This is a vulnerable episode where I open up to share my healing process post divorce. Break-ups are never easy but they can be one of the greatest catalysts for our spiritual evolution if we truly heal.
In this episode, I share the step-by-step of my healing process from the grief portal to the types of healing modalities that most benefited me, to my greatest revelations, to my travels, to what I’ve learned through this experience.
If you are going through a heartbreak or have a friend who has, this episode is for you. I feel you deeply in my heart and know that you aren’t alone. This has the opportunity to become your greatest awakening to set you up for the life and love that truly meets you today.
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Transcript
Episode #484: How To Heal After Heartbreak – My Step-By-Step Process with Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose
[00:00] Sahara
I have upleveled in ways that I could’ve never imagined. I have truly fallen in love with who I am. I am more open to experiencing the love that is inside of me, than ever before. I notice the romance in every-day life. I am channeling poetry. I’m more connected to people around me. I’ve traveled the world for the past few months, and Egypt, and Dubai, and Bali. And I feel this renewed sense of my dharma, my soul’s purpose, on this planet.
[00:32] Sahara
So, I’m going to be sharing with you, in today’s Episode, what my healing journey looked like, and how can heal over heartbreak, whether it was a short-term relationship, a long-term marriage, or any other form of heartbreak that you might experience, because what I’ve observed is that heartbreak is quite universal.
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[01:00] Sahara
Hi, it’s Sahara Rose, and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you, your soul’s highest evolvement.
[01:08] Sahara
How are you able to just, essentially, channel in front of a camera and speak from your heart with such clarity and precision, while also feeling grounded, and relatable, and not like it’s, like, scripted, because it’s not, I’m actually just talking to you?
[01:25] Sahara
And I have learned so much about speaking through having this Podcast and through listening to my own conversations with people, and also studying the art of speaking. And that’s why I’m really excited to have put together my very first course, sharing all of this wisdom with you, called Speak with Soul.
So, this is a 21-day journey that takes you from feeling, maybe, unconfident in your speaking, to fully showing up, shining your light. And I actually guide you step-by-step, to have the confidence enough to record your own podcast intro.
So, whether you are interested in speaking for your career, such as speaking on stages one day, or you’re a coach or healer and you feel like you would gain more clients from speaking and being able to show up more online, or you just want to speak to people in your life in a more clear way, having more deep, meaningful conversation with friends, with lovers, with partners, and just feeling more heard, the Speak with Soul Course is for you!
So, it is available right now, we have a special discount price. So, you can head over to speakwithsoulcourse.com to learn more about it. I’m super excited to be sharing it with you guys, because this course, the results I have seen are tremendous! I have had students who have always felt like they’ve had this life-long block in their throat chakra, go on Instagram Live and actually start Instagram Live series where they’re interviewing people because they feel so empowered.
So, if you’re interested and curious, it’s a really low-ticket, affordable course, so it’s really for anyone, whether you have some speaking experience, no speaking experience, or maybe you even have a podcast, you want to take it up to the next level, it really offers everything that I know about speaking to get you started and to get your voice and your message heard out in the world, because it is so deeply needed at this time.
So, again, head over to speakwithsoulcourse.com and I’m super excited to see you there!
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[03:17] Advertisement
This Episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You want to change your life? Therapy. You want better relationships? Therapy. You want to heal limiting beliefs, live your dharma, be your fullest expression? Therapy. It, honestly, helps you get deep into whatever resistance is holding you back from fully stepping into your best timeline. And the truth is, we all have traumas, whether they’re big T or small T, micro traumas – if we don’t address these things, they’re going to impact the rest of our lives. So, that is our responsibility to get in there, to look deep, to have those powerful and vulnerable conversations with a trained therapist like those at BetterHelp, so we can fully step into our dharmas, our souls’ purposes.
So, I love how BetterHelp makes it affordable, they’re flexible, they’re entirely online, you can even be texting therapist. They’re all licensed and it makes it really convenient to get that help in without having to drive anywhere or plan something. And you can try out different therapists until you find your perfect match!
So, if you want to try 10% OFF your first month, head over to betterhelp.com/sahara. Again, that’s betterhelp.com/sahara and you can find that link in the show notes.
[04:36] End of Advertisement
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[04:38] Sahara
If it’s your first time listening, I’m so honored and grateful to have you here! This is a place where we dive deep into spiritual topics, from finding our soul’s purpose, to living our most embodied and sensual lives, and even topics like overcoming major life obstacles such as heartbreak.
[04:57] Sahara
So, wherever you are on your journey, whether you’ve been listening to this Podcast for a long time, or it’s your first time, I’m so grateful to have you here!
[05:06] Sahara
And this is a really honest and vulnerable conversation that I’m going to share with you, about my own healing journey through my recent heartbreak.
[05:14] Sahara
As some of you guys may know, I got divorced a few months ago, and the process of doing, which has been the ultimate catalyst of my spiritual growth. And I’ve been doing this Podcast for almost 7 years now and this divorce has just taken me to another initiation of my spiritual journey. And I’m so grateful for all of the lessons that it has taught me, and more importantly, who I have become as a result.
[05:41] Sahara
In the past few months, I have upleveled in ways that I could’ve never imagined. I have truly fallen in love with who I am. I am more open to experiencing the love that is inside of me, than ever before. I notice the romance in every-day life. I am channeling poetry. I’m more connected to people around me. I’ve traveled the world for the past few months, and Egypt, and Dubai, and Bali. And I feel this renewed sense of my dharma, my soul’s purpose, on this planet.
[06:14] Sahara
So, I’m going to be sharing with you, in today’s Episode, what my healing journey looked like, and how can heal over heartbreak, whether it was a short-term relationship, a long-term marriage, or any other form of heartbreak that you might experience, because what I’ve observed is that heartbreak is quite universal. And sometimes you have these feelings that you feel like “No one else feels this way but me”, but the truth is, all of us are very deeply connected on an emotional level. And the emotions that you may be experiencing right now are ones that I, and many listeners out there, have experienced as well. So, I’m going to be sharing with you my journey.
And of course, this is not the comprehensive heartbreak guide, I could do ten thousand episodes on this topic, and I will be continuing to share about it, not only on the Podcast, but in my next book. But I wanted to, while it’s still fresh and new for me, now 3 months out from this situation, to share with you how I have truly quantum-leaped. And everyone who sees me is like “You’re glowing at another level than I’ve ever seen you before”. And sometimes life needs to sweep the rug underneath your feet, to realize that you actually would prefer a sandy beach. And sometimes you don’t realize the ways that you have been limiting yourself in that relationship, in that life, in that way of being, until it all crumbles down and you really ask yourself “Who am I and what do I care about?”
[07:42] Sahara
So, all of these are different contemplations we’ll be exploring, and I’ll also be sharing with you, kind of, the step-by-step tools that I used.
[07:49] Sahara
So, the first step for navigating heartbreak is to process together, as a couple, what you can. Now, this really is going to depend on your relationship and whether you guys are on good enough terms to be speaking or not.
[08:03] Sahara
So, if you are in an abusive situation, a very toxic situation, then I highly advise to just leave, to preserve your health and mental well-being. However, if you are on speaking terms and are able to have a conversation without really being attacked, then I recommend processing what you can, because, often times, we leave those words left unspoken and they can really haunt and torment us for a long time.
[08:30] Sahara
I noticed, for myself, after our split, we were able to be so much more honest with each other and share with each other the ways that we were not fully met, and also be honest in the ways that we could’ve shown up in a better way. And it was, honestly, so beautiful to have these clearing conversations because sometimes when you’re in the relationship, you are so focused on preserving the relationship that you’re not fully honest with each other.
So, what I have found, not just in my situation, but universally, is, sometimes you’re most honest and vulnerable when real conversations happen after you decide to no longer be together, because there’s no longer any incentive to try to hide any part of yourself, and you can fully be open.
[09:13] Sahara
So, whether it is through a therapist or by yourself, again, depending on the situation, I recommend just speaking your truth. And your truth doesn’t need to be this, like, blatant, blunt, harsh thing, your truth can be wrapped in love, so it can be received by the other person, but it also doesn’t need to be watered down.
So, processing what you can together, and I feel like this really helps you later on, because, yes, there’s always going to be more words left unspoken, and I’ll be sharing with you how you can write letters to this person, that you never share with them, because you’re going to do some of this healing on your own as well. But while you guys are still in communication when it’s still fresh and you’ve decided to no longer be together, I recommend really opening up and sharing, you know, “Here’s how I’ve been feeling”, “Here’s what I’ve been journaling about”, “Here’s how I didn’t feel met”, “Here’s where I felt lonely or I felt unheard”, and it can be really valuable feedback to that other person, of how they can show up differently in their future relationships, and then also for you to receive. And of course, it can make us get really defensive to receive this kind of feedback. So, knowing that it’s ultimately here to serve your highest good. And if the situation is feeling really heated and you’re not able to be in the conversation, then removing yourself from which. So, this isn’t to retraumatize you, but this is while you guys are still on speaking terms, to get the juice of what you can, and the nectar of the lessons in the relationship.
[10:36] Sahara
So, the second step for healing through heartbreak is to get a therapist. I recommend working both with a couple’s therapist, as well as your own individual therapist. And they can be the same person, depending on your relationship with the therapist.
[10:49] Sahara
So, a couple’s therapist is really good to be a mediator between the two of you, so you can have those trickier conversations that you’re not able to have on your own.
And often times, when you’re working with a couple’s therapist, it gives that person a sense of safety to say something that they just may not feel comfortable to tell you. So, a lot of truths can come to the surface and it also prevents it from escalating to much because you have a witness. So, I highly recommend, before making any radical decisions, to go to a couple’s therapist because some issues in relationships can be resolved, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to break up or divorce. However, sometimes going to a therapist can bring issues to surface that actually are really big deal-breakers for you, and are situations that you cannot recover from, so it is helpful to have a third party. Simultaneously, do your own therapy.
[11:36] Sahara
For me, I love visiting somatic therapists. What the word somatic means is to be in the body. So, with the therapist that I go to, and any healers that I go to, they always have a somatic approach. So, we are feeling our feelings, we’re connecting into “Where do I feel it in my body”, and we’re emoting and expressing it.
So, if it’s a feeling of anger, she will actually guide me to punch a pillow or wring a towel and fully feel and express that emotion. Or if it’s tears, she’ll invite me to really cry and hug that pillow, and let myself soften into my inner child.
So, for me, having that somatic approach, allows me to go into emotions that I have been neglecting and avoiding. And often times, these emotions come from our childhood, these unprocessed emotions that didn’t get to fully be lived out.
[12:25] Sahara
So, for example, with a friend of mine, who is a somatic coach, we went back into this feeling that I had of just like, feeling like something was taken away from me, like I had this beautiful thing that was taken away from me. And I went back to when I first felt that, and it was when I was around 7 years old, I had this dog and it was like our family dog and I loved him so much, but my aunt, who was living with us, she moved to Los Angeles and she took the dog with her, and my parents didn’t really even want the dog, so they were like “Yeah, you can totally take the dog”, and she was, you know, doing a lot of the responsibilities for the dog. So, again, from a mental level right now, it can make sense, but when I was 7 years old and I came back from camp and my dog was no longer there, it was like, the thing that I loved the most in life was taken away from me, and it created this trauma response in me, of like, something I love can be taken away at any moment.
[13:17] Sahara
So, I went back to that memory and I let myself just, like, scream into a pillow and cry, and let that inner 7-year-old in me grieve, and that lifted so much weight in me, now, to realize it is safe for me to love, and the things that I love won’t be taken away from me.
So, these are things that you can really dive into with a somatic therapist, a somatic coach and also through your own processes as well.
[13:40] Sahara
So, I highly recommend working with a couple’s therapist, your own therapist, and going for a somatic approach, to really process any emotions that you may be holding onto, because, let’s be real, breakups bring up a lot. There are elements of anger, rage, disgust, but also grief, loneliness, felling forgotten, unchosen, feeling unworthy, the fear of “Will I ever find someone again?”, “Will I ever find someone who loves me like that again?”, “What if I missed my chance?”, the overwhelm of dating and “Oh my god, there’s all these people out there and none of them are my type, and it’s a miracle to even find someone you want to go on a date with, let alone have a relationship with, let alone marry, like, how does that even happen?” Like, I’m speaking from experience, of how I felt through this, so I know many of you have felt the same, and it’s like a whirlwind. And then, on the other side, you’re like “I feel so much freedom”, “I feel the sense of joy”, “I feel like I’m on the other side of this thing”, “I see my future”, and “I can do all these things I wasn’t able to do in the relationship”, and there’s, like, simultaneously, like, moments and deep celebration of like “Yes, I love the new me! I’m falling in love with myself, this is amazing!” And then, a friend of yours visits, and you go back, and you tell the breakup story of what happened, and he said this, and I said that, and there you are back in the trauma again.
So, I’m going to weave this into number – well, number three, I will say somatic approach. But step four is be mindful of how you tell the story.
[15:06] Sahara
So, I’m someone – I have a lot of friends, like, I probably have like 20 best friends, and I keep in touch with people, and community is very important to me. So, when this happened, I found myself talking to so many people, and at first that felt really good of like I didn’t feel alone, and people are checking in on me, and I’m going through this with other people, but then I would see them and I would have to retell the story, and retell the story, and retell the story, and there was a point of I’m just like “I’m so sick of the story”, because the story is not me, it’s not what happened to me, it’s like what happened is who I became as a result of the story.
And sometimes, we keep telling the story to other people and it’s like really more for them than it is for us.
[15:43] Sahara
So, be mindful of your energy as you’re telling your breakup story. You know, at the beginning, I think it’s really helpful to process it and hear other people’s reflections, and it may give you a perspective on the situation that you hadn’t thought about on your own.
[15:57] Sahara
I know, for myself, especially at the beginning, feeling heard was so important because the first two months of this breakup I was traveling on my own. So, I was in different time zones and, literally, in countries, in hotel rooms, by myself, so being in touch with people and talking about it, and hearing their feedback, and voice-noting with them was really helpful for me to feel connected. However, then coming back to the US, and then, like, making the rounds of seeing friends and then telling them the whole story again, that started to feel like “Okay, I’m kind of over it, I’m not holding onto this anymore, I want to move forward and I have to keep going into my past”.
So, knowing where that is for you, because it can become this addiction, maybe, of retelling the story and making that our whole identity. And the thing is, your breakup is not your identity, like, your breakup is just this moment in time that feels like forever, but it feels like just a moment in time. Every person on planet earth has gone through, at least, one big breakup. And when you can alchemize it into art, it’s no longer in this, like, victim story, because you are not the victim of your breakup, you are actually the person who was set free. You were set free from a timeline that was not serving you. And if this relationship was meant to work, it would.
So, don’t look at it as “Something was taken away from me”, don’t look at it as “I was, you know, whatever”, the story is that makes it feel like you’re the one who lost. Yes, someone may have lied to you, someone may have betrayed you, someone may have treated you in unfair and unjust ways, and that’s not okay, and you’re so much more than that, and that’s not your entire identity, and that’s not how you have to introduce yourself for the rest of our life.
And sometimes we carry shame around our breakups, of like “Now, I’m this person. Now, I’m the person who dealt with this”, “I’m the person who dealt with that”, and you’re not. You’re the person who rose above it, you’re the person that, when you got the information, you took the action that you needed to take.
And every breakup is so different. And sometimes, I know some people who maybe go back and forth with their partner, of breaking up and getting back together, carry the shame of like “Why didn’t I leave them the firs time?” But the thing is, you just weren’t ready to, you just weren’t ready to and that’s part of your story as well, but you don’t have to hold onto that forever. When you were ready to leave, you left. When it was ready to end, it ended. Everything needs to happen in divine timing. So, don’t look back on the past and wish “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” or “How did I miss these red flags?”, or “Why didn’t I see the signs?”, or “How could it have gone differently?”, you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to come up with these solutions. Because the truth is, you’ll never know. You’ll never know, totally, what was going on in that person’s mind. And you’ll never know, totally, what could have been differently, because, ultimately, there’s one path that has happened, which is the path that has happened.
So, while yes, there are times that you can go back into looking at conversations, and looking at them in a different way, and how you could’ve responded differently, and there is a healthy time and place for that. But ruminating over the past is when it’s too much.
So, I would say, when you’re with that coach, when you’re with that therapist, that is the time for you to look into, maybe, conversations that you could have approached differently, or times that there were red flags, that you could have done something about, or ways that you were maybe not fully met, or showing up for yourself. But if you’re constantly going through it, and every thought and every memory is that, then you’re not going to be able to see the bigger picture, and you’re not, definitely, going to be able to move forward. And that’s what we really need in these breakups, it’s not to be stuck in the past and figure it out and have a dissertation on why the breakup happened. But it’s to take the gems of it and integrate them within your being and more forward.
[19:35] Sahara
So, if you’re finding yourself ruminating, this is when you need a pattern interrupt, and that’s going to be my next point.
[19:42] Sahara
So, the next step is the pattern interrupt. And I believe that this is essential for breakups. Now, this doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you traveled for 2 months like I did. Luckily, I have a business that’s online, that I have been building for the past 10+ years, because travel has been a huge cornerstone of my life.
So, yes, for me, it looked like leaving the apartment and going to Egypt, and grieving, and mourning, and dying in the temples, and writing poetry, and coming back to life. But I’m also a very mystical person. And that can be what it looks like for you or can look like something totally different.
[20:18] Sahara
A pattern interrupt could also just mean that you go for a week out camping by yourself, and surround yourself by nature. A pattern interrupt can look like you completely change up your furniture so your home looks totally different. It could look like changing your schedule in the days, so you’re not doing the same things.
I highly recommend it looking like taking space from that person because it’s very hard to heal from a relationship that you’re still involved in.
[20:46] Sahara
So, while the beginning stage was to process what you can, there needs to be a separation stage. And I’m a huge fan of the clean break because, you know, I’ve read books, conscious on coupling and things like that, but in my own journey, in my own process of, you know, trying those things and starting with those things, for me, I’m someone that needs to really find what I feel outside of the other person because I can, I’m such an empath and I just feel what they’re feeling, and then I’m like, just trying to, like, process their things for them, and then I’m so focused on their journey, that I’m not focused on my own.
[21:19] Sahara
So, for me, after, you know, the initial conversations, and there were definitely some ongoing, like, deep conversations that we had, but between them, I wasn’t staying in touch. So, now, when I would, you know, have thoughts and write poetry and downloads, I stopped sending them to him, and instead, I would just keep them in my notes. Or sometimes I would read them to a friend, if I really felt like I needed to express it. But taking that space allowed me to really land into how I felt about the situation, without the other person involved. And that was so helpful for me, to see things from a higher level perspective, that I just couldn’t see when I’m in that dialogue, because when you’re in that dialogue, you still remain that version of you.
[21:59] Sahara
So, yes, if you’re able to remain in complete great communication and you’re not really trying to move forward, and it’s okay if it takes a really long time. Then yes, maybe you remain in contact the whole time and you process the whole time through it, but what I’ve observed now, talking to many friends going through breakups, is, you do need a period of time that you’re not communicating, to just be able to move on.
[22:21] Sahara
Now, I totally understand if you have kids and you need to remain in conversation, but the conversation can just be about, you know, the custody and the things that need to be done rather than your emotions or checking in.
[22:34] Sahara
And I think one of the hardest parts of a breakup is that person was your best friend and you probably have so many inside jokes and things that remind you of them and, you know, little things that you want to message and text them. But breakups really are like ending an addiction. Your brain is addicted to that person because the level of grief we experience is related to how much that person was in our lives.
So, when you go through the levels of grief, it’s like, if your barista, that you sometimes saw at the coffeeshop died, like, you would be sad about it, but you won’t, like, have to go to Egypt over it, you know. You would be like “Oh, that’s really sad” and be able to move forward.
Now, if it’s someone that you saw every week, you would be even more sad; if was someone that you saw at your work every day, even more sad; someone in your family, even more sad. Now, the person that you lived with, shared life with, shared, maybe, children with, shared all of these things with, the person that you’re the most connected to, the most your nervous systems were entwined, that’s the biggest grief possible, of losing someone.
And when you have a breakup, you are losing that person, even if they’re alive. You’re losing them in your life and it really is like grief.
[23:40] Sahara
Now, the difference between grief in the death realm and grief in the breakup realm is, grief in the breakup realm – sometimes you hold onto those more negative emotions. And to me, sometimes it’s harder, because that person is still living so you’re thinking about the bad times. Whereas, sometimes when passes away, in my experience, I only think about the good times.
So, there were times that I was like “Wow, this feels even harder because, instead of thinking about the beautiful years we had together, I’m so focused on these bad memories”, and it does take that reprogramming.
[24:13] Sahara
So, for me, it was helpful to create that space and create that separation when I would notice I would want to reach out, to write it in my phone or to send it to a friend, to break that addiction. And I found, after about three weeks, the addiction – you know, they say it’s about 21 days, and I found that to be accurate within me too. After about 21 days, I no longer felt the need to reach out or seeing if he messaged, that twine was really dissipated and I was able to finally see a reality that we weren’t in communication.
[24:42] Sahara
So, it’s going to look different for every single person. Do I believe it’s, like, half of the amount of years you spent with that person is going to be the amount to get over them? Absolutely not. Because, is it true that someone who’s been with their husband for 40 years, is going to take them 20 years to get over their husband? No! Then they would never find love again.
And it’s been beautiful to see people in their 80s and 90s find love again, and you know, they had these decades long relationships and after a year, two years, three years, they find someone again. So, I don’t believe in that age-old antiquity of like “It’s going to half the time to get over someone”, that’s not true. And the more actually feel and you dive into your emotions and you allow yourself to fully process them, the quicker this journey goes.
[25:24] Sahara
You know, my friends that I see, they’re like “Holy crap! Like, I’m amazed by how quickly you were able to transmute this!” And I wasn’t trying to do it quickly, in fact, when I was in my next stage (I’ll share with you about), it was the grieving process. But when I was in my grieving process, which, we’ll just go into that next step now, to grieve – to let yourself fully grieve.
[25:44] Sahara
So, when I went to Egypt, I was so sad, you know, I was just truly heartbroken. And it was the perfect place to go because Egypt is all about death, you know, it’s all about dying and the afterlife, and Ma’at, the Goddess of Justice. And when you die (in Egyptian mythology), Ma’at takes your heart on a scale against a feather and weighs if your heart is lighter or heavier than the feather. And if your heart is lighter than the feather, then that means you don’t hold onto a lot of heaviness in your heart and you go forward to the afterlife and the next incarnation. Now, if your heart is heavier than the feather and you’re holding onto a lot of anger, shame, guilt, resentment, grief, suffering, then you no longer go onto the next lives. It’s not that you go to hell, you just stop living.
And seeing those hieroglyphics, they were speaking to me, and, like, you don’t need to be Ma’at, you don’t need to be the one to serve justice, Ma’at will handle it, you just focus on loving yourself, and healing your heart, and being exactly where you are.
And just that trust in the divine, and that trust in something greater than me was so healing because it allowed me to soften into knowing that I don’t need to figure everything out myself, I don’t need to have all the solutions, I don’t need to know what’s going to happen next and where I’m going to move in, because there are so many questions that come up after, especially a divorce, you know, when there’s, like, a lot of big shifts happening. But it just allowed me to trust into that it’s all taken care of, it’s always divine, I’m always supported by the seen and unseen beings around me.
And allowing myself to fully grieve so I could go to these tombs of, like, a wife, and I would just grieve for my identity as a wife, and let myself just cry and let that go. Tomb of a mother and grieve my identity of, you know, thinking that I was going to become a mother in the next few years with this person, and letting that version of me die. And everywhere I went I would just let a part of me grieve.
[27:54] Sahara
And I remember telling my friend Ally, who came with me, I was like “I don’t know if I’m ever going to dance again. I don’t know if I’m ever going to like bright colors again. I’m definitely not going to be the same Sahara that I once was. And I don’t know what my audience is going to think, I don’t know how I’m going to show up on social media, I don’t know when I’m going to show up, I don’t even know when, if, I can work again. But I’m going to let myself be here, in this death, as long as it takes.” And not death so I can rebirth, not die so I can be the phoenix rising from the ashes right now, but just fully let myself die. Period. And not force a smile, and not think about the other side, and not try to make a happy story around it, just being in the death portal. And that to me, was the key! Because when I let myself cry and grieve, and not hold onto any version of what this is going to look like later, and being totally okay with all versions of the former me, completely being gone, the dancer me, the bright me, I’m okay with it, whatever God wants me to do next. Spirit, lead me.
[29:11] Sahara
And there’s a beautiful song that I continue to listen to and sing called Spirit Lead Me, I’ll link it below, and that was just my mantra the whole time, “Spirit, lead me. Spirit, guide the way. I don’t know. I don’t know. I could’ve never imagined this would be my reality, I could’ve never seen any of this coming, so, Spirit, lead me”. And I truly believe the fact that I let myself fully die, without agenda, is why I’m able to be here, sharing with you today, as a new version of me.
Everything about me has shifted. I feel like a different person. My voice is different. I look different. I show up in the world a different way. My mannerisms are different. Because that version me of no longer exists.
And when we can let go of that version of us, fully, we create that space for the new version of us to birth through. But you can’t, simultaneously, be holding onto the old new while wishing for the new you, it’s not how it works. You need to have the winter and for all of the leaves to shed, and to ice. Like, right now, I’m here in Austin, it’s like an Arctic tundra, everything’s iced and cold, but that’s necessary for the spring to bloom. You can’t hold on to it forever.
[30:27] Sahara
And we’re so attached, we’re so attached to our former identities, our relationships, our sense of belonging in another, we think that love can only be experienced through the eyes of another, that we don’t want to let go. But the thing is, that love that you experienced when you were with that person was always inside of you.
What you were experiencing with that person was the love that you are. It was just amplified through another.
[30:56] Sahara
And I know, for me, the thing that I grieved the most, and was the hardest to let go of, was that feeling of feeling at home with another. Like, that person that you’re in their arms and you just feel like “I’m home. Wherever I am in the world, in their arms, I am home”, and that was the thing I grieved the most, of like “Wow, I don’t have that anymore”. Because, yes, I have friends and family, but you don’t, like, melt into their arms, you know. And as someone who holds a lot, and runs a business, and podcasts, and all these things, I’m like “Wow, I don’t have anywhere that I can, like, melt into”, and that was the thing that I really needed to grieve.
[31:33] Sahara
And while I don’t have a clear solution to that, I’m letting myself be single this year and find that love within myself. I know that, ultimately, I am my own home and that love that I was experiencing through him was the love that was always inside of me.
[31:49] Sahara
And yes, sometimes it’s easier to feel that love mirrored back when it’s through another, and I do believe that love is why we’re here and that relationships are our ultimate mirror and catalyst. And I’m a huge romantic, I’ve been writing, now, romantic novels and stuff, through this experience, so, like, totally, this is has made me open my heart more to love. And I know that I can only, fully, experience that love when I find it within myself and not from an intellectual place, but from a truly embodied place.
[32:18] Sahara
So, those times when you feel lonely, those times when you feel unchosen, those times when you feel forgotten, those are the times to really give yourself the love that you wish someone else could do.
[32:31] Sahara
And I notice it in myself and in my friends, when we’re in those lonely states, it’s like you reach for your phone, you reach to see if someone texted you, or you go on a dating app, or you go on Instagram, or you’re reaching to something, and that’s the addiction right there, it’s the love addiction of like “Give me a hit of that good-good, you know”, like “Get me out of this feeling of feeling so lonely”, but when you really lean into that and breathe into it and let yourself emote it? Like, what does it feel like, in your body, to feel lonely? Where do you feel it in your body? Is it in your heart? Is it in your belly? Is it in your womb? What texture does it feel like? What quality does it have? What sounds does it want to make? And letting yourself just fully emote and express it.
Maybe it’s like this deep whale of an elder woman who just feels like completely lonely and forgotten on top of a hill and that no man will ever meet her, and this like “Oh, whale!” Or maybe it’s this like I’m kind of like the scream of like “I can’t take it”. Or maybe it’s this like deep cry of like “I can’t, I can’t believe I’m in this”. Or maybe it’s this anger, this like “No, I will not be in this situation again”. And it might change, but going into that emotion and letting yourself, just lying in your bed and feeling it, and sounding it, and emoting it fully.
And you might feel like “Well, if I start really feeling that feeling, I’ll never get to the end of it because there’s so much grief, there’s so much anger, there’s so much sadness within me, I’ll never get to the end”. But the thing is, that emotion doesn’t want to be felt forever. That emotion is just a warning sign that just something’s off, that something needs to be felt.
And the truth is – you know, they say we can only feel our emotions up to 90 seconds fully. But, to me, I feel like I’m feeling them a little longer. But letting yourself feel them for however long that you need.
[34:34] Sahara
So, when I do this practice of, like, letting myself feel. So, maybe I will, like, scream into a pillow or punch it, or just cry like my teenage self, like crying into my pillow, or whatever it is, normally, like, after, I would say, three minutes, I’m like “Okay, like, I don’t really want to feel that thing anymore, I’m sort of, like, ready to move on”, that emotion just wanted to be felt and clarified. And then what I do is, I actually muscle test after. Like, have I processed this emotion fully. So, I’ll, like, put my two fingers together like this, like a little ‘okay’ and I will use my thumb to test. So, if it’s, like, weak, then you know that there’s still more to do because your body is not strong. If it’s strong, then you know you’ve fully tested it.
And there’s a whole practice called spiral, and I’ll be bringing on a facilitator of that, something that I was trained in by him while I was in Bali, and it’s been such a powerful practice. But really doing that muscle testing on yourself because for me, I feel the feelings and then I muscle test, and then I see if I’ve cleared that feeling. And most of the time, I have, and I’m like “Wow, literally, in 3 minutes, I cleared, like, the sadness, or the rage, or the disgust, or whatever it was, and now I feel free and I can move forward”, and I’m just, like, so much more open-hearted, and I’m, like, so grateful. And I literally get like love-gasms and joy-gasms and bliss-gasms, and my heart, and I’m, like, so grateful to be alive. I’m, like, smiling and laughing and it’s, like, coming from this like “Holy fuck, we’re alive”, like genuine space. And I wouldn’t have been able to get there had I been holding onto this, like, rotten, fermented energy of the unprocessed emotions.
[36:11] Sahara
So, grief is the ultimate portal to joy. And it’s funny because for the past, like, two years now, I have been slowly writing my next book about joy and it hasn’t been coming through. And I would write and then I would read through it and I’m like “This is just too simple”, you know, like, it can’t just be “Do a joy practice, and dance, and listen to music, and be in community, and go in nature”. And yes, all of these things bring us joy, but I’m like “I feel like everyone knows these things” and we’re not doing them for whatever reason, but there’s got to be more. And the book just wasn’t hitting, I feel like I wasn’t making a very clear point, and now I see why. Because I needed to go through the depths of grief, to know what joy is.
[36:56] Sahara
There’s this very famous poem by Khalil Gibran of grief and joy. And I’ll share a link to it below, it’s a stunning piece of poetry.
And I remember someone giving me his book “The Prophet”, and it has that poem in it, a few years ago, and my resistance was like “Can we just have the joy? I don’t want the grief part”, like, grief “Meh”, because I’m someone who used to, very much, be only in the joy, in the light, in the celebration, and that is a part of who I am. And part of me was avoiding pain, which, I’m going to go into that too.
So, I realized that I had this resistance and aversion to pain because, to me, pain is the antithesis of what I want to experience in this lifetime. Like, I want to experience joy, I want to experience bliss, I want to experience celebration. And this is a huge part of my dharma, to bring these frequencies into the world, and that’s why I’m also majorly stepping into my DJ-ing even more so this year. But you literally can’t experience those emotions without the grief, the pain and the suffering.
[38:01] Sahara
And, intellectually, I knew that before, like, I knew you needed to have both, but I was like “Can I, like, create a new reality when I just have the joy part, please?” And I was really trying, I was really going for it, it was working for some time. But then, God came in and it was like “No, we’re going to give you the whole range”, and I’m very grateful for that because, what I recognize now from it is that, if you just try to be in one emotion, even if that emotion is joy, and you don’t experience the opposite pole, then that emotion becomes neutral, because it no longer has its opposite pole. So, what you thought was joy, just becomes neutral, and then you’re no longer actually experiencing joy anymore. So, you actually need the pole for the opposite to exist because whatever you experience on a day-to-day, will become your neutral.
[38:50] Sahara
So, for me, now going into pain, I’m able to experience the pleasure, the release, the gratitude, on the other side.
And when you’re living what is your worst nightmare, you know, and I will share that – the mornings are the hardest. So, if you’re feeling it in the morning, you wake up and you’re like “Holy shit, this is my life now!” Yes, the mornings are when it all hits, but it’s about building yourself back up from that. And thank Goddess for that, too. Because when you’re able to tackle, like, your deepest pain, first thing in the morning, you’re unfuckwithable for the rest of the day, and then you start to note “How do I build myself back up from there?”
And I’ll share with you some specifics of what my practice looked like as well, but you’re the one going into this relationship with pain, because this is a very important step.
[39:40] Sahara
So, after grief, pain. I know, we’re really getting in there!
[39:45] Sahara
So, I realized, personally, I was running away from pain my entire life, like many of us are. You know, who wants pain, right? But I realized that if I can choose to go into pain from a safe and conscious place, then it no longer has this hold over me.
[40:03] Sahara
So, I was in Egypt, it was one of our last days there, I had processed and grieved so much, and the hotel that I was staying at had an ice plunge. And I normally do not do the cold plunge, like, I won’t even go into a cold pool, but the pool is like 65 degrees, I’m like “Too cold for me, nope, can’t do it!” And I just decided to go into that ice plunge, and as I was in there, I was just telling myself “It’s just sensation, it’s just sensation, it’s just sensation”. And I would breathe even deeper and just relax into it, letting my breath get slower and letting my body relax, and telling my body “It is safe, I’m safe, it’s just sensation”.
And I probably stayed in there for one minute, which, to me, felt like a lifetime. And then, getting out of that cold plunge, tears came streaming down my face and I just looked in the mirror, and for the first time, I truly understood what self-love is. And I just looked in the mirror, in my eyes, and I was like “Wow, I’m so proud of you, for the way that you are navigating through this. I love you so much, I will always have your back. You’re never alone, I’m here for you. I am here to give you your dream life, no one else. I got you!” And I just looked in the mirror, in my eyes, and just telling myself all of the words I wished someone else had spoken to me, just really looking at myself and telling it to myself, and feeling that bliss take over my body that happens after you leave a painful situation, that you’re like “Not only an I safe, I’m better than I ever have been before”. And that, to me, was a huge turning point of like “Oh, wow, I finally, on a deep, embodied level, understand what self-love is”.
[42:04] Sahara
So, after that, I started making cold plunges my practice. And I would seek out places that had them. And I went to them in Bali, all over the place, I would do the cold/hot, I would be in the cold and then I would go into the hot sauna, I would go back to the cold and back to the hot sauna, go back, and I would notice, like, by the third time, the cold was easy. By the third time, I didn’t need to tell myself “I’m going to get through this”, I could just be in it. In fact, I looked forward to it because I knew how good I would feel on the other end.
And this just became such a huge part of my practice, which leads me, from pain, next step is cold/hot therapy.
[42:44] Sahara
And if you don’t have access to a cold plunge, you could take a cold shower, you can just do a cold shower, do it for a minute, starting, and as you get better at it you can do two minutes or longer, and then switch to hot and then go back to cold. And what it does is, it tells your nervous system that even when we are in uncomfortable states, we are safe.
And when your body has gone through such a huge shift in temperature, it needs to acclimatize, and it becomes stronger and that’s why your immune system gets stronger, your nervous system becomes stronger, your body adapts to big life changes. And that’s what life is, that’s what heartbreak is, it’s a huge life change that you didn’t plan, you didn’t see coming, and here you are in it, and can you adapt? Because resilience does not mean you build a hard shell around yourself. Resilience means that you are mobile like a rubber band. And you can stretch all the way this way, and all the way that way, without breaking. And that’s what these practices like cold/hot therapy can help us do. How cold can I be and how hot can I be? How uncomfortable can I be without breaking? And the more you do this and the more you stretch your limitations, physically, the more that you can do it somatically.
And then the next time you’re in a shitty life situation, you’re not like “This is the end, I’m never going to get through this, I’m dying, my body is falling apart, I can’t feel my feet”, you’re like “Oh, it’s just sensation, it’s just hurt, it’s just sadness, it’s just anger, let’s be with it now, because it will pass, and on the other end, I’m going to feel so much more at home with myself than ever before”.
[44:23] Sahara
And, like, one of the greatest feelings, to me, is coming out of that cold and being into the hot, and feeling the support of the heat. Like, feeling the heat literally hug you and have your back, and just engulf you, and help you feel just so protected.
And it’s just such a beautiful reminder that we’re always held by the elements, we’re always held by the sun, she’ll never fail us. And when we’re able to go from that cold to the hot and just let ourselves rest, then, when we get out of these fights with someone, tricky situations, etc., we’re, like, back to normal, we can finally exhale, we don’t hold onto that. Whereas, what most people do is, they get into a fight with someone, they hold onto it for the rest of the day. It’s like when you get into, like, traffic jams, someone honked at you, they swore at you, and then, like, the rest of the day, you’re feeling that energy – that’s not how you want to feel, that was just a moment in time, it’s not personal.
[45:25] Sahara
So, when you’re able to move from the cold, the challenged, to the hot, it’s like, that happened on a moment of time, and now here I am, I’m chilling in the sauna, it’s all good. But it’s also not being in that sauna forever, because then that sauna is going to get uncomfortable too. Then it’s going to get too hot and then you’re going to need the contrast, you’re going to need the cold again. And that’s life! We need the pain, because that’s what allows us to experience the joy. We need the heartbreak, because that’s what allows us to experience the heart opening. We need to learn to be strong, because that allows us to be soft. We cannot be anything that we want to be without the contrast. And that, truly is the ultimate medicine of heartbreak.
[46:05] Sahara
So, the next step I’m going to share is to surround yourself by family, friends and people that you love.
[46:12] Sahara
Often, when we’re in a heartbreak, we want to self-isolate because we don’t want to burden people with our worries and stress, and we feel like we’re not high-vibe, so why would anyone want to be around us. But it’s really important, especially the times that we feel really dark and really low, to surround ourselves by people, even if we’re not talking about the thing, just to know that, physically, we’re not alone. Because when we’re going through a breakup, not only are we mourning the loss of the relationship and the loss of that person as our best friend, and the loss of our lover, but I think one of the biggest things we’re actually mourning is the physical presence of that person, of having someone sit on the couch next to you, sleep in the bed next to you, wake up and drink your coffee next to you. We’re so used to having someone around, that, when we’re alone, it’s like “Holy crap, my nervous system, my body, like, doesn’t know what to do being on my own”, and that can be really jarring.
[47:08] Sahara
So, to even just have someone around, staying with a friend, staying with a family member, just making sure that you’re not completely isolated and by yourself.
[47:17] Sahara
I know for me, when I went to Egypt, it was so beautiful. Two of my friends flew to Egypt to be with me, and that was so helpful because I was processing and going through things with them, but then I noticed, like, I felt bad at a certain – like, after, like, three days I was like “I feel bad, I feel like I’m talking too much”, and I just, like, got really quiet. And they noticed that I got really quiet and they’re like “Sahara, it’s okay, you can talk”, and I’m like “I don’t want to bother you guys, you guys are in Egypt too, I don’t want to, like, keep talking about, like, what’s going through in my head”, and I felt a lot of guilt because a lot of my work has been around “I don’t want to bother people”, and they’re like “That’s why we’re here with you. Like, we’re here to process this with you”. And I was like “Well, I don’t want to annoy you guys”, and I’m thinking about this constantly because I feel like when you go through a breakup, it’s like, especially at the beginning, it’s pretty much all you can think about. And I’m like “I don’t want to be dictating every thought I have to you guys”, and they’re like “It’s okay! Even if you repeat yourself, it’s okay, we’re here to listen”, and that was so healing because I noticed I’ve never allowed myself to truly, like, be vulnerable with friends. I’ve always been, like, the one who creates the rituals, and who brings people together, who sets the vibe, who asks questions, like, I’m always the one who’s making sure everyone’s good and setting the energy for everyone else. And I love being that person, but here I was, like, not. I was pretty low-vibe, you know, and I felt unworthy of people being around me when I was low-vibe, I was like “Why would anyone want to be in my presence?” And that was an important thing for me to heal, which I’m still really sitting with, of like, not playing the role of being the entertainer, or being the coach, or being the whoever you are. And like, just letting yourself sometimes just be sad, be uninteresting, be a fly on the wall. You don’t always need to be, like, adding in.
And I’m not saying always be like this, but when you’re going through a heartbreak, it’s normal to feel like that. So, letting yourself be like that.
And of course, cultivating friendships when you’re not in your heartbreak as well. My friends wouldn’t have flown to Egypt with me if I wasn’t talking to them or hanging out with them and building a connection with them for many years before that, these are people… For me, friendships are like a very, very high core value of my life.
So, for me, I’m always checking in with people and building memories and, you know, making friendships a priority. So, then, when I was in a situation like this, I was able to have friends to lean in on.
So, even if you’re not, maybe, right now, going through a breakup, really invest in your friendships because relationships often come and go, but friendships can really stay in your life forever. And if you are in a heartbreak right now, be friends with other people who are going through heartbreak, who are single, because these are the people who you can, often, have these, like, deep, honest conversations with.
[50:00]Sahara
Like, a friend of mine, Anna, who I’m staying with here in Austin, she’s also recently single, and we’re able to, like, have these conversations that just, like, only people, single, in their 30s would get, and, like, noticing our patterns, and, like, what’s showing up from our teenager self, and it’s been really healing to have that. So, it doesn’t necessarily mean “Oh my god, if I don’t have really, really good friends from before, like, I’m screwed, I’m not going to have friends for this heartbreak”. But make for other friends with heartbreaks too, post on social media, you know, even under this Episode, comment under this Episode on my Instagram “Hey, who wants to be heartbreak buddies and, like, talk about what we’re moving through?”, and find a friend and reach out, you know, because there’s a lot of support that is needed, and so many ways too, that we can learn through supporting other people with their heartbreak. And it’s such a beautiful moment to come together.
So, I would definitely make a step, surrounding yourself with friends, family and making new friends.
[50:51] Sahara
Now, the step after that, which will sound contradicting, is to be alone.
[50:57] Sahara
So, I noticed in myself, I was the first two weeks with friends, all the time, and then I felt this call like “Okay, I really need to be by myself to integrate and process”. And the times that I was alone, for example, in the cold plunge, in the sauna, I was answering a lot of my own questions that, like, I would immediately speak out with a friend of share a voice note or something, and I’m like “I already have the answers that I’m looking for. Like, I already give myself the best advice, I’m just not giving myself the space to hear my own intuition”.
[51:28] Sahara
So, if you are someone that’s really quick to reach out to someone for advice, or surround yourself by people, and always have people around, or you’re in communication with, texting with, Instagramming with, to be alone and listen to your own inner voice. Because when you’re alone, you’re able to heal things that you, honestly, couldn’t heal with a friend or even a therapist or a coach. You can go places that you can only go on your own. Maybe that’s, like, the really ugly whale that you would be too embarrassed to do in front of even your coach. Or maybe it’s like, really letting yourself think and go through thoughts that it would be too much to explain to someone, it’s like too many missing links and things going back to different memories, or letting yourself journal and be really honest with yourself. Because, sometimes, that, like, rooted level of honesty, we’ll only have with ourselves. So, letting yourself be alone.
[52:21] Sahara
You know, when I was in Bali, there were some times, like, the beauty of it is (for Bali), I didn’t really plan any friends coming, but it happened to be where different friends were in Bali so I would see a friend for a day and, like, have a beautiful experience with them, and go to a water purification temple, and then the next, like, three days I wouldn’t even see anyone, and I would be like “Perfect, this is what God wants me to do, he wants me to be alone”, and I would just, like, sit in nature and just, like, look out in the leaves and just be, and think, and feel, and just be with myself. And then I would meet people and be with them, and then I would be alone. And I was never seeking, I was never like “Okay, today is a day…”, you know, unless I felt really low, I wouldn’t really make a plan, I would just, more so, feel how I felt that day, because when you’re going through a breakup, you’re going through so many waves and so many different portals. So, there are days that you’re just going to want to be more social and feel that energy and that excitement, or just feel like you need to be around people. And there are days that you’re just going to want to be alone. And then, sometimes there are times when you want to be around people, but what you really need is to be alone.
So, give yourself both because they both contain their own medicine. And certain things you can really heal through relationship and through community, and certain things you can only really heal through being with yourself.
[53:34] Sahara
Okay, now, let’s get into some specific practices that I was doing to help myself heal.
[53:39] Sahara
So, the first thing I would do is, every night, I would write my dream, because for me, my dreams are the ultimate decoder of how I’m subconsciously feeling. So, I would notice I would have dreams of, you know, family members, like, morphing into my ex and I would, like, notice what’s the relationship between my dad and my ex and how are they related. There’s a lot of healing that was done in the dream realm.
So, first thing, just writing it down so you bring it into conscious awareness and noticing “What are my dreams telling me?”
[54:06] Sahara
The second thing was movement, exercise. So, movement has been a huge part of my life for many years now. But especially the beginning, like, two weeks, I didn’t want to exercise, I was like “I just want to lie on the couch and cry”, but I got myself to continue working out, and every single time I would feel so much better. I would put on my bad bitch playlist, I have a gym playlist, I’ll link that below as well, it’s pretty fire! And I would put on some Taye Money, I would put on some 2000s hip-hop and I would feel just so strong after. Because when you’re going through a breakup, a part of you feels so weak, feels so fragile, feels so vulnerable, and that’s a beautiful tender part of yourself, but you’re also a fierce, empowered, resilient person. And physically showing that to yourself through exercising, helps you embody that because your strength is also your power, it’s also your boundaries, it’s also your sacred yes and your sacred no.
And I think that’s what breakups really show us, it’s that nuance between “Here are my boundaries and here’s where I’m going to step foot” vs the unconditional love, and the compromise, and the forgiveness that simultaneously needs to happen, the fire and the water.
So, for me, exercising, even if I didn’t feel like it, when I would go, I would feel so much better. Just putting on some music and working it out. Going on walks, hot girl walks, hot boy walks, listening to, again, for me, it was mostly music or a podcast or book that was, like, really speaking to how I felt.
So, I would want to listen to things about breakups, about grief, about, you know, I didn’t really care, at this point, what’s happening, I didn’t have the capacity to care about what’s happening in the world or how to talk to spirit guides, it just not even in your realm when you’re going through a breakup. Like, so, if you’re listening to this, you probably know what I’m talking about.
So, those are the ones I would listen to, but also giving myself – for example, after this Episode, I recommend just listening to music for some time and letting yourself just process your own, like, what did this Episode bring up in you. Because it’s really easy to cloud our minds with, like, the next podcast, and the next book, and the next thing, and it’s like, we don’t even know how we feel because we’re processing so much of, like, other people’s information.
So, really sit with what did you gain from this Episode and just listen to music and let yourself go on a walk and clear it. And that’s such a powerful way for it to really anchor down and encode into your being.
[56:21] Sahara
So, the next is journaling. So, for me, I’m constantly journaling and writing down notes on my phone. Like, I’m in the car and I’m writing something down, I’m processing, because I just get things as they come. And every single person is different, some people really like to do, like, three pages every day and writing it with their hands, but for me, I feel like I’m always, sort of, channeling, so I have so many notes on my phone of just, like, revelations that I had, and turning it into poetry.
Turning your pain into poetry has been very alchemizing me because it’s taken – like, what is alchemy? Alchemy is turning bronze into gold, and that’s what in Egyptian mythology, Goddess Isis was all about. So, turning that bronze, turning that lower vibration emotion into gold, into poetry, into wisdom.
[57:07] Sahara
So, let’s say I would be journaling – like, my journal is just more how I feel and what’s showing up. But then, naturally, a poem would come through from it. And often times, I share those poems, even on social media, and some of the poems are too personal and I don’t. But to be able to take something like that and turn it into art, to me, feels so worthwhile and so rewarding, and it’s like “Ahh”. Like, even if this is the only reason why I’ve gone through it, it’s worth it.
So, journaling, writing and transmuting that into art. And it doesn’t even need to be poetry, it could be songs, maybe you write beautiful songs from it, maybe you paint. So, maybe you paint your emotions. It’s something I really want to do when I’m settled back into a home again, of just getting the colors that my heart is feeling and painting those colors and painting my expression. Maybe it’s sculpting something, sculpting how you feel and sculpting the embodiment of this moment. Maybe it’s drawing it, maybe it’s weaving baskets through it, and your baskets are weaving in prayer. But art is the ultimate healer.
So, how can we bring more art into our lives? Which takes us naturally into higher vibrational states of being and allows us to get out of the stickiness of the situation and see it again from that birds-eye perspective where it’s all perfect and it’s all divine.
[58:22] Sahara
So, the next tip I suggest is just being in nature. So, if you live in the middle of a city, go to a park, drive to a local, national, national park, go camping, do something that you’re surrounded by nature, because when we’re so in the matrix, there’s Wi-Fi, and 5G, and buildings, and there’s, like, all these structures happening. And it can feel really hard to tune into your soul self, when there’s just all this noise around you.
So, going into nature is so decompressing and letting yourself be held by the wisdom of the mountains and the fluidity of the water, and the suppleness of the air, and the heart of the fire, and letting these elements heal you, and taking the lessons that each of these elements have for you. Asking fire. “What can you teach me?” Air, “What wisdom do you have for me?” Water, “How can you bless me? How can you purify me?”.
[59:16] Sahara
You know, every single time I go into the water, I consider it a baptism. I’m purifying the old energy and allowing myself to experience more. I’m literally washing off the old.
Also, Watsu water healing is a practice that I did several times, which was beautiful. Which is to allow yourself to be held in the water and let yourself go back to the womb of your mother, which, we were floating in that water naturally. And letting yourself just completely surrender into the water. So, working with the elements and being in nature is so healing and helpful.
[59:48] Sahara
And the last thing I want to share is that you don’t have to figure it all out right now.
[59:53] Sahara
When you’re going through a breakup, there are a lot of questions: “Where am I going to live?”. “What are we going to do with our things?”. If there’s a divorce involved: “What are the papers going to say?”, “How am I going to tell my family?”, “What are we going to do with the pets, the kids?”, there’s so much.
And our rational mind wants to figure it all out right now because we feel like that’s what’s going to help us be safe. But the thing is, you’re going to change so much.
Every single day, you’re going to show up as a new version of you. And your desires, your wants, your needs, are just beginning to become unraveled, because you’ve been tied up into this former identity, this former illusion that no longer is. So, don’t rush the process.
[1:00:38] Sahara
There were times that I’m like “Okay, I’m signing this lease in LA, in this building, I’m doing it!”, and I’m, like, filling out all the paperwork, and then, an hour later I’m like “I don’t think I want to do this, I think I want to travel”, and then I’m like “I’m moving to Changu, Bali, and like, that’s happening. I’m going to, like, get an Airbnb and then I book that”, and then I’m trying to cancel the Airbnb and I notice, I’m like “Don’t book anything because I’m probably going to want to cancel it.
So, if possible, let yourself be in this void as long as you can. Let yourself, if you’re moving, book short-term stays because you don’t know if you want to sign a one – you might think you want to sign a one-year lease somewhere right now, because it feels safe for you to have this, like “Okay, there’s so much uncertainty in my life, this one thing is certain”. But I’m so grateful I didn’t, like, sign the lease for the first place because I wouldn’t even want to live there anymore. And still, for now, the next few months, I’m just staying in different Airbnbs, I’m traveling, I’m here in Austin, I’m going to LA, then, you know, I’m doing a lot of my bucket-list items right now, too, that I have this, like, space and this freedom. I’m going to Trinidad to dance in the carnival. Like, this has been a life-long dream of mine! Can’t wait, front line!
Then I’m going to Costa Rica, where I’m DJ-ing at Envision Festival, which has also been a dream of mine. And, like, happened so serendipitously in Bali, through this conversation I had with these people who, like, became my besties, and they had a stage at Envision, and here I am.
Then I’m going to Sedona for this, like, week-long sole adventure that I’m going really deep into my healing. Then I’m going to be in LA for an Airbnb. And part of me, so badly, wants to cling on to like “Oh my god, I need to find a place, like, my stuff is in storage”. I literally have one suitcase of belongings, and that’s it. Like, I was just like “You can keep the furniture, you can keep everything”. I need to, also, remove myself from the material way of living, of, like, feeling security from material possessions and homes, and having furniture, and having this, and I’m like “I’m surrendered to the unknown and I’m married to the divine, and wherever spirit leads me, that’s where I will go”. And it’s fucking scary, and so freeing!
[1:02:39] Sahara
And I know everyone’s situation is different, and not everyone’s can look like this. And I invite you to really lean into how much of the unknown you can invite in your life. Because you don’t need to make huge, major, life decisions right now, you are changing, you are blossoming, the version of you, today, is going to be vastly different from the version of you one month from now. Think about where you were a month ago.
[1:03:02] Sahara
So, let yourself be in this unknow, this cusp, this, like, edge of, like, jumping off of a plane where you don’t know what’s going to happen. Let yourself be there for as long as you can, because you’re going to find yourself again in life, in relationship, in home, in stability, those things are going to come, don’t worry about it. But this moment right now, this really excitement, unknown, mystical, mysterious moment right now, you don’t know when you’re ever going to have that again.
And even though it’s scary and your ego likes certain things, trying to push it away, you’re going to look back on these days, 1, 2, 5 years from now, and they’re going to be some of the most freeing days of your life. Terrifying, but freeing! You’re going to look back on them with such a warm heart and so much compassion and love for yourself.
And everyone I spoke to, they’re like “I wish I, like, fully let myself be single. And I wasn’t worried about who was texting me and my next relationship and what was going to happen. I wish I let myself fully enjoy it because 8 months later I met my husband, or 5 years later, whatever amount of time later. And that was coming, but I wish I let myself fully be in that single journey and the excitement, and the self-love, and the wisdom of it all because it really is a time that you quantum leap and you metamorphosize and you truly get to know who you are.
[1:04:28] Sahara
So, I hope this Episode was helpful for you. I invite you to share it with anyone you know in your life navigating heartbreak. This is one that, maybe, you’ll come back to time and time again, so be sure to share it, share it on social media.
It’s interesting, I polled my Instagram audience, I’m like “Who else is going through heartbreak right now?”, and it was like 70% yes, I’m like “Wow!” Astrologically, it’s like complete phoenix rising from the ashes, right now.
And so many of us, I feel like, who were really strong on our spiritual journeys, especially in 2020 when we were holding space for others, and we were like “I’d go time”, it’s like, right now, we’ve gone through this dark night of the soul and we’re coming through with just such wiser and more open hearts.
So, wherever you are in this process right now, it is perfect, it is divine, it is exactly where you need to be. And whatever has been removed from your life, was removed from your life for a reason because there are such greater levels of alignment, joy, love and clarity on the other side.
[1:05:27] Sahara
So, thank you so much for tuning in. I’m so grateful to share this space with you and I hope to see you on the next Episode!
[1:05:33] Sahara
If you loved this Episode, please leave a review for the Podcast on the iTunes Store, it really helps this Episode be seen far and wide. And as a free gift, I will send you my Womb Meditation.
So, this is a meditation that you can connect to the wisdom of your womb, your sacred yoni portal and ask it questions such as “What do I do next, you know, from this heartbreak?”, “Where do I move?”, “What’s the next decision for me?”, “Is this person right for me?”, “How can I fully heal?”
So, this beautiful meditation practice allows you to listen to your womb, your body’s wisdom and hear her answers. And I’m sending it to you absolutely for free for leaving a review for this Podcast. So, all you’ve got to do is head over to the iTunes Store, Apple Podcast, leave a review, take a screenshot before submitting for that review and email it over to me at [email protected]. Again, that’s [email protected] and you can find that email in the show notes.
[1:06:31] Sahara
Thank you so much for tuning in today and I’ll see you on the next one. Namaste!
Episode #484: How To Heal After Heartbreak – My Step-By-Step Process with Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose