I always prided myself on being chill. Level-headed. Understanding. Almost impossible to provoke. I grew up with an angry father, and I decided anger belonged to him, never to me. Then my dark night arrived, and so did my rage. There she was. My shadow.

Shadow work is the practice of meeting the parts of yourself you were taught to hide. These shadow work prompts come from my journey with the Dark Feminine. Grab your journal, light a candle and be honest. Nobody’s grading this.

What Is Shadow Work?

Carl Jung called the shadow the parts of ourselves we disown, the traits and emotions we push into the unconscious because they didn’t feel safe, acceptable or “good.” What we hide doesn’t disappear. It shows up in our reactions, our relationships and the people who drive us up the wall.

For women, the shadow often holds our anger, our desire, our ambition and our power, everything the good girl learned to swallow. Read good girl syndrome and dark feminine energy.

Before You Begin

• Choose a quiet time when you won’t be interrupted.
• Write without editing. Messy is perfect.
• Notice your body as you write. Shadow often shows up as tension or heat.
• Go slowly. Pick a few prompts at a time.
• If something heavy comes up, reach out to a therapist or trusted friend.

Shadow Work Prompts for Beginners

1. What emotions was I praised for as a child? Which ones got me in trouble?
2. What did I learn a “good girl” is supposed to be?
3. Which of my emotions do I judge most in myself?
4. When do I say yes when I mean no?
5. What do I apologize for automatically?
6. What part of myself do I hide on a first date?

Prompts for Rage

Women learn early that anger makes us difficult, dramatic or too much. An angry woman might say what happened, stop protecting someone, or leave. That’s exactly why rage is so powerful.

7. What am I angry about that I’ve talked myself out of feeling?
8. Who do I find compassion for faster than I find it for myself?
9. If my rage could speak without consequence, what would it say?
10. Where did someone cross a line I never named?
11. What did I tolerate for far too long?

Prompts for Disgust and Disappointment

12. What can I no longer stomach in my life, my work or my relationships?
13. Where am I turning someone else’s actions into evidence against myself?
14. What timeline did I secretly believe my life would follow?
15. What future am I grieving?
16. What story has disappointment written for me, and where does my life contradict it?

Prompts for Projection

We project our unowned traits everywhere, especially onto the people who irritate us. Think of a few people who get on your nerves, someone you know or someone you follow online.

17. Who gets under my skin in a way that feels a little too intense for what they’re actually doing?
18. What do they allow themselves to do that I would never let myself do?
19. Where have I gone so far in the opposite direction that I’ve become rigid?
20. What quality might be hiding underneath the behavior I judge? Freedom under the chaos? Confidence under the self-obsession? Sensuality under the attention-seeking?
21. What would it look like to embody 10% of that quality in a way that feels like me?

Prompts for Love and Attraction

Good girls date their shadow. We’re drawn to people who embody what we’ve suppressed. The bad boy gets to be bold, assertive and unapologetic. The mysterious, aloof guy gets to keep something just for himself. Maybe you want some of that for yourself.

22. What qualities am I most attracted to in a partner?
23. Which of those qualities have I disowned in myself?
24. Whose complexity am I fascinated by, and how might I be avoiding my own?
25. What would change if I became my own edge, my own mystery, my own adventure?

Prompts for the Archetype You Resist

26. Which feminine archetype do I judge in other women?
27. Which archetype did my mother live in most? Which one did she never access?
28. Did I build my personality as the opposite of my mother’s shadow?
29. What would my Dark Feminine say about my life right now?
30. Which part of me have I called “not me” that might hold my biggest medicine?

Learn more in the feminine archetypes and the integrated feminine.

After You Write: Move It Through Your Body

Shadow work isn’t only intellectual. When rage comes up, give it somewhere to go. I practiced Kali breath in my car, tongue out, grunting and screaming. Punch a pillow, stomp, shake or growl. When disgust rises, spit into a bowl from that deep, croaky place. Let it be as gross as it wants to be. Your body has been waiting to have its reaction. Read the Triple-E Method.

The Dark Feminine Lightens You

For all this talk about darkness, integrating your shadow makes you lighter. You’ve ugly cried, questioned everything and met parts of yourself you didn’t know were there. At some point you start to laugh. Today’s tragedy becomes the story you’re crying-laughing about with your best friend five years from now.

The Dark Feminine chapter of Maybe This Love Story Is Really About Me goes deep into sacred rage, disgust, disappointment and dating your shadow.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the practice of exploring the parts of yourself you’ve hidden or disowned, so you can integrate them and become more whole.

How do I start shadow work as a beginner?

Begin with simple journal prompts about your childhood conditioning and the emotions you judge in yourself. Go slowly and be gentle.

Is shadow work safe?

For most people, journaling is gentle and safe. If difficult memories or trauma come up, work with a licensed therapist.

What does shadow work have to do with the dark feminine?

The Dark Feminine archetype represents the parts of women that were labeled too much: rage, desire, boundaries and power. Shadow work helps you reclaim them.

Listen to the Highest Self Podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.