sahara
Yes! And for so many of us that’s a huge learning, of never feeling that, of being good in the mind or good in the doing, but not knowing how to receive and feel that pleasure.
So, how are the erotic archetypes? How did they birth through you?

[07:15] Jaiya
So, the Erotic Blueprints came through, for many years of working with people. So, I’ve almost, for three decades, I’ve been working with sexuality. I started very young, I remember when I was in school, even saying I want to be Dr. Ruth when I grow up! I want to teach sexuality. And I just started exploring more and more, of like, what turns us on, what’s erotically possible, how are people different from one another? And I was really into the Enneagram and Astrology, all the divert typing systems. I know that you’re into Ayurveda, so I did Ayurvedic studies.
So, there was just this interest in both human sexuality and in who we are. Who are we fundamentally in our deepest core of our being? And then how does programming, conditioning, shape who we are? Who are we truly and then what’s the conditioning on top of all of that?
And so, working with – I have a special license, as a somatic sexologist, it means I work with people’s bodies. And over all of this time and all of the study, I just started noticing patterns. So, I noticed, I’ll never forget the day, I was in my office, I had this couple I was working with, and he couldn’t get aroused and she was trying all this “I’m reading the Cosmo magazine, I’m trying all the techniques” and she’s showing me all the things she’s trying. And I just started to hover my hands over his body, really slowly, far away, maybe a couple of feet off of his body, and he started to shake and started to quiver and started to breathe differently, like he’s getting that [sound] like his turned on kind of breath, and he gets and erection and she’s looking at me with these huge wide eyes, his eyes pop open and he’s like “What’s happening?!” And he was going into an orgasmic ecstatic state of consciousness from not being touched. And that was my first ‘a-ha’ of, well, some people are tuned on energetically, they’re turned on by having space and tease and anticipation and room to breathe, and yearn, and long. And because their energy field is bigger, they – you know, I’ve had people 30ft away, they can have an orgasm without being touched, and it’s because of the energetic field around the body and how sensitive that field is, and also how the nervous system developed in terms of sensitivity to touch.

[09:44] Sahara
So very fascinating. So, you have an amazing quiz on your website that people can find out their erotic blueprint, which I highly suggest, we’ll link to that.
So, I’d love to dive into the different blueprints because it really is such a foundational tool for people. I basically had all my friends take it too, I know every friends how to have sex, it’s just like “Trusty friends, I need to know what’s going on in the bedroom.”
So, let’s talk about energetic. We’ll start there because I know a lot of, especially spiritual people, they may really resonate with the ability to energetically connect to their sexuality. So, you gave this amazing analogy of the cakes, I remember hearing, and how the way how you would consume a cake kind of tells you what your blueprint it.

[10:31] Jaiya
Yeah. So, an energetic, as I mentioned, loves longing, anticipation, space, tease. So, for someone who’s energetic, if you’re feeding them a piece of cake, and you wanted to turn them on, it would be like, you maybe bring it up to their lips, but then you take it away, or you let them have a little lick of it, and then you take it away, because their system is so sensitive that even just being near the cake, you can feel the energy of the cake and what it might taste like, and your body is already starting to respond. Maybe just even hearing us talk right now, your mouth is starting to water, thinking about having some cake. So, the energetic, it’s like still water (an energetic), and then if you go diving in the lake, you’re going to create all these ripples in the system. And so, it’s like you dip the tip of your finger in and then you let it ripple out and you watch that expansion happen in the system, and that’s enough. And I think that’s what a lot of people don’t get with the energetic, is like, that’s such a little tiny thing can be so big and when you give them that space to expand, they’ll expand into full, their superpower, huge orgasmic capacity, and not just orgasmic capacity in the physical body, orgasmic capacity in the energy systems, like having energetic orgasms and all of your chakras, or having that shoot up your spine. People talk about Kundalini orgasms or going into other dimensionality of sex. So, there’s multidimensional orgasmic states that you can go into, and these are some of my fun, geeky things that I geek out on, is like, what’s possible with our systems and with the energetic system, and outside of our bodies even.
And I’ll tell a quick story because it’s very energetic, a blueprint, because I’m highly energetic, so this is my number one right now. But I was laying on the floor with a lover, and we were just lying there with our eyes closed, and he just held up his pinky finger and I kind of put my pinky finger next to his, but we weren’t even touching pinky fingers, but it was just pinky fingers, just eyes closed again, on the floor, barely touching pinky fingers, and it was like a shot, way out of my body, and he found me that way out, he wasn’t trying to do anything else, he was just like “Where did she go?”, and he went way out into the energy fields with me. And I just started weeping because he found me so far outside my body and I called it my first out of body orgasm. And it was like I’d waited 5000 lifetimes for this orgasm and I’m just weeping and I’m shaking, and I’m in this pure orgasmic state. So, when I talk about these other dimensionalities of this, there’s all kinds of interesting trans-personal places that we can go, and I know your listeners like this kind of stuff. So, going deeply into archetypes, seeing the divine feminine or the divine masculine in someone, and making love in that realm of Shiva and Shakthi, or playing with these ideas of what we can do just with these systems that we have. It’s really incredible, it’s really, really incredible.
The shadow of the energetic, however, is that they short-circuit because they’re so sensitive. In that moment, if my lover, who I’m just barely touching pinky fingers with and we’re flying out of our bodies to find each other in this totally other realm, if he had started kissing me or laid on top of me, I would’ve lost the whole thing.
So, energetics being that they’re so sensitive, if somebody goes too quick, too fast, too much stimulation, they can short-circuit and then it’s like where did the turn-on go? Or they disassociate, not in the out of body happy, ecstatic place, but just not there, often times because there’s some kind of trauma or something that’s unresolved in their system that makes a hypersensitivity that has been disassociating in their body.

[14:34] Sahara
So fascinating! I’ve had those realizations in orgasms of like, this is who we are. We are the orgasm, I mean, every single one of us is a living orgasm. And, especially, do you find the cervix orgasms are more connected to these energetic states?

[14:55] Jaiya
It depends really on the body system and how that body system has developed. So, sometimes cervical orgasms, because it’s a different part of the nervous system, it’s more of the parasympathetic, that deep relaxing, like, it’s deeper in the pelvis, it can take people into deeper states of consciousness.
I, quite like the combination of both of those deep states and the high notes, so that I’ve got that kind of [sound], going in my body, but I’m also [sound]. If it were a piece of music, I’ve got both of that happening, which then can keep the expansion broiling in a different way.

[15:34] Sahara
I remember hearing once that the clitoris was the archetype of the maiden, the G-spot, the wild woman, and the cervix, the crone. Have you heard this?

[15:45] Jaiya
Yes, I completely relate to that, very much! Yeah, because the clitoris has that, it’s the different part of the nervous system, that’s more of the fight or flight, it’s more adrenaline, it’s more adrenaline, it’s more activate, excite, excite, excite. And then you’ve got that G-spot, which is, when that’s unleashed, like juice everywhere, it’s like release, expression and can get very, very wild. And then this cervix, yes, being this deeper, richer, wise, it’s a very different orgasm, deep pelvis.

[16:20] Sahara
Do you find that, often, females tend to be more energetic than males? Because I commonly hear of like “My man goes too fast and too hard”, so I wonder if they’re a little bit more wired for the sexual type?

[16:35] Jaiya
Yeah, we’ve had over, I think it’s like a million and a half people now, who’ve taken the quiz. We had about half that and we took the results and we looked at gender and blueprint, and what were men, mostly, what were women, mostly, what were people who identified as other genders, non-binary or trans-women, trans-men, we looked at that whole map, based on what people wrote for their gender. And it’s always fascinating to me because I really want to break gender myths around, especially – well, what we found for men was that not men are sexual, which I think is really great because I think men, kind of, get stereotyped in this box of that archetype. And there were a lot of energetics and a lot of shape-shifters. And so, men were kind of across the board, all different kinds of blueprints.
But what we found with people who identified as women, was that it was mostly energetic and sensual blueprints. So, a lot of energetic, actually, with the women. Now, that could also be our audience a little bit, I don’t know how many sexuals are like “Yeah, I’m going to take a sex quiz”, so I just wanted to keep that in mind too, as we look at these results. But I found it fascinating because a lot of advice is all women are sensual and all men are sexual, and that isn’t necessarily true. Men are everything and there’s a high energetic with women.

[18:06] Sahara
So fascinating! So, if you are an energetic, how can you communicate with your partner of how to sexually interact with you in a way that doesn’t cause you to short-circuit?

[18:18] Jaiya
Yeah. Slow down, even slower. And even, one of the ways that I love to communicate or show energetics, is to take your partner’s hand, your lover’s hand, and show them how light or show them how slow, or touch their body, touch their shoulder. I love how you take deep breaths when I start to discuss.

[18:43] Sahara
I’m with you.

[18:45] Jaiya
You know, just that super, super light, barely fingertips and just instruct them. And sometimes you don’t know, you don’t know your energetics, so it’s also about discovery of “Well, what is it that really turns me on? Let’s try some different kinds of touch, let’s try you sitting across the room and just looking at me and seducing me with how ravenous you are.” I give this one for sexuals, often time, when it’s a sexual energetic together, because they pair together a lot, is have the sexual sit across the room, keeping the full sexual rat want to come over there and eat you, kind of energy, and not do it, though. That can be the hottest thing for an energetic, is just communicating, the space is where the turn-on is. It can be hard for the other blueprints to understand that, but really helping them get that, that’s the turn-on, the turn-on is in the space.

[19:44] Sahara
I love that. Yes, that anticipation, that going slow, just the touch. And even if it never leads to penetration, just that gentle opening, especially when so many of us, we’re on our computers all the day and we’re so in our masculine, that it does take that unraveling.
So, for people who are listening, we did an episode before with Bibi, I don’t know if you know her, she teaches something called Energetic Love Making, and so many are like “I want to have energetic orgasms, this is my goal for 2022!” Can we, if that is not our primary archetype, train ourselves?

[20:19] Jaiya
Absolutely!

[20:20] Sahara
If you didn’t use to be sexual and then you shifted.

[20:21] Jaiya
No, I was always sexual energetic, almost closed, but I was high, mostly, sexual before, with energetic right underneath it, but I developed energetic pretty young. But it’s something that can be cultivated, something that can be learned, something that can be developed. So, no matter what blueprint you are, you can cultivate energetic orgasms.
One is, watch other, if you can, watch other people having an energetic orgasm, there’s lots of demonstrations on YouTube, there’s stuff in our courses. If you go and see Sex Love and Goop Show that we did, there’s energetic in the second episode, in there I’m demonstrating that.
So, one thing is seeing that it’s possible, because our psyche, when it sees somebody else does do it, resonates. And so, then, once we’ve resonated with that, then it becomes possible for us. And this goes for anything in life, anything that we see, it’s like “Oh, wow, that’s possible, I could do that.” So, the belief in just trusting that “I can do it”.
The second thing my partner always says, because he was not energetic at all, he had 5% energetic.

[21:31] Sahara
Ian?

[21:32] Jaiya
Ian, yeah.

[21:33] Sahara
Wow, because you guys on the show, you’re like the most energetic people I’ve ever seen.

[21:38] Jaiya
Everything you see him do is cultivated, he learned to do all that and now he can have energetic orgasms. He thought it was, he’s totally skeptical, he’s like “What is this weird woman”, when he first met me because I was shaking around. I warn people, I tell them I don’t have epilepsy, this is how I orgasm.

[21:58] Sahara
Disclaimer! This is how I orgasm, you might have to find me in the Sirius star galaxy, but I’m around, yeah.

[22:06] Jaiya
Exactly. You know, he was so willing, and I think that that was the biggest piece with the relationship, is that your partner is willing to learn the language because these are like languages. And he was willing to learn how to be with me in an energetic way, he was willing to take classes and learn from other people. The thing that really unlocked energetic orgasms for him was network spinal analysis, John Amaral, who was also in the first season of Goop.

[22:33] Sahara
We’ve had him here on the Podcast.

[22:34] Jaiya
You have? Oh, cool! So, yeah, John helped him just really super open up to all of it, and after that he could really feel energy. If you don’t feel energy right now, it can be a learned skill. So, I recommend go take Reiki classes or learn healing touch or do some chakra meditations, just start to get in touch with energy, learn energetic anatomy, learn how that corresponds to the glandular systems in the body, how does this system work and geek out, first, on the brain stuff, and then start to embody that and feeling that. And yeah, just, it’s a journey, it’s a journey.

[23:16] Sahara
Yeah, I think it’s important too, it’s like to not make it just like the goal of “I need to have energetic”, it’s about this achievement, it’s just a natural progression of energy.

[23:28] Jaiya
I actually think it’s part of our natural state of being, it’s just that we’ve shut it down over time, and as we grow up and we learn, oh, you can’t just flop around in ecstatic states or whatever, whatever programming we get. But I do think that once we open up all of those channels, it is a natural flow, it’s just a natural flow of lifeforce, it’s Shakthi, it’s she, it’s Prana, there’s all kind of different words that many different people use for it. But once that lifeforce is awakened in you, something happens that’s quite special and extraordinary. And making it a goal, often times, prevents it, and you’re not broken or wrong if you’re not experiencing it. It’s only if you want to, and you want to explore this, you can generate this. Often times people are seeking it, trying to find it, but I really love to reframe that to this is something that’s natural to us and we can generate orgasmic state, we can generate feeling good because we have all the hormones and the chemical make up in our body system to generate it.

[24:34] Sahara
So, for those out there who think “How can I have an orgasm without contracting my body? I can’t even fathom how that would work.” Even in my own practice, I find when you breathe, it does prevent that climax from happening, I’m like “Shit, what am I doing this for?” So, what is your advice there to allow us to breathe and open up that container to greater states of pleasure?

[24:57] Jaiya
Yeah. Some people are more tension orgasmers, I’m one of them, I love to tense my body and hold my breath, and use that actually, you can use that as fuel. So, breathwork is one way. The breathwork of finding “Well, is it when I hold my breath that arousal increases or when I exhale that arousal increases? Is it long, slow breaths? Is it quick, quick, open mouth, open eye breathing?” A lot of it is experimentation, I wouldn’t say there’s any “This is the one technique for all people to do to expand into this.” I can speak from my own experience that, what I often will do is, I’ll inhale the breath up my spine, I’ll hold the breath, I’ll contract my pelvic floor, I’ll draw my bellybutton in, I’ll kind of squeeze that whole tube of the spine up into pineal gland and up into the pituitary and the brain, and then really focus there, and then when I exhale, I’ll let everything expand. But that’s all during stimulation, so you could be having someone go down on you or having someone do touch on you, or something where they’re stimulating you during that, so that I don’t necessarily lose arousal, or you could be doing this on your own body of course, like self-pleasure. You don’t need a partner to explore your sexuality at all, it’s another myth that I like to bust. We can do this all on our own, you can play your own instrument and invite others to play too.

[26:21] Sahara
So, you think, even with the holding of breath, you can still have energetic orgasms, because I thought that you needed to be [sound], the whole time for it to be considered energetic?

[26:32] Jaiya
No, not necessarily, I can do it that way too, where it’s the [sound], like a holotropic breath, or something like that, where you’re doing that, or a [dalosterotic – 26.41] breath, you can do those.
I often find my energetic orgasm happens in the stillness of stopping everything and holding my breath, and then once I exhale – kaboom, all of the neurochemicals hit me and I’ll go right into this ecstatic orgasmic state.

[27:03] Sahara
It’s sort of like, if you’ve done Wim Hof breath and you have the breath holds and you release, and you really do feel orgasmic in that experience, so, I think amplifying that with the physical sensation just allows you to have that full body release.

[27:16] Jaiya
Yeah, and say yes to the twitching or the jerking or the spinal waves that want to happen, let all that flow, don’t try to hold it. I will hold my body for a moment, but then after that, then let all that flow through.

[27:31] Sahara
Beautiful. So good. Alright, so let’s talk sensual, because that’s my other archetype. The cake and the sensual, how do we eat it?

[27:43] Jaiya
So, sensual is someone who is turned on by all of their senses being ignited, so, taste, smell, beautiful spaces. The environment can be important for a sensual, but often, what I find the majority of sensuals really need are those toggles. You talked about being on your computer all day and kind of needing those things that help us move from the tension of life or mundane world into the erotic world, into the sensual world.
So, the superpower of the sensual is that they bring beauty to the erotic experience, they bring whole body to the experience as well, so orgasm doesn’t just happen to the genitals, it can happen at the back of your knee or it can happen from kisses on your neck or something delicious that you put into your mouth and swirl around, just that flavor.
I once had an experience where I had a piece of chocolate, it was like raspberry chocolate, and I started weeping, just from “Oh my gosh, the taste of this is just so…”, I don’t even have words for that moment, it was so extraordinary. And so, that’s the beauty of their eroticism, is in this yum, delicious, even when I talk about it, I start to wave my body.

[29:02] Sahara
I’m tasting the chocolate strawberries.

[29:07] Jaiya
A piece of great music and you roll around in bed together or pressing body parts, it’s like grinding and yummy. I don’t know if you’ve ever had one of those make out sessions early in your sexuality or if you just make out for hours, but your bodies are still rubbing together, that rubbing, yummy, sensuality, it’s very sensual.
So, the shadow side of the sensual is, you get caught up in your head and that it is hard to make these transitions from dishes and work and kids and all the things, into the erotic realm. So, some suggestions on that are, just take a few minutes to create space, create sacred space, that’s a little bit energetic, but create beautiful space, create art, make your bedroom an artistic space. If you look around the place where you make love, is there a television, is there clutter, is there, just this? I will often, when I’m training men, I’ll say “Okay, just take 10 minutes to clean up the bedroom and that will do wonders for your partner to be able to stay present and in the moment with you, so that they’re not thinking about the thing that’s on the floor, the socks or the laundry, or just whatever in life. You really have to create an environment where you’re taken it out of the mundane of life and into the romantic and erotic, and story, context is so important. What is the context in which you’re making love? Is it your lovers who haven’t seen each other in 10 years and you’re reuniting? What’s the romance of it and can you purposefully and consciously create that context that turns you on?

[30:46] Sahara
So beautifully said. I know for myself, the music is so important, and it’s almost like I’m making love, I’m dancing, choreographed to the music and my orgasms are at the time the that he’s in his falsetto. But then, if there’s a song that I don’t like, it’s like I need to change the song and then my husband’s like “I’m not even listening to the music”, I’m like “Oh no, I’m really making love to the music right now.” So, there is that, it’s like you’re feeling it all, but then that little thing or that thought that comes into your mind can completely take you out of it.

[31:19] Jaiya
Yes, absolutely. There’s a funny story with, this was after the blueprints. I could never understand why my partner Ian, why he would run around fixing things or making sure of the music, I’m like “Come on, turn on, let’s do it”, my sexual talking. One time he was doing all this energy play on me and he’s got his hands right on my vulva, there’s all this energetic connection and I’m flopping around having energy orgasms and all of a sudden he just jumps up and goes to fix the music and I just started laughing because I knew exactly what was happening. His sensual could not handle, so he couldn’t stay present with me, couldn’t stay connected with me. And that little fix then has him come back to me and then instead of being mad at him, I could just be like “Oh, he’s actually taking care of me”, he’s taking care of himself so he can be present with me. And it gave us a new understanding because we had this different language.

[32:11] Sahara
Yeah, that’s so beautiful to have that permission and understanding because I think we sometimes think “Oh, that’s a buzz kill, you broke the vibe”, to know that he, because he is sensual, it does deeply impact him. And it also takes courage to change the music and to be like “I need the setting to be different”, otherwise it’s just in your head and it’s blocking you from really being present.

[32:32] Jaiya
Yeah. You can’t feel what’s happening in between your legs when your head is going 100mph.

[32:38] Sahara
Yeah. And I can imagine, too, for mothers who have kids, it’s also that fear, what if someone knocks on the door or we’re too loud.

[32:48] Jaiya
Get a lock!

[32:50] Sahara
Yes, exactly! And for a sensual type, do you think that we should give ourselves a certain amount of time? You hear people say, give yourself at least one hour, two hours.

[33:01] Jaiya
Yeah. Create a container but don’t let that be a reason why you don’t have sex because I also can see that, sometimes people are like “Oh, but we need 2 hours”, and then they’re never having sex, because they have kids and they have 20 minutes. So, give yourself spaciousness and time to luxuriate in the deliciousness, for sure. But also give yourselves “What can we do to make that transition so that if we only have a half an hour, then we’re still connecting”, or maybe in that half an hour it’s not about penetration. Maybe in that half an hour, for some sensuals, maybe it’s about you giving, or it’s about cuddling, or something else, like make out, “We’re going to do 20-minute make out sessions. Lock the door, we’re going to do a 20-minute make out and then we’re going to come back and make dinner.”

[33:50] Sahara
Do you think, this is a sensual thing, sometimes, I think if the sex is expected a certain time, it turns me off?

[33:57] Jaiya
Yes.

[33:59] Sahara
Is it a sensual thing?

[34:01] Jaiya
Sensuals can’t have any pressure.

[34:03] Sahara
Yes.

[34:04] Jaiya
Like, there’s pressure to be turned on or pressure like “Oh my gosh, we’re going to have penetration now”, or pressure to have an orgasm. Sometimes sensuals have partners who are like “Rub, rub, rub, are you cumming, are you cumming yet?”, it’s like they’re waiting for you to cum and that’s just going to keep you from having an orgasm because you’re under pressure, and as soon as there’s pressure, the mind starts rolling and turns off.

[34:34] Sahara
Totally! I remember it was my birthday, so it’s that expectation, you’re going to have birthday sex, but it turns me off from the experience because it just felt like this is what we’re supposed to do, and then we ended up having sex and it wasn’t even that great, because, again, I, mentally wasn’t there, and the next day we just woke up and it spontaneously happened and it was so much better because it just came from this organic space.

[34:58] Jaiya
Yeah. I always have a yes/and around it. It’s like, if you aren’t having sex because your schedules are so busy and all that, it’s okay to schedule sex. Ian and I, we’ve scheduled sex for a very long time, for many, many years. Every Friday afternoon, after my podcast, we would have sex. But we called it intimacy time, not like let’s have intercourse, because I think we have a limited definition of sex. Sex isn’t just penis inside of a vagina, sex is looking at each other from across the room, I can have an orgasm that way. Sex is cuddling for that time that you have. And so, we would just organically let whatever wanted to unfold, unfold. So, there was planned spontaneity, and sometimes we had spontaneous sex, but planned spontaneity really worked for us when our son was really little because we just didn’t have that space and time really to create these long, luxurious sessions.

[35:56] Sahara
Totally. And sometimes if you just wait, you expect it to organically happen the same way you started dating or there’s so many hormones going on that when it’s not happening you think something’s wrong with the relationship, but it’s just, you know, you’re focused on, maybe, different things right now, so I love it’s just intimacy time, and maybe that’s just lying in bed next to each other, maybe it turns into intercourse, maybe it doesn’t, but to just give yourself that connection time that we’re so deeply needing as a society.

[36:25] Jaiya
Yeah. As a whole. Cuddle puddles, I’m all for it now, now that we’re starting to have some relief from all this, it’s like, let’s just get together and cuddle because we need touch, humans need touch. Every cell in our body is wired for pleasure, and our skin is wired to be touched. Babies who don’t get touched, get inability to thrive, they have difficulty walking, they have difficulty talking, they don’t develop. We need that touch.

[36:52] Sahara
So powerful!

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[38:21] Sahara
So, let’s talk about the sexual type. How does this show up? How do they eat their cakes?

[38:29] Jaiya
Oh yes. We have to talk about sensuals eating cake before we go there…

[38:33] Sahara
It’s a whole experience.

[38:35] Jaiya
Oh my gosh, a whole experience! There’s like the swirling the icing around on your lips and having the cake melt in your mouth, and smelling the cake before you even eat it, and the sight of the cake, maybe it’s a rich chocolate with the red raspberry frosting (I’m into chocolate raspberry today). So, there’s so many layers to feeding the sensual this piece of cake.
A sexual likes to eat their cake – you put it on a fork and you put it in their mouth, and they chew it, and they swallow it. That is the sexual eating their cake.
Sexuals are what we think of as sex in our culture. Orgasms, nudity, penetration, get that end goal. We think of erections, we think of wetness, we think of sex as intercourse, as the main event, orgasm as the fireworks that happen in sex.
The shadow side of the sexual is that they can get so focused on the end goal that they miss the whole journey, and they think that everybody else is wrong. I hear this all the time with their shadows, like “Well, it was never a problem with any of my other partners”, or “We’re having orgasms, so what’s wrong?” or “I can get an erection and then I… so, what’s wrong?” It’s like, because there’s orgasm, because there’s erection, because there’s wetness, nothing is wrong. But that isn’t necessarily what makes great sex for all the other blueprints, so they forget that there’s all this other… and also because we live in a culture of the sexual, that’s what sex is for our culture.
And the superpower of the sexual, however, is that sex is, it doesn’t lack depth, I don’t want to say sexuals lack depth at all, they have a lot of depth, but it’s very simple, it’s like 0-60, you put the pedal down and it goes and it crosses the finish line, it’s the cannon ball in the water, and that cannon ball is amazing to the sexual, “I dive in right off, big splash”, and that feels good and it feels satisfactory, it relaxes the sexual’s entire system. Whereas, a sensual needs to relax and have these toggles before they move into the sexual realm. The sexual is in the sexual realm, and when they have that orgasm it’s like everything is right in the world, their nervous system can calm down, everything can relax, the gas pedal can release and they can just be, they can just be.

[41:16] Sahara
Yeah. It sounds to me like the male (the penis) orgasm, how, after that ejaculation, they’re just in that space of complete calmness, whereas I feel like, for women, maybe after the first orgasm, you’re just getting started, you’re like “Oh, finally, we can begin this!”

[41:35] Jaiya
Yeah. You know, it’s interesting being in a vulva body and being a sexual, because there are those people, and I was one of them, and it was like, once I had that orgasm, it was like I could breathe again, I could breathe again, and then I was like “Okay, now I can focus on you.”

[41:54] Sahara
So, would you want to keep going after or did it feel complete for you?

[41:58] Jaiya
For me, it felt complete, if I had a certain kind of orgasm, clitoral-focused, clitoral head orgasm. Now if it was one of these deeper pelvic orgasms or ejaculatory orgasms, then I want to keep going.
So, I think all these things are possible, especially as we integrate masculine and feminine energies, especially as we integrate some of this in our own systems, it becomes very possible. Like an exploration that I’ve done is touching the clitoris as if it is a penis, touching, playing in a different way with the body parts, just because it’s an interesting exploration and I’m all about what is erotically possible, so, what does this do if we play with it completely differently or we go into different kinds of energies, or we have an intention to integrate those energies, what does that look like within the play in our pelvic floor?

[42:47] Sahara
Yeah, I mean, I can resonate with that feeling of sometimes you just want sex, you want an orgasm, you want to cum and it’s like that lust and that craving for it, and it can just be “How did I not give this to myself earlier? This feels so good! Why do I do anything else but this? If I have access to this for free in my body, at any time, this is the cheap code!”

[43:12] Jaiya
Yeah, that’s the dopamine talking. Dopamine is like, you just want to keep hitting that leaver, but luckily, we also have prolactin which balances that out and gives us a refractory period and has us go eat and do other things than have sex all the time. So, thank you prolactin.
But that biochemistry is different in everybody’s body, so some people are – I’m a high dopamine person – high dopamine, high testosterone and how that chemistry even plays a role in our blueprinting. I think that that has a lot to do with how my sexual was so prominent in that “Oh, I want that orgasm! I want to go for it”, and then I’m ready to go to the next thing.

[43:52] Sahara
Are you a Pitta dosha?

[43:55] Jaiya
I’m not, I’m actually a lot of Vata.

[43:58] Sahara
Okay.

[43:59] Jaiya
When I travel, I get crazy high Pitta.

[44:02] Sahara
Okay, because the Pitta sounds to me like that testosterone and that sexual… I’m curious, you should add the Doshas to the quiz and see for everyone.

[44:12] Jaiya
I love overlapping all these things, like, how do the Doshas play out, how do love languages play out, how does Enneagram play out, it’s so fun to just – it’s like a snapshot of yourself, in this moment.
And then, one of the things I loved about Enneagram, when I was studying Enneagram, was, it’s shows you where you’re limited, and we’ll talk about that more when we get to the shape-shifter.

[44:34] Sahara
Cool! And do you think that, to move into more energetic orgasms, our practice could be to not allow ourselves to orgasm and to prolong it.

[44:44] Jaiya
Absolutely! So, here’s an interesting conversation around orgasm – so, what kind of orgasm? Not allow yourself to have what kind of orgasm. What I’ll do is, I’ll not allow myself to have that clitoral orgasm that I feel done after. So, it’s like, okay, I’ll play with deeper pelvic orgasm, or I’ll play with deeper clitoral orgasm, or I’ll play with nipple orgasms, or neckgasms, I’ll play with different kinds of orgasms, and then, from that, I can keep expanding my vocabulary. It’s like letters of the alphabet, if A is my clitoral orgasm, my go-to, I know I can have it in a couple of, probably 30 seconds and then I can go “Okay, well, I’ll go to vaginal orgasm, I know I can do those”, I have my vocabulary of where I’m resourced and then I can start to wire in these other places, other kinds of orgasms. But not having that clitoral sneeze orgasm A, that “Woosh, it’s really intense and really fast”, can’t help me roll over into the energetic.

[45:53] Sahara
Interesting. And do you feel that, maybe, the way that we started to masturbate is the circuitry that we’re just so used to orgasming from?

[46:03] Jaiya
Yeah, it’s like training. If you’re training for a marathon and you train in a certain way, when you go to run the marathon, you run in that certain way. And so, with anybody’s self-pleasure practice, it’s how you’re self-pleasuring and then how’s that informing how you’re having sex, when you’re with a partner or you’re having sex on your own. When I say on my own, it’s because I’m training in one session, I call that sex labs, I’m doing the lab with myself vs. I’m just free-forming. And so, in that, thinking about how you self-pleasure, it’s “Maybe I’m going to take an hour today and I’m going to do it in my blueprint vs. the sexual blueprint”, because I think a lot of people self-pleasure in the sexual blueprint, when it’s actually not where they’re going to be most fulfilled, and what do you want to explore, that’s another question. I kind of make a hypothesis, this is how geeky I am. I make a hypothesis of “Well, if I do this for this amount of time, then maybe I’ll have this result.” Because sexuality is an exploration, just like anything else, just like playing an instrument, playing the piano, it’s “Well, here’s my practice, I’m practicing my scales now”, or “I’m curious about something, let’s see what happens if I put this cord with this cord and that cord with that cord, and I start to make a song. Oh, now I’ve got the beginnings of the song. Okay, now I’m just going to sit down and play a song.” And so, we have just like anything else we’re learning, with sexuality, the journey is the same, “Okay, I’m going to learn some techniques, I’m going to play some chops, I’m going to do some practicing. Okay, now I’m going to start to put things together to see what happens. Okay, and now I’m just going to play my instrument.”

[47:38] Sahara
And there’s so much abundance of that, of like giving yourself the space to play, whereas when we’re in the sex scarcity, it’s almost like “Well, I don’t know when this is going to happen again, so I’m just going to do my thing that I know will make me cum fast.” But when you know this is just a regular, a daily, weekly practice, for myself, whatever it is, then you’re not so tied to the result, you can allow yourself to just, maybe try, you know, the anal beads, it wasn’t your thing, you got to try it and see, or maybe it needed to have another note attached to it or another setting attached to it. So, I love just giving yourself that space to play and explore.

[48:16] Jaiya
One of the things that I also do is, I ask myself what realm am I in, as I’m playing. And I think your listeners will understand this. So, there’s the physical realm, the physical body, am I playing in the realm of the physical body and how the physical body feels and how this touch feels on my body? Am I playing in the more emotional realm? Because we can do that with sex, the G-spot is a great emotional space where you can go into just hooding your G-spot or hooding your vulva, really making contact with this and seeing what emotions rise up, and then letting those emotions flow can be orgasmic.
I think we get a little emotionally constipated, which affects the orgasmic flow of everything and it’s like “Okay, I’m angry, can I make that horny rage? Can I make that anger erotic? Can I play with that and be in the emotional realm with it?”
There’s the transpersonal realm, and this is where we get into things like playing with past lives, connecting in to – I believe that all of it is happening now, so it’s not necessarily past, it’s everything is available to us right now, so, all archetypes are available to us. And if you really resonate, like, I really resonate with the witchy, tantrica, those kinds of archetypes and I can get in touch with that, or I can call on an Egyptian Goddess in my sensuality. And so, we have a whole thing of who’s your erotic persona and what do you want to develop. Maybe it’s something that you disowned in your eroticism and you want to reclaim, and you’re playing in this more transpersonal realm, or you’re going into these altered states of consciousness and visiting other dimensions, there’s so much that’s possible.
And then, the last one is the truth realm. And often times, in the truth realm, I’ll just go into the state of who I am and in who I am I can’t even define what sex is in that space. I’m still trying to figure that one out, that’s been like an exploration for the last couple of years, is how do I put words into something that is completely inethical in that state of – perhaps I become one with everything and I’m just pure love.

[50:32] Sahara
So, they were the emotional, the transpersonal and the truth realm?

[50:35] Jaiya
The physical and the truth, yeah.

[50:38] Sahara
Beautiful! So powerful! I love that witnessing of what experience we’re in, allowing ourselves to go to these heightened places of consciousness and even explore what’s available for us there, in that pathway. So great!
So, let’s talk kinky!

[50:55] Jaiya
Kinky!

[50:56] Sahara
So, I feel like the kinky like, she’s in the shadows and she’s coming full force! Rihanna brought her out and people are reclaiming her! So, how do they eat their cake?

[51:08] Jaiya
Yeah! It depends on what kind of kinky you are! So, if you’re submissive, if you’re dominant, if you are more of a sensation-based kinky, maybe you want to sit on the cake! If you are more of cake…

[51:22] Sahara
Cake, sit on my face!

[51:24] Jaiya
Exactly! Maybe you want to be teased for three hours and your hands are tied behind your back and someone has the cake and they have to feed you every delicious, or you have to beg for it, or you’re the one feeding the cake to the person. You eat it and they have to watch you eat it! So, there’s so many fun things we can play with because the kinky has many different flavors and endless creativity to it. You could be blindfolded eating your cake, tied up eating your cake, you could only smell the cake, and that’s the rule, you can’t even look at it, the only sense you get is smell and you’ve got a blindfold on, and you can’t taste it either, or you could only hear someone eating it in your ear.

[52:09] Sahara
But there’s an element of like a restriction, something you’re not allowed to have.

[52:14] Jaiya
Yeah, there’s the dynamic of power. One person is in power and one person who’s surrendering to that power, agreed upon, with consent.
And so, two different types, there’s the psychological, this is someone where it would be all about the psychology of the play. Maybe there’s a cake sitting on the bed with a note and it says “Do not eat. Sit in the corner and wait for me”, and then you sit in the corner and you wait, and maybe you wait an hour and you’re like “What’s happening with this cake and why am I sitting here?”, it’s all this cognitive dissonance we’ve created, that’s more the psychological play of it. Maybe nothing ever happens with that cake, but it was the game, it was the game.

[52:56] Sahara
But that would just make me really angry. But it’s so interesting because for someone else that could be the biggest turn on, of not knowing what’s going to happen.

[53:05] Jaiya
Yes, exactly. I know people who orgasm when the person walks in the room, they’ve waited an hour, or they’ve been sitting there, waiting, and then the person walks in the room and there’s instant orgasm that will happen in the body, just from the anticipation of what might happen.
Then there’s also the sensation-based kinky. And the sensation-based kinky is someone who is turned on by the sensations of the ropes, by impact. Maybe a little cake is rubbed on the bottom and there’s a spanking over the cake. So, there’s lots of different ways that you can play with that. My partner is both, he’s both psychological and sensation-based. And so, he has whole elaborate scenarios and he wants it exactly that way. He’s such a servant who’s the master actually. I’m actually just really serving him, but he wants to be in the submissive role, but they’re elaborate, every detail is thought out, but that’s his sensual coming into play because he’s highly sensual and kinky. And so, how that’s all shaped, he loves these three hours, luxurious, all of the attention focused on him in a cake scene, where I’m in the more dominant role of that, of taking a rope and spreading it over skin for a really, really, really long time. Whereas my sexual is like “Oh my God, already, can we just put some handcuffs on and be done with this?” So, it’s interesting, expanding into someone else’s territory, but it’s not your natural turn on.

[54:36] Sahara
Yeah. And that’s a beautiful reminder for us, to really also give to our partners too. I once had this realization, the feminine is always giving and we never get to receive, and just all of the ancestral, and feel like, on a subconscious, as women, we’re almost like angry when we have to give, when we have to give the man that pure, undivided love and attention. But it’s so beautiful to honor our partner in that way and give them that experience that really means so much to them, and it turns us on too, to see someone in their turn on like that.

[55:13] Jaiya
Absolutely. And then, eventually, it did become my turn on, eventually I wired into the kinky blueprint, but it took me a while, and that’s when you know you’ve expanded into the new blueprint territory, is when their turn on becomes your turn on. It’s just that willingness to play and find “Where is my turn on? Where is my turn on in this stance?”
The shadow side of the kinky is that they can feel a lot of shame so they don’t communicate what they actually want in the dance, it’s like they don’t share the dance steps with you because they have so much shame about having out of the box, not even out of the box, it’s just whatever you think is taboo, whatever you think is that edge, that then becomes the thing that – often times, in the shadow, like “I shouldn’t be doing that, that’s too shameful for me.”

[56:03] Sahara
Yeah. I feel like butt stuff, for the collective, a lot would put that I kinky, but it’s really just a perspective thing, right?

[56:11] Jaiya
Right. For a sexual, butt stuff, might not be taboo, it’s like, oh, I just like sex, but somebody who is kinky it is taboo, that’s the difference. So, any act can fit in any blueprint but if it feels like – I had a couple who had been married 40 years, and they never had sex out of missionary position, because religion taught them that missionary was the only position that they could have sex in. And so, when they started, they were both kinky, because everything was so taboo for them, it was like “Oh my God, we’re going to do what now?!” So, they had a lot of high kinky because it was all so edgy.

[56:52] Sahara
So fascinating! So, it’s not just what we think as a society, of like “Whips and chains, handcuffs, that is kink”, but it’s actually just whatever may evoke some feelings of a taboo.

[57:04] Jaiya
Aha, yes.

[57:06] Sahara
So fascinating! And now, shape-shifter! How do they have their cake? So, shakes it up?

[57:12] Jaiya
Shape-shifter has the smartest board of cakes.

[57:15] Sahara
Yes, they have a cake for every outfit.

[57:18] Jaiya
Yeah, cake for every outfit. They’re cupcakes, they’re angel food cake, all the different kinds. And they like to sit down and have them in all the ways, for as long as they possibly can, and they’re not, hardly ever, full, like “You’ve tried all the different cakes, are you satisfied yet? No, I haven’t had that corner of that cake over there”, or “I haven’t had that one, while they’re standing on my head, with my feet tied.” I’m kidding, I’m a little extreme. But they do have a huge capacity, it’s like huge capacity for all the things, all at once, for long amounts of time.
I actually, early on, was so enamored with shape-shifters because I couldn’t understand how can you lay there for three hours, receiving from five people?

[58:11] Sahara
Yeah, my mind is being blown because I’m like, I’m on the short circuit side, I can’t imagine… In a way that’s very tantric, their ability to just go and keep exploring and be in the container.

[58:25] Jaiya
Yeah. It has that, I don’t mean hedonism in a bad sense, but like a hedonistic, bacchanalian, if we look at other archetypes, it that Dionysian energy of celebrating all of it.
My theory is, I’ve not been able to prove this yet, but this is what I see in my practice, over and over. People start off in one blueprint and by the time we’ve been working together for a year or a couple of years, they’re shape-shifters. And I think that this is because, fundamentally, who we are, is a shape-shifter. We are all of the flavors, we are all of the things and it gets conditioned out of us, that something isn’t okay, or we have a trauma or we have something we experienced in life where we’ve cut off some piece of ourselves, or we’ve covered up, or we’ve hidden away, or we’ve locked it somewhere, and we’re not in the full expression of who we are as erotic beings. In the full expression, if we think about all of it, would be the shape-shifter.
Now, the shape-shifter can have a shadow, which is cutting off those pieces of themselves because they’ve been told they’re too much, they’ve been told they’re overwhelming, they’ve been told they take too long, they want too much, they’re too demanding they’re too loud, they’re too everything, they’re too much of everything, and they’ve tamped down throughout life. And so, they shape-shift to please everybody else, so they still have that capacity to shape-shift to please other people, but they’re not really getting fed, they’re the most starving out of all the blueprints because they have all of them, they need all of that variety and different flavors.
The superpower is that they’re amazing lovers because they can shift, they can shift constantly. And then there’s almost like a six-type, this is somebody who is a shape-shifter that doesn’t have anything positives of the blueprints, it’s only the shadow side. Some people get stuck in all the shadows blueprints, so it’s like a shadow shape-shifter. And that’s someone, you know, once you know your blueprints, there are four things to do, once you know them, and one of the first steps can be healing the shadow sides of the blueprints. So, if you find yourself, you resonate with the shadows of all the blueprints, then there’s healing, it’s like, take one that you resonate with a lot and just start to go on a healing journey.

[1:00:51] Sahara
Yeah. I always, for some reason, thought the shape-shifter was almost like a people-pleaser, of “Whatever you want, I will adapt to that”, but it sounds like it’s not that, it’s more so, they just enjoy the diversity of everything, and even there’s some shame around wanting more.

[1:01:07] Jaiya
Yeah, if they’re caught in their shadow, they will adapt, they’ll people-please, they will adapt to the other person because they haven’t realized themselves, they haven’t realized that they are the shape-shifter, and so they don’t even know, necessarily, that they’re doing it.

[1:01:23] Sahara
So, the shape-shifter is a really just – do you think if you’re in between two or three, that makes you a shape-shifter, or it’s kind of its own thing?

[1:01:32] Jaiya
It’s its own thing, it really is all of them. And so, we all have blueprint stacks, I call it stacking, and that’s, you have a primary blueprint (usually), and then there’s a secondary, and then a third one, and then a fourth one. But if you take the quiz and you do the in-depth quiz and you get different percentages, it’ll tell you “Oh, you’re 20% energetic”, maybe, then you’re 30% sexual, or you’re 40% sensual, whatever percentages it is, break down each blueprint.
Now, when I took the quiz, this was a while ago, I need to take it again actually, when I took the quiz last, I was 33% sexual and 27% energetic, I think it was like 15% was shape-shifter, and then 5% sensual and 0% kinky. Ian was highest in kinky and 0% sexual. So, you can see where we were completely mismatched in our blueprint mapping.
So, it’s really fascinating to me that we have all these mixes of percentages, but really, you’re a true shape-shifter if you’re seeing across the board, almost all the percentages are really close, if they’re all like 20%.

[1:02:51] Sahara
So interesting! Do you find that we tend to attract people, like secure attachment styles, we tend to attract, anxious attracts avoidant, do we attract the opposite blueprints?

[1:03:01] Jaiya
Absolutely, absolutely! And another one to kind of map on, are you an anxious energetic? This is really fun to see because that affects, are you an avoidant? I’m super avoidant, I used to be, I’m more secure now, but I used to be a super avoidant. So, it’s just like, we have our sex and I’m energetic, I want my space, go away. So, it’s all really fascinating in that a lot of energetics will get with sexuals, and the sexuals is going to come towards, come towards, come towards, have intercourse, and the energetic is like “What!?”, total overwhelm. A lot of sensuals with sexuals. So, you’ll see this, it’s just very interesting, it’s almost like all the other blueprints partner with a sexual. And so, that’s fascinating for me, to watch. That’s one thing we haven’t done a lot of polling on, and it would be interesting to see how couples came out, if, almost everybody had a mismatch like that.

[1:04:00] Sahara
Yeah, I would say, for me, I’m sensual and energetic, and then my husband is sensual and sexual. So, what’s interesting about both being sensual is, I want a full body massage, but he wants a full body massage, it’s like “No, give it to me”. So, it’s like, both of us know, like, okay, both touching each other at the same time or taking turns. And I think it’s beautiful that you’re sharing that sometimes it is, you know, being there for your partner and it’s not a compromise, but it really is from your own pleasure to be able to feed them the type of cake that they want to have.

[1:04:39] Jaiya
Absolutely, absolutely! When you can find your own pleasure in both giving and receiving, there’s more freedom, there’s a lot more freedom. And it’s okay to be like “You know what, I need three months of receiving, my tank is empty!” And it’s okay to get other people to help too, in terms of things that maybe aren’t like intercourse, but it’s like, I can go get a massage at a spa and have a very sensual, beautiful, some spas do baths with rose petals and milk, it’s like, what can I do that’s sensual that I can get fed with the agreements of my relationship, and play with that, maybe it’s being with my girlfriends. We have blueprint coaches and we have, a lot of them get together as friends and just tie each other up and do sensation play, it’s not intercourse, it’s not genital touch, but it’s a way of playing with your friends. Remember when you’re kids and you just play sensation stuff and food, you just play? And so, I think, sometimes, we get trapped in eroticism that’s like “Oh, I’m not allowed to feel these things outside of my relationship.” And again, your agreements within your relationship, is it okay to get together with your friends and all of you feed each other chocolate cake in your blueprints, for the day?”

[1:06:01] Sahara
They’re like “Can I come?”

[1:06:04] Jaiya
What! And I can tell you something about their blueprint, if they’re saying those kinds of things. So, I think that there’s ways that we can get creative in feeding ourselves, when our tanks are very empty, that maybe isn’t always about our partner feeding us, and maybe it is. Are they willing to do that? I don’t have a right/wrong about it, it’s just, get creative in what really serves you.

[1:06:28] Sahara
Yeah, I found for myself, if I dance before, I’m so much more in my body and my juiciness, and that’s a me thing, I get to choose if I’m going to do my belly dance practice or twerk, and I will naturally just come into the experience so much more activated, because I’m already in my body, instead of spending the first 20 minutes of “Oh no, my head is still over here and I’m still not really landing”, so it’s like little things like that of maybe you have your ritual that you do at the end of the day and you light your candle and you have your essential oils going, and that’s already doing a lot of the dropping you in work, so then, when you are with your partner, or with yourself, that foreplay has already happened to some degree.

[1:07:11] Jaiya
That’s that toggle for the sensual, yeah, perfect, I love that you’re hearing these things!

[1:07:16] Sahara
Thank you for sharing all of this! And you are so amazing in the Love Sex Goop Show, it was so momentous to see that on Netflix, on mainstream TV, to see, and especially – and how is that couple doing by the way?

[1:07:34] Jaiya
Beautiful couple, had their baby.

[1:07:38] Sahara
amazing!

[1:07:39] Jaiya
Oops, I gave something away, people haven’t seen it.

[1:07:42] Sahara
Oh, is there a new season?

[1:07:44] Jaiya
No, no, just if people haven’t watched Sex Love and Goop yet, and they hear that.

[1:07:49] Sahara
Oh, okay. Well, they’re celebrating their love!

[1:07:53] Jaiya
Yeah, but they’re doing great.

[1:07:55] Sahara
Yeah, and I feel like the show is so much more than just the journey and the witnessing and the watching them unfold, and to see you and Ian in practice too, I think many energetic orgasms rippled across America after seeing yours.

[1:08:10] Jaiya
People were actually texting me saying “I’m having orgasms right now in my living room, watching you!” So, this is really fun and it feels like you can open some kind of portal for both the profession of people who work in sexuality because I think a lot of people don’t think “Oh, I’m going to go see a sex coach”, or “I’m going to talk to somebody who does these kinds of practices and expand our sexuality.” So, it opened that portal, but it also opened a portal for a conversation, just like what we’re having, there are more and more conversations now going on into the mainstream in terms of what’s possible erotically, in terms of erotic blueprints.
And, fundamentally, I think it’s increasing the love and connection that we have with each other. When we can communicate who we are, that increases our connection.

[1:09:02] Sahara
Absolutely! It helps people just understand us and we’re able to connect on a deeper level. So, thank you for creating this incredible body of work, it really is something that I believe has shifted humanity and thank you for being the channel for this vision moving forward.
And where can listeners take this quiz and your courses and learn more from you?

[1:09:25] Jaiya
eroticbreakthrough.com is the website, I’m sure you’ll put it somewhere, link, in the notes, and then jaiya.love is my site if you want to go and find out more about what I’m up to in the world.

[1:09:43] Sahara
Beautiful! Thank you again so much for being here today!

[1:09:46] Jaiya
It’s been my great pleasure, every moment!

[1:09:47] End of Interview
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[1:09:48] Sahara
How delicious was that conversation!? I could’ve chatted with her for hours! It is so fascinating to dive into the different archetypes around our sexuality because this is something that we don’t get to really see in other people. Someone’s personality is very apparent to us but we don’t really know what they’re like in the bedroom sheets. And this also is another way that our personalities manifest, in fact, it’s our most deepest and intimate selves that very few people get to see, and even with our partner, sometimes, we don’t really, truly get to show who we are.
So, I highly recommend doing the quiz and learning about your erotic blueprint so you can have more pleasure-filled, heart-centered, enjoyable sex that not only speaks your erotic blueprint, but your partners, and finding your own that you can share together.

[1:10:37] Sahara
So, I hope you loved this Episode and if you’re interested in diving in deeper with me in Rose Gold Goddesses, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com that link is in the show notes and I can’t wait to have you inside!

[1:10:49] Sahara
Thank you so much for tuning in. Namaste!

 

Episode 433: How To Have The Best Sex Ever Through Your Erotic Blueprint with Sex
Love Goop’s Miss Jaiya
By Sahara Rose