Do you want to make an impact in the world through sharing your message but you’re afraid of people not liking you, rejecting you, or saying you’re not an expert? Then this episode is for you! In this conversation with publicist turned author who helps people get their own press Julie Solomon, we dive into questions like:
How do I overcome the fear of being judged?
What if other people are saying something similar to what I want to say?
How do I nail my origin story?
How can I pitch myself to podcasts and media?
And so much more. She also shares her four-part method to pitching yourself to actually get yes’s.
This is a super actionable, must-listen episode to coaches, content creators and anyone that wants to share their message with the world!
Early Bird Enrollment is now open for the Fall class of Dharma Coaching Institute! Become a thriving career as a Soul Purpose + Spiritual Life Coach in the next six months. Learn more: https://dharmacoachinginstitute.com/
Connect with Julie and get her new book at http://www.juliesolomon.net and https://join.juliesolomon.net/getwhatyouwant/
Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor
Order My Books: www.iamsahararose.com/books
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Episode 448: How To Overcome Your Fear of Sharing Your Message with Julie Solomon
By Sahara Rose
Namaste, it’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes You, Your Soul’s Highest Evolvement.
I am really excited to share this Episode with you because it’s an Episode that I wish I had earlier on in my journey.
So, if this is your first time listening, I began my journey, first, as a Health Coach, then an Ayurvedic Practitioner, and then, essentially, shifting into spirituality, but having a lot of fear around what other people would think if I was too young. I had so much fear growing up, wanting to get my parent’s approval, that I didn’t want people to not like me. And I had never met anyone before who was an author or influencer or any kind of person putting content out there, so I had a lot of questions that I had to figure out on my own – how do I get on a podcast, how do I get a book deal, how do I share my message, what if I get a hater comment, how do I deal with this hater comment? And they were just things I’ve had to learn along the way, now, in the past decade plus, that I’ve been doing this work.
And I will say, I definitely experienced a lot of anxiety around it and I’m so grateful for this conversation because we are able to speak into some of these experiences, these fears, these limiting beliefs that happen when we are afraid of being seen, we’re afraid of being judged, we’re afraid of people saying “Who are you to be taking about this? You’re not an expert, you’re not this”, but at the same time, we have this deep desire inside of ourselves to share our voices, to share our story, to share our messages with the world because we know it can help people.
So, in this conversation, I sit down with author Julie Solomon, to really dive into these topics.
So, she was a publicist that now is helping people to pitch themselves to share their messages, to understand their origin story and to be able to, now, use that origin story to give permission to other people to share theirs.
So, it’s just such a powerful conversation, especially if you want to be a content creator, a coach, maybe you are a coach already, you’re anyone that’s, essentially, sharing your message in any capacity, even if it’s internally, but we face all of these fears regardless of how we’re doing it.
And sometimes when we don’t talk about these things, they become bigger and bigger and bigger. And I know for myself, definitely that fear of haters was a huge thing, part of my journey, and it’s something I’ve had to do a lot of work around. And we really talk about it in this conversation, of what do you do when you’re getting a hater and how much more important it is to stay connected to your bigger vision, your big picture of why, of why you’re doing this, and to not let other people’s opinions and feedback get in the way. So, she offers so many tangible tools, practices, and she also teaches us her method, her four-part method for you to pitch yourself to anyone, whether it’s a podcast, a media outlet, whatever it is.
So many people don’t know how to pitch, I get a lot of people pitching themselves for the Podcast etc., and we really share what being on the other side, what people often experience, and how you can change your pitch, so you’re getting value to that person, and then you’re way more likely to get a yes.
So, whether you’re a coach, a content creator or just wanting to share your message more with the world, you’re going to find so much value in this conversation.
So, without further ado, let’s welcome Julie Solomon, to The Highest Self Podcast.
And before we dive into this Episode, I’m so excited to share with you that early-bird enrolment is now open for Dharma Coaching Institute, which is my Institute that certifies Soul Purpose and Spiritual Life Coaches.
We are recognized by the International Coaching Federation, and in just 6 months, you can actually launch a new and thriving career for yourself as a Soul Purpose Coach. So, you’ll be able to guide people into discovering the big reason why they are here and moving through any spiritual blocks that are holding them back from living their fullest expression.
You will also transform so deeply along the way and really redefine what your Dharma, your Soul’s Purpose is all about.
We spend the first two months diving into all of the coaching fundamentals, the next two months diving into all the spirituality, and the last two months, teaching you everything you need to actually create a thriving business for yourself, from pricing, to scheduling, to sales and everything in between.
So, if you want to get $500 OFF enrolment, come join our early-bird special over at dharmacoachinginstitute.com you can find that link in the show notes, get some more information, even hop on a call with someone on our team.
So, again, that’s dharmacoachinginstitute.com and you can find that link in the show notes, class starts week of October 10, and I am so excited to see you inside.
[05:14] End of Advertisement
Welcome Julie, to The Highest Self Podcast, it’s so great to have you here!
Thank you so much for having me, it’s so great to be with you! And I’ve just had the pleasure of having you on my podcast, and so, any time I get with you is amazing!
Aww! And the first question I’d love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?
What makes me my highest self is when I am a hundred percent aligned with Source, and for me, that means really embodying the ease of being in that mode to receive without expectation.
Yes, and allowing ourselves to expand with ease. And sometimes I think we think those are juxtaposing things, right? Like, if I’m going to expand, it needs to be really hard and it’s going to be a lot of struggles, or if I’m going to choose the path of ease, I need to stay exactly where I am.
And I think for a lot of people, they have this genuine desire to share their messages, to share their stories, to create these movements, but then, I think a lot of people get overwhelmed by all of the steps that it can take, so then they kind of gaslight themselves, “Oh, I don’t really even want it, it’s not that important to be” because they’re afraid that it won’t be easy.
So, a lot of people listening to this, they want to share their message, lots of them are coaches, want to be coaches, and you really specialize in helping, especially women, you know, get what they want, which is what your book is all about, and share their message, their origin stories, receive press.
So, first I’d love to go to what holds us back, right? What hold us back, that fear of being seen and how can we overcome this?
Yeah, you know, the subtitle of the book is “How To Go From Unseen To Unstoppable” and that really comes from one of my favorite quotes in the book, which is “You can’t hide yourself and expect to be seen”, and that is, I see, I don’t know if you see it in your community as well, but with most of the women that come to me for support or guidance or coaching, whether they are free fans of my podcast or whether they are clients or students of mine, it is this expectation that they should be farther along or that they should have more success or that, you know, they want all of these things, but if they’re really being honest with themselves, they’re still hiding, and I think a lot of that comes from our origin stories.
And the way that I describe it in the book, and kind of to myself, is that, we all have an origin story which is essentially the story of our origin, it is the beliefs, the ideas, for some, the religious background, that really shape the way in which we view the world. But there is a fine line that happens as we’re getting older where, when we’re younger, we don’t know that we have these origin stories, we don’t know any other story, our origin story is the story. But as we get older, we realize that there can be other stories and different ideas and different ways to believe, but we have to choose to step out of our own resistance, to start rewriting our origin story, and if not rewriting it, at least accepting it for what it is, but then choosing to write a new script.
And so, I fell that we actually fall victim to our origin story when we use it to define and shape our current realities. And that’s what I see happen with a lot of people that come to me feeling helpless, hopeless, powerless, they want what they want but they don’t know how to get it, and it’s because they are living from these origin stories that keep them from being seen – perfectionism, control, people-pleasing, no boundaries, over-extending of their energy, exhaustion, negative ways of achievement, shame, guilt, all of these things that really keep us from being seen. And it’s not until we’re able to really identify what those are, that we’re able to step on to a new path to freedom.
So powerful! So, for someone who might think “Well, I didn’t have an interesting life, I don’t really know if I have an origin story”, how can we find, maybe, those gems or maybe those things that are quite extraordinary about us or very relatable about us, how can we begin to tell those stories to other people?
Yeah. I think that it’s really first about identifying why are you even saying to yourself there’s nothing interesting about you. What about your origin story has told you to downplay where you’ve come from, your experience, your background, your worth, your creativity? Really getting curious about that I think is huge, and stepping into, I always love the idea of, let’s say I did have something interesting to share, what would it be? If you can’t figure those our yourself, allowing yourself to just get curious and even step outside of yourself to say “What would be those things that, if someone, a friend, or someone that cared about me, what is the one thing that lights me up or that really kind of makes me stand out, what is it that people when they want to feel seen and heard, and they come to me, what am I reflecting back to them, what am I mirroring back to them?”, and getting really curious about that.
So, it’s a good question because that, in and of itself, is the limiting belief.
Totally! And I see so many people say, they’re like “Oh, there’s nothing special about me”, but they have these specific life experiences like, maybe you were a nurse during the pandemic, that’s a specific life experience, or you know what it’s like to feel completely burnt out from your corporate job, that’s a life experience, or you know what it’s like to come from a small town where you wondered what it’s like in the big city, that’s a life experience.
And I think, again, just like you said, because we’re in the story, we don’t realize it’s actually a unique story.
Yeah. You know, one of my pitching students, she has a physical disability and still, to this day, and we’re constantly working with her and her mindset, she’s always wanting to lead when she goes to pitch a brand, she never wants to talk about her disability, and I’m always saying to her “That is your unique, beautiful gift”, I mean, how many other influencers or content creators or people put there, have that unique perspective on life. I mean, “You, having what you have, and you being born with that has given you such a unique perspective that not a lot of people can understand”, I can’t, I don’t know what that’s like, no one else in this virtual room knows what that’s like, and that’s what I’m curious about, “How do you see the world? How do you experience the world? How are you able to reach up to a microwave when you can’t normally reach it up because your hand doesn’t extend that far?” And just the day-to-day, the simple things like that could be revolutionary to, not only the people that you want to partner with or align with, but even when you’re just wanting to build deeper connections to the community around you.
So true! And it’s often the things that we’re the most ashamed about or we’re like “Well, I don’t want people only to know me because of this thing”, so we hide that part of ourselves.
A friend of mine, she was arrested in her teen years for grand theft auto, and you know, now she’s this beautiful yoga meditation teacher, and for a long time she didn’t want to tell people that story, she felt like “They won’t take me seriously, it’s embarrassing”, and then when she was able to own her story, it actually really expanded her message, she ended up writing a book about it and it made her so much more relatable to people, not just people who have been arrested, but people who just had something from their past that they felt shame around, that her reclaiming it, was able to see “It’s possible for me to reclaim those parts of me too”.
Totally! And that’s, I think it’s really about coming from this place of A) working through those – and I love that question too, like, what are those things that you think if anyone ever found out about you, your entire world would crumble? What are those things? Write them down, work through them, get to the other side of them, which, of course, takes a lot of work, but then, I think the goal is to be able to use that experience to give others the strength and hope to do the same. And it really comes from that place, so I think that that example is a great one.
And I share a lot about that in my book, about the credit card. I hid over $30.000 of credit card debt from my husband for years, and then he found out, and that definitely was a rock bottom moment for me and I had to start getting really honest about why am I so afraid to be honest about money, why am I afraid to be so honest about my fear around managing money, or using money, or overspending money? I had a lot of really shameful ideas around money, limiting beliefs that came from my origin story because I grew up, we didn’t have a lot of money growing up, it was a very scarcity, kind of, limiting-based mindset, and so, I had to work through that, but I couldn’t work through it if I refused to be aware of it in the first place. So, I had to stop sticking my head in the sand, I had to stop denying what was there and the truth of that. And so, that would be, I think a great, just jumping off point for people listening that, what are those, kind of, deep dark secrets that you never would think that you would want somebody to know, and really get aware about what those are for you, because they’re going to reveal to you a lot of deeper origin story wounds that you may have, then can get you to a place where you can start sharing and connecting with people on a much deeper level.
I love that so much. And also, even just our interest that may seem out of the box. So, for me, I grew up dancing and twerking, and that’s a huge part of me, but then coming into writing books on Ayurveda and spirituality, and you’re supposed to wear all white and Mulla beads, I’m like “Well, no one can know that I twerk, no way, got to hide that one!”
And I remember the first time I went to a twerk class with my friend and he put up a video on his story and I was like “Oh God, people are going to see”, I was so nervous and he was like “Wow, I’m getting great feedback”, so I reshared it on my story and I was freaked out, I kept, you know when you keep rewatching your own story, like “Okay, am I safe? Are people going to cancel me? Is everything going to be over?”, and then people were like “Wow, cool, I didn’t know you did that”, and then I started to share it a little bit more and a little bit more, and then people started to, at first, there definitely was a split between people who are like “That’s so cool” and people who are like “Eww, disgusting”. And those people who were “Eww, disgusting”, faded away and more people who are like “Wow, you give me permission to show the multi-faceted Goddess energy that’s within me too, I never saw anyone else do it like this”, that now, spirituality and twerking is such a huge part of my brand and it’s definitely controversial, for some people, and it elicits an emotional response of like, you’re either a ‘hell yes’ or a ‘hell no’, but I’m so glad that I was able to integrate that aspect of me because it’s now given permission to other people to do it in their own ways as well.
Oh, that’s so true! And I think it’s that permission piece that is the driving force. And I always love to go back to the why, and sometimes we’ll never know, but I always get curious as to why, if it is so triggering for you, why, why is it so triggering for you? What have you been told to believe about physical expression or sexual expression or intimate expression of the body? And really kind of just diving into that, because the more that we start to learn our own defects, our own character defects that are keeping us from fully being human, fully being free, that is really, kind of, the jumping off point, I think, to really start to step in and to get what you want.
And so, you’ve got to start answering those deep questions and being reflective, and it doesn’t mean that you have to love or like everything that you see or everyone that you see, but really using that as a mirror, as to why were you so affected or triggered by something that you saw someone else do or say?
Totally! And I think that on social media, when we see someone that’s expressing themselves in a way that we would never give ourselves permission to, it’s very triggering. And I often get people, and I’m sure you get this too, of like “At first I was triggered by you and then I started to realize it was my own work and you were actually a huge expander to me”.
So, on the other side of that, I think a lot of people are very afraid of triggering people, and even myself too, and I get comments about it, I don’t like, I don’t want to trigger people, it’s like that inner little good girl in you that wants everyone to like you. So, how can we get over the fear of being judged when we do share those different sides of ourselves?
Yeah. You know, I think that that really comes from that embodiment of confidence, which, deeper, comes from, I would say awareness, acceptance and action. So, these are called three As, yeah, I’m embodying this as I’m saying it, to make sure that this is where I want to go. I think the three As would be perfect for that.
So, the three As, I didn’t make up myself, they’re very well-known in therapy circles and 12-step groups, but to me, when I A) learned what the three As were, and then B) started embodying them in my life, I really started to feel free and the things that used to bother me, didn’t bother me so much. And I think the biggest gift to the three As is that it started to allow me to really keep the focus on myself. And when I say that, I don’t mean I became a selfish person or I didn’t care about people, but it’s kind of like that old saying “If you spot it, you’ve got it”.
So, you know, if I’m so afraid of being judged or if I’m judging other people, how can I keep the focus on myself because that’s really all that I can, to some degree, control anyway.
And so, the three As, I would love to kind of walk through them a little bit. The first A stands for ‘Awareness’, which, I know I’ve mentioned a little bit. And so, this is just really the identification that some problem or dysfunction or challenge in your life exists, that you want to change, and really becoming aware in that. So, you know, “Why am I judging? I need to become aware that I’m judging”, or “Why am I being bothered that someone is judging me?”, and having the awareness of that.
The second step, which is the absolute hardest one of the three is ‘Acceptance’, and that is the, sometimes very uncomfortable place where we have to come terms with the idea that “This problem is not all of me but it is a part of me, it doesn’t define me, but it does begin and end with me. And this problem or this feeling that I don’t want to experience anymore, it’s one piece to this puzzle that no longer fits for me and it needs to be removed”. And so, acceptance is the answer to all of my problems, every day, and it’s also the hardest thing to come to terms with because with the example that you used, I have to be aware that someone is judging me and it bothers me, and I have to accept that I can’t do anything about it, and that’s the hardest part. I’m, most likely, not going to be able to force them to see my side or to see that I’m this person that I want them to think that I am, or no, no, no, the people-pleasing, all of that stuff comes in. But with acceptance, you can just say “Hey, I’m going to let you be you, I’m going to let me be me, I’m going to accept what is, as it is, not more”, and then you can go into action, which is basically “Now, what am I going to do about it?” And so, that’s when we can start to really restore and recover some of the things that get lost with the lack of awareness and the lack of acceptance. So, this is self-esteem, lack of confidence, lack of serenity, imbalance in our lives, hopelessness, helplessness, all of those things that we start to feel that really stem from not being aware in the first place and not wanting to accept what is as it is in the second place.
So good! As you were saying those, I was, like, guiding myself through, because I think people don’t realize that it doesn’t end, the journey doesn’t end, it’s just bigger levels of it.
I remember getting my first hate comment ever and it was triggering to me and I wanted to comment back to that person and I was writing a million things I wanted to say back to them and like “No, I’m a good person, you don’t know me, you’re judgmental”, and you just witness that part of you that wants to be liked and you’re trying to do whatever you can to make that person like you.
And I think the deeper level of that, at least for me, is that fear of “If they don’t like me, will I be safe?” And I think that that’s really triggering, especially with media and PR, when there’s cancel culture, and there’s like groups of people that could potentially band up against you. And I think a lot of us, we’re witches in past lives and we were burned at the stake and we did have groups of people coming against us.
So, how can we, I don’t think it’s even possible to overcome, would you just keep using that tool, especially if people are getting hater comments, reviews – what practices would you do to not let this linger with us, as long as it sometimes does? Because I know, even for me, still now, doing this over 10 years, I’ve gotten better at letting it brush off of me, but sometimes it can really linger and then make you afraid of being seen and make you afraid of taking that next step in your visibility and career.
Yeah. So, with that acceptance piece, there’s a few things I would love to share. So, a big thing that is not always easy, but it helps me, and I may have to just literally talk myself into this, I may have to go outside for a walk, depending on how triggered I’ve been by not being loved and adored and accepted by everyone in existence.
“Why can’t they like me?!”
I have a whole chapter in the book about, when I was little, I desperately needed everyone to like me. And so, I have really had to work on when you’re on my validation and self-worthiness being contingent on other people liking me. And when you are setting yourself up for that, you’re never going to win. Like, if your value and your worthiness and your safety and your love is contingent on other people giving it to you, it’s a long road down to your rock bottom. But hopefully you will hit that bottom so then you can work your way back up. And for me, it’s that acceptance piece.
The other thing with that, I call it the QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally), which is really hard, but I know, I’m like “Okay, I’ve got to QTIP this, this does not have my name on it, even though I wish I could make then see what I want them to see, when I want them to see it and how I want them to see it. This just has nothing to do with me”, and it purely is a reflection in something that they see in themselves. Because we all view the world from our own projection, from our own lens, with everything that we do. So, that’s the first thing.
There’s another thing that actually, a mutual friend of ours told me once, that I love, our dear friend Susie Moore, that she just said “As you’re growing and you’re building a brand and a business, and you’re sharing your message with the world and you have something that matters, that people want to hear, you should expect to get the negative feedback. If you’re not getting negative feedback, you’re not creating, really, a lot of impact”. And so, to think that you wouldn’t get it is actually quite delusional and insane. Like, expect to get it.
So, remembering that is really helpful, and then, just, when you do expect to get it, and if you get it, it’s like “What am I going to choose to focus on, because I control that. Am I going to focus on the one nasty comment or the one person that said this or the one person that did that or am I going to pivot and actually focus on the lives that I’m changing, the messaging that is moving people, and really what my core purpose and vision is? Because my vision of doing what it is that I’m doing is to not have everyone like me, it’s really not”, and so, getting back to what that purpose really is.
Totally! And it reminds me that there’s no one on planet Earth that everyone likes. Even someone like the Dalai Lama, the whole country of China wants to kill him, so you can’t. Even vanilla ice-cream is not liked by every single person, chocolate is not liked by every single person. And then, sometimes it also, you know, not that Kim Kardashian is my idol by any means, but I look at that and I’m like “Oh, she was actually really able to harness people not liking her and the controversy and build her career that way”, I’m sure she’s had many therapy sessions and had to create a lot of boundaries and separation. But it kind of seems like today, in the media, it’s almost like situations happen and then people want to give their feedback and their take on it. And sometimes it can be hard for you, as the creator, to be that person that people have their take on, but it’s the same thing of people, maybe learn from the experiences of others.
I’ve had, like, on TikTok, these teenagers not like what I said and at first, I was like “Why don’t they like me?”, and I was like “Oh, this is their way of having a bigger discussion, they have to use this person as an example”, so if you’re being used as an example, great, people are actually thinking about you and talking about you.
Right. And really, that is the definition, I think, of, and not that we care about, like, popularity, but then the definition of popular is not who you know, it’s who knows you. Now, that can stem from impact and service and a greater meaning of vision instead of “I want everyone to like me and I want a bunch of followers”, but that really is the core case that if you aren’t making waves, if you’re not getting someone to think or feel differently, if you’re not, and it went back to what you said with a lot of the women that have come to you to say “You know what Sahara, initially, you were triggering the crap out of me and I didn’t like it, but now it’s like you have paved a way for me to see things in myself that I never would’ve saw if I wasn’t so triggered by you”.
So, I think it’s also important to remember that as human beings, when you look at the history of homo sapiens, we are hard-wired to group off into tribes and we are also hard-wired to cultivate our own tribe and then to disassociate other tribes because that’s how we survive. And so, it is part of our DNA to find groups of people, of like-minded people, that give us the confirmation bias that we need to feel safe, and then to want to exclude other beliefs, ideals and people that could potentially take some form of our survival away from us, and that’s just that reptilian brain stuff that then we have to work on. The awareness of “Am I coming from this reptilian brain or am I actually coming from a place of higher evolved consciousness?”
It really comes back to that, it comes back to those tribal survival ways of thinking and the group think, and that’s really what the cancel culture was on a large scale, of people like “I need to be liked by the tribe, so if the tribe is disowning this person, I will be safe if I also disown this person, it will prove that I’m a good person and I’m on the side of the tribe”, but then, we’re not questioning “Okay, who created this group think, where is this narrative coming from?”
And I think, I talked to a lot of my students and after that they have become a lot more reserved around sharing their truth and speaking their voices, but we really need it, more than ever.
And one of the things that a lot of people have trouble with is “I feel imposter syndrome around calling myself an expert. I feel like I’m not an expert”, and it seems like media wants people to be an expert in something. So, how can we overcome that fear, realizing that we’re the expert in our own experiences or even not positioning ourselves as an expert, per say?
Yeah. So, I want to touch on a bit of what you were saying, just about the feedback that people can get and how that makes them feel afraid to show up more, and then, kind of, leading into how this can kind of come into expertise and leadership.
But something that I will do – I posted something about a month or so ago that was triggering to people, something that I had witnessed, the whole world witnessed and I was triggered by it and I had an opinion about it, so I shared. And there were a lot of people that just didn’t have a lot of great things to say about it. And the way that I managed this is that, if you don’t agree with me, that is fine, and I will keep my Instagram open for you to have a safe and sacred space to tell me that you don’t agree with me. But if you’re going to name call and chastise and bully and belittle and try to steamroll someone else to get what you want, I am blocking you in 2.5 seconds, I don’t care! And if you want to go and say that I only want people who agree with me, it’s like, I don’t care, I don’t care, I’m not going to take your response to me, cultivating a healthy space for my own mental wellness personally. So, I do want to advocate for people to – if you’re in true alignment with what you’re saying and you know that it is coming from a place of true integrity and alignment with your soul and with your divine source, then no one can touch that. And so, the more that you’re coming from that place and that you are steadfast in your belief of coming to that place, and you know that your side of the street is clean, say it, share it, spread it, the world needs to hear it. And if someone is going to come at you in a way that is toxic, diminishing, belittling, not in service of anyone else, block them faster than you can blink. They do not deserve to be in your space, you do not give people the dignity to come into your social media bedroom and just poo-poo all over you, not happening! You can go to the tabloids if you want to do that, you’re not doing it here!
And so, I think that it’s about having really clear boundaries and non-negotiables, and also around what you want to say and where that’s coming from, but then also, how are you allowing people to treat you, how are you allowing people to talk to you and about you. And I just don’t, I don’t leave space for that stuff at all. I have zero tolerance for that kind of stuff.
This is such an important conversation because there’s so much nuance around it, of people like “Oh, if you’re blocking someone, you’re not willing to hear a disagreeing point of view”, and I’m the exact same way, if you are respectful, you want to have a genuine dialogue, I am here for it, I want to hear different voices, but if you are coming with your own perception and your own, that sharp dagger of you’re not even really here to have a conversation. Or, especially if I comment back and you just want to keep fighting, I don’t have time for this. And also, going to someone’s feed, it’s like I’m coming to your house, I’m not going to come to your house and be like “Hey, your carpet sucks and your painting sucks, and why aren’t you like this?”, it’s like “You’re coming to my house, bitch, respect the space!”
Right, or I’m going to shut the door on you.
Exactly! So, when people come on your – and it’s like, if you have such a strong point of view, go on your own page and post it, but 99% of the people who do this are on private profiles with no profile pictures because they’re hiding from themselves, but they want to be seen, but in such a shadow way that they put down people who are sharing their voices.
I learned the same lesson in 2020 when there was so much political noise going on and I made a video about the ICE detention centers, something totally random, and it just spewed this crazy political debate, and it was at the time that people were saying “Don’t block people”, so I thought okay, so I kept tolerating the abuse, really, that was coming, and the abuse and the abuse, and then it just trickled into such a huge thing that made me so anxious, my nervous system was off for a good month after that day. It really stays with you and now I’ve learned that lesson of I should’ve just blocked them as soon as I saw people were being nasty and rude, because it was taking away from the message, but it was, again, it was becoming people’s ways of getting attention from someone else’s page.
And also, too, people who engage in cancel culture, like, I have seen other people engaging in cancel culture, that makes me not trust them because I know that, if anything were to happen, if I’m misunderstood or I say the wrong thing because I’m a human, those are the people who might take an opportunity. So, I think it’s so important to know, like, you don’t need to hold onto that, and also, people who are putting other people down will probably jump on the opportunity to one day put you down.
Oh, yeah. And people that are literally trying to build a business and brand by burning other women’s businesses and brands down, like, I’m not signing up for that. You do you, but I am aware that does not feel good in my sacral and I accept that, and my action is to, like, I do not subscribe to any of that stuff. And I think that now, that we’ve been so far removed a couple years from all the height of that, but it still happens. There was an intensity of that, there was cancel culture coupled with BLM, coupled with just the anger that we all had with George Floyd, it was a lot happening at one, we were all locked down, it was a lot going on. And I think that now, that people have been able to get a little bit farther away from that, and we’re not so reactive, and we give ourselves more moments to pause, there’s so much power in pausing, way more can be revealed in that.
And so, with that said, I highly advocate, for anyone listening, to not open yourself up for toxic emotional, psychological abuse, end of story. You do not have to answer to anyone when it comes to that, and you get to decide what abuse is for you. It’s going to be different for everyone, you get to decide what is okay and what is not okay.
I have an entire chapter on boundaries if you want to dive into it in my book, I’m very, very passionate about that.
A lot of times what you’ll discover too, is the ones that are coming at you on social media, they don’t follow you, they’ve probably never followed you, they’re not in your community anyway, and so, they’re not someone that you even need to hold any kind of space for because they’re literally coming to attack you because they are so hurt and disconnected in their own lives.
So, wish everyone well and you move on because you can step into your expertise and into your leadership, and really be able to lead from a place of advocacy and a place of clarity, and from a place of true alignment with what it is you are here meant to do. And it’s what Renee Brown says, and I love, she talks about the women in the arena, that if you’re in the nosebleed, throwing apples at me, I’m not really going to give you a lot of time to tell me, you’re not in the arena doing the work.
So, leaders, we need leaders, we need leaders to lead us. Followers don’t follow leaders, followers, they follow leaders, we need leaders to pave the path, pave the way, give the followers behind them a path to purpose, let them see what’s possible, so we can evolve into this new state of being and awareness and where it is that we want to go.
So good! Resonating with all of your words! And I think it’s so important for people to have these conversations because, you know, on social media, we are, especially when you go Live and you’re being exposed to people who don’t follow you, those are often the people, I think they just go on people’s accounts and just hate, that’s probably because they’re in so much pain themselves and it’s like “Bless you, I hope you find healing and I’m not the one to give it to you, I’m not the one to explain”.
And often times, too, those people, they do really want to be seen but then the more you argue with them it’s like they finally got that juice, that attention that they’re looking for, that, it’s very, very rare, unless, you know, you can have a healthy dialogue but there’s a different tone and a different energy. I feel like, as I’ve gotten older and doing this more, I can kind of just see from the beginning, like, what is the intention of this person’s comment, is it to understand or is it to just prove themselves right? And if it’s the latter, it’s just, don’t entertain.
Yep. Agree, one hundred percent!
So, a lot of people now, who are just starting, they’re wondering “Should I focus more on traditional press, pitching myself to magazines, TV, or should I be focusing more on social media, linking up with different content creators, podcasts? If you were to start your brand right now, what would you put your focus on?
I would definitely put my focus on the awareness and engagement piece, not the traditional PR piece, and here’s why. I was, for those that are meeting me for the first time, I was a publicist for about 8 years before I got into the business that I’m now, I was a music publicist and then I was a book publicist, and very traditional PR. And so, as a publicist, I am telling you, do not hire a publicist unless you actually have something that is ancillary or tangible to promote, and what I mean by that is, like, a book, a new TV series, a new movie. Let’s say, if you’re a speaker and you’re going to do a nationwide tour, maybe something like that to drum up press in the regional areas where you’re going to be speaking. Really having something that goes beyond “Oh, I’m a content creator and I have fun content on Instagram”, you really need to have something that is tangible, that somebody can touch, taste, smell, eat, hold, that I think traditional media really tends to. Traditional media is also a long game and that’s something that people, typically, they don’t have the bandwidth or the time or the patience for. I think that people think “Oh, I’m going to hire this publicist and then I’m going to get on GMA tomorrow and be famous, and that’s just not the way that it is. Especially, too, with a lot of these traditional platforms, like GMA, you could have a million followers on Instagram, and they don’t care, it’s like, are you going to be the right fit for their audience, is what you’re pitching something that they’re interested in right now? What other kind of noise is happening out there that they’re covering? I think now, more than ever, it is so, so hard to get traditional media, unless you’ve really taken the time to kind of build it.
And so, if I was starting over today, I would not start with traditional media, at least in the beginning, I would start with growing a brand and a platform and an awareness on social media. Social media, we have the lowest barrier of entry, we’re able to reach people the easiest, even with the algorithm being what it is and people wanting to complain about that, you’re going to reach more people faster on a social media platform than you ever would, you know, trying to build the traditional media from the beginning. Over time it can serve you, yes, but that would be my biggest takeaway, and to really be focusing on the consistency of that engagement, I mean, even with Instagram, it’s not really a growth tool anymore, it’s an engagement tool, it’s not the place where you’re going to go on and necessarily go viral. If you’re wanting to go viral, then you need to go over to TikTok or YouTube because those algorithms, on those platforms, still lend to those possibilities, it’s a lot harder to go viral on Instagram these days. However, it’s a great place to build awareness and to build that engagement and to build the know, like and trust and to really create that quality creation that you need with an audience, to then be able to nurture them, impact them and essentially sell to them in the future.
Such important, and I would do the exact same thing, focusing on social media. And I think a lot of people, even myself, at the beginning, I thought “If only I had the money to hire a publicist, then all my problems would be solved”.
Then you’re just going to waste a lot of money.
Yeah, exactly! And I remember the first time hiring a publicist, like, you know, they might pitch you to a million places, but it’s like, maybe 1% of it will hit, and even that, they’re following up and following up, and you need to have something to show for it.
And I’ve also realized, too, how timely it is, right? So, having a pitch that’s relevant to the holidays or relevant to Thanksgiving or Halloween, or whatever’s happening at that time, or even your book, your book coming out now, but if your book came out two years ago, it’s not hot enough for the publicist to even pitch it, that that was a huge shocker for me because I thought ‘Oh, this will just be my thing that I’ll forever talk about”, but they’re like “Oh, your book came out over a year ago, what’s your new thing that you have?”, I’m like “Oh, shit, a new thing?”
So, that’s why, for me, I just put my focus on social media more because, exactly, you can be yourself, you don’t need to, like, necessarily change it and be able to speak authentically to your audience.
A lot of people want to be on podcasts, and I see people, they might not really know how to get on different podcasts, it feels like, how does it happen? So, what advice do you have for people who, maybe they haven’t been on a podcast yet, to start building that?
Yeah, this is such a great question because this really, essentially, comes down to pitching, which I could talk about all day, and it’s really what I started my career on, with my course Pitch It Perfect, to help people do just this thing. And I will even say, it’s interesting because I’ve been on the side where I’m pitching clients and then I’ve been on the side as a podcast where I’m receiving pitches. And I’m sure, Sahara, you’ve seen these, I’m just like “I have to read a novel now?”
Hello, we love your podcast! So, I’ll just, I’ll go on to say that, I mean, we have listed everywhere we possibly can, that we are not taking podcast submissions. I don’t care who you are or what you’re doing, we’re not. And just the reason why is this, because I am now at a place in my business that I am so connected to so many amazing people, that I can reach out to Sahara and say “Hey, I would love to have you come on my podcast” or if I don’t know Sahara, I’m going to have a friend that knows Sahara, that can say “Hey”, they’re going to be able to vouch for Julie, vouch for Julie’s podcast and be like “Hey, she want’s you on there”, or vice versa.
I just had our mutual friend Susie Moore connect me with somebody today, that she was like “Hey, I think this person would be great for your podcast!”
So, because I’m at that place, and this is one way, I don’t need to be taking a slew of submissions. The other thing that is really important just to me personally is that I am able to support so many amazing clients and students of mine through various courses and masterminds and coaching opportunities that I have, that I want to highlight them and their success and their growth before highlighting some person that I don’t know that came into my support and rocks. And so, to me, it’s that two-fold of I’ve got such a great network of my own relationships and I have such a great community of clients and students of mine that really the perk of – I talk a lot about impact and influence and pitching and growing your name and your status, that’s a lot of what I do, helping people shine. And so, to be able to go to a student and say “Wow, everything that you have done is phenomenal, your story is amazing, I would love to have you come on The Influence Podcast to share that”, that’s going to light me up and light them up and light our community up far more than some random pitch that I get.
So, that’s what I want to say first. I think that, and it’s probably not going to make those listening feel very good because they’re like “Okay, well, you didn’t answer my question on how do I freaking get on a podcast”.
But that’s how everyone feels and I think it’s really honest.
Yeah, I mean, that is what you’re up against, so now that we’re aware of the reality and we can accept that as it is and not trying to force it or change it or get mad and be like “F*** Julie and Sahara, I’m not listening to this Episode anymore”, we can go into this new place of action of “Okay, what am I going to do about it?”
And so, this is something that, even when I was a publicist, I would say to a first-time author who wanted to get on Oprah, I would say “I love this dream, I would love to build towards this dream, but let’s start in our backyard first and build it up”. So, instead of trying to go for the pie in the sky, which you can’t, like, pitch your heart out, go for the pies in the skies. I think it’s good to do that because we actually learn a lot from our nose, and that’s actually how you’re going to refine your pitch, and we can talk about what the pitch actually looked like so people actually A) open the email, and B) read it. But before that, really getting curated on, realistically, where I am today with my business, my platform, my experience, my niche, the clients that I support, what are the podcasts that reflect that, that would be a good fit? If I’m just starting out, then maybe there’s some podcasts out there that are just starting out, that they may not have tens or hundreds of thousands of listeners, but maybe they have two or three hundred. And three hundred people is a lot, think about that in a room. Three hundred people in a room is a lot of people, that is a lot of potential lives that you can change.
So, if you’re just starting out, go and find podcasts that are just starting out, that are just building, that are kind of in the same stages of growth that you are in, and just say “Let’s support one another”.
I mean, I know so many women in my various communities that do just that. They’ll be starting podcasts or YouTube channels, or what not, and they’ll just start having each other on their shows, it allows you to A) have content, B) not have to go and outsource a bunch of people, C) build relationships, and D) start to really get a knack for, is this something that I really want to do, is this something that I want to invest in, do I even like being on podcasts, but I don’t know because I haven’t done enough yet. So, that would be my biggest feedback to those that dream big, always, because that gives us a compass for limitless possibility. But also, be realistic with where you’re at, and that’s where the confidence comes in. If you keep trying to pitch these big shows and you’re not getting responses, that’s not going to make you confident. If you start pitching shows that are reflective of where you are and people start saying “Yes, we want to hear from you, we want to have you on our show”, that’s going to make you feel really good about yourself, that’s going to make you be like “Hmm, okay, I think I can do this, I think I can pitch maybe five more podcasts after this, and then maybe ten more after that”, and then you’ll start to build and grow.
I, wholeheartedly agree with everything you just said! And when I first started pitching myself to podcasts, it was like 2016 I want to say, I didn’t even have my podcast yet, and I would just look at, yeah, very specific ones that were about chakras and yoga and that kind of thing, and I started to do a couple and I actually met this girl who, to this day we’re such good friends, and we started to collaborate and have each other on, and just that slow build. And I think that it also really helps you refine your voice, tell your story, build those connections.
I have the same thing in my Dharma Coaching Institute, the students will interview each other and it helps them get that practice. And also, I think some people think that “Oh, if I get on the biggest podcast possible, that will be my ticket to success”, but the thing is, I’ve been on some big podcasts and truthfully, not always does anything – sometimes nothing changes, truthfully. Sometimes just being in front of the right group of people, so it might be a smaller podcast, but it’s exactly on the topic and the niche that you are creating content around, and that will take you so much further than maybe even being on the biggest podcast, but it’s very general and very broad, and a lot of the people that listen to that may not be your target audience.
Yes! And I think that that really also comes down to what are you pitching and how. You know, the worst thing you can do is pitch someone and be like “Hey, can you have me on your podcast because I have a book coming out?”, it’s like, well, big freaking deal, everybody and their dog has a book coming out, like, why should I care about you, why should I care about your book coming out? What is that you have to say that’s going to impact someone? So, you have to be able to craft, very quickly and easily, and timely, a pitch that actually gets someone curious enough to dig in deeper. You do not need to write a novel, nobody has time to read that, I always say about four to five sentences max, that clearly state who you are, what you’re proposing, why it matters, and how it’s going to serve my audience.
And one of the things that I teach in my framework and…
Can you repeat that? Who you are, what you’re proposing…
Who you are, what you do, what you’re offering, why it matters and then who you serve.
Yes! And it doesn’t necessarily have to be in that order, but those are the key ingredients. And in my Pitch It Perfect Program, it’s a framework that I use in my Pitch Profit Methodology, and part of that methodology that I teach is called The Spotlight Method.
So, the biggest mistake that people make when they’re pitching podcast, anything, is that they make it all about themselves and not about the person who they’re pitching, “I want to come on your show because this is what I want or this is what I need or this is how it’s going to help me, or I have this coming out, or I’m doing this, me, me, me, me”. You’re not considering the other person on the other end of that and how it’s actually going to impact their lives or the lives of their community that they’ve spent years, and time, and money, and energy, and resources, cultivating. It is an honor to be on someone else’s podcast, so how are you going to uplevel that experience, how are you going to leave that podcast, making it better than it was before you got on that podcast?
And so, really coming, take the spotlight off of you and put it on the other person. Do your research, do your homework, following the person on Instagram is not doing research, listening to n-episode, the most recent episode and putting the title in the pitch, is not doing the research. Really take the time to listen to the podcast, to get to know the podcast host, to really be able to cultivate an idea and craft a story that would actually be attainable and usable and juicy for that podcast host or that producer to essentially consider having you on.
So, who are you, why does that matter, how are you going to be serving the audience and what are you essentially offering them, and keeping it really short and sweet. And then following up, follow up ten times more than you think that you need to, but also give them some time, don’t irate people, if they tell you they’re not taking submissions right now, accept that, maybe follow up a few months later, just “Hi, checking in again”, be kind, be cool about it and keep at it.
And then, the other thing is, is that, if you have resources, if you have connections use them. You know, if you want to get on a podcast and you can’t find a way to get on one yourself, do you have a friend that potentially has a connection to that podcast host, do you have some kind of r way to use? And this is why networking and relationships and connections are so important. How can you leverage the relationships that you have, to help give you some credit and to help vouch for you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reached out to people to other know and be like “Hey, I would really love to collaborate with this person or to be on this podcast, or to align with this person, do you mind connecting us? Or if you don’t want to connect us that’s fine, can I use your name, can I name drop you, is that okay?” Always get a consent to do that first, or the permission that, with most people, if they’re your friend and they vouch for you and they know that you talk the talk and you walk the walk, they’ll be more than happy to allow that to happen.
So, that’s kind of my, some of my tips.
Yes, so good! And you really outline it in your book, the hard pitch vs. the soft pitch” and so helpful for people to go through because I think a lot of us, I read these submissions and I’m like “Wow”, there’s just this level of not really understanding, there’s a human on the other side of this, so if I’m like “I’m so great and my book is this, and my this”, with no acknowledgment of the person who’s reading this and what they’ve built, all the energy that they put into it, how deliberate and intentional they are with all their guests, and I think that people don’t realize this.
Or sometimes I have people too, I had some guy yesterday go to one of my friends and be like “Hey, can you ask Sahara if I can be on her podcast”, but he wasn’t even following me on Instagram and I’m like “Wow”, at least, bare minimum, follow me.
And it’s like the thing of no connection there. We’re humans, we, everyone that I have on the podcast is someone that I’ve had a conversation with before because it’s like, if I’ve never met that person, I have no contexts there, it’s a little bit awkward sometimes, to first be dropping in for a podcast conversation.
So, it’s like what you’re saying, build those connections. If you don’t have any friends who have friends that are in the podcast realm, well guess what, there’s tons of courses out there, there’s tons of communities out there, there’s events you can go to, there’s so many ways you can plug in, no one was born knowing this, we weren’t born in a podcast realm.
Even, we met two years ago, I want to say, speaking on a panel, and it’s also that consistency too, of like, there are people that you see, it’s like “Okay, I see you’re doing your podcast and it’s like the divine timing that it aligns”. And I think that sometimes we try to force it, and maybe it wasn’t, you hadn’t built your career yet, enough, or your message was different at that time, or it’s just that person needed something different at that time. So, don’t think that maybe, right now, you’re not on whoever’s podcast, but you may be in a few years with different circumstances.
Totally! One hundred percent!
So very good! So, any final pieces of advice that you have for someone that is really wanting to share their message and voice but they have this fear of “Other people are saying the same thing as I am, so how will I stand out?”
Yeah. I mean, again, that’s just limiting beliefs, so, being aware of that, that it’s not real, it’s not fact, it’s just a story that you’re telling yourself.
I think what really helps is that a lot of times that comes from this idea of “You know, Julie, I can’t get what I want because I don’t know what I want, and all these other people have figured it out, and so, why should I even care? It’s not going to be possible for me”. And what I say in response to that is like, “Well, we always know what we want because we always know what we don’t want. And so, the more clear that we can get on what it is that we don’t want, and write a list if you have to, whatever that is for you. If you no longer want to be sitting in a cubicle, then you kind of know what it is that you want, if you know that you don’t want that. If you know you no longer want to be working 60 hours a week because you would like to be home more with your kids, it’s going to start paving the path and giving you the direction of where it is that you want to go.
And so, I think that getting really clear – the less that you focus on what everyone else is doing, and the more that you can focus on yourself. And really getting clear and defined hits as to what that is for you, the easier it’s going to be for you to start stepping into that.
And so, that would be my biggest takeaway for those listening.
So good! Yes, I think sometimes we follow everyone that’s doing a similar thing to what we’re doing because we’re interested in that topic, so then we create this story of like “Well, isn’t everyone a spiritual life coach, isn’t everyone talking about erasing your spiritual beliefs and stepping into your fullest purpose?” No, you just follow, even the hundred people out there that do. So, we are in this echo-chamber that we think everyone’s talking about it, but it’s like, go to the grocery store and see how many people are talking about this stuff and you’re lucky if you find one. So, I love that of just, sometimes it’s just taking ourselves out of that circumstance.
Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your juicy, potent, actionable advice today, it was so very helpful and such a great reminder for me as well. And where can listeners dive deeper with your new book?
Yes! So, you can get “Get What You Want” wherever books are sold. We also have an audible, so if you’re someone who loves to listen to books, you can get it on audible. If you go to juliesoloman.net/getwhatyouwant and you order from over there, there are going to be some bonuses and free perks, and you’ll get a ticket to a virtual event I’m doing later this summer, that really dives deep, it’s a Get What You Want workshop that dives deep into a lot of the things and the tools that I share in the book.
I am always in Instagram at @julssolomon for anyone who loves to connect over there, I’m very chatty Cathy over there in the comments and the DMs. And then The Influencer Podcast, you are podcast listeners because you’re here today, so if you’ve never head of an episode of The Influencer Podcast and want some guidance on really gaining more clarity, building confidence and stepping into that empowered leader that you are meant to be, it would be great for you over there. So, you can listen to The Influencer Podcast wherever you love to listen to podcasts.
Oh, well, thank you so much for sharing everything. I so enjoyed this and I know the listeners got so much out of it as well! Thank you for being here!
Thank you, thank you!
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What a juicy, jam-packed conversation that was with Julie Solomon, I hope you took some notes, you can definitely go back and listen to it again because there are so many actionable takeaways, it really was like a masterclass.
And these are the types of conversations that I love to deliver you here on The Higher Self Podcast, things that you can integrate to your life, to allow you to become your soul’s highest evolvement and raise the vibration of the planet. And that can only happen when we overcome the fears and the blocks that are holding us back.
So, if you are wanting to share your voice, this is your call! And I also have so many tools available for you. I’ll soon be releasing my new course called Speak With Soul, that will be teaching you how to speak from your heart on Instagram Lives, on podcasts and so much more. So, if you’re wanting more of the speaking element, be sure to head over to my website iamsahararose.com and subscribe to my email list and that way you will get it first. I’ll also have that link in the show notes.
And of course, I have my Dharma Coaching Institute that trains you to become a Certified Spiritual Life Coach and Soul Purpose Coach, as well as my membership community Rose Gold Goddesses.
So, there are so many communities that you can tap into, that you can meet new people, be on each other’s podcasts, take that next step. You don’t have to be alone, you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. And just like Julie and I connected years before this, that led to this podcast, it’s so important to be cultivating community because if we don’t have community, we’re never going to be able to really expand our network and build those connections that is so necessary, that come before getting on the podcast or getting on the press.
So, be sure to join any of my communities or anyone’s community that you resonate with because there are so many incredible people out there in this world that you can meet, it just takes stepping into those containers where they are.
So, if you’re interested in Divine Feminine Spirituality and really connecting with your sacred sisters, Rose Gold Goddesses, my membership is for you.
If you’re interested in coaching, becoming a Spiritual Life Coach, Dharma Coaching Institute is for you. And if you’re excited about speaking, check out Speak With Soul.
Julie has her containers, so many of the podcast guests have this container, so I just share this as a reminder to you that this is the time to take action. You know, it’s one thing to listen to a podcast, but the next thing is taking action on where it will guide you next.
So, I’m so excited to see the ripple effects of change that you make in this world and thank you so much for being here today.
Episode 448: How To Overcome Your Fear of Sharing Your Message with Julie Solomon
By Sahara Rose