Highest Self Podcast 303: Why Your Desires Are Sacred with Dr. Saida Desilets

How has your relationship with your sensuality and sexuality been this quarantine? For many of us, not great. Our bodies have been stressed out, hence disconnected from our sensual essence. In this episode, we’re going to bring it back. I sit with sexuality expert Dr. Saida Desilets to discuss why your desires are not only not a bad thing but actually SACRED. We speak about redefining the word “holy,” communicating your sexual needs + preferences with your partner, the misunderstanding that Buddhism is all about dropping your desires and how your desires are actually pointing you to your highest spiritual embodiment. From breast worshipping to fantasies, we talk about it ALL in this adult’s only episode!

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Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor

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TRANSCRIPTION

Episode 303: Why Your Desires Are Sacred with Dr. Saida Desilets
By Sahara Rose

Namaste. It’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to The Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you, your soul’s highest evolvement.
If it’s your first time listening – Welcome! I am so grateful that your soul brought here. If you’re here all the time – What’s up? How are you? How is your summer going?
I know it is not the summer that most of us have imagined; nor the year; nor necessarily the lifetime – we never know what’s going to happen. But I think that all of us are really making the best of it. I know, I myself have been spending so much more time practicing self-care than I ever have before. You know, I always felt like I was in a rush to do the next thing, to check my emails, to get things done; I had this Pitta – fire energy under my ass – “Come on, keep going, keep going” and ever since the quarantine started, the first month or so of the quarantine I tried to keep that going, and now it’s this new vibration and a new way of being, and if you are fortunate enough to be quarantining at home – it is your invitation to really dive into those practices that you were too busy to do before.
So, for me, that looks like waking up; reading a couple pages of a spiritual book; writing in my new Yogic Path journal – Yes! My new journal Yogic Path is about to be out (it’s out September 1st), it’s available for pre-order now, there are only limited amounts available but it takes all of the cards in my Yogic Path Oracle Card deck into journal form. So, every single month is themed with a new Goddess or concepts such as Dharma, Karma, Kria, and has different journaling prompts; questions. Every single day, there are spaces for you to write what you’re grateful for; your intention for the day; so many incredible things. Every night spaces to write the lessons you’ve learned that day; affirmations. I basically took all of the things that I wanted in a journal (grabbed to intentions) and then also scheduling your days with the Doshas. So, I talk about how different Doshas apply to different days – are you having a Vata creative day; a Pitta (get shit done day) or a Kapha (rest and relax day)?
So, I speak about this and then every single day there is actually a space for you to put what is today’s Dosha; what is today’s card pull and what is today’s menstrual cycle. I also write in there about how your menstrual cycles are related to different Doshas; how the seasons are related to different Doshas, so it takes all of these concepts and actually applies it to your life because in my book “Idiots Guide To Ayurveda” I speak in depth about all of these concepts, but a lot of you are like “How do I do it? How do I make this a part of my daily practice?” and plus everything I have just learned along the ways all incorporated into all of this. So, it has been so great for me to really make sure I’m tracking my menstrual cycle, making sure that I’m doing the right exercises, eating the right foods, and just feeling completely align.
So, I’m writing in my journal every day; I’ve been doing breath-work – I kind of infused my own style of breath-work, taking some of wim hofs breath-work style. If you haven’t done wim hofs breath-work – it is amazing, but doing it in a bit more of a feminine I call it ‘Goddess breath-work’ doing kind of like cow-body-roll type movements while you’re doing the breathing and letting yourself hold it for however long you feel called, so it doesn’t feel like someone’s timing you, there’s no competition. And I’m meditating – seeded meditations; I’ve realized for me, the key to a really strong seeded meditation where I’m not thinking about other things or wondering when the meditation is going to be done, is for me to do some breath-work at first because then – I mean, I’m seeing the color purple; I’m literally seeing my third eye when I’m doing it. It is effortless, I don’t need to try to meditate, I’m just in the Void and I realize that that meditation (doing the breath-work first) was actually alkalizing my blood, getting my body into the right alignment to make it so smooth and effortless and easy to meditate. So, I have been doing that as well; I have been dancing; doing my Healing and Embodiment Through Dance Practices which I share in my ‘Healing Embodiment Through Dance’ Course. So, that’s like my own fusion of tribal fusion belly dancing, serpentine-like movement, opening up your chest (which is a heart chakra opener), opening up your hips, your different shimmies, and twerking, and undulations, and spirals, and essentially activating whatever you’re holding onto in your physical body and releasing it through cathartic dance. So this is not a choreography, and I actually guide you how to use this practice and use dance as your highest form of healing in my new Healing and Embodiment Through Dance Workshop (which I’ll also have the link for in the show notes).
So, that has been beautiful – I have caught myself so many times future-tripping, trying to plan, trying to figure out what’s next, what should I be doing, what’s the next big project I should do? You know, I just finished my next book “Discover Your Dharma” and I’ve basically always been working on a book for the past, almost ten years, and this is the first time that I’m like “Okay, stop and use this time to grow spiritually, not to put all of your energy into this external thing” because even when I’m writing a book and stuff, I’m a bit sacrificing myself; I’m sacrificing my own rest, and sleep, and social life, or all of these things to get this book out into the world, and while it feels so incredible, I’m taking this time to really fill up my own cup to activate that Kapha energy. Every single day in my journal, I’m like “What’s the Dosha of today? Okay – Kapha! I’m going to sit into the Kapha; I’m going to sit into the Kapha” I’ve never has so many Kapha days in my life! So, it feels really good to be in this womb right now because even when we try to make plans – I know for myself, when I try to make plans it doesn’t even work because we just don’t know, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, we’ve never known what tomorrow will bring, but especially right now – I wanted to go to Hawaii and everything was supposed to open in August and now it’s shut for another month; Bali – same thing, everything is just on-hold right now. So, it’s just really taking that time to be happy where you are; to realize that everything that you want to experience is inside of you. If you want to have fun – you can have that within; if you want to have peace – you can have that within; if you want to have joy, exploration – all of that is inside of you. So we don’t need to go outside, fill in this Void, but we actually can sit into that Void and sit into ourselves and fill it up with our own essence. So, I have been really working on that; focusing on peace, focusing on presence which were things for me that I felt like “Oh yeah, that’s just obvious” but I never actually made that my focus of the ‘how can I be my most peaceful self despite what is happening in the world around me?’ And it has led me to different types of books and different types of teaches and different types of practices, and I’m so grateful for it.
So, for today’s episode I wanted to talk about something else besides what’s happening in the world today. With this Podcast, typically I record episodes the month in advance and things don’t change that much and it works. But with this episode – I recorded it right before Coronavirus happened so it had not yet happened and then of course, once it hit, all of my episodes since March have been about what is happening today about Covid; about the BLM Movement; about just the different energies happening. I’ve changed every single interview, everything was literally done a couple days before the episode came out because the world was changing so fast, and it still is. And I wanted to help remind all of us that we still have those other aspects of our lives that we may not have had time for or may not have paid attention to, and one of that is our sensuality and our sexuality. So this is an explicit episode, my whole Podcast is explicit, it is an 18 and over Podcast, so if you’re younger, listening, this isn’t the episode for you; if you have kids in the car, this is not the episode for you, because we talk about a lot of sex in this episode. And sexuality is such an important thing, it is our life force; it is where we all come from. We all come from sex, we all come from an orgasm; it is the most powerful energy that each of us has in our bodies and I’m someone who is so passionate about sacred sexuality. We’ve done a lot of episodes in the past on Tantra; on looking at the body as the temple; on connecting to the womb-wisdom, all sorts of things. So, with this episode we dive into all of that, speaking about sexuality and partnership, in solo practice, in spiritual ways, in all sorts of modalities.
So, Dr. Saida is an incredible, just Priestess – I will just call her that. She is someone who is an expert in Desire. I listened to her on a different podcast and I was in love with everything she had to say because in my own spiritual journey I was at these crossroads because I am someone who grew up as a hip-hop dancer and it is very connected to my body and my sexuality, and loved that side of myself. And also when I got very deep into my spiritual practice I moved to India and I way studying Ashtanga Yoga for hours a day – I felt very disconnected from my sexuality and I actually thought that sexuality was lower and it’s more spiritual to not be sexual and to have no desires and I went into the ‘all-white’ – like that zone. And that was great too but it wasn’t encompassing all of me and since then I have really merged both sides of me (both spiritual and sexual) and reclaiming my total essence. So, when I heard Dr. Saida speaking about this and really breaking down how your desires are sacred; how your desires are actually leading you to wholeness because a lot of us (and we speak about this in the episode) have this idea that to have a desire is wrong. Or we hear about this, we think it is a Buddhist teaching that desires are the root of all suffering, so therefore, I should not have desires – therefore I won’t have suffering.
So, a lot of us, and then in the spiritual community, we resay these things like that but we’re not actually getting to the root of what Siddhartha (the original Buddha) actually said, so, we speak about all of this. She’s written a book on this, she’s an expert on this topic, she’s a doctor of sexuality, and she is someone with so much wisdom, so much life practice and I absolutely loved talking to her in this episode. And I feel like this is just such a good one to get out of everything that’s happening in the world right now – just enter your body; enter your temple; enter your womb; let yourself feel; let yourself heal; let yourself talk about the taboo subjects that things that you haven’t had time for but are still such an integral part in your life. I know a lot of us have felt very disconnected from our sexuality for the past couple months because there’s always been this crisis, and when your body is in crisis it doesn’t really want to open up for the most part. Some people do react to stress by wanting to have sex, but most feminine beings don’t act that way, they actually close up. Because to think about the cave-man days, if there was danger; if there was a neighboring village was coming to attack your village, you’re not really trying to fuck, you’re trying to get the hell out. So, our bodies have been in these zones of “What’s going to happen next; what’s going to happen next?” that it closes us up, it literally closes up the yoni portal. And it’s important for us to let ourselves receive; let ourselves connect to that Earth energy, because when the yonis open, we’re able to receive Earth’s energy; and we’re able to actually heal; keep our Chakras in balance; keep our Mind and Body interconnected through this orgasmic energy that moves through every single living being.
So, we dive into how you can do this; her sexual practices and experiences and all of the good stuff in this episode.
So, without further ado, let’s welcome Dr. Saida to The Highest Self Podcast.

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Sahara:
Welcome Saida to The Highest Self Podcast, it’s so great to have you here.

Saida:
Fantastic to be here. Such and honor and it’s really exciting to meet always young women who are super-lit up and turned on in going for something delicious. So, today’s going to be a great conversation.

Sahara:
First question I would love to ask you is what makes you your highest self?

Saida:
I love that question and I actually want to have just a moment because we could answer really quickly with an intellectual answer, but in the moments where I felt the most connected, I would have to say what makes me most align with that part of myself is being deeply embodied. There’s a sense of when I’m fully abiding in this body, then I am actually connected with that deepest essence. And that’s what I regard as my highest self. I don’t actually have a hierarchy; it’s more like depth or surface. And yes, I’m deeply in my body, deeply sensual; and that is connecting me, fundamentally, with all of life and that’s when I feel most alive.

Sahara:
Yes, it’s so amazing because the teachers I’m always attracted to learn from always have that more feminine approach to spirituality that is not about necessarily ascension and leaving the body and reaching these other dimensions, which is great, but really going into the body and feeling all of the juiciness that is to be human and seeing that the Earth is Spirit.

Saida:
Yes and I want to add to that because many, many years ago when I was first launching in this inquiry, I did have that orientation, I needed to become this perfect spiritual being and every time I had something imperfect happen, I had to work at it, improve and make it better. And it wasn’t until I let go of all of that and actually dove deeper into the messiness of my humanity, that I felt I actually woke up. To me, it was kind of bringing Spirit into Matter that actually allowed for the Awakening to happen.

Sahara:
So true. So, you wrote a book about desire and I’ve listened to you speak about it, and it’s something I love and so deeply resonate with and how are desires are sacred, and our messengers from Source leading us exactly where it is that our soul was meant to guide us. So, can you speak a little bit more to how are desires are Holy?

Saida:
Yes, absolutely. So, let’s define that word. So, ‘Holy’ to me isn’t a religious word, it literally meals to be ‘whole’, it has this quality of; it’s so imbued with life that it’s – when you look at it, you’re in the sense of awe, okay. So that’s how I feel about desire as an actual force of nature that there’s something ‘whole’ about it; something honest; something that belongs to the history of not only humanity, but actually life – so, far, far older than we are. And as that force of nature, it has a gravitational pulling; it gets our attention, and if we were to really understand this force of nature and how it communicates with us, then we would understand that that ache we feel in our heart when we’re thinking about this thing that we really would love (the genuine thing, I’m not just talking about chocolate) – when we’re talking about those things that keep us up at night and we’re like “Oh, wow! That would be incredible” – that that is essentially this deep force of nature speaking through the visceral nature of our being. And it’s very important, and there’s something much bigger at hand here than our small, little human agendas, and so I the have the both end, I have all these. We have ‘Will’ and we have these ways in which we want to create our world – what’s informing that; what is actually leading that? That I’ve always been curious about, like “Why do I have these particular desires and you have a different set of particular desires? And they’re all valid – that’s interesting.

Sahara:
It’s so interesting and you know a lot in Vedic Wisdom is that Source put those desires in you because it’s your Dharma; it’s your road map that you were meant to go by and it’s interesting because, you know. And you talked about this on a different podcast (I heard you speak on) – The Buddhist perspective of detaching from desires versus the more Tantric perspective of going into desires.
Can you speak about that? Because I feel like a lot of people – their first understanding of spirituality is that Buddhist approach because it’s so kind of mainstream now and really going into those two thought systems.

Saida:
Yes. Well, first, I’m not a Buddhist and I haven’t studied it deeply, and I haven’t even studied the Tantric side very deeply, but I have touched into both with curiosity. And to be honest, when I did the TEDx talk, I brought up this Buddhist thing because I was like “This is really important.” But what was phenomenal is what I learned in that process of taking a stand for desire.
So, in the West, we have this strange orientation to desire that somehow it is the lead cause of our suffering, and somehow we seem to associate that with Buddhism – that somewhere, someone said that suffering was inevitable, but it’s also like a part of having desire.
So, as I was putting together an argument for my TEDx, I came across someone who had the pleasure to be in Bhutan. Now, to understand Bhutan, it’s a place that’s had its borders closed a long, long time (so its culture is super intact) and they’re Buddhists, so they didn’t have any dilution of their former Buddhism. And when he went there, he asked that question (my friend asked that question) he was like “Well, why is it that the Buddha says that desires are source of all suffering?” And these guys were “Oh, no, no, no, Grasping Desires are the source of suffering.” Because desire itself (even the Buddhists recognize) that desire itself is an important thing, otherwise you’d never do anything. You wouldn’t drink water; you wouldn’t move; you would have no ability to act, so it’s true to say (that even for the Buddhists) there is a healthy version of desire. And we’ve mistakenly, kind of done a blank it statement about it, but what we were actually saying is ‘Grasping Desires.’ And I think it’s important to have that distinction.
Now we’re going to go a little further into my own language with this, just to clarify things, I call it ‘Hijacked Desires.’ So you can imagine that you have an original impulse, something pure that comes from you and you’re like “Ahhh I want to…? (whatever it might be) – Like me writing this book on desire I could feel it in my whole being for a few years before I wrote it, I was like “Ahh! A book is coming! It’s coming!” Now, a ‘Hijacked Desire would be when you have that feeling and you filter it through the lens of your upbringing; of the social constructs that you live in; of the opinions and ideals of those who are very influential, say, in your life. And suddenly, this original energy that’s moving you towards something gets shaped by these external, say, ideals and fantasies. And so you go in that direction and it’s holy unsatisfying because you come to the end and you’re like “Yeah, well, what was the big deal? Why am I here?” So, what’s very important is to distinguish between the two and I think that those, the ‘Grasping Desires’ – they’re learned desires; like, “I need to have the perfect partner; the perfect thing… – Really?! Where did you learn that and why?” Or you know, “I need to be at this level of income or I have to have this particular bought… – Well, really?! Where did you learn that?” And is there a true desire behind it? And the answer is usually yes.
So maybe the desire is just to thrive, and that desire gets hijacked with trying to look a certain way – but if you were to release that, you would then be informed (organically) what is true for me to thrive; what is it that I need in my life to thrive? Not what everybody else wants from me.
So this is a very important pause in order to take some space and allow for a discernment process around desire.
In terms of going back to the Tantric side (just to answer that side of the question) – there are two paths in Tantra: there’s the Right Hand Path and the Left Hand Path. So, I think you’re referring more to the Left Hand Path where they were willing to face anything to free themselves from the hold of those grasping desires. Meaning, they were even willing to go and have sex in cemeteries (like weird stuff; weird things) in order to release this thing that was grasping or causing very strong and solid views on how they should be – And then they would free themselves. So, the left Hand Path can actually be quite extreme – you will go in all direction; go all the way; you will be that Gories. I think in the West, we have our own version of that; we don’t go to those extremes so much, maybe a few people, but in general we don’t. And I think when we’re starting to have a better relationship with desire, but it’s still not completely where it could be.

Sahara:
I really love that distinction because I think if we looked back on our desires even five years ago, ten years ago, and we actually looked at why we wanted those things. They came from thinking it was the next logical step, right? Like, the next thing for me to do when I’m married is to have a child; or at this income – is to go to that income; or to move to this house. Is it truly what you want or is it what you’re conditioned to want?
So, do you have any tips or tricks for people to understand if their desires are actually innate within them or coming from external conditioning?

Saida:
I will share something that is useful and it was something that I was introduced to a long time ago, but it’s the process of imagining yourself all the way at the end of completion and having that thing that you desire. And fully experiencing as though you have it in the here and now, right now, on every level – you literally enter fulfillment, let’s say, that moment of fulfillment. And often, if the desire is hijacked and you take yourself all the way to the moment of fulfillment, it’s kind of like “Yay! Meh?” It’s really not an exultation, but if it’s really that thing of like – you take yourself all the way and like “Wow, yeah” there’s this completion; there’s this felling of “I already have it” and you can even let it go because you’ve experienced it in its fullness. That’s a great experiment because if you can let it go, you’re like “Oh, I have it.” I did it for a beloved years ago, I was single and I was like “Oh my God, I really, I wanted to know what it would be like to really be with; completely met by a beloved” and so my practice every day was to enter that place where I actually was in that kind of relationship to the point where I completely let it go because I experienced it, I was fulfilled by it; I’m like “I know this” and then when it showed up, I recognized it, instead of going into a relationship because I thought I’m kind of single and I just need to go into a relationship – because there were plenty of people that came into my life that were not a match to the end results—experience and fulfillment. So, that could be a really great practice where you exercise. You take yourself all the way through and here’s what happens, this is amazing and maybe you can relate to this. There might be a moment in that process where you start to recognize that there is something you that is going to need to die or change radically for this thing to completely fulfill itself, and that is too terrifying, so then you subvert your desire to something less.

Sahara:
And I think most people never even do that process so they are trying to manifest this thing, and because they don’t realize that they’re afraid of the level of maybe work, or putting themselves out there and criticism, or whatever it is they have that subconscious fear so it never manifests because the Universe can feel that they wouldn’t be able to completely hold it.

Saida:
Yes. So a lot of the work I do (as you already know because you’ve explored a lot of my work) is really exploring deep sovereignty, that embodied place and making yourself your number one partner for your whole life because you’re the only one that’s going to be here the entire time. So in terms, again, of this process of how do we do this; how do we know what’s real? So you really want a partner and you think it has to look a certain way – can you give yourself the things that you’re expecting to receive? – First. And if the answer is ‘No’ then you will not be able to receive it from another person anyways. And so you’ll cheat yourself out of that connection.
So this is the learning process; I think we’re in an instant gratification phase of humanity (we snap our fingers and the drone drops it from Amazon two minutes later; I mean it’s almost that fast now) – can we instead create some spaciousness? Take a few breaths; sit with the ache – I want people to become masters of say, sexual tension for example – can you sit in the deliciousness of intense sexual desire where your whole body is almost shaking from it and make that be the thing? Not the resolution; let yourself feel electrified by that tension and hold it and drink it, and if it’s true, it will still be there tomorrow, it will still be there in a week, it will still be there in a month. And if it’s not true – it won’t even be there in an hour.
So, the slowing down process I think can be very painful because we’ve been conditioned to, as soon as we desire something, we need to have it immediately. And then we usually go for the drive-through version because like I said, to have the true version – my first marriage for example, he was everything on my lift of a partner, and where did we learn that; where did we learn all these things that we want? This kind of income, this kind of look, this kind of genital skill set, you know, whatever – he was perfect, he ticked every box and yet it lasted one month, one month! Because I married the ideals, I married a list; but what I deeply wanted was to be met and loved but nobody allowed me to have that spaciousness to be in the in crew – what is it that I really want; what is the true desire here? The true desire with that first marriage was to be in the depth of a profound meeting in love. If I had known that, I would have never married that guy, ever, because that wasn’t there. So that’s where understanding the difference between hijacked and what’s real; and taking the time, and if you don’t know and you have someone that you can trust that doesn’t collude with your story, who can kind of push a little bit in – we’re always very delicate about pushing for people these days. You know, we look at everyone as a victim; we think they’re powerless so how dare we confront their ideas – how dare we not? We need to push! If you respect someone that are powerful, you’re going to push; and if you really know, they’re going to be able to stand in that truth and say “No, this is the truth.” And a lot of times we get very defensive, and what we’re defending is the hijacked desire, because the true desire doesn’t need defense. It exists with so much potentiality and force – you can’t defend it. I just knew that book was coming through whether I say nay-sayers or not, do you know what I mean? It was like “It is clear that is happening and it’s beyond just me because I don’t actually like writing that much, and I’ve written two books and a PhD. So, there’s obviously something deeper at work sometimes than out just surface preferences.

Sahara:
I love that, that feeling. I think we can all relate to that feeling of wanting something and even be like shaking for it and convulsing for it but we never let ourselves get to that point – sexually, career-wise, anything – because I think we’re so afraid of time, losing time – “I don’t have time to wait because if I wait then I’ll lose it, I’ll lose the opportunity, or someone else is going to do it, or I won’t have time for this full experience etc. And because of that we end up just getting that junk food fix or not fully embodying that thing that we want to do. We want to just check off, get the certificate, be accoladed as if we had done that thing, but not fully embody it.

 

Saida:
This brings us back to your first question about essence, the higher self, the deepest essence, whatever you want to call it. And, I always say to people, if you truly want to navigate this life in a masterful way; in a way that where you eliminate the most amount of chaos and have the most amount of resonance, then marinade in your own essence every day. But we don’t know what that is. We have strong identities, these labels of all these roles that we play; all these ways in which we – that’s not essence. So, we don’t actually know our own nature; we don’t actually know that if were really to sit in there and marinade in there, suddenly there’s nothing really that that’s urgent because there’s a deep sense of feeling connected with life. There is a timelessness in that space, and then the truth emerges of “Well, here is what I would love. I’m good here as I am but here’s also what I would love.” And there’s a sense of grace and clarity that can come from that and we have made it very difficult, especially I think for young people because they’ve been born into even more of that chaotic, quick-moving sexuality as currency and identity as the thing – when it isn’t. So, we’ve been pulling people away from the richness of being. And that’s what solo practice is really about; that’s what that reclamation of true desire really is actually about us – Wow there’s something powerful happening here. But the problem is, if I start doing this, I become a really shitty consumer; I become someone who cannot be manipulated; I become someone who is a little more maybe disagreeable because maybe I won’t agree with everything you say (because I don’t) and then not being mean, I’m also not needing you to like me. And suddenly we become more sovereign and strong in ourselves, but also more free. And what would be beautiful is if live in a community where this is arising in other individuals, and there’s this gorgeousness of celebration of these individual in beautiful, unique ways and how sovereignty appears. Then we cultivate curiosity; then we cultivate connection and collaboration instead of comparativeness and cattiness etc.

Sahara:
So beautifully said. So, this question popped up in my Rose Gold Goddess community of “If you’re in between relationships and you’re waiting for that God-Man, that ideal partner, should you still engage in casual sex with people or is that taking away from your energy towards your ideal partner?”

Saida:
Haha, I love this question! This is the question I have been answering for two and a half decades because it’s a very important question; it’s not a small question.
The answer will be different depending on the individual, this is why at the bulk of my work is that I do not answer questions – I will ask you questions. I will return you to your own Source so you can see what is true. But, here’s what I’m going to do right now – I’m going to give permission (which I don’t need to do because you already have it) but I’m going to give permission (because that’s often what we’re waiting for) to have snacks on your way to gourmet – but you have to understand that it’s a snack! And if snacking for you is just not your thing, then don’t snack. For me, unfortunately because I am a very vivacious sexual creature, in the times between relationships, I would have long periods of celibacy where I’m like “No! I’m just going to cultivate solo-cultivation; I’m going to play with sexual tension but I’m not going to manipulate people around it; I’ll be clear but I’m not going to go there.” Other times I’m like “Yeah, I’m completely going to go there but I’m going to give all of myself to this with the clarity that it doesn’t have any meaning beyond this moment in time. And I’m going to communicate that with integrity and I’m going to maintain that in my experience.” But that is not how women collectively are brought up. We are brought up to first of all bargain for love. The majority of women will give sexual things in order to get love. That is like a conditioning, it’s not actually how we need to be but it is a conditioning. I think it’s worse now than it ever has been. So this idea that sexuality is a currency and then we need to do these favors in order to get somewhere, or even get a partner – I have a lot of women completely; I guess in Tinder you do the swiping thing (I’ve never done that so I’m not familiar with it) but there’s this thing that you have to behave in a certain way to just even cash in on an experience. Yet we’re sovereign; we’re Queens; it’s like “No! I don’t think so. I know what I want, it’s gourmet; I’m not going to bargain for it. You’re free to come and taste the deliciousness that I have, but I won’t be bargaining for it.” And that is only possible to come from that space when we do solo-cultivation. So, if you’re doing solo-cultivation and you’re really clear, like “I’ve enjoyed this time of celibacy, I’ve cleaned things up; I really understand when I manipulate for attention; when I’m a manipulator; being sexual in order to fulfill a hole in my life and when it’s actually a true expression; I understand that now; I’ actually like to play a little bit and I’m going to go out and be very conscious in how I play and it feels good to me. Great!” And actually, I think when women do that, they’re a little less desperate when they do meet a guy, so then what happens is, you’re not the kind of like “You’re mine, you’re finally my beloved!” Scare the living bejesus out of the person.
So, I do think that it’s both end. Sometimes for some of us it’s not good to be sexual because it’s very transactional; we’re resolving our own tension; we’re not coming from a place of feeling complete and sovereign and in our own power. And other times it truly is because we love sex; we love sensuality; we want a beautiful experience. We need to actually have both end attitudes and we need to understand why sometimes it is powerful to engage when we are really in our center; we already feel full; we’re good; we’ve been the best, most epic lover for ourselves so there’s not this sense of emptiness or neediness. And there’s also times when we’re “You know what? I’m not in a good place. I can see that these are the games that I play in order to feel better about myself. I’m proving that I’m cute; I’m proving that I’m sexy because I can actually seduce this person but it feels off.” So, it’s both end. We get to track and then we get to consciously choose – is it true right now to have a snack on my way to gourmet, meaning have a little experience (a sexual experience) on the way to meeting beloved, right? And for some women it’s absolutely never going to be okay to play because they have the kind of sexuality that so needs deep heart connection that it’s impossible. They can’t seem to surrender that deep heart connection in a momentary place. Other women have had traumas so they need to feel profoundly safe before they can open up. We have to know ourselves, that’s why spending time in our own essence, spending time in solo-cultivation is so empowering, because we get to discover and then we take a stand for me, like “Hey, here’s the truth of me and I don’t need to justify it to anybody. And here’s what I would love, and here’s what I’m willing to co-create.”
So, I’m going to give a little sexy example, because I think it’s important to play as well.
When I was celibate and doing a lot of practice, I realized that if I had more arousal doing my breast massage it would be more impactful in terms of a hormonal practice. This was a small window of time, very in the beginning. And I found a couple of guys who were willing to solely be my breast worshippers with the clear thing that nothing else was going to be involved. I was not going to touch them, and there was no other part of my body available, but if they would enjoy worshipping my breasts while I was doing a very specific meditation, we could have that experience and I did. And I had two men who were just totally adoring the opportunity to be with me in that way and it was clean and it was clear, no one got hurt. So, I think we can set things up in very specific ways when we have self-clarity. But as we were talking about a little earlier, how do we know what self-clarity is when we lean into, say even experts in the field who are telling us “You can have sex with anyone; or you’re a sex Goddess; or you can..” and meanwhile you like “Yeah but I’m hurting inside or I have pain in my vagina; or it feels kind of scary to have sex with all these different people. But it’s obviously not cool, I’m not liberated if I don’t ” You know, all of these things to me, I get very angry, my sword comes out because I think it’s so unique to the individual woman, and so, take our time; make space. You were saying we don’t have time, we must hurry – but it’s just not true. What we don’t have time for is to make decisions that are out of alignment with our essence.

Sahara:
Such a good quote of all – we do not have time for that! And we don’t realize how much time we waste when you’re worrying about that fuck-boy who won’t text you back, and I think what women do (and I don’t know if this is the conditioning or this is biological) but you might enter a sexual engagement thinking “Oh it’s just going to be for one night” but that part of you that wants to trap him, right? You want make him fall in love with you, you want to feel chosen. Where do you think this comes from?

Saida:
Well, it’s a great question. And actually some of that can be answered by looking at desire research, like specific sexual desire research where we’re researching in labs. And one of things that they found across the board is that one of the ways female desire (now this is a generalization but it was a very high statistic in this realm so I think you can safely generalize) is that women (in terms of sexual desire) their desire is more ignited when they feel desired. So if we think about that and then realize we’re going to move toward the person or the thing that makes us feel like we’re the bomb, like they want us desperately, achingly want us (that’s power, right?) but it’s only feeling powerful because it’s the own rising up of our desire. So, understanding that; when I understand that in myself, I love to be desired and when I’m being desired it ignites me, then I have come to a place where that I feel safe and good and healthy in my being and even when I’m out in the world and I’m say flirting or just walking around, and I’m the object of some stranger’s desire, I get off on it because I’m “Yeah, aha! You want this? You’re not going to have it but I’m glad you want it because it turns me on” and that’s the end of that. So, there is something to claiming, if that is true (not everyone is oriented that way) but if that is true whether it’s a sense of – if someone really wants you there’s a sense of power. I want you to kind of reframe it more than it being a sense of power, let yourself understand that you’re actually in contact with your own current of your desire. Being desired allows you to feel that current more strongly, it’s like a doorway into it, and to be grateful for that, but also to understand that we can’t manipulate.
So a part of why I slow women down around sexual practice and becoming powerful women sexually is they must simultaneously develop the pillars of emotional maturity. So, as long as their Eros is maturing, the emotional side needs to mature. Because if we get very magnetic but we have the emotional body of a young person, then we’re playing the same games that we hate, right? So if we can slow down and really adore ourselves in another way; maybe another language is our heart is deeply connected with our genitals and they’re communicating, and they’re on board together all the times. When we have that kind of self-integrity, then it’s easier to make those decisions.
Now let’s go back to feeling empowered by having someone fall in love with us. That is a homework around something I call ‘profound respect.’ And I have rarely met an individual that actually has profound respect for themselves. So, if we cultivate as a primary cultivation, profound respect for ourselves, inevitably that floats outwardly. And I too, I played the game, I was 18-19, in those two years where I would seduce as many men as possible, and if they were married – better; if they were totally devoted to their wives – better! Like, the more difficult they were to seduce, I’d succeed at it, the more powerful I felt and the more empty I felt. Thankfully it only lasted those first two years, and then I woke up one morning in agony, understanding what I had done to my sisters, right? Because there was another person that was involved in this equation that I didn’t even consider. So the journey of that deep, deep self-respect, that profound respect, organically then will flow outwardly where you won’t be able to even tolerate manipulating men just to boost your sense of ego (or women, if you are lovers of women). So, this is very, very important in the journey of this exaltation of the Eros, but also exalting the heart; exalting this emotional conscience; the immaturity level of our being – and the more we do that, the sexier things get actually, because we can really lean in and play this delicious game with profound respect and go “Hey, you are married, I need to connect with your wife before I even continue with this flirting” “Great! Can I meet the wife? The wife is super-cool, she actuals gets a bit turns on. Okay, now we’re good.” But where are the boundaries if that’s happening, right? So, this is where I understand that most of us don’t do this. But if you are listening to it, this conversation, it’s because you desire to be that woman. And so it takes only for us to take full responsibility for what we’re bringing into the picture (that’s what we’re responsible for) and then we change the world; we actually shift it. And you will be hurt and betrayed a million times over because in our society (like I said) sexuality is a currency in all these ways in which we go unconscious around these games. But if you’re doing the work, you’ll be one less person that does that and you’ll be one more person that’s having genuine connection with other people. And that is something to celebrate.

Sahara:
Absolutely, I so agree.

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Sahara:
So what do you recommend for people who are in long-term relationships to keep that desire? And do you think just the male gaze-shifting and needing a variety is inevitable?

Saida:
We need to get honest here. The male and the female gaze-shift, okay. Let’s just say (put it on the record) human beings are attracted to beauty. Who does not turn their head when they see gorgeous roses in full bloom with their fragrance emanating? Who doesn’t go to those roses and have a nice sniff? It’s like “Oh my God, this is so beautiful!”
So other human beings that happen to have a fragrance maybe different than what’s in our configuration, that have a type of aliveness that is inspiring. If again, we’re practicing profound respect; if again, the relationship is based on honesty, trust, devotion, whatever (with my husband it’s a deeply devotional relationship), and there’s been many layers to what that looks like and feels like. But we if have that deep devotion and maybe he is looking out at something, I know that he’s going to bring that back to me. And I, when I’m like “Oh wow, that’s very inspiring” I’m bringing it back to him. It’s a much healthier way of being because we have eyes, we are animal beings. There’s things going on, and to expect that we never look at beauty again just because we’re in a relationship, that is not the kind of relationship that I would want to be in. However, because we don’t cultivate profound respect; because we’re easily manipulated; because when you’re in deep devoted relationships shit comes up and it’s hard work sometimes and all you want to do is get away from it and have something fun and playful; then we do get distracted, right? So, there again, that maturity process is really important.
So one of the agreements that I have with my partner is my tolerance is cyclical – depending on the phase of my cycle. So when I’m in that, maybe just coming out of my menstrual phase into ovulation, I’m all about beauty everywhere, and I will point out beautiful women, beautiful men, beautiful flowers, beautiful ocean, beautiful sunset, I am all about beauty. Somehow when I go over that edge of ovulation and then I’m deeply going inward – I’m not that interested in stuff that’s happening outside, and I’m more triggered if a lot of attention is outside. So, we have a laugh now, we understand it, I’m like “Wrong time of the month baby to be looking at that ass” kind of thing. But I do it with joy in my heart because I know it’s not harmful because I have a good relationship. It could be harmful if you don’t, obviously. And we have a playful understanding “Oh, okay, this is the time of the month that the eyes need to be all on me. Okay, this is the time of the month where we can be both roaming and looking.” And it’s very cyclical with my female hormones, it’s really interesting. He doesn’t have a cycle, he can look all the time, he’s like “wow, wow, wow, beauty, beauty, beauty.” But the truth is, that man who is looking and inspired everywhere else, he’s devoted; he comes to me; he brings his love and his lust to me within the container of the relationship – and that’s trustworthy. That kind of devotional relationship can’t happen if you command and demand that. It happens when you, again, cultivate self-respect; you’re clear about your boundaries; you’re clear about what’s not negotiable, and that’s evolutionary. So, as you’re together long-term, you’re not the same people you were when you met. So, you’re going to need coming to, I call it ‘the in-and-out breath’ so when you have that in-breath and you’re attracted, in those moments of attraction, you talk about what’s new, what’s fresh; what has fallen away. And then there’ll be moments where you’ll need to be apart – there’s a natural out-breath. And so, you’re a part, you’re coming into yourself and integrating in all these experiences you just had with your partner. And then you’re going to come back and go “Yes, I was okay with this in the past but now I’ve shifted and I’m here now” and you’re going to bring back this new, vibrant version of yourself that isn’t compensating out of fear and terror because you’re doing the inner work, but it’s very clear that “You know what, I’m actually more about staying home and reading a really good book, or meditating, or having a bath and going out every single night to party. I’m not that person anymore” or vice versa. I used to just want to snuggle and stay home – God I just need to get out and breathe whatever it might be. So, a long-term relationship must be evolutionary and it cannot evolve if both people are not actually deepening their own sovereignty and getting curious and respecting the evolution of each other, but also of their relationship.

Sahara:
That’s so beautifully expressed. And what I see happen (and I’m sure you see this a lot with your clients) a lot of people say “Well, my partner keeps cheating on me and the only way for this relationship to work is to open it up” and thinking that would be the solution because clearly this person just has a high sex drive and needs a lot of diversity but they still love me so they’re wired to be open. Do you think certain people are wired to be polyamorous versus monogamous?

Saida:
Absolutely. And my first book I wrote in 2003 (it’s old) and I talk about that there. I talk about if you know in your heart of hearts you have an orientation that once you open – it’s singular – that is not negotiable, and then you enter consciously a relationship with a person who does not have that orientation. Because here is the mistake we all make in a relationship – we always project ourselves onto the other. So the poly person will project that onto their partner; a singular devotional person will project that onto their partner; and if it’s not a match, you’re in hell; you’re in hell, because somehow you’re trying to match these mismatched components and it’s incredibly painful. Now, if you’re entering that consciously and you’re going “I am willing to go through all of this pain because I’m going to utilize it to grow and understand my nature” that is one thing because you’re actually taking it on as a spiritual devotional task or maybe it’s a masochism and you just like a lot of pain, I don’t know. But I have always known that I am not a person that’s willing to engage in a person who’s going to be distracted with all these other things. I can’t, it doesn’t work for me because I’m hyper-possessive and I’m like “When I have you, I’m going to eat your soul” it’s so deep.

Sahara:
Are you a Scorpio?

Saida:
Yes, I am a Scorpio. It’s deep, it’s deep. So, for me to go deep, I need that devotion. However, I need to understand that my partner (although he’s incredibly devotional) also loves to get inspired, so, we have had to get creative. So, maybe that means (at times) we have gone to some sex parties where I don’t engage with anybody but he’s getting that titillation from observing and seeing – and actually when we get home from that party, it is on and it is hot, like really hot. But at the party I’m a little reserved because it’s not really my thing, it’s really his thing, but we have agreements – if he comes to me and it’s a “No, non-negotiable.” And he can’t push any further and that makes me feel really safe because my “No” is going to be respected and for him I’m like “Go, look, see and bring me what you know” that way he feels the freedom to let ‘go, look, see’ and he comes back with a suggestion and sometimes it ends up actually being a “Yes” but a lot of times it’s a “No” and he respects that. So it allows both of us to have these abilities and it takes inner work, it’s so confronting; it’s so confronting. Probably for him it’s like “Fuck, why do I have to constantly check in with her?” And with me it’s like “Agh why does he consciously do this thing?” So, it’s a lot of inner work to go “I’m okay as I am. These non-negotiables are fine. In order for me to have the thing that I want I’m willing to have some spaciousness in this area and definitely not in this area” and we negotiate and we talk about that. But comprising to the point of I am singularly-minded and I have a poly partner and I open up so that I can still stay with that person – that person’s not even a match. You’re wanting someone to treat you the way you’re treating them – it’s not in their capacity, let them go. Better to be alone in that deep primary relationship with self than to be tortured day in and day out, and your psychic energy is running at an extreme level of terror because your tracking everywhere that person is and what they’re doing; and how they’re doing it; with who they’re doing it etc. etc. It’s exhausting and you actually harm your nervous system; you harm your adrenals; you actually age more quickly – it’s awful! So why would we put ourselves in that? Because the current ideal is that, well, that’s what demonstrates a sexually empowered woman – is this capacity.

Sahara:
Or it’s more spiritual. I see that a lot of people saying it is a more evolved stance to be polyamorous and that it’s just the conditioning that would make one monogamous. And you know, there are a lot of books that suggest that marriage is just as ancient too. So what is your take on that? And have you seen a lot of bridging spirituality with polyamory?

Saida:
Well because that’s not my orientation, I can’t speak from my person and I like to speak from my person a lot. I have seen some people who genuinely it is polyamory and not polyagony. Okay, there’s a big difference. I find it hard enough to deeply love one other person to the fullest of my extent, with the depth of my respect. I don’t know that I have it in me to then extend that to yet another person. If you have that skill set of genuine, deep, radical, love-respect, clear communication, no gains – maybe it is your orientation.
When I was younger I had a lot of lovers, I would sometimes have eleven at the same time because I would move around a lot. Never in my life did I consider myself poly. I was just like “I have lovers.” There was no identity around multi or singular; I just had lovers and I would treat them in a way that you would treat a lover, with respect, with clarity, here’s the limitations; I’m not going to try and go deep in deep partnership relationship with you – you are a lover. I really had ‘here’s lovership; here’s partnership.’ So I think it’s confusing this idea of polyamory because it really means the capacity to love, but when we say love, we mean profoundly respect another person. I’m not talking about poly-fuckery okay. If you’re going to do that, then just call it what it is – you like to play (the word player isn’t great but that’s what it is) you like to play and you’re willing to do it consciously and you’re willing to just own. I would own it – I’d say “Guys, I have other lovers, if that’s cool, we can play; if that’s not cool, we’re not going to play. Because that’s where I’m at in my life” and other times I’m like “Hey, I’m totally celibate but I’m loving this flirting, it’s not going to go anywhere and I know that you have an hour before this bar closes and you probably want to get laid, so you probably don’t want to talk to me” and I’d just be really open about what was happening. So I think that’s more where we need to bring more the discussion versus poly and singular. If we want to be spiritual, and to me spiritual just simply means to be deeply conscious as best as we can be, to have integrity, to be impeccable with our words and our choices and our actions, then we need to understand what is our true nature at this phase of our life. And if you read my book “Desire” there’s five evolutionary phases to Eros, and there is a phase that is all about exploring. And so, if you’re in that developmental phase, erotically, own it – but don’t try to make it fit into a mold of devotional relationship because that’s an entirely different thing. And I think we’re confusing people by insisting that we’re all poly, well, it’s like, we’re all omny – if you want the truth – we’re all omny. We’re omny-sexual beings – that means that also Nature, life itself can be such a turn on. So every cell in our body can be lit up and everything in life can light us up. There’s a freedom to that. I prefer sexual tension, I prefer to flirt and play with that; I think it has more integrity; I don’t have to resolve it all the time. And if I am going to go there, now with all the imbalances that are going around, we still need to slow down and have the discussion on safe sex, how we’re going to do this; and a lot of people find that unsexy, but if you’re that desperate for an orgasm, I think it’s best to take care of that at home on your own and then go out with your plate full, you know what I’m saying?
It’s super-important because otherwise we’re beggars in this game of desire; in this game of being playful, sexual, sensual beings. We are beggars and we are manipulators and we are using sex as a currency, and it is not meant to be used that way.

Sahara:
I love that, so well said. And I also, before you go, want to talk to you about jade-eggs as you are the person who really brought this modern jade-egg movement to the mainstream world for people out there who may be wondering – should I be working with a jade-egg if I’m not sexually advanced or not even advanced but maybe I haven’t really done breath practices, depth practices. At what point should we be incorporating a jade-egg? And first of all what is a jade-egg if anyone doesn’t know?

Saida:
Okay. So, first of all, a jade-egg is a small egg-shaped (that’s why it’s called an egg; it can be a circle, but it’s egg-shaped) piece of nephrite jade (hopefully; real jade) and it’s used intro-vaginally so it has multi layers of whylies. It has the physical layer so we’re going to actually help, not only exercise the superficial pelvic floor, which is the PC muscles; but we’re going to exercise the deeper layers of the pelvic floor which is really crucial to sexual function; we’re going to activate glands that have atrophied even if you’re in your twenties (a lot of them have atrophied by the time you’re in your twenties because we sit a lot) so it’s going to help with glandular support; it’s going to help with lubrication; it’s going to help with all kinds of things. But the most important part of the practice (which you can do without the egg) is the psycho-sexual piece. It’s the re-weaving of your conscious aware self and your somatic sensing (so your ability to be aware somatically) to feel sensation in the body; to build those nerve pathways into the pelvis where you have full cognition of your arousal, your arousal cues; of all sensation in the full range of orgasmic expression. So, it’s not just one or two, there’s a theory that there’s literally sixty-three ways in which a woman can orgasm through the different nerve pathways, that’s all – there are many, many nerve pathways, not just two.
So the practice, in the beginning, the main thing that I moved away from is to consider that you have to be a dowest to do it. So what I understood as I was moving through life is that not all women want to be a dowest, and not all women want to do all these really deep and intense practices nine hours a day. So what is it that we’re actually going for? I think that one of the primary things we’re going for is just to feel confident with our bodies. Like “Wow, I have this body and yum, she’s delicious and I understand her and I know what she needs” – that’s the first level of solo practice. So, you don’t need an egg for that. In fact, the way that I teach the egg practice initially, is I say don’t use the egg. I want you to use instead, your fingertip because you will get bio-feedback, meaning you will be able to feel what is happening. And once you establish that kind of deep awareness (that somatic awareness) – “When I do this, this is what’s happening” then it’s okay to introduce that egg practice. But there are so many ways to do it incorrectly, so I would just encourage you to actually go to a trusted source, someone who’s actually well-versed in it versus a McEgg, I call it a drive-through Egg source. And there’s too many of those on the internet, so just make sure you do your research really well before you engage in those practices. Because doing too many Kegel’s actually can cause a lot of sexual dysfunction; doing weight-lifting with the egg too quickly can also cause a lot of sexual dysfunction. So one of my colleagues who’s a pelvic pain specialist (the top pelvic pain specialist in Manhattan) she works with clientele from 17-22 (so young women) who have stage three and four prolapses (now we usually only associate that with elderly women). What is happening? These are athletic women – they’re exercising themselves into sexual dysfunction. So we have to start to understand that our body isn’t just meant to be the tightest pussy, and the strongest pussy, and this and that; we also have a part of our body that wants to soften; it wants to surrender; that wants to deeply receive; that wants to pull into herself and experience versus just being hyperactive or also just having so much tension that we don’t have sensation.
So, sexuality is a deep, deep topic. If we’re going to cultivate it, it’s going to bring up a lot of things. It’ll bring all our wounds around it; all our assumptions around it; it’s going to bring up our mother’s stuff; our father’s; it’s going to bring up so many things. And that’s why in the initial stage, it’s really about establishing a connection with that conscience with your emotional self and establishing a somatic relationship with your body where you actually can start slowing down enough to feel. And a lot of people who are orgasmic, if they slow down end up feeling that they actually have some pain in some places and they’re surprised. So this is good information so then you can do something about it and not progress that into the later years of your life.
And another beautiful thing of the jade-egg practice, if it’s done slowly and correctly, is that it gives you a lifetime of sexual vitality, and I’m talking a lifetime. My eldest client was 90 years old. Some of my clients (and this is recurring) they’re mid-seventies and gynecologically, they went from being 75 (mid-seventies) to when a doctor looks at them, they literally have the pelvic floor and tissue health of a 30-year old. So there is a rejuvenation process that can happen, but only if it’s done correctly.
So we have to check (kind of) our goals – why do we want to do this? What do we want to get out of it? Do we want to have a deep, profound love affair with ourselves or are we just trying to be the hottest sex-goddess in town that can manipulate all the guys and get all the attention? There is stuff in between that spectrum, but I’m just putting it out there so we can have the inquiry. Because when I started this, I was manipulating, I was completely in the shadow of sexuality and I had to come full-faced with that.
So, that’s important as we journey if we want to make this more spiritual and more connected and more conscious that we have these dialogues with our intent. Is that desire hijacked or is it a true desire?

Sahara:
So beautifully expressed and I think that that is so important because a lot of these jade-egg blogs that I read is all about tone and tighten. And even the word ‘toning’ when we think of it we think of toning your muscles at the gym, but that’s not actually what they necessarily mean when they say ‘tonify internally’. It’s more in terms of just the sensations and the subtle awareness, but we automatically think “Oh, another muscle that I have to work out” – it’s my lats and now it’s my pussy. And it just becomes this other thing that you do and achieve and become to be loved instead of this beautiful, internal self-love cultivating tool that it is.

Saida:
Yes and I’m not going to give the answer but I’m just going to say “I always know if a teacher knows what she’s saying or not, depending on if she focuses on the muscles because it’s not the tight muscles that hold the egg in” I will leave it at that.

Sahara:
We’ve got to take your course – do you still have your course out?

Saida:
Yes, I do; yes I do.

Sahara:
Okay, so we’ve got to take that course to find out what it really is. I’m sure it’s your awareness and your breath.

Saida:
No, no, it’s something physical but it’s not muscle tightness. So clenching is not how we hold the egg in.

 

Sahara:
Totally. And yeah, I remember when I first started I had a lot of fear – what if it just falls out? And that can again, clench you up and make you feel tight because you’re afraid of this thing just falling out of you. And then I realized the harder thing was getting it out of me, not falling out but getting it out of me.

Saida:
Wonderful, well we could talk for hours about this because you know I’m passionate about it. But it’s been really amazing to be with you and also be with all of your listeners. And I’m curious, from your point of view, what would be a take away from our conversation?

Sahara:
I think, I mean there are a wide spectrum of listeners so I’m sure everyone took their own thing – the exact medicine that they needed – but I think, really, the individuality of each person. How there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, whether it’s from sexual preferences to masturbation to jade-egg practices. I wanted to ask you about threesomes but we do not have enough time, but another episode. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and it really comes down to you at this moment in time and giving yourself that permission to change too.

Saida:
Absolutely, absolutely. I am so honored. Thank you so much for inviting me and thank you to the listeners as well. I hope that you have a greater inspiration of falling madly, passionately in love with yourself because you’re so exquisite and that you’re in that inquiry.

Sahara:
Well thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us and where can listeners connect with you further?

Saida:
If you just want a website – dareyourdesire.com
If you want the book – desirethebook.com
And I’m also on social media.

Sahara:
Perfect! Thank you so much!

How juicy was that episode! I swear, when I start taking about these things I just don’t want to stop because it’s so seldom that we’re able to just have open conversations about sex. It is something that is so hidden, so taboo, so under the covers, but at the same time our society is weirdly obsessed with it so why don’t we talk about it in a whole way as empowered females – really speaking about our desires, our experiences, our boundaries in this open and clear way so we don’t have to have this weird relationship with our sexuality but it can actually be out in the open and in the clear – just like we’re able to speak about our relationship with meditation, we should be able to speak about our relationship with our sexuality.
So thank you to leaders in the space, like Dr. Saida for guiding the way and be sure to check out her book and her work. All of those things are in the show notes.

So this month we are working with Goddess Isis. She is the Goddess of Sex-Magic; the Goddess of Alchemy; the Goddess of Transmutation. And we will be diving into her practices this month in Rose Gold Goddesses.
I speak about her her-story aka history (but her-story); her rituals; her education; her message; all of the things; the process; the seven-step process of Alchemy and so much more. This is all available for you in Rose Gold Goddesses. We have the Goddess circle available on its own if you just want to try one Goddess circle before joining. Or if you are in Rose Gold Goddesses it is there for you along with the 60-page Ebook that I write every single month on the new Goddesses. When you join Rose Gold Goddesses you will also have access to all of the 10 Goddesses we’ve already worked with from Sekhmet to Saraswati,Kali Ma, Durga, Lalita Tripura Sundari who is the Goddess of Sacred Sexuality as well (that is if you loved this episode, you’re going to love that circle), Bridget; the Celtic Mystic tradition Quan Yin; Yemaya, so much more.
So come, join us in Rose Gold Goddesses. It is the portal for all spiritual soul sisters who love to meditate as much as they love to twerk and I’m so excited to have you inside.
You can find that link in the show notes, it is rosegoldgoddesses.com the link for the Isis circle again is in the show notes rosegoldgoddesses.com/isis and I’m soul excited to meet you inside.

If you loved this episode, I would love to send you a free gift which is the first half of my unreleased book “Eat Right for Your Mind Body Type“. This is a different book than “Eat Feel Fresh“. My first book ever which is not released anywhere, and I am gifting it exclusively to those who leave a review of my podcast in the iTunes store. So all you’ve got to do is head over to iTunes where you’re maybe listening to this podcast and leave a review, take a screenshot that you’ve left it and email it over to me at [email protected] and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book “Eat Right for Your Mind Body Type“, which goes all into Ayurveda, Doshas, Plant-Based Nutrition, Body Types – all of the things in a really fun and engaging way. So this is my gift to you for free for supporting the podcast. Every single review I personally read. It really helps the podcast be listened to by more people so we can raise the vibration of the planet together, and I am soul grateful to have you on this journey.

Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you on the next episode. Namaste.

Episode 303: Why Your Desires Are Sacred with Dr. Saida Desilets
By Sahara Rose

 

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