This episode is a deep-dive on how to balance each Ayurvedic Dosha and a sample of what my Doshas + Dharma 4 Week Virtual Coaching Program is like. I discuss:
-What Vatas, Pittas and Kaphas are really good at
-What they could use a little work on
-How to balance out the Doshas within you for optimal health, radiant living, inner peace and wild success
Ayurveda is the world’s oldest health system and the sister science of yoga. The premise of Ayurveda is that we are each comprised of three Doshas, or energy types.
To discover yours, take my free quiz:ย eatfeelfresh.com/new-quiz
My Doshas + Dharma Program is designed to help you get to the root of what it is you are good at (which is part of your Dosha), that you enjoy (also part of your Dosha), that creates abundance (which is necessary to do it full-time) and the world needs (because we always must give back.)
Learn more about my program at :ย eatfeelfresh.lpages.co/doshas-dharma-program/
We begin on May 28 and I’m happy to answer any questions you have:ย [email protected]
Let’s take the discussion further in the Mind-Body Balancers FB group:ย www.facebook.com/groups/1213662491998309/
Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor
Get 35% off your Youveda supplements with code “sahara” at youveda.com
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Transcription
Episode 075 โ How To Balance Each Dosha With Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose
Namaste. Itโs Sahara Rose, and welcome back to the โHighest Selfโ podcast. A place where we discuss what makes you your soulโs highest evolvement. This episode is brought to you by YouVeda. YouVeda is an organically grown, family-owned modern Ayurvedic supplement company that delivers yoga and meditation advice directly to you through their app, along with plant-based nutrients and vitamins to your door. I am so excited to be partnered with them because they truly are a testament for making your mess your message.
The founder, Gunny, suffered from clinical depression and anxiety after the loss of his brother and turned to Ayurvedic plants and herbs to heal him. His father is a leading Ayurvedic doctor and helped him become healthier and happier with these herbs, and he made this company, YouVeda, to help other people deal with not only anxiety, depression, but adrenal fatigue, stress, immunity issues, digestive issues and all sorts of other things. So you can try out YouVeda on their website, youveda.com, and receive 35% off with code โsahara.โ Iโm so excited for you guys to try this, and please, tag me in your pictures because their products are adorable.
And now for todayโs episode. The topic I want to discuss today is about how so many people out there are trying to get to know their purpose. They are going to career coaches, and guidance counselors, and therapists, and life coaches, and health coaches, and everyone in between. And they are searching for what that purpose is. But you will never know your purpose until you know yourself. Most of us, we jump the gun and we skip this step. We want to know immediately what am I meant to do with my life? Why am I here? Whatโs my career path supposed to be?
We want to know that end goal, but we donโt realize that youโre not even going to have an accurate understanding of your purpose until you really get to know who you are at this moment. And the more you get to know yourself the more that purpose becomes clear. So we go chasing the goal of this purpose when really rather what we should be doing is chasing the goal to really get to know ourselves from so many different levels. So in this podcast Iโve spoken about a wide array of ways that you can get to know what your purpose is. For me, I believe it starts with understanding your elements. What elements are you the highest in?
And there are five elements: space, air, fire, water, and earth. These five elements come together to create the three doshas: vataโspace and air, pittaโfire and water, and kaphaโwater and earth. But to make it simple, I like to just think of vataโairโpitta โ fireโkaphaโearth. So we all are a combination of all three of these doshas and all five of these elements. And they look different for a set different points in our lives. For example, when you are a child you are more in the kapha stage.
I just put up a picture of me on Instagram of what I looked like when I was a kid, and it was like really, really kapha. So kapha people, they look very earthy, they are young,they have round faces, big eyes, full lips. Very, you know, earthlike characteristics. Earth gives life, it gives nourishment, it gives sustainability. So thatโs what kapha sort of looks like in the body. And then the body, it can look round, it can gain weight, be chubby, and really just centered, calm, grounded.
Pittas, they tend to be more fiery, they tend to have more muscles, they tend to have red hair, red faces. Cause redness are round, and they tend to gravitate towards being hot. They have characteristics like the fire, so they may feel like they need air conditioning on all the time, they may have acidity, which is related to too much heat in the stomach, they could sweat all the time. Anything related to acid, acne is also pitta- related. And then if thereโs too much heat in your body, itโs going to show up in your mind. So pitta people tend to get easily aggravated, they could snap easily, and they can get angry.
Now weโre talk about vata people, you talk about kaphas. So vata people tend to have air-like qualities, so in the body they tend to just get really bloated easily, constipated, gassy, they go float around from one thing to another, and then mentally, they have those same air-like characteristics. So they may get really excited about one thing one day, and then another thing the next day, and theyโre just sort of floating around.
So have you ever talked to like an airy person? Youโll know because theyโre like looking at you, and then paying attention to something else, or maybe every time you talk to them they have like a totally different thing theyโre excited about. One day theyโre like all about being like a personal trainer, and the next day they want to be a singer, and then the next day they want to be, you know, a gardener, and theyโre always changing things.
So vata, changeable, pitta, fiery, and kapha, earthy, sustainable. Now the reason why itโs important to know these things to find your purpose is because the more youโre able to find these elements within yourself. You can seek the career opportunities that crave, that really admire having these elements.So for an example, if you are a vata person, naturally youโre going to be very creative. Your airiness is going to make you want to try a lot of things. You probably love to travel, you love trying new things, you love moving around, you are naturally someone who is just very free flowing in nature. So for you, a career thatโs really going to honor these qualities is going to best suit you.
So for example, maybe you could be a travel photographer. Or maybe you could be a coach who focuses on bigger picture things. Maybe you could work in marketing, you could work in advertising. You have to be working on something thatโs more big picture, otherwise youโre going to get way too stuck in the day to day and execution stuff can make you really just overwhelmed. Vatas, when thereโs too much air energy, they tend to get really in their heads. So they anxious, they get insomnia, and theyโre not able to sleep. So I have a lot of vata in my mind, my mind is definitely mostly vata.
So for me, the hardest thing was always figuring out what I wanted to do. Because there were so many different things that I liked, and I would be all about one thing, all about the next thing. It was really hard for me to like ground down and just do one thing. And the thing is, in life you have to only kind of do one thing until you get good enough at it that you can move on to the next thing. And in the spiritual community there are a lot of super airy people. When you have a lot of vata, that really opens up the crown chakra so youโre receiving source energy all the time. But when youโre not able to ground that down it can make you really just flaky, and those people who are like, โHi, yeah, letโs be friends.โ And you know, you feel like theyโre not fully even in their bodies. And youโre not going to trust someone, youโre not going to invest in someone if you donโt even feel their full presence being there.
So airy people need to focus on grounding, making themselves finish the tasks that they started, but still seek career paths that honor those elements. Now pitta people, they are naturally more fiery, so they like to get things done, they are really structured, they have like this like boss, C.E.O type energy. Theyโre like, โOkay, this is how itโs gonna go. People, make this happen.โ Like that is how they come in, they are not looking around other people for the answers, people are actually coming to them for the answers, naturally.
So pitta people, what they need to work on is sometimes cooling down. Because they can get really riled up and really angry when things donโt go their way. And in life, things often donโt go our way, so for pitta people, they need to focus on, โOkay, Iโm just going to allow, Iโm going to surrender, and Iโm going to trust.โ And that is the biggest lesson for them, and that helps expand them as people. But for pitta people, it doesnโt mean you have to fully go into vata mode or kapha mode. Still use those fiery qualities that you have to achieve, and do, and organize because thatโs what youโre really good at. But at the same time, you just donโt want to be overly dominated by it.
And then for kapha people, theyโre really grounded, theyโre calm, theyโre peaceful, theyโre centered, kumbaya, hakuna matata, theyโre in their bodies. But fir them, they need to maybe work on getting things going a little bit. They may be getting ready to get ready. Theyโre waiting for that perfect moment, which never happens. So kapha people need to learn how to take action. They need to learn how to get that ball moving.
And when kapha energy is stuck, and again, you donโt have to naturally be born a kapha person to have a kapha imbalance, anyone can have a kapha imbalance. But it happens in periods of your life where you just feel stuck, or you feel like you donโt want to go out and try new things. Maybe you feel like youโre in a rut, and thatโs when kapha energy has increased too much and you need to stimulate, you need to shake it out, you need to try new things, move, go to different places, get things moving, and thatโs whatโs going to get you stimulated. Itโs going to help you lose weight, and itโs also going to help you have more creative ideas and execute, and get things done.
So, a question that I know Shaman Durek just asked in the Instagram Live is what are some exercises that I can do to help balance my excess pitta energy? So letโs talk about lifestyle and exercises we can do to help balance each of our energy. So if you are a vata, you are feeling very airy, spacy, youโre having a hard time following through with things. Itโs going to be really important for you to ground your energy.
So one really grounding thing you can do is to literally walk on earth. Walk on earth with your shoes off, this practice is called earthing, and you literally help balance your ions. You know, we have a positive electromagnetic charge, and the earth has a negative electromagnetic charge. So when we walk with our shoes off just getting the charge of the earth. We help recalibrate our electromagnetic field, which is very important. It sounds really scientific, but thatโs basically why you feel so good like after a day of going to the beach, or spending time in nature because you actually helped chance your DNA to go back to the way that it was supposed to be.
But we, as a society, have become very, very vata. Because if you think about it, we are living in apartment buildings, weโre up in the air, we are wearing rubber shoes almost all of the time. Rubber does not let the negative ions of the earth come into our bodies. So there are amazing studies that you can find online showing the rates of diseases and the invention of rubber sole shoes. So when rubber sole shoes began to be popular, the rates of diseases started to go up because we were no longer basically recalibrating our bodies with earth.
And thatโs whey when you sleep thatโs also so important. You know, astronauts and people who donโt sleep, they end up getting diseases, especially later on in life because theyโre so not grounded, and the human bodies were designed to be connected to earth. So grounding, spending time in nature, particularly with your shoes off, your feet in the soil, spending time with animals. Chubby is right here, heโs going to help our electromagnetic charge by just loving us.
So spending time with your animals is really good because itโs a really great reminder of just primal source energy. Itโs really easy for us, especially online technology and all of that stuff to kind of forget that we are humans, that we are living beings that we have animalistic needs. So I find spending time with animals, spending time with kids, people who are still inherently in their divine primal nature is very happy. Because it reminds us that we are just animals at the end of the day with Wi-Fi, and thatโs really what this discrepancy is.
Another thing with grounding is multi-tasking. Multi-tasking will make us really airy, really up in our heads, and thatโs the opposite of what we need if we want to be more grounded, calm, collected, peaceful.So if you find yourself, youโre eating, on your computer and youโre answering Instagram DMs, and youโre doing a million things at once, remember that our bodies were not designed to multitask. So when you multitask youโre actually inefficiently doing everything. You think youโre doing everything, but youโre actually not doing at your full capacity.
So for example, when youโre eating, your body has to know that it is time to absorb nutrients, assimilate the waste, go through the whole digestive process, which takes up about 80% of our daily energy expenditure. But when we are eating while driving, while texting, while doing other things, our bodies donโt know that it is time to digest, and they donโt do so as efficiently. So thatโs why you might notice that when youโre in a deep intense conversation, youโre just scarfing food down your face, and you feel a belly ache after, itโs because you werenโt actually digesting that food.
So in Ayurveda itโs not you are what you eat, but rather you are what you digest. And if you are not digesting your food, youโre not only wasting the food, but youโre actually harming your body. So it is essential for us to sit down, breathe, just taking a few breaths before you eat is such a game changer. Because you know, oftentimes weโre going through life with a very shallow breathe. Weโre likeโฆ go, go, go, go. And our breaths are going about to here, whereas a healing breathe is supposed to go all the way down to the bottom of your belly and really inhale, exhale, deep belly breathing. And thatโs how children breathe, and thatโs the most restorative, regenerative breath.
So when youโre shallow breathing and you go into a meal with this rushed state, youโre going to eat that meal with the same rushed state. And first of all, youโre not going to enjoy it, but youโre not going to digest it, and youโre going to be left really vata, airy, spacy. What is the biggest problem that vatas have? Does anyone know? Itโs digestion. Vatas have the hardest time with digestion because their energy is so up in their heads and not in their bodies that they canโt do the most primal, instinctive thing that humans were here to do, which is digesting food.
So taking a pause, breathing, spending time in nature, eating root vegetables. So root vegetables literally grow under the earth; they have earth-like qualities. If you pull them out of the earth you can see there are roots, and there are vines, and thereโs dirt all over them. Youโre literally eating a piece of the earth. So if you want to be more grounded, you need to eat more food straight from the bottom of the earth.
So what are some root vegetables? Sweet potato, ginger, turmeric, beets. Every sort of root veggie is going to be very, very healing for a vata imbalance. Now vatas also want to avoid anything that is raw or cold. And this is again, when you have a vata imbalance, if your vataโs not out of balance, you can have some raw foods. But when itโs out of balance, you definitely donโt want any because itโs going to be too hard to digest.
So when we cook foods we kind of break down the enzymes and all of the hard to digest fibrous cell walls. So when we cook them, itโs much easier for the body to digest, and we can absorb the nutrients, and then discard the waste. Now when the food is raw, the fibrous cell walls are very, very thick and basically creating a barrier to the nutritional value of the food. So some may say, well, when you cook a food youโre killing some of its vitamin c, and youโre killing some of its nutrients. So isnโt it worse?
But if you are not digesting that food, doesnโt matter. Because that food is just going to end up getting stuck in your gastrointestinal track where itโs going to rot and rot and rot, and then eventually ferment, and then eventually from fermentation it putrefies and it turns into something called ama in Ayurveda, which literally means toxins. And how do those toxins show up? The white stuff on your tongue, those are toxins. So if youโre noticing that every time you scrape your tongue thereโs a lot of white stuff, that means you havenโt been digesting your food properly.
And then toxins end up showing up in different ways. For vatas, bloating, gas, constipation. For pittas, hyperacidity, acne, inflammation, irritation, hives, rashes. For kaphas, mucus, hypothyroidism, sinus issues, allergies, and then gaining weight, diabetes. So toxins donโt show up differently for everyone, which is why thereโs no such thing as a one size fits all diet because we all have different things going on.
So with the vatas we talked about the grounding, eating one thing at a time. Think about anything thatโs up in the air, we want to bring that energy down. We want to connect to the lower chakras, root and sacral chakra. We want to stay away from getting too heady. So you know, probably the best thing if youโre a vata is not to like watch these intense like TV dramas with all these mysteries and action things going on at night. Because thatโs going to put you even more in your head. You need to connect into your body, you need to do things and activities that bring you out of your head and into your body. Like exercising, or dancing, or just spending time in nature hiking.
And again, vatas donโt want to overpush themselves.ย So vatas may naturally be drawn to doing like a lot of cardio, a lot of like spinning, and running, and doing things really fast because vata energy wants to move really fast. Because itโs like the air, itโs sporadic, itโs the wind, itโs always flowing. But what vatas actually need is to ground down. So for vatas, instead of working out at SoulCycle, maybe you should just lift some weights really slowly, and just feel your muscles work.
So for me, I had a really bad vata imbalance. And what I started to do was Pilates reformer, and before I was like Pilates reform is not a real exercise, thatโs for injured people. But actually what it teaches me to do is to really isolate the smaller muscles of my body. So instead of just likeโฆ getting it done like Jane Fonda style, youโre actually really working those small muscles that we often overlook. And when weโre doing, you know, just like jump squat, jump squat, and going really fast, weโre not actually maybe using the weaker muscles in our body, which is what need to be used.
And vata people tend to have a lot of muscular irregularities, as well as bone deformities. So if you have bowlegged legs, if you have bunions, if you have flat feet, any just bone-related issue. If you have double jointedโlike my skeletal structure is super vata as Iโm showing you guys on the screen. You know, your fingers turn out like this, all the just irregularities, youโre popping, youโre cracking, these are all signs that you have a lot of vata in your body. So when youโre doing a lot of cardio, youโre actually setting yourself up for injury. And I see a lot of vata people, they go long distance running, they go spinning, they do all of these things. But thatโs, you know, like attracts like, and if youโre already too vata, youโre doing all of these vata increasing exercises, youโre going to fall into an imbalance.
So do the Pilates reformer, do the slower yoga class, focus on building strength, focus on building balance. Vatas are very, very poor in balancing, so itโs really important for them to practice balancing on one leg. And again, why do these body things for anxiety in the mind and finding your purpose. Like how is that connected? Because the body is a reflection of the mind, and anything thatโs going on somatically, the word soma, Greek word โin the body,โ anything that goes on in the soma is happening in the mind as well.
So when your bodyโs out of balance, your mind is out of balance. When your body is weak, your will becomes weak. All of these things are a reflection of one another. So when you look at what are the ailments that are going on in my physical body? That will tell you exactly what you need to work on in your life. So vatas, focus on grounding, focus on stability, focus on building strength. And all of these things are going to make you more strong, stable, and supportive in your life so you can go out and achieve that dharma.
Now pittas, you have a lot of strength, youโre really going, maybe youโre already at that Barryโs boot camp, but what you need a little bit more of is the fluidity, a little bit more of the relaxation and the letting go, and letting go of control. Because when fire is in excess, it can burn yourself and the people around you. And pitta people love, theyโre very passionate, they really care for others. But what ends up happening is they can hurt the people they love the most because theyโre not thinking about the long term how the way they acted is going to sit with that person later on.
So I like to say look at the relationship of time and you can tell what the dosha is. So vatas are very fixated on the future, theyโre future tripping. Theyโre thinking about, โOh, whatโs going to happen? You know, next year, and in ten years, and whatโs by big vision plan? Future, future.โ Well what are you doing now? โHm, I donโt know.โ Future tripping.
Kaphas are fixated on the past. โOh man, five years ago I should have done this. Oh, I wonder what my ex-boyfriendโs doing. Oh, if I were back in college, the things I would have done differently.โ But what about right now and what do you want in the future? Now, pittas, they can be very, very present. But sometimes that presence can get them into trouble. So pittas may be so present that letโs say a catastrophe happens and they just go crazy and they start screaming, and shouting, and going nuts because that thing is not working out well. And they forget about how much the people around them were there for them in the past, and what itโs going to be like in the future with their reaction. Because all they can think about in the present moment this is not how itโs supposed to be.
So pittas need to work on cooling it down, connecting with the air, and connecting with the earth, and bringing in the water that they already have to recalibrate their energy. So in terms of lifestyle, that looks like anything thatโs going to be cooling and calming. So instead of going to the power yoga class in the heated room, which is really going to bring your pitta up. You want to do the yen yoga, you want to do the tai chi, you want to swim, do something thatโs going to afterwards make you feel like I feel like Iโm refreshed. Thatโs what pittas really need.
You know, pittas naturally gravitate towards the most competitive type of activities because they have a lot of fire in them. So they may want to go to run that triathlon, and they may want to go to the Orange Theory class where everyone scores on the TV so they can like compare how theyโre doing against other people. But thatโs not what they need.ย They already have enough of that competitive streak. They need to learn how to cool down, and calm down, and accept, and trust, and surrender.
So activities that can bring that up, you know. Just floating in the water is a pure act of surrender. Giving in to other people, itโs literally surrendering. There are so many different types of modalities that we can do. For example, thereโs a Japanese modality that my friend, Alexandra Roxo, practices. And this Japanese modality is they tie themselves up, and itโs literally to practice that art of surrender. And they just tie themselves up and they hang there. And for them, itโs very, very cathartic because especially in Japanese culture itโs so on the go, and structured, and very pitta-oriented. That for them to literally just be tied up and like hang there like this, they cry, itโs so deeply emotional for them.ย So if youโre a really pitta person, maybe look into that.
Another example are those floating pods. You know, youโre in a float tank and itโs with salt water, so you literally feel like youโre floating, the water is the exact same temperature as your skin, so you donโt feel any difference between the temperature in you. And itโs silent, and itโs dark, and thereโs no sensation around you, and you just go inwards. And for some people, thatโs like, โOh my god, Iโm going to get an anxiety attack. Like no stimulation, no colors, no sounds? What am I going to do for an hour?โ But for mostโI havenโt tried it yet, I really want toโfor most people who do it, after they get through that level of fear, they feel such a deep sense of coming home again into themselves, which is something that we havenโt experienced.
You know, think about the last time that you truly, truly sat and did nothing with nothing around youโno TV, no book, no cool crystals, no essential oils, nothing. Because sometimesโand Iโm telling you this as a spiritual person, we get lost in the toys. And I love my crystals, I know they have healing properties, but if they leave, Iโm not going to become a shitty person. And we pay so much reverence to I need this tool, I need this workshop, I need this essential oil, whatever it is that we forget that these are just tools that help you become your highest self. But if your house burned down, if pitta took over the world, which is kind of happening right now, are you still going to be the same person without them?
So this is why itโs important for us to practice this level of surrender. To go to the sensory deprivation tank, or to hang yourself, or to just turn the lights off and sit in your room, which is freaking free. Just to do something to remind yourself that you donโt actually need anything around you. And this is an important conversation that I should do a separate podcast about because in this conversation of spirituality and self-care, we have brought on spiritual materialism.
This is actually totally going to be an episode, but the spiritual materialism is believing that we need more things to be spiritual. And itโs the exact same rat race as the consumerismโs materialism. Itโs the same thing. But now you need this shirt with this cool saying and this headpiece for your hair, and these feathers, and thisโฆ Yoga teacher training 500 hour, 800 hour, 20 million hours for me to take myself seriously. And thatโs not, you know, spirit is there already, we are born like ultimate level, atman, spirituality.
And then we forget, and then we start to remember, but then we bring on these humanistic ways of I need this, and I need that, and I need more, more, more, more. Give me all the crystals so I can be enlightened. And then we forget, oh shit, the whole point of this was so I wasnโt like my former self who used to do the same thing with handbags. So spiritual materialism, this is a real thing, guys. It can happen to anyone, not just when youโre pitta imbalanced, but itโs important for us to practice this law of surrender.
And if you noticed you are that kind of person who needs to control everything, and you get frustrated, and you get irritated, and you end up snapping at people, even when you really donโt mean it, and you can just kind of say something and it comes off way harsher than you intended it to. And then afterwards you feel a little bit awkward and bad about it, but you feel like if you bring it up again itโs going to be even more awkward. So you just ignore it and think thatโs going to diffuse the situation, itโs not. People donโt forget how you made them feel. And it may be over for you, but itโs not over for them, and theyโre never going to forget the way that you snapped, the way that you treated them, and especially the way that you didnโt apologize for it.
And then the people around you are going to become more distant from you. And youโre going to wonder, โWhy are they treating me like this? I did nothing wrong. Theyโre not treating me the same as they used to. Theyโre not treating me the same as they did other people. And these walls and walls and walls and boundaries and boundaries and boundaries keep growing thicker and thicker and thicker and you donโt realize that you are the cause.
And a lot of us have parents who were that pitta role because the Baby Boomer generation was a generation where these types of dialogues did not take place very often, and patriarchy was deeply, deeply instilled in the culture. So especially a lot of men are very angry, have a very strong pitta imbalance, and they took it out on their families. So a lot of us had pitta imbalanced fathers, you may have had a pitta imbalanced mother, and you could either go one direction, which is I want nothing to do with you pittas, bye bye, I canโt stand angry people.
Or you could have gone the other direction of, โIโm so angry at you, Iโm so angry at you, and now Iโm an angry person.โ So it goes that one way over the other. And if you donโt heal it, you end up becoming that parent or dating that parent, or marrying that parent that hurted you. And they often say if when you donโt heal your wounds you end up marrying the parent that left the worst scars in you, and we donโt want to do that. Which is why itโs so important for us to do the inner work. So if youโre noticing you have this pitta imbalance going on in you, youโre getting angry, youโre getting frustrated, and you donโt even really know where this angry comes from. Well look at your parents, or the people who raised you and see, is this how they acted towards me?
And go deeper into that emotion because oftentimes what we do when we graduate, when we leave our homes, we say, โOh, got out of that mess. Never going back there. See you guys next Thanksgiving.โ But weโre still carrying those wounds. And until we go deep into them, and dissect them, and then forgive them, theyโre going to keep replaying in our lives.
So letโs say you had that father who was really angry, and didnโt show love, didnโt show compassion, didnโt respect the divine feminine. You need to go deep into why that person has even gotten to where they are. Because chances are, their own parents probably treated them this way. They probably wished that they were treated with love, and respect, and admiration and were deprived that. So they donโt know how to pass it onto their kids.
And again, this is not excuse, but you have to deeply understand why someone behaves the way they do to have compassion for them. And then once you sink into this, okay, I understand why you were that way, you didnโt have a dad growing up, or your mom was never there for you, or you lived in World War II, or you survived a famine, or you were an immigrant to this country and had two daughters to your name, or whatever the story is, and you can understand it, and you can have compassion for it, even if youโre still angry, you sink into the forgiveness.
Because you realize that itโs not even about them, that this darker, deeper imbalance is just moving through them, and itโs probably been moving on intergenerationally. But you make the decision that it stops with you, and that you donโt want to raise your kids with a pitta imbalance, and you donโt want to walk around your day and honk at someone for taking two seconds too long to drive on the green light. Because that personโs gonna get frustrated, and flustered, and taken on to someone else, and then weโre just a domino effect of pitta.
And this is whatโs going on in the world today. We are dealing with a global pitta imbalance. All of the inflammation thatโs going on inside of ourselves is manifesting as a society. And we are seeing it in war, in chaos, in Donald Trump, and ego, and oil money, and all of these things. And all of it has to do with a direct reflection of whatโs going on inside of us. Because when that one person honks at you, you get on edge, and you pass it along, and it turns into this mass epidemic.
So we heal it by addressing the pitta imbalance within ourselves. And when you come forth with this calm, cool, collected energy, you are like the water that puts out the fire for everyone around you. And when that father figure or whoever it is comes forth with that rage, youโre able to not get identified with it. Because when we become angry we are identifying with the anger, and we are empowering that anger, and we are saying that anger is true when that anger is really always a dissolution.
So we have to learn how to come forth with equal pitta energy because pitta, guys, is not just fire, itโs also water. And water is the most delicate fragile element, but also the most powerful. Because when thereโs a fire going on in your house, hell, youโre going to bring out the water. And thatโs the only thing that will blow it out. So we need to come forth with active tidal waves of compassion. And when we see that anger, we do not dance with it, we do not get identified with it, but we come forth like a tidal wave of peaceful loving energy.
And again, it doesnโt mean you even interact with that fire. Let that fire talk, talk, talk until it realize that youโre not giving in, and then it naturally goes inward. You are creating a sensory deprivation tank for that anger. Because when someoneโs screaming and going crazy, and everyone around them is just like not reacting, just witnessing, that person first of all thinks theyโre crazy, but second of all, they donโt have anymore fuel to fight with that theyโre like theyโre probably going to start saying something louder, and meaner just to get a reaction out of you because that fire needs the air to fuel. Which is why sometimes pittas and vatas when theyโre together, the vata keeps talking, and the pitta keeps getting angry, and itโs like the fuel to the fire, and the fuel to the fire.
But when you come through with that kapha, and not the shadow side of kapha of โOh my god, I need to help you and make everything better.โ But that strength of the water, which pitta also has, the water element, and just hold that space and witness it, and watch it move through, and watch it crash and burn, and become the child that it is. Because anger is always a child that seeks to express itself, and then you ask it to just breathe.
And I remember witnessing this in my shamanic training. And there was this woman who was on the training who she was from Germany, and she was very, very aggressive, pitta energy, and the second day of the training, she just had a meltdown. And she was like, โMalaika, I hate this training, I fucking hate you. You donโt know what the fuck youโre doing, this shit is a waste of money. This is bullshit, this is a fucking joke.โ Like going ballistic, like screaming, having a panic attack. And this is not like a โIโm going through something about my childhood,โ she is screaming at Malaika, the teacher.
And sheโs like, โIโm leaving, Iโm getting on the next flight back. Give me back my fucking money.โ And we were all just likeโฆ And then Malaika just looks at her, and sheโs like, โNow breathe deep into it.โ Sheโs like, โIโm not joking. This isnโt a joke. This isnโt a training process. Iโm telling you the truth. I fucking hate you, youโre full of shit, and Iโm leaving.โ And then Malaikaโs just likeโฆ And this woman, she kept screaming louder, louder, louder, collapses to the floor. Sheโs fetal position, shaking on the floor, crying so hard, cathartically releasing like a child.
And then from that anger she just softens into this sob. And sheโs just crying like the kind of cry that you want toโlike before you want to run away, now you kind of want to come hug her. But Malaikaโs like, โDonโt, just donโt go near here. Just witness the process.โ And from this angry dragon she turned into this soft crying kitten, and then Malaikaโs like, โJust keep breathing.โ And as sheโs crying she starts doing the breath. She didnโt leave her room the rest of that day. The next day, she was not the same person. This tyrannical, angry woman had softened into a goddess, and the look in her eyes had totally shifted.
You know some people are just angry you could see in their eyes. Her eyes had become just joy, and love, and not in a fake way, in a like something literally, some old dark vale you were holding onto is just lifted. And Malaika gave her a new name, Ananda, which means bliss. And for the rest of that training was truly the most blissful woman ever, and she ended up teaching the work, and she teaches shamanic activation in Germany now.
And just from that one breakdown she was having, most of us, I myself probably at that time would have, โOh my god, are you okay? Okay, letโs talk this out. Do you need anything?โ People would have been like, you know, making sure to keep everything calm. But when someone is going through that pitta imbalance, you need to let them go through all of the waves of the emotion until there is no sensation around them, and they can go deeper into the emotion within. Thatโs why they call it holding space, youโre literally holding the space around them to go through their own experience.
And once they go through and they go deeper into it, and that child that just wanted to be seen, and recognized, and loved comes out, and they realize theyโre not a child anymore. Theyโre here, and they donโt need to hold onto that anger anymore. It was just an illusion holding them back from who they truly areโananda, blissโand then they can move forward. So when you see that pitta rage, I want you to just hold the space.
Okay, narcissistic behavior. Narcissistic behavior definitely stems from that same wounded child, and it comes from a pitta imbalance as well. So narcissistic behavior truly stems from not being seen, heard, and witnessed in your childhood. And when you were deprived that, you know, the kid naturally, children want affirmation from the outside because theyโre so new to this planet, and things were so different in the astral plane that when they come on this planet theyโre like, โWhatโs going on? Oh, I have to do these tests. Is this a good job?โ Because they have no idea whatโs going on here.
So when they donโt get that affirmation, when they donโt get that love and that validation, then they end up trying to seek that validation from themselves, and this is when the narcissism begins.And itโs coming from a deep sense of self-survivalhood, and itโs a root chakra imbalance, guys, also. So the root chakraโs in charge of all survival-related issues. So when you donโt feel safe, when you donโt feel heard, you donโt feel loved, you begin to think that no one cares about me on this earth, itโs not safe for me here, Iโm not wanted here. So Iโm going to just validate myself. And if I validate myself enough, then other people will validate me, too. It sort of comes from this fake it till you make it, but a really deep shadow side of it. And when I say shadow side, that means a darker side.
So then that person starts to say, โAh, Iโm the best, I got this, I got it going on.โ And at the beginning it could be great, it could be like positive affirmations in the mirror, but itโs not coming from a sense of healing. Theyโre not actually healing that part of them that wasnโt seen and heard. They are surface level just saying, โIโm the best, Iโm the greatest, I got it going on,โ which is why Iโm not a big affirmation person. Because I can tell myself in the mirror, โI am strong, courageous, and beautiful.โ And if I donโt believe it, what am I saying? You know, itโs just words.
So with the narcissism, itโs just this shallow confidence that comes from this deep, deep sense of insecurity. And they feel like if they donโt projectile their ego, their ego will be shattered. So oftentimes narcissists had very overbearing parents or no parents at all. Itโs normally from these extremes that we see. They either were slammed to the ground or werenโt validated and this rises in a false sense of egohood.
So itโs very easy for us to confuse a narcissist with a confident person, which is why so many of us have. And thatโs where, you know, sociopaths really come from because they seem totally normal, and cool. You know, a lot of times narcissists are very good at reading people and theyโre good at telling you what you want to hear. But itโs not really to please you, itโs so you like them because again, narcissism comes from a very deep sense of insecurity.
So detaching yourself from the needs of narcissists. If you feel like you need that narcissistโs love, validation, approval, that is slipping out of your kapha side. Because the pitta and the kapha can get into this narcissist-savior relationship. Because the kaphaโs like, โLet me hold space for you. Let me make sure youโre okay. Let me help you get through this. Iโm gonna be here.โ The vata would kinda be like, โUh, bye.โ The kaphaโs like, โWe got this, weโre gonna work through this.โ But what ends up happening is the pitta takes advantage of that kapha energy, and the kapha, the shadow side it really deeply wants to be needed.
So the narcissist wants to be heard, the kapha wants to feel needed. So they can really fit in each otherโs holes very easily, creating a very frustrating and bad relationship. So for the kapha, they need to heal that part of themselves that wants to be needed, you know. A lot of times kaphas go through life helping everyone around them. โIโm helping my mom. Iโm helping my brother. Iโm helping my grandma. Iโm helping all of these people.โ But when you donโt first work on having validation in yourself, then youโre actually just trying to help all of these people because you want to feel loved and approved by them.
So if you feel like there is this narcissist in your life that is taking away from your energy and just trying to use your energy to lift themselves up, and itโs coming from this deep sense of insecurity, Iโm sorry, the only thing you can do is walk away. There is no way you can heal a narcissist. Not saying they canโt heal, but they can only heal themselves. You can provide, you know, suggestions for workshops they go to. Thereโs Narcissists Anonymous, and there are a lot of things like that. You can suggest they go to a shadow work healer, they can go to a shaman, they can go to a lot of things. But you canโt be that person because you are too invested in their life.
And when thereโs too much to tango, theyโre not going to take you seriously, and theyโre not going to see you as a teacher because youโre too mutually invested on a personal level. So if you want to truly heal them, you can give them some tools and resources, but they have to want to heal themselves. And the sad thing that happens is most of the time narcissists donโt see it, and then they say, โIโm not a narcissist, youโre crazy. Ah!โ They go crazy on you because you would not get so offended if you werenโt that thing.So the fact that you even calling them a narcissist makes them goes ballistic shows that thereโs something there that needs to be healed.
But if you keep trying to be the punching bag for them, theyโre not going to change, and youโre going to end up weak and hurt, and Iโve seen this happen, guys. The only thing you can do is walk away. And by you walking away, youโre actually doing the most healing and help you can do to that narcissist. You want to know why? Because that narcissist is able to see that everyone around me that I love has left me. And when they see that, when they see they are left alone in their pity party, and their brother, their wife, their sister, their kids have all left them because of the same exact reason that they are a narcissist or theyโre an angry person, they will have no choice but to change. Otherwise they will die alone, which is the exact opposite of what they want because theyโre deeply insecure people and need the validation of others.
So the best thing you can really do is walk away and say, โNo. I refuse to be treated like this. This is not how you treat me or anyone, and Iโm going to walk away because Iโm only going to show up for people who treat me like an actual human being, and you are treating me like a fucking animal.โ And they may be mad, and they may try to bring you down, down, down, down until you get to that place of needing them again, but you have to walk away until you can regain your strength. Because if you stay, youโre going to end up so weak that you will never be able to stand up for them.
But if you walk away, and you do your thing, and you build yourself up, and you live your life, one) that narcissist is going to call you because they can sense that strong energy and they want that. So theyโre going to call you, theyโre going to try to bring you back into their life. But you can say, โListen, Iโll come back into your life, but you need to get help. And if you ever treat me like that again, without hesitation, I will hang up the phone or I wonโt talk to you.โ And you know, if itโs like a geographical thing, and you moved away from the narcissist, I recommend not going and meeting in person again because you might get back in that situation.
But maybe trying to once youโve gained the strength, which may take months, which may take years, once youโve gained the strength and you feel like youโre strong enough to come back into their life without them bringing you down, entertain the relationship on the phone, and then set clear boundaries when you meet in person. Iโm going to stay in this hotel, and you can stay here, and we can meet up in a public place. And meet in the public place because that way the narcissist canโt go crazy, and scream, and have a you know, a crazy fit.
But sometimes when youโre in private, or when youโre in the same places where a lot of the fights have taken place before, then the same patterns can reemerge. So itโs like taking baby steps of coming back together, itโs almost like that. Be in separate places, meet in a public place until you feel like they haveโand make sure theyโre doing the work, theyโre getting help, and that help is not from you. That help is from a coach, a shaman, a professional of some sort. It doesnโt have to be a psychologist, it can be any sort of transformative healer. They can sit on ayahuasca ceremony, but they need to be doing something thatโs actively helping them. And if the narcissist is not willing to help themselves, all you can do is set those very, very clearly defined boundaries, and keep your space. But you continuing to live with them, to listen to them, work with them, is not helping anyone, so you need to set those boundaries.
So letโs talk now about the kapha. So kapha energy is calm, itโs collected, itโs peaceful, itโs loving, itโs humorous, it is the friend that everyone comes to when they have a problem. But the shadow side of that, which everything has its shadow side, is that it can often take on other peopleโs issues. Kaphas want to make sure everyone around them is okay, but what ends up happening is they donโt set the clearly defined boundary for themselves. And they end up getting so tangled in everyoneโs life that they lose themselves. So I think of, you know, the grandmother whoโs making sure all the grandkids are okay, and taking care of the kids, and doing all of the things. But when you ask her whatโs your purpose? โI donโt know, my purpose is you guys.โ
And, you know, we look at this from this place of deep love, which it is, but are you actually showing up as your fullest self when your fullest self is just what everyone else around you needs? Because then you are not being yourself, but you are actually just showing up as the gaps of other people. Oh, you need this, Iโll be that. Oh you need me here, Iโll be there. But who are you without that? And thatโs why we see so much the mothers whose kids go off to college and then they have no idea who they are underneath it all.
And that is coming from the exact same energetic space. And this is a space that society has encouraged women to be a part of. They told you, you must sacrifice everything for your kids. You must do everyone for your husband. Who are you without your family? So the sense of self has not really been activated in former generations of women. And those who did were seen as selfish, as masculine, as unfeminine and domineering because they were someone else outside of their families. Whereas a man was someone else outside of his family, heโs just a normal man.
So the kapha carries the deep wounds of the feminine because kapha is that mother earth energy. And it naturally wants to give, you know, why do women keep on giving so much because a deep desire in them wants to provide. You know, motherhood is innately distilled in all of our DNAs that even if you donโt have a child but youโre handed one, you instinctively know what to do. So this is our super power while it can be our Achilles heel. It is our super power because the maternal instinct is what keeps life moving. Without sacrifice, the child would never be raised. So it is a beautiful energy, the energy of the earthโs wisdom of mother nature, but it can also turn into forgetting who you are.
So kaphas will often find themselves in jobs where theyโre providing service for other people, they may be in customer service, human resources, they really care about relationships. And this is what they do best, and this is great for them. Kaphas donโt want to be the C.E.Os and have all of the expectations on them and have to persevere every day. They like to be able to turn off, they like to help people, they like to provide. But when left out of balance, they end up taking advantage of and depleted. And the thing is, for them itโs not even taking advantage because they donโt realize it. Itโs almost like human nature for them to, you know, go out of your way for someone even though itโs not even work hours. Or to not sleep all night because a friend called you on the phone, like thatโs how they are, that doesnโt even seem like a sacrifice for them.
And as long as that feels okay, itโs okay until it doesnโt. And when there are no clearly defined boundaries there, the people around you donโt really know whatโs okay and what isnโt. You know, you may have been annoyed that your friend wanted to talk and call all night, but you did it anyway. So then when your friend does it again the next night, and the next week, and the next month, and is always calling you with all of their problems, they honestly think that you like doing it because youโve never said anything.
So youโve sort of created this expectation of Iโm always here whenever you have a problem, and you did mean it, but you didnโt always mean it, but you didnโt really say, โIโm here unless X, Y, Z,โ because that just sounds kind of bitchy. So there isnโt this skewed understanding of whatโs okay and whatโs not. And kapha, if youโre in this kapha dynamic, you have to know that itโs never too late to set a boundary. And you can say yes, and then say, โActually, itโs feeling like a no,โ or, โYou know, that was okay with me before, but Iโve shifted some things in my life and now itโs not.โ Or, โI would prefer instead of texting me all day, you sent me an e-mail. Or once a week, we can meet in person and talk on the phone. And Iโd love to also share with you whatโs going on in my life if youโre interested in hearing.โ
And most of the time that personโs going to say, โYes, of course, thanks for telling me,โ but they just didnโt know that you felt that way because you didnโt express it. So kapha, you have to let people know whatโs up, they canโt read your mind. Theyโre reading your actions, and when your actions are always yes, it seems like itโs an always yes. And itโs never too late to begin standing up for yourself. Itโs never too late to say, โThis doesnโt feel right anymore. I know I agreed to this, but situations were different at that time. And this is whatโs going on now, and I hope you can respect it, and I love you so much.โ
ย And just come from a place of love and compassion, and say what it is you need to say to be okay because no one wants you to run yourself dry. No one is deliberately doing that unless Itโs the narcissist. But most people think that your boundaries are just something different than what it is. So exercising that speaking up for yourself, that saying, โThis is actually how I do things and itโs a little bit differently than how we have been doing things, or Iโm going to make a shift in how, and I hope you can respect that, and I respect if you no longer want to work with me, or you want to be in a relationship with me, or you want to be friends with me,โ or whatever that thing is.
And again, you donโt have to be a kapha to be in the situation, weโve all been in this situation. Especially in this day and age, itโs like we are like asking for favors for each other all the time because thereโs so much going on that we donโt really know what we can ask for and what we canโt. And back in the days of the villages there was like a few mothers who took care of the kids, and they all took turns, and different people had different tasks, and there was no real question about it. Everyone was like, โThis is your role and this is how you serve in society.โ
But now we are playing so many different roles, we are all so many different archetypes, and wear so many different hats that itโs hard to know what you can ask people for, what you can do yourself. All of this is really blurred for everyone right now. And this is the time that we all have to practice speaking our truth, and setting our boundaries, and being open also to the fact when someone else may change or voice their boundaries. Because weโve also been in situations where we were doing things and things were going well, and then maybe that person we were working with was like, โActually, I wanted to tell you that this isnโt working.โ And youโre like, โHuh? What? This is what Iโve been doing the whole time.โ And part of you is sort of angry at them. You do sort of get into this pitta state. But you have to also have compassion because you have been the other person in the situation, and you will, again, be the other person in the situation.
So when someone says, โYeah, I know that weโve been posting giveaways on each otherโs Instagrams every week, but now I donโt really want to do that anymore. My vision has changed, and Iโm sorry, like this is just where Iโm at right now.โ Donโt be like, โWell, weโve been doing it this whole time, what did you change? This was set in stone.โ Donโt be that pitta. Be like, โOh, okay, cool. Thank you so much for expressing that, I appreciate it, and let me know how you can envision us supporting each other in the future, and Iโm all ears.โ Because then that personโs going to be like, you know, that personโs probably really nervous to tell you, so theyโre going to be like, โBreath of relief.โ
And then youโre going to be able to tell other people things because youโre going to see, โOh wow, this person told me that, I responded calmly.โ So people can have these calm reactions, and youโre also manifesting those sort of understanding reactions as well at the same time. So everyoneโs able to have a more clear law of communication than this like rigidity, set in stone, pitta dynamic, which the patriarchal era was very full of. So be open, be open to new rules, and new conversations, and potentially uncomfortable moments that will make our life a lot more comfortable in the long term.
So how is this connected to our dharma, our life purpose? So each dosha has its own strength and its own weaknesses. And itโs only when we truly get to know ourselves that we can find out what our purpose is. So I created a system called the โDoshas and Dharmaโ program. And itโs where I discuss these three doshas in-depth, help you understand how they show up in your life, and then guide you through a four-week journey on how you can discover your life purpose.
It comprises of five group meetings with your Doshas and Dharma coach, four weekly calls, live calls with me, five videos and PDFs all made by me, all about finding your purpose, discovering your strengths, finding the things youโre good at, what you can make money doing, what can support the world, and how you fit into all of this. And we end the whole four-week program with writing out your purpose statement and speaking it out into our group in a safe, clearly held space where all voices are welcome.
And you will leave this program knowing clearly why youโre here, what your purpose is, what your mission is to serve the world so you donโt waste anymore time, end up in situations that you easily could have diverted, like the narcissist-giver situation, or not being able to speak your truth, youโre floating around to too many jobs and too many things without grounding. All of these things stem from doshic imbalances. So when you address the imbalance going on in your mind and in your body, you can address the imbalance in all areas of your life.
So I invite you to join my โDoshas and Dharmaโ program. You can find it on my website, iamsahararose.com. And we begin on January 28th, this is an annual program once a year, so it will not be held until next year, and it is my only live coaching program. So if youโre interested in working with me, asking me live questions, if you think my podcasts are good, these go so much deeper. Iโm giving you step-by-step approaches that you can enter into your life for actualized results. And this is the second time Iโm guiding the program, I already have 22 graduates, all of which are living out their dharmas now. So Iโve learned a lot from that first time, but the message is the exact same, which was all channeled through me in just a day, and I created into this program.
So Iโm so excited to share this wisdom with you and watch it transform your life, and the lives of those around you. Because we are all interconnected, and when you rise, the world rises. I look forward to having you, check it out on my website, again, iamsahararose.com. You can also click the link in iTunes or Soundcloud, wherever youโre listening on highestselfpodcast.com. We begin May 28th, itโs application only, and I canโt wait to meet you there.
And if you loved this episode and youโd like a little gift for reviewing it, I would love to send you the first half of my unreleased book. Itโs called โEat Right For Your Mind Body Type.โ It is not available for sale anywhere, it never will because now it is โEat Right For Your Mind Body Typeโ 12-week guided program infusing Ayurveda with modern nutritional science. So as a free gift for reviewing this episode in the iTunes store. You just head over to iTunes on your phone, on your computer, click โWrite a Review,โ write a nice review, take a screenshot of it, and e-mail it over to me before you hit โSubmit.โ My e-mail is sahara, S-A-H-A-R-A, @eatfeelfresh.com and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book โEat Right For Your Mind Body Type.โ I hope you loved this episode, and Iโll see you on the next one. Namaste.
Episode 075 โ How To Balance Each Dosha With Sahara Rose