Did you know it’s possible to have an energetic orgasm without any touch at all? In this episode, we dive into the ancient practice of Tantra and how to apply it to our sensuality, sexuality, relationships and self-love rituals. We discuss what tantra is, the difference between “regular” and Tantric lovemaking, the top tips for more sensual lovemaking and what is actually going on when you have an energetic orgasm. Bibi will be facilitating an Energetic Lovemaking Goddess Circle in Rose Gold Goddesses this February so be sure to join us for that!
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Episode 412: Deepening Your Intimacy With Tantra with Bibi Brzozka
By Sahara Rose
Namaste, it’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes You, Your Soul’s Highest Evolvement.
I loved doing this Episode and I have a feeling you’re going to love listening to it because it is sexy!
I mean, Tantra, energy orgasms, breast orgasms, G-spot orgasms, vibrators vs. crystal dildos, we talk about it all in this Episode!
So, a few years ago I went to Tulum and I ended up in this workshop called Energetic Lovemaking that I heard someone say “When you to Tulum, you’ve got to go to this workshop!” So, it was a rainy night, those torrential tropical downpours, and the entire street was flooded and Steven, my husband, was like “I really don’t want to leave our hotel room”, I’m like “We need to go, someone said we should go, we need to go, we need to go”, and he was like “Dude, how are you even going to get there?” So, anyways, I did what we woman do and I dragged his ass and we made it over to this tent that was surrounded by water. And we get into this tent and it’s packed with people, and this Queen starts talking about how we can have orgasms without even touching each other, just from moving the energy that is already in our bodies. And then she dropped on the ground and showed us an energetic orgasm right in front of us and I had never seen a person in real life, who’s not my partner, orgasming in front of me, especially a woman, because I’m straight. So, I’d never even seen someone not touch themselves, just lie down, fully clothed, and just have an orgasm! And she was going for, orgasming for five minutes at least, I want to say. And then she kind of got up and was like “So, that’s the energetic orgasm” and went back to teaching and I was like “What is this magic?!”
So, we became friends and I have been in touch with her since, and I’m so excited because this February, for Valentine’s Day, she’s coming into Rose Gold Goddesses and teaching us an Energetic Lovemaking workshop.
So, in this conversation, we dive into all things – what is this energy orgasm; what was actually going on in her body and how can we cultivate it? Are certain people more likely or more primed to have these orgasms than other people? What is Tantra? What is the tantric approach to sexuality? What is neo-tantra? How can we open ourselves up to cultivate more sensuality, especially starting with our breasts, as feminine beings? What do we do if we have a low desire for sex, feeling like we have a low libido? The conversation between vibrators vs. not using a vibrator, and what she feels about it. How to have this conversation with your partner who may not be open to this type of stuff? And so much more! This is such a juicy conversation. My invitation for you is to be really present for this and to take notes, because honestly, if you applied every single thing that was discussed in this Episode, you will have the most rockin’ sex life of your life and not rockin’ in the sense of you’re having the most number of orgasms possible, but rockin’ in the sense of the fulfillment that you feel from it, the heart, the joy, the pleasure and the connection to oneness because sexuality really is a portal to higher states of consciousness. It truly allows us to feel the oneness that is always available inside of us because when we’re feeling those orgasmic waves, we lose sense of our ego. So, it really is such a spiritual practice.
And we talk about this, in this Episode, it’s almost like you’re eventually going to get to sexuality when you’re in a spiritual journey because you start to redefine the way that you do everything in life, you’re like “Okay, I’m going to eat differently”, “I’m going to start my morning practice differently”, “My Dharma is going to shift” and then your sexuality is going to be one of those frontiers.
So, if it’s new for you – welcome! Or, if you’re already in this, there’s so much to learn and grow from. I could talk about this stuff forever, you’ll feel the excitement I have, and I’m so excited to bring you along in this journey and to dive even further into it in Rose Gold Goddesses.
So, as a reminder, doors are open for Rose Gold Goddesses, my Divine Feminine Mystery School, this week only and we have teachers like Bibi, who’s coming on this February, such incredible other teachers, guests from The Highest Self Podcast such as Christopher Witecki, Hallow Weston, Axel, Amber Valdez, so many more, teaching their expertise in a private Zoon call where you can really get things on a deeper soul level.
So, if you love the Podcast and you’re like “I want to experience this in real life and alongside a community of other people who listen to this Podcast, who care about Tantra and Ayurveda and all things spiritual and mystical and magical and manifestational; and we’re actually going to have an in-person, members only, retreat in Miami this year.
So, if you’re feeling the call, your intuition is saying yes, or you’re just interested in learning more, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com that link is in the show notes and we are so excited to welcome you inside!
So, without further ado, let’s welcome Bibi to The Highest Self Podcast.
And before we get started, I am soul excited to announce that doors are open this week for Rose Gold Goddesses, my Divine Feminine Mystery School.
We have such an incredible curriculum planned for you, including diving deep into the Orgasmic Oracles with Rev. Briana Lynn; Channeling your Highest Self with me; Herbology and Practices for Lucid Dreaming with Adriana from Anima Mundi; Channeling your Muse and Poetry with Ali Michelle; Healing your Womb, Sharing your Voice with Amber Valdez; and Tohai Energy Medicine Healing with Shaman Axel, and so much more!
And did I mention that we are planning an in-person, members only, retreat here in Miami? So, if you are interested in joining a community where Highest Self Podcast is a common language; we are all spiritual queens who live from the heart; embody joy and are deeply connected to the womb and the earth. So, if this is calling your name, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com doors are only open this week, so make this your year of ease, flow, creativity, intuition and expression, with us in Rose Gold Goddesses. Head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com to join us right now and I’m soul excited to meet you and twerk with you in Miami!
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Welcome Bibi to The Highest Self Podcast, it’s so great to have you here!
I’m so excited! I’m a big fan of your Podcast, so it’s nice to be on the other side now!
Yes! And the first question I’d love to ask you is what makes you your highest self?
What makes me my highest self? So, I kind of want to give a two-fold answer to that, okay? If I’m allowed to cheat a little bit?
Number one, I would say, being of service and helping people, inspiring people and being this catalyst of growth. And I, especially, love to empower women, so just seeing them blossom and being a part of the journey is something that makes me feel my highest self.
And then, the second one I want to throw in there, is being in orgasmic states. And when I get into this state of full bliss, riding your orgasmic wave, so I like to say, instead of having an orgasm, I become orgasmic an extended period of time, and extended being, which is really, it’s magic, its’s cosmic, it’s divine and you feel limitless and you feel connected with everything and everyone, and definitely that is the other one I will throw in there.
I love that so much! And, we’ll get more into the energetic orgasms later on in this Podcast, but I had the pleasure of witnessing your orgasm. I can’t say, I could ever say, to any other podcast guest, but I went to Bibi’s in-person workshop in Tulum on Energetic Lovemaking, and you showed us your energetic orgasm right there and I was almost like “Wait, is that for real?” But it was so obvious that it was real, and just your vulnerability of letting us witness you in that state. I think for so many of us, we don’t even want our partners to see us orgasm, we’re like “Oh, what if I’m making a weird face” or “I don’t look good, I look strange”, so thank you for your vulnerability and showing us, and then, also showing us that it’s available without any form of self-touch, you were not touching yourself, you were fully clothed, your arms were beside you, it was like a spiritual experience and I had never seen that before in my life. So, thank you for that!
Yeah, absolutely, it’s interesting. And I started doing because I have observed how powerful it is and how many seeds are planted in the subconscious mind when people actually just witness how the body responds to the movement of energy. And even in one of my workshops, there was a woman who was over 50 and she shared with me that a few years ago someone had sent her a video of a full body orgasm, she didn’t even know what it was, she was not into conscious sexuality, but a few days later she started to have this experience and that is actually what got her into Tantra.
But just from looking at it, there’s already, there are dots connected in our subconscious mind. And actually, before I experienced my first full body orgasm, the teacher showed a video, of half an hour, of the person having a full body orgasm, and then I went into that experience.
So, this is my main intention behind that and yeah, I’m glad it inspires people.
It’s so beautiful just to witness someone in that full expression because it’s like, it’s who we are. Sometimes after I experience an orgasmic wave, your terminology, I’m like “Wow, this is the truth of who we are, this is what we’re meant to feel”, and I’m like “How are we not doing this every day? How are we so busy to try to make money and get success and get this and get that”, that it’s like, we have access at any given moment to feel the most heightened state of pleasure but we’re just like too busy to do it, so, what actually matters to us.
And I think, really, a lot of it is the sexual conditioning and trauma and shame that we have. And you shared a little bit of your story how you were basically Samantha of Sex and the City in your days, which so stuck with me, and every time I hear about your stories, back in New York City – I read one of your Instagram posts that on your 30th birthday, you partied for 30 days in a row (back when you lived in New York) and I love it, that’s so…
So, how did you go from Samantha of Sex and the City to Tantra Tahini?
Yeah, I always say I was in between, I was in between Samantha and Carrie.
There were some love dramas in there too.
But, it’s interesting because back in the day, when I lived in New York, again, I was in corporate life, I wasn’t fulfilled, I was “successful”, earning a lot of money, flying around, got my Rolex and all of that, but was not really fulfilled. So, I looked for that fulfilment in a lot of different things, like we all did at some point in life – partying, alcohol, shopping, traveling, and casual sex was one of them. It wasn’t really meaningful, there wasn’t really much connection, it was mainly a form of entertainment I would say, in a form of validation. Often there was alcohol involved and often you didn’t even know the person’s name or they would never call you again, it was just really shallow, on a physical level. But what’s astonishing to me those days is that actually, many times it wasn’t even orgasmic and I would often fake an orgasm, so I really ask myself “What the hell was I thinking back then?”
But that whole lack of fulfilment was kind of getting stronger and stronger, and that voice in my head, I couldn’t distract it anymore with any of partying and traveling. And it’s kind of, for the first time, that I paused, I was over 30 and my company sent me to Brazil and I didn’t like anything about it, I really did not like neither the place nor my role there, so I kind of hit the bottom.
And once you’re there, it’s enough of a pain to make you start revisit where you are in life. That was a painful enough moment, I call it a mini mid-life crisis when I really paused and asked myself “Okay, what are you doing in this lifetime? What is my passion? What is my mission?” and it was so overwhelming that, yeah, again, it got me into my mid-life crisis and I decided to quit. I embarked on my personal growth journey and I think some of these stories we actually share around that turnover, and once you start, really, your awareness journey, I believe that sexuality will, kind of, pop up sooner or later in this, because you’re just going to start questioning everything you do “Why do I do it? How do I do it? What’s the intention, what’s the quality of it?” So, sexuality came and I ended up on that workshop which I actually ended up almost by coincidence rather than serendipity. And it was a workshop on using sexual energy as a healing modality and my sexual energy had awakened, I had a full body orgasm, I didn’t know what it was exactly back then, but I felt something happen.
Interestingly enough, once that energy was switched on, it kind of remained switched on. And on that same event, I had a little romance, flirting even, actually not a romance, we were flirting with an interesting man who had the same experience. None of us knew exactly what happened, but we started kissing, we were in our clothes and the energy started moving and we started having one full body orgasm after the other, and we just stayed experimenting with that for five hours because none of us has ever experienced this before and it was so powerful, it was so big, it was so beautiful, that we kind of wanted more of that. And we dated for a couple of months and intuitively played with energy and moving it, and when we split, I was like “Okay, I don’t want this experience to be dependent on that particular man, I want to continue to have this nourishing, energetic sexual experiences, so I started reading books. First, I simply started reading books and because I was already experiencing it, to me, it seemed really easy to connect the dots, and to my surprise it was “Why is no one teaching us this, it isn’t that difficult”, and just to finish the long story short, I was so excited about it that I started sharing this with all my friends and talked to them about the full body orgasm and how I shake and what happened, and friends started to come back saying “Well, you talked about a full body orgasm, I think I just had one last night!” And I think after three of my friends came back, I realized that just by talking about it, already shifts something and already plant seeds. And that led me to giving those talks that you attended and now that I called Introduction to Energetic Lovemaking.
And then, I actually never planned on being a conscious sexuality teacher, and I’m so happy because after quitting the corporate job, I went into a much more feminine way and just going with the flow and looking where life is taking me and being present to all those sides, and people started coming back, and more people started coming back and people started bringing friends and lovers. I remember one guy, a handsome guy, came to my class five times. Every time he had a new lover, he would bring her to my class on one of the first dates. And it started growing and growing, and that’s how it all started really.
So powerful! And such a prime example of someone following their soul’s purpose that it’s not set out but you were just like “This is so important to me and other people should know about this, so I can’t help but scream about it on the top of my lungs”, and that just naturally transitioned to coaching people. And you’re going to be doing a workshop in Rose Gold Goddesses and working with people individually and so much more.
So, there’s so much I want to share…
And I just want to say, Sahara, one thing. Also, thank you for what you’re doing because this finding my Dharma, this is the most important, I want to say event, or moment, or turnaround, in my life, and this has changed everything. And I know it’s not easy but, again, I want to salute for what you’re doing because once people find this, you just really become a super human and just, everything changes within and within your environment, and it’s so beautiful, so, just want to say that.
Well, thank you for being such a living example of it and such evidence that your pleasure can be your Dharma; you being of service can be pleasurable and joyful. And I think so many of us, the old paradigm way is “For me to help people is I must suffer, I must be a martyr”, but you’re really helping people have orgasms and experience more bliss and connection to their relationships, connection to themselves. So, it’s just such a beautiful fluid example of what you’re just so passionate about oozing out of you and supporting other people. So, thank you for being you!
Now, before we get started into all the questions on energy orgasms, I know you have them.
So, I know a lot of people watched that Love Sex Goop Show, I don’t know if you watched it, the new Goop Show?
No, it’s on my list, I almost started watching it but I live in Tulum, and the Wi-Fi went out, so, it’s on my list and I know Cherry Winston and some of the Michaela Bloom, some of the practitioners listed in the show are obviously – I read their books and etc., etc., so I know this is absolutely worth watching.
Yes. So, in one of the episodes, the guy has an energy orgasm and the teacher who is Miss Gia, who created the erotic blueprints, she said something along the lines of like ‘someone is eligible for an energy orgasm’, so that made me think. Are certain people more primed or more likely to have an energy orgasm or can truly anyone have one, it’s just a different amount of, maybe, work to get there?
My belief, and what I have seen over and over again, that we, essentially, all have that lifeforce energy within us, we all have that sexual energy within us, otherwise we wouldn’t be even alive. So, it is a matter of learning how to tap into that energy, how to cultivate it, expand it and then start moving it and directing it to where you want. And since we all have that energy, I believe that we are all capable of that.
Now, how long it’s going to take you and is this going to be easy, for some people it’s maybe going to be more challenging? But I have seen people who have not even meditated, have not been spiritual and they just had a huge breakthrough and an energy full body orgasm. And I actually was interested in, what my last lover, who was not into conscious sexuality, who is more like a tech guy, my intention was to initiate him and to see how easy it will be to kind of inspire and guide him into having this full body energetic, non-ejaculatory orgasm, and it took four days. And on the fourth date, he had ten of those beautiful orgasms and it was actually a huge breakthrough for him. So, yeah, I would say that we are all capable of that.
So beautiful! So, for people who aren’t sure what is Tantra, and what is Tantra in general vs. Tantric Sexuality?
Yes. So, let’s say, because they’re obviously different flavors of Tantra – how can I explain it in the easiest way – I would say that Tantra is the ancient spiritual path to the divine where we use sexuality as a portal for growth, for self-realization, for expanding your awareness.
Now, there are different, let’s say, flavors of Tantra. The one that is more ancient and sometimes referred to as White Tantra, where we focus more on the spiritual aspect of it and the expansion, and Neo-Tantra, which is mostly what I teach, where we really tap more into that sexual energy and sexuality aspect.
Love that so much! So, really, more so of this sexuality-focused part would be under Neo-Tantra and then the overall spiritual practice of tuning into your desires as a pathway towards oneness, are Tantra in general.
Yeah. I love how you rephrase that. And there is just, in general, there’s the aspect of sacredness that we bring into sexuality, there’s aspect of mindfulness, awareness, and I like how some people would say that Tantra is actually the new yoga, because there is so many elements from yoga and we use intention, we use sacred space, we use meditation, we use Pranayama, we use more Labandas, and top of that, we’re going to use sexual energy, that it’s almost going to be like the fuel that amplifies those experiences.
Yeah, and Tantra, I feel, is much more of the householder path. So, for the person who did plan to be in society, maybe have children etc., whereas yoga, originally, was for someone who was on a yogic path, which meant that you were going to be an esthetic and not be part of this society, which why so much of it is based off of resisting your desires. So, I think that in this day and age, what most of us are desiring is actually more of that integration of the worldly pleasures in life with more awareness.
Absolutely! And I want to say, in yoga, the sexual desire, sexual energy, would be a little bit more suppressed, while in Tantra, we really see this natural, sacred and something that we want to embrace.
Aha. So, for someone who feels like “Well, I feel like I have a really low sex drive, I feel like I’m not really that interested in sex”, do you think certain people are just born like that or do you think that there’s some repression or shame that’s blocking the sexual energy that’s flowing?
So, definitely, there are different reasons for that, and obviously some people will have a higher libido in general and some people will have a lower libido, but then there are other things like our lifestyle, stress level, general energy level, right? If you are continuously working hard, tired and stressed, then obviously you’re going to have less desire.
Now, what I believe a big part of it is that we don’t really tap into full potential of sexuality. And some teachers like to call it, we kind of almost have this gentle sex rather than having gourmet, farm table, organic sex. And let’s be honest, the gentle sex is not that nourishing, is not that exciting, it’s not something that’s – especially a lot of women who don’t, most of us don’t even experience a general type of orgasms, we might lose interest after a while.
So, to me, one of the big reasons for that is that we never tapped into that soul, nourishing, divine, expansive type of sexuality. Because, I, have seen over and over again, amongst people, especially women, once they do tap into that, it’s actually them wanting to have more sex and that definitely has been my case as well, than their partners.
so true because if all they experience is sex that you’re not even having an orgasm, you’re just kind of doing it to satisfy your partner, of course you’re not going to want to do that, and then might label yourself as “Oh, I just have low libido”, but it’s just like, you’re doing something you don’t like.
Absolutely! If sex, on average, I think there’s different research, but if sex, on average, lasts about 4 minutes, penetration lasts 4 minutes, and it’s a little bit of a slam-bum-thank you-mam, it’s just simply not exciting. And also, another reason to that, because I actually teach, in my online courses for women, one of the reasons women come with is “Oh, I haven’t had a partner for a while, I kind of almost forget about sex and I’m not even really drawn to that”, so, what you don’t use, you lose.
So, it’s really also up to us to cultivate that sexual energy and then the moments that I am single and I don’t have a lover or I don’t have a partner, I still have my conscious, high vibration masturbation or self-pleasure, self-love rituals scheduled, at least once a week, for an hour, in my calendar. And I show up and it doesn’t matter, sometimes I will be tired, I will be stressed, I will not be in the mood, but I am creating that space and it is always, I say, similar to a yoga class. Sometimes you will have to get up in the morning and you won’t be really in the mood to go to a class, but you’re going to show up, you’re going to go there and you’re going to feel absolutely lighter, relaxed and amazing after the class.
So, similar here, you’re going to show up for your self-pleasure practice, you’re going to honor your body, you’re going to cultivate, you’re going to ignite that fire within you and this will, kind of, bring more of that openness and willingness to explore more sexuality.
So good! And I know you have this beautiful self-pleasure altar in your home. Can you share a little bit about how we can make an altar like this? Because I feel like that’s such a great reminder in your day what’s valuable to you.
Absolutely! And an altar just brings so much more sacredness and intention. And what do I have on my altar? Apart from all the things that we like to put on the alter, that are meaningful for us, so it can be drawings of a Goddess, it can be crystals, candles. On top of that I also have all things pleasure and senses-related. So, I want to bring sensuality, so I do have a feather, to work with the touch, I do have all kind of essential oils and rose water, and spray for the sheet, so I want to bring in the sense of smell, then I also have a lot of coconut oil, again, touch and something that I use a lot in my self-pleasure practice, so, bringing all this sensuality tools. And then, obviously, my jade egg, my collection of crystal wands, and how amazing because both the jade egg and the crystal wands are from crystals, so they perfectly fit into what I call a pleasure altar. And it’s a lot of candles, because, again, that will play with the sense of sight. So, just, I would say, a lot of elements that you normally have on your altar, but then bringing in more senses and more things that are related to pleasure.
I love that, so beautiful! So, I want to talk about vibrators, because for a lot of women, their self-pleasure practice is “I have 10 minutes, let me grab my vibrator and do the thing that I know I can do to make me finish as fast as possible.” I know there’s varied opinions on this, some say “If a vibrator is making you orgasm, that’s the only way, keep doing it”, other people say it’s actually desensitizing your clitoris and making you kind of more numb and less likely to have these energetic orgasms. What’s your take on it?
Yeah. So, I first want to say that there’s no consensus on it, and there’s so many opposite opinions on that. And some people say “No, absolutely, go for it, it’s not true that it desensitizes the clitoris”, some others say the opposite.
So, I will express my own personal experience and my own personal opinion (it’s not an absolute truth). But from what I have experienced with my own body and with so many clients that I work with, clitoral vibrator was not really something I would recommend, for a few reasons.
Number one, it brings you in, what you just even expressed, in that fast-forward mindset. You don’t really have to warm up your body, you don’t really have to breathe, you don’t really have to move, you don’t have to take time to connect to your body, you just put a device that does it all for you. So, for me, it takes away the sacredness of the experience, and it also, really, kind of, makes it so fast. I don’t even think 10 minutes, I think 10 minutes with a vibrator, I would say it’s probably 2 or 3.
So, it’s not really that we’re going to be moving the energy or fully indulging in that bodily experience and riding the wave of pleasure, it’s again, slam-bum-thank you-mam, but this time we’re just using a vibrator.
Now, to me, the way that we have love with ourselves, the way we make love to ourselves, sets the tone for our lovemaking style with a partner. So, if we’re just using a vibrator, doing basically nothing, being completely passive, having the device for 2 minutes and that’s it, then that’s going to set a tone for the way we have sex with our partners, it will be fast, it will be mainly clitoral-oriented etc.
Now, I have many clients who shared with me that they, indeed, were feeling less and less. And I remember one of my clients was laughing. At first she was using speed 1, then she had to move to speed 2, and when we talked she was on speed 3 and she was concerned because there was no number 4 on her vibrator. And many women who are addicted to vibrators, also, shared with me that they had trouble even feeling a penis inside of them. And true, a penis will never vibrate at that speed, neither your hand will vibrate at that speed.
So, I would say, if you want to use vibrators, I would probably recommend the G-spot vibrators, rather than the clitoral one. And to me, I just, also want to invite women to go beyond the clitoral type of orgasm, which is great, which I really like and enjoy myself as well, but I always say I like to compare it to an appetizer. And don’t get me wrong, I love appetizers, but I also want to experience a delicious main dish and delicious desserts in my life, not just always stay with the appetizer.
So, this would also take away the focus of just always going for the clitoral type of an orgasm. So, that’s my personal opinion and my personal experience.
I mean, I think of it like a massage tool, there’s like theragun and stuff, but there’s no masseuse’s hands are able to go that fast and that hard like a theragun massage machine. Again, maybe if you have a kink in your neck and you need to it and do it, but I think it’s the habit that, most people I know, who use vibrators, I, myself do not use them, but people I know who use them it’s like, they need it more, maybe they need it as a daily habit, it’s like this nervous habit they have; even, they use it in sex because they can’t orgasm in sex without a vibrator, so it’s – again, I’m all for women having orgasms and it’s like, then, how are we going to take off the training wheels? It starts somewhere and sometimes it’s just like…
And I feel, I know we’ve had conversations of so many women are like “But I deserve to orgasm, I deserve pleasure, and if I take this away, I’m not going to have it”, but it’s really building those neuro pathways for you to experience it in a greater way than you already are, but the only way you’re going to that is to kick the habit so you can actually desire this greater thing.
Absolutely! And you know, I think what’s also important to mention, one of the challenges in our society, is the over stimulation, and it comes in every possible form and to me, that’s a little bit of an expressional bat in using the vibrators that we just need so much stimulation and overstimulation to feel anything.
And I always say to women who are using the vibrator, when you’re, at the beginning, going to put the vibrator away, there will be a dull and boring period of time, because you’re not going to experience that intensity anymore (what you’re used to), but you don’t have the sensitivity yet to really perceive the subtle sensations. And it’s going to take time, and the more you’re going to stay with this discomfort, you’re not going to run away, you’re not going to distract yourself, but every time you’re going to feel a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more.
Now, to everyone, I would say, a much better alternative, again, in my experience, and from the clients that have worked with me and hundreds of them, holistic tool, which is crystal wands. And I will tell you, Sahara, over and over again, women in my courses, first they ask “Do we have to use the wands?” I get this question a lot “Can we join the course and not use the wands?” and then while we do the last call and favorite moment, more than half the women say the first practice with the wand “Where the hell was I? Why was I never introduced to the wand before? It is so powerful; it is so magical!” So, I really, really invite women to explore the wands and the general type of orgasms.
Do you think that before using the wand, one should get more acquainted with their finger, to kind of build that mind-body connection?
So, I actually, my course is first, even, to teach our anatomy and how we can really play massage and activate all the pleasure points outside of your vagina, because this is even the area we don’t know and don’t understand. And there’s so many powerful, beautiful pleasure points, and so many different glands and so much of the erectile tissue that we can stimulate and massage so we, women, can actually have our own erection before we even go anywhere near the entrance of the vagina and inside of our vagina. So, I actually start there.
And to be more precise, I even start a step before, which is our breasts. Before we even go near our genitals, start with the whole body, breasts, then your vulva (outside) and only then finger and then, essentially, later on, the wands. So, that’s the path that I like to follow.
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I love that! And can you speak a little bit about how the breasts, for women, are our positive pole, while the penis, for men, is their positive pole?
Yeah. So, I like to explain it very easy because you can even see how our genitals look like, right? For men it is the penis that literally, I say, sticks outside, and men penetrates the world, impregnates the world with his penis, and that’s his positive pole, that’s where their energy builds up and where he gets the energy from.
Now, for us women, if you look, our vagina, it is the receptive part of our body, we receive inside of our body. But which part of the body literally sticks outside? How do we women penetrate the world? It’s the breasts. We nurture from here, we radiate from here, we give love from here, this is how we go to the world, and this is our positive pole. And you will read in a lot of texts that, and I totally resonate with that, that the heart is really the gateway to a female sexuality, and the breasts are the closest erogenous zone to the heart. So, we really want to open, it’s not just the breasts, we just want to open this whole area. And this area – Mother Nature is so genius, because our nipples are connected to the endocrine system. So, when stimulated, we release bonding hormone, feel good hormone, we relax. So, when the baby is sucking the nipples, we really bond and create that special connection with the baby, but the same is the case when our partner stimulates the nipples, right? And we actually can even have breastgasms. And to me, this was probably one of the biggest discoveries on this journey – how powerful the breasts are, how orgasmic they are and how they completely change the experience of sexuality, how they open your yoni, how they open your heart, how, again, beautiful, orgasmic, that experience of stimulating the breasts can be.
And it’s so important to know this difference because for a man, you can kind of like start touching their penis, pretty immediately, they might be just ready to go as long as they’re there, mentally, of course, whereas for women, if you just start touching her vagina, it’s like “Ugh, get away from me, I don’t feel ready for that”, so it’s so important to start with the breasts and open up the body in that way, otherwise it’s like, someone coming near you too soon can actually make you close up even more.
Absolutely! And I would even say, we call is indirect approach, when it comes to the female body. So, we actually, even before going to the breasts, you can play with the hair, you can play with all the other erogenous zones that we often forget about, the ears, the neck, the wrists, those are all juicy erogenous zones, so we want to activate that. And then we’re going to go around the breasts and only then are we going to approach, slowly, the nipples, which are the most erogenous part of that area, and then we’re going to go to the lower belly, the inner thighs, then we’re going to go to the outer lips, inner lips and the last thing we do, we’re going to approach the entrance of the vagina. And since our vagina’s a temple, I like to say we’re going to ring the temple bell before we enter.
And I teach women in my courses to tune into, with themselves “Is my vagina open and ready to be penetrated?” Is it during the self-pleasure? If you’re inserting an egg or wand, or are you with a partner. I absolutely teach my partners to ask the question and it’s so beautiful and it really changes everything. So, that’s the indirect approach.
That’s such great advice to a question I had which is – sometimes, as women, we’re in our masculine, we’re working or you might be taking care of kids and you’re just not in your receptive state. So, sometimes I feel like I’ve put pressure on myself of “Oh, I should have more self-pleasure and be more in my orgasmic practice”, but it’s like, I’m not energetically there yet so I feel like this indirect approach, it gives you so much more permission, it doesn’t mean “Oh, if I have a night of self-care, I need to masturbate”, it could just be, you just touch your breasts and that can be your self-pleasure practice.
Sahara, you nailed it! Nailed the point with this comment because this is exactly what I show up and say. And it’s both in relationship to self-pleasure and sex with a partner.
Sex does not necessarily mean penetration and an orgasm, it can be just honoring your body, it can be a little bit of a dance, moving your hips, having a breast massage, maybe a couple of breast orgasms, and that’s about it.
I have a lot of different guided audio practices for women where it’s exactly this, there’s so many different ways of experiencing this self-love and honoring your body, and it doesn’t mean, necessarily, an orgasm. And I think you know, this is another, kind of, masculine and goal-oriented approach that we bring to sexuality where there needs to be an orgasm, and there doesn’t have to be an orgasm. You might even enter in an orgasmic state and you might just explore the lower level of arousal, that’s what I incite everyone to do – to play with lower level of arousal or with a medium level of arousal, and stay there for longer, and maybe that’s exactly where you want to be in that day, not higher. And when you’re fully present and indulging in that medium level of arousal, observe how juicy it is, how beautiful and how it has different qualities of being horny and orgasmic. It has a different depth and beauty to it.
Yeah, it’s such a beautiful feeling to just be, like, open and turned on, but living your life from that place, whereas some of us are just 0-100, of we’re just work, work, work, “Okay, self-pleasure; okay, back to work!”
Sometimes, me and Steven joke of like “We should always be one touch away from orgasming and live our lives like that”, and just to live in that open, juicy state where you’re playing with life.
Bur a question I have for you is, what is your advice for women who feel like their breasts aren’t sensitive, they don’t really feel anything when they touch, or a partner touches, their breasts?
Yeah. And there’s definitely a lot of women that are going to resonate with that, and there’s so many reasons for that. Number one, and I actually – so many women are in these spots and I created a course that specifically addresses that and it’s called Orgasmic Embrace. And let’s just say that about 71% of women don’t like their breasts, 71% of women! So, how do you want to feel pleasure in your breasts? How do you want to have orgasmic breasts if you don’t even like them in the first place? So, it already starts with that body acceptance there.
Secondly, a lot of women lose sensitivity because of implants, and I don’t think that information that is given to women is really truthful, most women think there is very little risk from what I have seen. And a lot of peers in my business, again, there is no research on that, but at least half of women are losing, in some way, sensitivity.
Now, another reason for that is the conditioning around breasts and also the way we stimulate them, which is often coming from pornography. And there’s a lot of biting, squeezing and let’s be honest, breasts are really sensitive, there’s about 800 nerve endings in the nipples, so we want to be gentle. And when we come to stimulation, we talk about breast stimulation, it’s not just the nipples, it’s this whole area that we really want to massage and we want to be gentle and slow and explore with different type of touch and different speed and different pressure.
So, I would say, start with self-breast massage, even if it’s 2 or 3 or 4 minutes a day, you can do it as part of meditation, you can do it under the shower, start connecting to your breasts, start having a relationship with your breasts, because, let’s be honest, what we don’t use, we lose, again. So, if you’ve never really played with a breast, there’s little awareness there’s little connection to this part of your body. The more you’re going to start practicing connecting to that part, it’s like a piano player or guitar player; the more they use their fingers, the more sensitivity there will be, the more space in your brain, that part of the body will get.
So, start connecting, start massaging, without any agenda, without any expectations, and keep this practice, and you will see slowly and slowly, there will be more sensations, there will be more happening. And trust me, I had so many women who came to me and said “I don’t like my breasts to be stimulated, I don’t even like my breasts”, and then they become breast-gasmic. And again, if you want to dive deeper, my Orgasmic Embrace course is exactly about that.
I love that so much! And again, that reminder of treating yourself like the lover that you wish that you had, that maybe you’re like “Ugh, my partner doesn’t even take time with me”, but you taking time with yourself will show your partner, because then, when you are in a sexual relation, you can be like “Oh, no, this is how I like to be touched.”
And that’s also really sexy too, a woman that knows how she wants to be touched, because most men are doing what they think women like. They just watch porn and they think “Oh, women must all love nipple clamps and being bit and being spanked”, and yeah, some like that and some might not.
I think also trying different styles of sex, that maybe you guys are in a routine, that you have sex in the same type of way, but trying something that’s a little bit more slow and sensual.
So, do you have any tips on how to bring your partner into this? If you guys have always been having sex for the same time, maybe you feel some shame or embarrassment even bringing this up, how can we bring more sensuality into our sexuality?
And this question actually is asked so often, and I even had some posts on my Instagram, giving people exact phrases they can use.
So, I want to share the following here on this Podcast. Number one, just do it, because, more often than not, we are assuming that the partner will say no, we are assuming that the partner’s disinterested, without even trying. So, first, give it a try. I would, kind of, approach it from the possibility and opportunity angle. So, I wouldn’t say “Hey, we always have sex the same way, it’s boring, I don’t want to do it this way anymore, I want to do something else”, because then you’re criticizing, you’re putting someone down, and it’s a negative motivation. I would approach it from a positive motivation angle, which is, “Hey, I just heard a podcast with Sahara Rose, they talk about conscious sexuality and how we can experience all this energetic orgasms; how we can dive so much deeper; have so much pleasure and new things to explore, and I’m so interested, and you’re actually the only partner I ever had that I even bring it up to because normally, I wouldn’t even feel comfortable, but I feel you’re open-minded, I feel you’re curious and I feel safe with you, and I would love to explore and expand and have those beautiful experiences with you. Would you be open for that?” How does that sound, Sahara? Would you say yes to that?
I love that so much. Yeah, who would say no to better sex? No one! Everyone would say yes to that. I think it’s just, especially as women, maybe our internal shame of “I shouldn’t be the one to bring up these conversations. I shouldn’t be the one to initiate sex because that makes me a slut” and all of these programming that we have, so, I think it’s releasing that. And how is someone supposed to know what we want if we never share it or experience it with them?
And I think that’s the issue with so many women faking orgasms, like you mentioned, it’s like, how is that partner supposed to know what’s actually going to make your orgasm if all you’ve been doing is faking it? And maybe it’s weird if one day you stop faking it, but at some point, you’re going to have to take off the mask and be like “Hey, actually, what I would really like to try is this.”
So, a question that I definitely had was, when sexual energy is building up and maybe your body is almost pointing in the direction of orgasm, how do you resist that? Because it feels like such a biological reflex that our body is wanting to orgasm because it’s related to procreation? And so much of Tantra is to breathe through that and to ride that wave rather than letting it pour over.
And can you explain a little bit the difference between riding the wave vs. having the orgasm?
So, what I would say here is – so, it’s not, obviously, we don’t want to punish ourselves if we orgasm. Again, I would not want anyone to have this kind of approach, but the orgasm doesn’t become like an end goal that we’re obsessively chasing, it’s a bonus, it’s a cherry on top, it’s something that we invite and it happens almost as a byproduct of the breast magic that we’re creating.
So, I would say the following here – I would slow down, because, Sahara, if you slow down and if you’re going to start playing with the lower level of arousal, and I always ask people to start observing where they are, with their arousal level from 1-10 (1 – not being aroused at all; 10 – having an orgasm). Let’s play with the 6; let’s play with the 7, and let’s stay there and let’s even play with the 3. Let’s be honest, let’s start a foreplay, let’s play 3 for 20 minutes and then let’s play in the realms of 5 for another 20 minutes; and then 6; and then let’s enjoy, just, every next level we go on to. So, then, by the time you get to, for what a man is called, point of no return, you’ve already been riding the wave for 2 hours. So, to me, slowing down and enjoying really lower level of arousals.
Now, what will help you with this, apart from slowing down, is being less in your mind. So, not being so much in your fantasies etc., but being more in the sensations in your body. What will also help you is breathing. So, if you’re going to start breathing deeper, and it’s longer, slower, deeper breaths, this will help you to slow down again, and it will help you to distribute this arousal, away from the genitals and all over your body.
Then, relaxing is another thing. You want to relax on every exhale, relax your genitals, relax your whole body, and this will actually also allow you to – this should be this energy all over, and again, ride the wave, because, to get to an orgasm as we know it, this climax-type of an orgasm when it’s an explosion, you have to build up, build up, build up the pleasure, push it into genitals area and then you have to tense for that thing to explode. Even if you take away that moment of tension, there will be no explosion.
So, relax, consciously, throughout the lovemaking and that will automatically, kind of, bring you to riding that wave, okay?
Now, I would say, will this be frustrating at the beginning? Probably. And I’m just going to bring the example of my recent lover. And I remember the first two times, when he got about to a 7 or maybe an 8, and I was like “No, we’re going to slow down”, he was definitely frustrated, for a couple of times, but then for the third time we met, and he absolutely learned to enjoy riding that wave. And what’s important for men, especially, to ride this wave, is that you have to come to peace with the possibility of losing your erection, okay. We’re so obsessed on the penis being hard, big and erected all the time, but a lot of men are afraid of the wave because they’re afraid if they’re going to go back to a 4 (from an 8, they’re going to lose an erection), and maybe sometimes they will, but then often, they will get it back, and either way, it’s okay. So, once we all, and actually, women also get to get in peace that a man loses erection, and it’s not their fault, and they’re not less off, and this and that.
So, when we’re all relaxed about that, we can start enjoying riding the wave, and then, from that moment, we will be able to, kind of, start having those energetic orgasms.
I love that so much, because there is so much pressure for men to stay hard, and then also women, if a guy gets off, it’s like “What’s wrong with me? Am I not attractive? Are you board? Do you not like this?” and that can create issues in your relationship.
And I think that the other side happens too, of, sometimes, when you slow down the woman dries up and she’s no longer into it or wants to go to the next thing.
So, what is your advice to keep people focused and in the container when, sometimes I feel like, a disinterested can happen when you’re going to peak and you don’t have the orgasm and you slow down, that sometimes you sort of are over it?
So, what I would say, again, I probably don’t go so close to the peak so there’s not like a sudden drop. To me, Sahara, it’s more like a dance. A dance meets meditation, meets conversation, meets communion, meets pleasure, and it’s all wrapped up into this beautiful dance of the bodies.
So, I sometimes pause and we share and we ask “Hey, what do you feel, what sensations in the body?” and then we slowly touch each other again and then we talk and then we come back to it and then we move. And to me, again, it’s more a state of flow, going away with expectations, and maybe nor such a drastic move between 8 and 2, but more of a stay all the time at a 6 or a 5.
And, again, no expectation, and practice that will, just, you will become more skillful in that and it will become more natural and easy.
That’s so good and such a beautiful explanation. And I feel like such a powerful connector between two people. And if more couples had that kind of, you know, just intimacy, true intimacy that’s beyond “Oh, we had sex this week so we’re good” vs. that conversation and asking each other how you feel in your body and letting it be this beautiful romance. It’s just such a powerful bond creator.
And yeah, I feel like, in general, so many of us, we’re so used to finishing things in a short amount of time. So, I think time is one of the things that blocks us from really letting ourselves do that because when it’s on the back of our mind of like “Okay, I only have 20 minutes” or “Oh, I need to be doing this next”.
So, how much time should we be carving out for this type of thing?
That’s a great question! and again, I’m going to bring this lover because it resonates with a lot of questions.
I remember when I told him, and many people, when I tell them that I make love for 2, 3, 4 hours, they’re like “What do you even do?” number one and “Why” and “Who has time for this?” And that was similarly the case with the recent lover.
And once we were making love and I asked him “Hey, do you want to look at the clock?” Do you realize how long we’ve been here? 4 hours!” and I was “Do you want to go for a dinner?” and he says “No, I want to continue!”
So, I would say, for self-pleasure practice, at least 1 hour, and when you’re with a partner, at least 2 hours. Now, when you think of it “Okay, who has time for this?” I want you to think of this as a different type of an experience. So, it’s kind of lovemaking meets intimacy and connecting deeply with your partners, meets spiritual practice, meets your yoga and massage practice, and it’s relaxing and it’s uplifting and it’s nourishing and it’s healing and it’s all of those things, and it’s essentially going to make you feel energized, inspired, creative, radiant, and those benefits are just so much more than when you look at the time that you invest into that. And there is so – and again, I received so many letters from women telling me “Oh my God, I became so much more radiant, so much more confident” than our sexual energy, when channeled upwards, becomes, from energy of creation, goes into the energy of creativity. So, your ideas – and I actually love a book “Stealing Fire” talks a lot about that. We really go into higher states of consciousness when we have those prolonged lovemaking sessions. And those higher states of consciousness are not just magical in the moment we experience them, but they do create new neuropaths, so we can see our awareness expands, we can see things from a different angle, we become more creative, we become super humans or supernatural, like Joe Dispenza would say that, right?
So, there is just so much magic to that and it’s, last but not least, something that we have at our disposal, within our body. So, let’s tap into this inner source of power that is available to us at any time, that is free, it doesn’t have any side effects, that only can make us expand and grow and so on and so on. So, what a better thing to spend your time on than doing that. And imagine, that on top of it, you can actually it with your partner on a deep soul level. So, what better do we have to do, I’m going to ask everyone? Where are you rushing off to? What sounds more magical than this?
I agree, it’s reprioritizing what matters to us. And if I said every week, with your partner, watch a movie, a movie is like 2.5 hours long, you’d be like “Okay, I could watch a movie, we’ve already watched way more than one movie” or if I said “Every month, watch one movie, watch 2 hours of television or go on Instagram for 2 hours”, you’d be like “I do way more than that”, but if I say “Every month make love for 2 hours”, it’s “Oh my God, I don’t have the time for that!”, so, it just shows what we prioritize.
And as a society, we prioritize output, so, productivity and getting things done, that we will spend time on, or numbing.
But the real reason why we’re doing either of those things, is to experience pleasure, so let’s just skip the middle man and go straight for the pleasure.
I actually think we do dedicate a lot of time to experience pleasure, but we learn that we need to outsource pleasure and that’s also what we’re sold. We need to get sugar, we need to go shopping, we need all things external to experience pleasure, right? But it’s in there, it requires more time, it requires intention, it requires practice, so, many people don’t want to do it, but it’s much more powerful and healthy and sustainable.
And I think too, it gives our brains a chance to slow down because I know, for me, at the end of the day, I’m like – I create content, so my head is spinning with “More content, more content, I want to listen to a podcast, I want to listen to this course, I want to listen to an audio book”, but almost when I stop, I’m like “I feel like I’m not doing enough, I’m falling behind, I need to always be listening to someone talk” and what this gives us, and whether it’s by yourself, just taking a bath or putting a feather on your body, it just gives your brain a chance to slow down and for you to actually integrate and feel all of the things that we, honestly, are escaping by constantly making ourselves busy or filling up our minds with other people’s thoughts.
Absolutely! And listen, obviously, I have similar challenges, I am busy and my business is growing and things are happening, that’s why I’m a big advocate of scheduling self-pleasure and lovemaking in the calendar. So, it’s really there and everything else that is important for you, schedule that as well.
Love that so much! And we’re so excited to dive deeper with you into Energetic Lovemaking, in Rose Gold Goddesses this February, for Valentine’s Day! Such a great treat to dive even deeper into this work!
So, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us! And where can listeners connect with you and learn from you even further?
Thank you for having me! Great pleasure! I have a difficult Polish name so that always brings additional challenges, that’s why my Instagram handle, it’s a little bit more fun and creative, and @planetbibi, so that’s my favorite social media channel.
Otherwise, you can also find me on my website and because of the difficult name, I also have an additional URL which is energeticlovemaking.com and that will redirect you to my Polish surname domain.
Amazing! And we’ll have those links in the show notes. Thank you again so much for sharing your wisdom with us today!
Thank you! And everyone listening, have an orgasmic week and I would love you to take notes of at least two things you’re taking away from this Podcast that you committing to implementing, that would be a beautiful seed that both me and Sahara can plant here.
Yes! And share them on your Instagram story so that we can see them and reshare them, so we can see each other’s takeaway’s, that’ll be a fun way to spread those seedlings along.
Thank you, Sahara, lots of love!
[1:03:30] End of Interview
How juicy was that conversation! Share with us your takeaways on your Instagram story, tag me @iamsahararose and @planetbibi so we can see them and share them and cultivate the magic that was really being channeled through and coming through each and every one of us. Each of us is going to get unique codes out of this conversation that we specifically need, so I’m so excited to see how it resonates with you.
And I’m so excited to welcome you into the Rose Gold Goddesses community where we’re going to be diving in with Bibi this February and so many other incredible teachers. I have a Womb Wisdom workshop planned for you guys, we’re going to be diving into cervical orgasms and the cervix, as a gateway to spirituality; vocal activation; Shamanic rituals; painting your aura, and so much more!
So, if you’re interested, you’re feeling the call and you want to join us for our community, and our in-person retreat, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com.
Again, that is rosegoldgoddesses.com that link is in the show notes and I’m soul excited to invite you inside this week only!
And if you’re listening to this Podcast later, then head over to the website anyways, to join the wait list and you’ll be able to join when doors open again next couple months from now. Not going to be for a while, so, if you’re feeling right now, I would join now.
Alright, thank y’all for listening and I’ll see you in the next one! Namaste!
Episode 412: Deepening Your Intimacy With Tantra with Bibi Brzozka
By Sahara Rose