Weโve been raised to try to get everyone to like us, from the teacher to our peers. However, this has us seriously f-ed up.. And making us not like ourselves.
In this episode, I share the hard pill to swallow and why being okay with people not liking you is your KEY to success, freedom, happiness AND greater global impact.
Get 20% off your Organifi Green Juice + Adaptogenic Superfood blends at organifi.com with coupon code “sahara”
Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor
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Connect with me for daily Ayurvedic and modern spiritual wisdom at Instagram: @iamsahararose Facebook.com/iamsahararose Twitter.com/iamsahararose
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Episode 200 โ Why Youโre Not Meant to Be Liked By Everyone with Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose
Namaste. My name is Sahara Rose and welcome back to the โHighest Selfโ podcast. A place where we discuss what makes you your soulโs highest evolvement.
Whatโs your dosha? Well if you want to find out, I invite you to take my quick little quiz over on iamsahararose.com, and in a couple questions, I will let you know the exact percentages of the doshas in your mind and in your body and email you a free three-day mini course on how to include Ayurveda into your modern lifestyle. So head over to my website, iamsahararose.com, to discover your dosha today.
Welcome. Welcome if itโs your first time listening, what up? If youโre here every week, what it do? Iโm here to share with you wisdom that comes through from highest source consciousness in a very modern way, which is just the way I speak, cause Iโm your bestie, and weโre talking about all that good ish, and thatโs what the โHighest Selfโ podcast is all about.
So right now the topic that just came through, I was like, โWhat should I talk about?โ And this is what came through for me right now, that too many people are so concerned with being liked that they donโt end up liking themselves. Okay, so let me explain. I feel like weโve all grown up like from the time we were kids to we were trained to want to be liked. You know, you go to school, โOh, does everyone like me? Do I look good? How does my picture? Am I popular?โ You know, weโre always trained, you have to be liked, you have to be liked, you have to get into college, you have to apply for the job, you have to get the date, you have to strive, strive, strive, you have to get other people to like you, and thatโs how you can move forward in life.
And the thing is, if we live our lives just trying to get people to like us, weโre going to end up hating ourselves. Youโre never going to get people to like you when youโre being authentic. There will be some people who love you, and some people who hate you, but if youโre trying to get everyone to just like you, then youโre just being vanilla right now, you know? Youโre not being your true authentic badass self, youโre not being the you that you are assigned to be on this planet.
I feel like a lot of us are afraid of criticism. We are afraid of people being like, โOh, I donโt know, like I just wasnโt jiving with her. I donโt know, just wasnโt my thing.โ Or, โI unfollowed her,โ or, โI actually hate her.โ You know, where weโre so afraid of people saying something negative to us that we are water ourselves down. Weโre like, โOkay, how can I be less of that? How can I be less loud? How can I be less opinionated? How can I be less sassy? How can I be less, less, less, less, less?โ Until weโre left with cardboard, you know?
Imagine if I was like this tasty, South Indian curry, and I had all these rich flavors and spices, and youโre eating it, and youโre like, โI donโt even know what this is.โ But guess what, not everyone likes South Indian curry. Theyโre like, โWhat is that? I donโt know what these flavors are, I donโt like it, itโs overbearing, itโs weird, itโs foreign, I donโt like it.โ Thereโs gonna be people who donโt like it, and there are gonna be people who love it.
So imagine if I said, โOh, I have too many spices, let me take out the cumin, take out the ginger, take out the cinnamon.โ Eventually, youโre gonna take out all the spices, youโre gonna take out the vegetables, youโre gonna take out the coconut, youโre gonna take out the tomato, youโre gonna take out everything, and what are you left withโwater. Everyone likes water, but do people love water? Do people stand in line waiting to drink that glass of water? No .Water is just itโs okay, itโs cool. I mean we all need to drink it, but you were born to be that curry, you were born to be that cookie dough, you were born to be that ketogenic ginger fudge. I donโt know, whatever it is that you are, you were born to be that thing, and not everyone is going to like it. And that is okay, in fact, that is necessary.
You know, I did a podcast episode last month called โHow To Deal With Haters Energetically,โ and it ended up being one of my most shared episodes. Which says a lot about our society that we all are dealing with these haters. Like I joked about in the episode, thereโs probably like ten haters out there, and theyโre just like going out hating on people. Like isnโt it funny when people unfollow you, they feel the need to leave the message? Theyโre like, โIโm unfollowing you. Hey, hey, you, you. Iโm unfollowing you. Let me just comment one more time so you know that Iโm unfollowing you. I donโt like you. I donโt like what you did, so Iโm taking away the honor of my follow, which is really gonna make a massive difference in your life cause I havenโt paid you any money, and Iโve never met you in person. I donโt mean anything in your life, but guess what, you should be really sad cause Iโm unfollowing you, and Iโm spending all my time typing to you to let you know that Iโm unfollowing you because thatโs how important I am. Right, right, right? Comment back, like me, follow my post.โ Weโve all had those people, itโs hilarious.
So these people who are striving to get our attention often do so with hate, they often do so by telling us they donโt like us. And we, in our society whoโve been so primmed, and poodle-trained to be liked by people who are like, (gasps) โThat person unfollowed me.โ (gasps) โThat person said they donโt like me. Oh my God, that means I must be doing something bad, I must be doing something wrong, I must be too much. They must be right, I talk way too loud, I talk way too much. I say the word totally way too much.โ You know, thereโs always going to be those things, and guess what, if people arenโt, then youโre not saying anything important.
If you donโt have people who donโt like what youโre doing, youโre not saying anything important. Did you hear that? Because if Iโm just saying, โPeace on earth,โ I mean there are even people who are going to be like, โNo, no peace on earth. What? You donโt believe in descending ourselves? You donโt believe in gun rights?โ Like you could actually save pretty much anything with any kind of media and thereโs going to be haters. But I donโt know, whatโs something that has no haters? Like โDogs are great,โ even that, the cat people are gonna be like, โWell, what about cats, you didnโt mention the cats.โ Pretty much anything you say youโll find some haters around. And you could think of the most bland thing, water is good for you, I donโt think anyone can argue with that, but is that the message that you want to leave out to the world: water is good for you, thatโs it?
You know, when we start adding a little bit more depth, a little bit more opinion, then we start to ruffle some feathers, and we start to get the people who donโt like that, and the people who come out of their little hate shells, and like, โAh, yes, I found someone to hate on,โ and we freak out.
So I want you to know that in this journey, youโre going to come across those people. And it must not stop you because all it is, is a sign that youโre going in the right direction. Youโre going in the direction of speaking the truth that people are triggered from. Because anyone worth saying is going to attract some triggers.
I mean if I in the 1800s said, โBlack people are equal to white people,โ I would have had a lot of haters, I potentially would have been burned and hung. So we have to know that when you say something of meaning, youโre not going to be liked, youโre not going to be open-armed, you know, received. You may by a lot of people, but youโre going to attract the hate and the negativity that canโt take it, that canโt take the truth.
And that means you just have to speak louder. That means you have to anchor further into your truth. That means that your opinion is so needed that people canโt even begin hearing it. You know, if I said, โGay people deserve to get married,โ imagine you know, now I hope most people would agree with that statement, but itโs not the case.
So anything worth standing for is going to get bashed, and itโs getting bashed because itโs the old paradigm dying. When the old paradigm dies, it does not disappear, it dies with a scream. It dies and tries to bring you down with it.
So if you are too concerned with being liked, youโre never going to make a difference in society. And you were put on this planet to make a difference. You are not here to just, you know, live a mundane life and not really achieve that much, and but at least everyone liked you. You were that cupcake that everyone thought was good, not really memorable, but it was okay.
Do you want to be a Kit Kat, or do you want to be an extravagant, sugar-free, almond butter gelato with coconut flakes on top? You know, like be you, and thereโs going to be the people who say, โAh, sugar-free, ah, coconut flakes,โ and that is the point that you are authentically your own flavor, and that is a flavor that not everyone is going to like.
So how do we get give up this desire to be liked? Well, itโs actually really going against everything that we were brought up to do, and I believe the first way to do it is to just sit with it, is to just sit with the feeling of not being liked. You know, if somethingโs happening to you right now that maybe youโre attracting some haters and stuff, like how does that feel for you right now? You know, when that person comments like, โYouโre stupid, and youโre full of shit,โ or whatever it is. How does that feel for you?
You know, and it actually canโt hurt you if you donโt believe it. If itโs hurting you, that means part of you believes what theyโre saying. If someone commented and said, โYouโre a stupid idiot,โ you know, and if I actually part of me believed I was a stupid idiot, then I would be very, very offended by it. But since I donโt believe Iโm a stupid idiot, Iโm like, โMm, okay, cool.โ
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So if someone says something to you thatโs really triggering to you, then question the part of you that may believe that statement is accurate. And itโs a really hard pill to swallow because at a certain point in our lives, weโve all believed the bullshit, weโve all believed the darkness. Someoneโs called us dumb, someoneโs called us fake, someoneโs called us phony, someoneโs called us whatever it is, and our lower selves believed it, and thatโs why we were hurt by it.
But then when we see that weโre freaking blessing to this earth, and that weโre pure light, and that we are working our talks, and that personโs statement has no validity, then that no longer hurts us, you know? And then it just goes right by us, and we actually stop attracting it as much, you know. So if youโre attracting a lot of hate and itโs really hurting you, question what is it in me that may believe that statement is accurate?
And then if you get down to it, you know, โOkay, well, a part of me does think that Iโm stupid,โ you know, letโs say. Why does a part of you think youโre stupid? โOh well, you know, I didnโt go to college so when people call me stupid, it triggers the part of me that feels like since I didnโt go to college, Iโm dumb.โ Well do you think thatโs true? Not going to college makes you dumb? โWell, I donโt think so because I actually learned a lot, and I actually know a lot of things that people who did go to college do,โ et cetera. You could do that with yourself.
Or any kind of example ,letโs say people are calling you a phony. Well, do you actually think that youโre a phony? Well, you could say, โWell, I donโt know, I kind of have imposter syndrome, you know. I feel like sometimes I donโt know what Iโm talking about and I donโt know why people trust me, and da, da, da.โ So question: what part of you thinks you have imposter syndrome? โWell, the part of me that doesnโt think Iโm worthy of all these people coming to me.โ Well, what is that part of you? โI donโt know, the part of me that thinks that you have to have a certain amount of experience, or this, or that.โ Well, do you think that that amount of experience will make your advice worthy? โWell no, cause I give really good advice, and this.โ So therefore thereโs no reason to feel an imposter.
So you could work backwards with any kind of situation and see that you probably donโt actually believe it in your mind, but for some reason youโre believing it in your heart. Your heart is telling you, โAw, Iโm stupid,โ but your mind knows, โOkay, Iโm actually not,โ and then that switches your heart, and youโre heartโs able to finally see the truth. Your mind if just playing that trick on you, and then once you shift the mind, you shift the feeling. You see, the mind and the body are connected, so you may be called stupid and you feel bad, even though you know that youโre not stupid, but itโs until youโre able to actually feel that youโre not stupid that the feeling shifts. You see what I mean? So, it can start with the rational and move into the feeling, which will shift the initial feeling. A little bit of mind-body connection for you here.
So we oftentimes even have to go back to when did it start in our childhood? Because a lot of us have had long-standing feelings of unworthiness, of not feeling enough, of feeling inadequate. And sometimes it takes going back to when did this begin? You know, as a kid, when did you feel like you werenโt worthy? When did you feel like you werenโt enough? When did you feel like you werenโt important? I think all of us have had some experience of, you know, โMy mom forget it was a half-day at school and she didnโt pick me up, and I waited outside of school for four hours until she finally came.โ That definitely happened to me a bunch of times.
But what does that tell you as a kid? โNo one cares about me, no one came to pick me up from school, no one remembers me. Iโm going to be here by myself forever,โ you know, and that can actually create trauma in your subconscious, even though it may not seem like a traumatic event, but in your little life it was. So that feeling could have put in you that, โMom doesnโt remember me. No one remembers me. No one cares about me. Iโm not enough.โ And just that one experience could have been sitting in your subconscious this whole entire time, triggering everything else.
And all you have to do to heal is just become aware of it. Is just to become aware of that initial memory and see, โOh my God, I do remember thatโs what happened to me, and how horrible I felt, and how after that I felt like no one remembered me, and I felt like I would always be left alone. Oh my God, it was just that memory, itโs not true. My mom just forget that it was a half-day that day, it had nothing to do with me, it had nothing to do with how much she loved me. I canโt believe I thought that, oh my God, I am so loved, I am so taken care of, I am so cared for.โย And then you heal it, just like that. You know, it doesnโt take a lifetime to heal something, it takes a moment, it takes awareness. So when weโre able to go back to the core causes of what makes us feel unworthy and unloved, then weโre able to heal it.
So, you know, trauma does not have to be a big thing, thereโs many, many little things that can create trauma in our subconscious because those things feel like a big deal for us. And for some people, it sticks, certain situations stick, and for other people, it doesnโt. And this is why doing somatic work is really important, you know, healing trauma through the body, because a lot of times we hold onto tension and trauma in the body that we may not be aware of cognitively in the mind.
So you may have this long-standing shoulder issue, but itโs actually related to the weight of the world on your shoulders. And no amount of massages, body work, et cetera is able to heal it because itโs actually this energetic heaviness that youโre holding onto. And itโs not done til youโre able to see, โOh my God, Iโve felt this shoulder pain ever since my parents got divorced. Because when my parents got divorced, suddenly I felt like I was the adult in the family, and I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I had to take care of all my younger siblings, and I had to be there for everyone. And suddenly I became this mini adult, and I had to make sure my mom was okay, and I had to help my dad around the house, and I felt all these responsibilities, and then my shoulder pain started,โ you know.
Then with that awareness you can say, โWow, I donโt have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Look, everyone is fine, they donโt need me to take care of them, that was just a story that I told myself because I didnโt know any better when I was a kid. I can release that burden, I can release that feeling of the weight being on my shoulders because it is not. I am free, I am light, I am boundless, I am energetic, I am radiant. I do not have to hold onto anyoneโs pain or anyoneโs suffering. I do not have to hold on to my own. I am free, I am free from these burdens, I am light, I am airy, I am flying, I am soaring, I am free.ย And just imagine that feeling of expansiveness and weightlessness, and your shoulders feeling so loose, and good, and juicy. Mm! Just that can heal a lifetime of shoulder pain that no chiropractor can fix.
So when we go back and we do the somatic healing work, we are able to release the trauma, and the tension, and the tribulation that weโve held onto from the time that we were children. And then weโre able to drop the stories that we have to be liked, we have to be accepted, we have to be okay in everyoneโs books in order for us to move forward because actually, this world is run by people who are not liked. The people who are making a difference in this world. The Gandhis, the Martin Luther Kings, the Nelson Mandelas, the Harriet Tubmans. Anyone making any kind of difference. I mean look at Malala, she was shot by the Taliban, just for saying that womenโyoung girlsโdeserve education.
So the people making a difference in this world are not the ones who are the most liked. Theyโre often the ones who are the most hated. So if we want to make a difference, if we want to live up to our dharms, we cannot chase being liked. Because this lifetime is not a popularity contest. Yโall see what happened to the most popular people in middle school. They are not doing so well today. You know, so if popularity was an indicator of success, we would have known by seventh grade who was going to make it, and most of those people still live at home. No, Iโm just kidding, Iโm sure thereโs some popular seventh graders who are still crushing it in their Limited Too t-shirts, but personally, I donโt know any.
So it is a long, a long, long, long lifetime of holding on, of desire, but it only takes a moment to release. So if you just make the decision like, โIโm okay with not being liked. Iโm actually really happy with it.โ Because guess what, I get to be myself, and some of the best business advice I ever heard is be polarizing. You know what that means? It means be so yourself that people either love it or hate it. Theyโre either like, โOh my God, Iโm obsessed with that girl, spirit animal.โ Or theyโre like, โOh my God, I canโt stand her, she just rubs me the wrong way, hate the way she talks, not for me.โ
You actually want to be that, especially for marketing purposes because when people love you, theyโre going to talk to you about their friends, theyโre going to be listening to your podcast on repeat. Theyโre going to be like, โYup, this is my girl, weโre soul mates, this is happening. If youโre listening to this right now, me and you, we are happening, soul mates, twin flames, love you forever.โ
And if youโre not listening to this podcast, maybe you did, and youโre like, โOh my God, this girl swears too much and says the word โtotally.โโ Then guess what, I guess weโre not gonna be soulies, and thatโs cool, too, because you probably were never gonna buy my online programs anyways, so it doesnโt matter, you know. So youโre not supposed to be liked by everyone, but youโre supposed to have your core people, and that could be five fucking people that like you who are willing to go to bat for you than have everyone be like, โMeh, itโs okay. Itโs cool. I like it.โ
So letโs drop the feeling of wanting to be liked. Because that way weโre able to step up into all the magic, all the good juju that we have that weโre putting out there, you know? Show the sides of you that youโre afraid to show anyone else. Show yo freak side, girl, we want to see it. Show the side of you that youโre ashamed of. Because thatโs gonna be the side of you that people relate to most. That thing that you want nothing to know about you is that thing thatโs gonna make people connect with you, you know.
If youโre super ashamed that you didnโt go to college, I would start your marketing page of, โI didnโt go to college. Instead I was backpacking through Asia and this is what I learned instead.โ Or, โInstead I was working three jobs, and this is what I learned, and this is what makes me a good coach,โ whatever it is. Start with the thing that you are the most afraid of, the thing that sets you apart in maybe a way that you feel like, โOh my God, people are not gonna jive with this.โ
You know, like for me, I twerk, I love twerking. For me, twerking is a spiritual practice, it opens up the root chakra, which is the base of all of our chakrasโ energy centers in our body, allows the kundalini energy to move through our spines, allows us to open up to universal source consciousness, healing the old paradigm stories, the beliefs, the false conditioning that tells us that we are not beautiful, that we are not enough, that we are not alive. When the root chakra is blocked, which it is so often in our society, because weโre sedentary, weโre sitting in chairs, we have tight pants on, weโre so constricted that our jaws end up stuck because weโre not connected to earth anymore.
So I twerk. I go to twerk classes, I put it on my Instagram, on my Instagram Story, and I get a lot of people who are like, โUnfollow. Oh my God, I donโt like that. What are you doing?โ And guess what? I get really happy about it because Iโm like, โGreat. I get to clear out the people who are not there for 100% me. Because yes, I meditate, and I practice Ayurveda, and I write books with forewords by Deepak Chopra, and I also am a freak on the dance floor, and I twerk, and I belly dance, and I salsa, and I love to move my body. And sorry, not sorry, that I have a feminine form. Not gonna apologize about that. So if you canโt handle all of me, honey, you donโt need to because thatโs not your job, thatโs my job. So Iโmma show myself twerking, and Iโmma love myself twerking.โ
So show that side of you that seems weird that you donโt want people to know about. I remember when I first started twerking, I was like, โOh my God, imagine if someone saw me here. Imagine if people knew that I twerk. Like this is like my dirty little secret, like the freak class that I go to.โ And now Iโm like, Iโm letting everyone know, like Iโm gonna be hosting an event for my new deck in September, and I want to do a little twerk class there.
Because this is a part of who I am, and I think if all of us ran with the thing that sets us apart, thatโs weird, and you know, the thing thatโs gonna make people either love you or hate you, if you ran with that, youโll see that your business, your life, everything is gonna skyrocket for you because you are being 100% authentically you, and youโre gonna attract people who dig it. Youโre gonna attract people who are saying, โWow, that inspires me to be more of me. Oh my God, I also love heavy metal music and Iโm a meditator.โ Or, โI also love โThe Bachelor,โ and Iโm a love coach.โ
I donโt know, whatever it is, that thing that youโre ashamed of, show it, rock it, because thereโs no need to be ashamed of anything. All of those parts are parts of you that you need to fully own. And when you can own them, no amount of criticism can bring you do. Because you know, honey, that you are unstoppable.
Iโm excited to see it, I want to know all about your freak flags. Let me know over on my Instagram @iamsahararose. Check out my twerk videos, too, while youโre there over on my Insta Story, at the highlight, โMy Bacheloretta,โ and hop over to the Facebook group, the โMind Body Balancersโ Facebook group. It is where we share about these episodes, what came up for you. Iโd love to know your different quirks and the things that you were once ashamed of that you are now ready to rock and own. Letโs do a little share circle.
And if you loved this episode, I would love to share with you the first half of my unreleased book, โEat Right For Your Mind Body Type,โ which is different from my book โEat Feel Fresh.โ It is my unreleased, never to be released book because it is now part of my โEat Right For Your Mind Body Typeโ program. I would love to send it to you absolutely free. All you gotta do is leave me a review in the iTunes store, take a screenshot and email it over to me at [email protected] Again, take a screenshot of the review and email it to me at [email protected] and I will send you the first half of my unreleased book, โEat Right For Your Mind Body Type.โ Namaste.
Episode 200 โ Why Youโre Not Meant to Be Liked By Everyone with Sahara Rose
