Holidays can be a difficult time to navigate boundaries but they’re more important than ever, especially for those of us who are energy sensitive. In this episode I share how we can honor our boundaries, with love, so we can have the most self-loving holidays that nourish us for the year to come.
Get your own Comrad Socks and get 20% off at comradsocks.com/sahara with coupon code “sahara”
Become part of our Sacred Sisterhood Community over at RoseGoldGoddesses.com
Get 20% off your Anima Mundi Herbals at animamundiherbals.com with coupon code “sahara”
Discover Your Dosha (Mind-Body Type) with my free quiz: iamsahararose.com
Connect with me for daily Ayurvedic and modern spiritual wisdom at Instagram: @iamsahararose Facebook.com/iamsahararose Twitter.com/iamsahararose
Order Eat Feel Fresh: A Contemporary Plant-Based Ayurvedic Cookbook and receive my Essential Oils for Your Doshas E-book FREE here: eatfeelfresh.com/book
Episode 244 – How to Have Boundaries During Holidays with Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose
Namaste. It’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to the “Highest Self” podcast. A place where we discuss what makes you your soul’s highest evolvement.
Are you calling in your spiritual soul sisters? I’m talking about those people that will support you on your journey towards becoming your highest self. Well, doors are opening back up for Rose Gold Goddesses, my sacred sisterhood collective, with community content, events, and so much more. We’re gonna be kicking it off with my absolutely free five-day Rose Gold Goddess challenge, where we embody five goddess archetypes, and then inviting you to join this community.
So many people have met their best friends, business partners, and healers that have supported them on their path because, frankly, we can’t do this alone. We need community. Think of this like your spiritual gym membership. We have my “Awaken Your Powers” video in there, my talks at Google, “Discover Your Dharma” course, and so much more available for you for a very low monthly cost. So if you want to join in on this and join us on the free Rose Gold Goddess challenge, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com. Again, that is rosegoldgoddesses.com and I am so excited to meet you in there.
It is the holiday season! Which can feel like the most exciting time for some people, and the most stressful time for others. And a lot of you guys on my Instagram I posted a question today saying, “What do you want me to do a podcast on?” And overwhelmingly everyone said, “Boundaries—especially during the holidays.” And I so feel you. I mean, these boundaries are not just for the holidays, they are for all the time. But the holidays are a time that there can be a lot of enmeshment, and enmeshment is a term like the moment I heard that, I was like, “Yup, that is going on in my family.”
And essentially it is when different people in the family’s needs are tied into each other. So I need you to be here at dinner because it’s a family dinner and we can’t do it without you. Our needs are for you to be there, and not just at the dinner, but hanging out with us all day, and sitting next to us while we watch TV, and doing this, and doing that. And we need to all be together even if we’re not talking, even if we’re all watching a TV in silence as like Ryan, whatever, Seacrest is talking about “American Idol.” “We all need to be next to each other because that’s what families do, right?”
So I’ve definitely noticed that a lot of families have enmeshment, particularly immigrant families. And during the holidays is a time that you could be brought back to your triggers, to your childhood wounds, to the ways that your parents never showed up for you. And that’s like that quote says, like if you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family, or with your in-laws, or whoever else and it will just remind you that there are people out there who are totally in a different vibration than you, like a completely different place.
And one: it makes you really grateful for where you’re really at, where you’re at in your life, where you’re at in your career, et cetera, but it could also take you back to that place. It could take you back to the time that you were a teenager, and your parents grounded you, and you felt like you had no control over your life. Or they put all of their hopes and dreams on you, and when you didn’t step up to it, they felt like you were failing them, or they never got to explore what it is that they really want. So the fact that you’re doing it really triggers them, or they behaved with addictive behaviors, and haven’t been doing the work around, or whatever it is we were all born into the issue that we were meant to solve. And that’s really what our dharma is, and something I’ve done a lot of podcast episodes about.
So if it’s your first time listening, I mean I just really dive in, but there are so many episodes on this podcast here to support you in every level of your spiritual journey. And I also have a community called Rose Gold Goddesses, which is my sacred sisterhood collective of women who are on the spiritual soul mission, and supporting each other to blossom into their highest selves, and find their dharma, their soul’s purpose. So we are opening doors back up in January. If you want to join this community, there are monthly goddess circles, virtual webinars.
Each month we are working with a new energy, so this month December is all about bringing more ease and flow into your life with the goddess Yemaya, last month we were working with manifesting more abundance and healing our relationship with money with the goddess Lakshmi. Before that we were working on enhancing your creativity, and letting go of the blocks that are keeping you from your highest self with Saraswati. So every month we’re doing a lot of deep spiritual personal development work, and we’re tying it into the goddesses.
And all of my workshops are there—master classes from “Awaken Your Powers” with Shaman Durek, to my talk at Google, to so much more. There are biweekly experts, so many of the “Highest Self” podcast guests who you love from Laura Plumb teaching us vedic astrology, to Brett Larkin teaching us yoga flows related to the goddesses. There are member-led workshops, so how to heal from trauma, how to protect yourself legally in your business, there’s opportunities for you to share to the community. There’s opportunities for you to meet with these women live in person and have real life connections.
We have topics on everything from Ayurveda, to human designs, to sacred sensuality. It is like your spiritual gym membership, it has everything that you need for your spiritual journey because you can’t do this alone, you need a community, you need people who see you and are on the same mission as you, and you need the content that inspires you and keeps you growing. Otherwise we just end up stuck where we are.
So if you’re listening to this before January, join the waitlist at rosegoldgoddesses.com so we email you, we’re going to be doing another five-day Rose Gold Goddess challenge in January, and opening doors back up for just a week. So make sure you’re on that waitlist, make sure you’re following me on Instagram @iamsahararose so you don’t miss it. And if you’re listening to this later than January, we will probably open doors again some time this year, so make sure you’re on that waitlist so you know.
So I want to talk about boundaries with your family, especially as a conscious person, because we feel things a lot. You know, things that may not have triggered you may be triggering you more now, and this is because you are at a higher level of awareness. So maybe, you know, when your dad used to just say rude comments about women under his breath. Before you would just like, “Oh, that’s just dad, that’s just what he does. He’s always like this.” And now that can really bother you, like there’s a part of you that really wants the feminine to be honored. And when you’re seeing your own father not doing it can really trigger you.
Or there could be conversations that, you know, might not feel empowering, might feel like they’re actually bringing each other down, and you’re becoming more aware of it. There may be habits, you know, of like not eating before the holidays, and then eating everything, and then feeling like you’re fat, and you have to make up for it by going to the gym, and suffering, and going on an extreme diet. And you might have been doing that, that might have been your bonding. Like every year me and my mom go on a diet together, and that’s how we bond, and you’re like, “Wait, that is not healthy.”
So you are reaching higher levels of awareness, and these higher levels of awareness are going to put in your face things that may have, you know, not even made you bat an eyelash previously, and then today you realize that they’re not okay. Another big one that I’ve noticed is gossiping. A lot of us, especially women, grew up feeling like we would get closer to the people we were with if we gossiped about others.
It could be as simple as your mom and your grandma gossiping about your aunt, and like that’s just something that like unconsciously you guys would do. Like maybe your aunt would leave and you’d be like, “Oh my God, did you see that she did this with her kids? Did you see that she wore this? Did you see that she did that?” And you know, it might be like out of love, but it’s still talking about someone behind their back, which is not okay, unless they literally need help and it’s like a call to help. But if it’s just like, “Oh, why is she letting her kid do this?” Like that’s not helping. So we might not have batted an eyelash, that might have just been how we used to chat with our mom and grandma, and now we’re realizing that this is gossiping, and putting someone else down, and it’s not okay.
So you’re most likely going to experience things like this this holiday season, and this is an invitation for you to change the paradigm. And changing the paradigm begins with changing your family. Because your family are the individuals that your soul chose to come through with. So in the vedas, in many types of spirituality, we believe that your soul before being incarnated into this physical body, was up in the sky wherever it is deciding how can I live my highest experience? How can I learn the lessons that I need to learn in this lifetime? So I will choose this family, and this body, and these lessons, and these obstacles so I can learn how to stand up for myself, how to bring beauty to the world, how to bring people together. Whatever your dharma is, your soul’s purpose is.
So we were born into the microcosm of the soul lesson, of the macrocosm that we were meant to solve. So I was born into traditional mindedness, close-mindedness, patriarchy, child marriage, you know, female suppression. And my soul’s purpose is to bust through all that shit, and I’m doing it. You may have been born into poverty, scarcity mindset, your soul’s purpose might be to abolish that. You may have been born into addiction, into diminishing behaviors, whatever it is, and you are here to change that.
So our family are those first people that we really get to see where those behaviors and patterns come from. Because how are you able to stop, you know, global addiction when you don’t understand how addiction works? But if you can see it in your very own mother, if you could see mental health problems in your very own father, if you could see enmeshment or whatever the issue is in your very own family that you grew up in, you’re able to see the ins and outs of that thing. And that will allow you to be able to have compassion for people going through it. And also be able to know the triggers, and the wounds, and how to stop it.
So when we’re brought together with our families during the holidays, during the birthdays, during graduations, any time, funerals—I was just at a funeral and you were like, “Holy crap, like we are on total different wavelengths. Like how are we still even operating on the same planet? Like our lives are 100% different.” And it just reminds you that we’re all living in our own worlds. We create our own worlds and they’re a reflection of our vibration.
So your world might be full of people who are impact driven, and here to have important dialogue, and create community, and you know, raise themselves up, and help others along the way. And those are just like the people you’re surrounded by, those are the people I’m surrounded by. And then when you see a bunch of people, none of them who even question who their purpose is, and all of which who are just eating sugar, and whatever, and watching TV, and just like totally just floating by. You’re like, “What?” Because your world and their world are different even though you’re still here on the same earth. And that is because you’ve consciously made the decision to wake up and their soul just hasn’t yet. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.
So this doesn’t mean that you’re better than them, or worse, they’re worse than you, or anything like that. It just means that you’re at different spiritual levels, you’re at different levels of awakening of evolvement. And we can go into the soul ages to understand this, we have infant souls which are souls that are really here like the first time, this is their first round about this planet, and they are really figuring things out, they are very survival based, they’re very aggressive, they’re very me versus you. Because it’s their first—or among their first time even being in a human body.
And then we have young souls, which you know, most of the world population is, and those are people who are just like I just like live my life. Like I go to work, I got married, I just do the things, and they don’t question, they don’t even think about anything else, they just do the things they’re supposed to do, and conversations like this just don’t happen. They don’t even know that podcasts like this exist. Most likely they don’t even know that podcasts exist. And that’s just where their soul is at in their evolution and that is fine.
And then we have mature souls, and mature souls are those who, you know, they’re aware, and I’d say a lot of people in today’s society are this too. So they are interested in the arts, they’re interested in literature, they’re interested in the finer things of life like, you know, reading a poem, or going to a museum, or something like that. They’re not interested in spiritual awakening, they’re not interested in their soul’s purpose, they’re not interest in meditation. They probably think all of this stuff is very whoo, and out there, they want everything to be like based in science. Like they’re still at that level of evolution that they’re like, “Sure, like arts and poetry are cool,” But like that to them is their spiritual understanding. But they are not going deep into the depths of like why am I here, and incarnation, and human design, and Ayurveda, like they’re not listening to this podcast.
So if you’re listening to this podcast, ding ding ding ding ding, you are an old soul. And old souls have been here many, many, many times over many, many different lifetimes with many, many different circumstances and experiences. So they’ve been in ancient Egypt, and that’s why when they learn about, you know, ancient Egyptian, the pharaohs, and the goddess Isis, and manifestation. Something within them stirs up, and it feels like coming home. They may have been in ancient Peru when they learned about plant medicine, and herbology, and the Amazon, something in them is waking up.
They may have been in Mesopotamia, or ancient China, or in the Americas back when it was still native and indigenous, they may have been in Africa, they may have been in the Greek battles with Troy. So we have been here many, many times, some of our souls are more ancient, some are more in recent history. My past lives are very based in obviously ancient India, Lemuria, which is the most ancient civilization, lots of Native American, indigenous. I don’t really remember being European, though I do remember being in the Battle of Troy, which I was a Greek soldier in that life. I’ve done podcast episodes on past lives too. I think episode four or five is on past lives. I should do another one. Tell me if you’re interested.
What if I told you that you could replace one item you already wear and it would significantly improve your circulation, boost your energy, and simply make you feel better? Well, you can, and that solution is compression socks. The hardest place for your body to circulate blood is down in your feet and back up to your heart. Circulation becomes even harder when you sit or stand all day long, which causes tired, achy, and swollen legs. It’s worse than bi-hormonal shifts during pregnancy, which can cause painful swelling and spider legs.
Compression socks are proven to help circulate freshly oxygenated blood, giving you refreshed supported and energized legs and feet, and help prevent circulatory conditions like varicose veins. I love Comrad compression socks because of their true graduate compression that’s lab-tested for accuracy. You can get your for 20% off at comradsocks.com/sahara using coupon code “sahara.” That’s comrade, C-O-M-R-A-D socks.com/sahara.
You know when you open up a box and are in love? That is what happened when I opened up the kits from Anima Mundi Herbals. Their Sacred Heart of Love kit has my favorites—including blue lotus tea, which enhances intuition, macuna, which enhances dopamine, cacao, which opens the heart, ethically sourced palo santo mist, and their euphoria elixir. It is divinity in a box and pairs perfectly with their coconut milk powder.
I mean, Anima Mundi is literally my love language, and I know you are going to be obsessed with her stuff, which you can learn more about on episode 240 with the founder. She’s gifted us a generous 20% off, which you can get at animamundiherbals.com with coupon code “sahara.” That’s animamundiherbals.com, A-N-I-M-A-M-U-N-DI herbals.com with coupon code “sahara.”
So the more of an old soul you are the more you’re like, “Yes, I want to go into all the stuff.” And maybe you’re just remembering you’re an old soul, like maybe you are, but you’re just remembering right now, and this is just like a little bit to your edge, it’s a little bit like, “I want to turn this podcast off,” but a little bit like, “But I feel like there’s some truth here.” And that just means you are an old soul, you’re just still in the remembering process of it.
So this all really helps set the stage of boundaries with our family because when our family hears us speak about stuff like this, it can really trigger them. It can make them think that we’re crazy for wanting to understand our souls, and who we are, and our purpose, and incarnation. They might be like, “You’ve lost the plot. You’re out of your mind. Where’s the science? You’ve given up your thought. You’re in a cult.” Like who knows? I mean, my parents have said all of these things to me, especially when I was going through my spiritual awakening. Now I downloaded a meditation app for my dad, and my mom came to ecstatic dance. So people can change.
So to get there, to get to the point where you’re able to be totally free to say whatever you want to your family. There have be to some boundaries set along the way. So first I want you to think about who these people are, who are these people that you’re going to see during the holidays that maybe you’re getting a little bit anxious about. You’re like, “Oh shit, like I’m going to be with my mom.” Or, “I’m going to be with my dad.” Or, “With Aunt Judy, or with Uncle Greg, or with my brother,” whatever it is. Who are those people you’re getting anxious about?
And once you have those people, that person, it might be everyone, it might be no one. You might just be wanting to learn this for other people, totally cool. Think about do you want a deeper relationship with them? Because the truth is you don’t really need a deeper relationship with everyone. Like there are some people who you’re not going to have this kind of relationship with them ever, and you might as well just like find some common ground, but you don’t need to get to the point that you’re like totally telling them everything that you’re going through.
So for example, parents, a parent that you were very close with growing up that you were always very close with, they were your closest family member. You might really want a close relationship with them, it might actually kill you the fact that they don’t understand you, they don’t understand your awakening, and it’s super hard. But there might be a different parent that you were never really close with and you guys have never really had that relationship. So there’s just no point in trying to explain yourself, and explain yourself, and explain yourself because you keep getting shut down, it keeps bringing you down to this low vibration state, and it’s just not useful for your energy.
There might be someone like an in-law that, you know, you guys just see each other like a couple times a year, and again, there’s no point in like going through all this work together because it’s more of a formal relationship. So that might just be like accepting them as going to be that. But there might be someone else that you were really close with, and you want to be close to them again, and you are willing to do the work around it. So I would assess like what do you want from this relationship? Do you want to be close or are you okay with, you know, keeping a lot of stuff to yourself and just having something more neutral to talk about?
So, if this is someone that you do want to be close with, this—I mean, I could do a whole other episode on this—but this is going to take you speaking your truth, gradually saying things, even though you’re going to have a response from them, a negative response likely, but still saying it. So for example, let’s say your family is super Christian, and they think that meditation and yoga are satanic, and you’re going to go to hell because you meditate and practice yoga. That might really freaking annoy you because you know that there is nothing satanic and nothing wrong with doing that, and it might really, really trigger you.
So you might slowly, gradually say, “Hey, like in this meditation Jesus came through.” They’re like, “Huh, Jesus, we like Jesus.” And it might be like, “Oh, and I have this beautiful idea to like create a new business,” or like something that they are down for. So showing them that, oh, the spirituality is actually bringing me closer to you, not further from you. Because the thing that people are actually afraid of us you running away from them. They’re not afraid of the spirituality, they’re afraid of you changing, and you not being close to them anymore. That is really what the fear is.
So if you can show them my meditation is giving me ideas that are helping me in my relationships, helping me in my life, giving me ideas to connect with you more. They’re going to say, “Wow, this meditation is actually a good thing.” So it might start with that, like, “I’m doing this, and this is how it connected to you. This is how it brought us closer. This is how it helps me on a tangible level. I’m less anxious now. I can sleep better.” Like keeping it real like real logical for them.
And then from there you might throw in something else like, “I felt a sensation in my third eye.” And they’re like, “What? Your third eye?” And that might be a fight. But then from there, next time you say, “And my intuition showed me this,” and that might be a fight. It might be this gradual seeding and seeding and seeding process that the truth is your family wants you to be close with them so the would rather know even if they’re mad than you totally isolate yourself from them.
So this is what I did when I was going through my awakening and my parents were not on that vibration. I wanted to still be close, especially to my mom, so I would tell her, “I visited a shaman.” It would be a fight. “Oh my God, shamans are evil, dangerous, whatever.” And the next time I’d say, “And I’m signing up for this facilitator training. And I’m doing this, and I’m doing that,” and I just even though I knew it was going to lead to rocking the boat, I needed her to know what I was doing because there was just no other way around it.
So that is one way of just like slowly, slowly seeding. Maybe during Thanksgiving with those people you pull out your Yogic Path oracle cards, which is my new deck, “ A Yogic Path,” which has Ayurveda, and yoga sutras, and chakras, and the goddesses. And that might be a really fun thing to do. Like I was pulling cards for my grandma. Like my grandma is someone I don’t need to tell her what all of spirituality is, but pulling cards is like a playful thing that I can do with her.
So it might be like you show them your crystals, or you show them your essential oils, something that they can see. Like my dad loves my essential oils. Like he’s like smelling, he’s like, “Ah, that’s just so amazing.” He’s like having the droplets. It could be something like that, something very tangible, relatable, that they understand and can experience.
Now, for a family that is more of a formal relationship that you don’t see that often that, you know, you’re cool with like with just getting through the holidays with them. I’m gonna give you some tips. So the first tip is when they ask about you, “Oh, what have you been up to? What are you doing?” Just kind of answer and then ask about them. Because, the truth is, everyone just wants to talk about themselves, so you’re kind of be off the hook if they’re like, “Oh, what’s that thing you’re up to I saw on Facebook?” Just be like, “Oh yeah, it’s this, and what’s going on with you, and what have you been doing?” Bring it back to them, that way, you’re not in the hot seat of everyone questioning what you’re doing, and they’re talking about themselves, and you can listen or not listen, whatever you want.
So the next thing is choose beforehand what you want to share and what you don’t want to share. So some people are chronic oversharers. I know I can be like that when I’m like in a conversation. I can just like say things that I totally did not mean to share, but because I love sharing, obviously so much, that I can say things and then afterwards regret it. “Oh, why’d I say that? I shouldn’t have said something,” or, you know, too personal. So decide beforehand, “Okay, I want to share this, I don’t want to share that.” And that way when you can feel that that topic coming up and you want to share it you can remember, “Okay, I decided I was not going to share that.” And it will just give you a really clear sense of boundaries within yourself of what you do and do not want to be discussed. Because, again, we cannot have boundaries with others when we don’t have boundaries with ourselves.
The next thing is get the kids involved. So kids are like neutral, they’re always fun, they’re always having a good time, there’s never any drama there. So spend time at the kids’ table, like just you’re gonna seem like a good aunt, so like go spend time with them, draw with them, play with them. That’s gonna give you a time to connect with your inner child, which is always fine and always needed, and just gonna kind of take you out of the tension of like the political conversation that’s happening at the adults’ table.
So play with the kids, get on your feet, get on the floor, play with the dog too, dogs are also a really good neutral territory because, you know, they don’t speak, and they’re always full of love. So just like play with the dog, be like, “Oh God, can I feed your dog? Can I take your dog on a walk?” it just like kills time away from being with the drama and towards something that is a higher vibrational state.
The next thing is, let’s say you were talking to an older relative, ask about positive old memories. So you could learn so much from your grandparents, your uncles, aunts, great-uncles, aunts from learning about their memories. So don’t necessarily ask, “Oh, what was it like when grandpa died?” Like maybe you don’t want to recount that memory, or maybe you do, maybe you really are curious and that’s cool too. But if you’re just kind of like looking for something that’s neutral, like be like, “Tell me about your wedding day. Tell me about when dad was born. Tell me about what it was like when you first moved to this country. Oh, like how did you guys meet each other?”
Whatever it is, and that’s going to bring that person to a state of their joy, and it’s allowing you to talk about something that you were never really a part of, so they can’t take anything out on you, and it allows them to remember a good time in their life, which might totally shift their mood and make them just feel more joyful and happy, which creates a domino effect of how it connects to other people.
So I love asking, you know, my grandma about her mom, and her grandparents, and learning more about my lineage and what they’ve dealt with in their lifetimes. And it brings me so much closer to my ancestors because, you know, our grandparents, our aunts and uncles, they are our ancestors, and they’re alive, so we should take the opportunity when they’re alive to learn more about their grandparents, and their great-grandparents, et cetera. Because oftentimes because people were having children so much younger, you can get to know your great-great-grandparents. Like maybe your grandma even knew them personally. So it is an opportunity, especially when you have grandparents, or older relatives alive to learn more about your ancestry. And that’s a really good way of whether they’re a republican, or a democrat, or different political whatever from you, you guys can bond over that.
The next thing is to take a breather and walk outside or go to another room. So often times we’re just in each other’s energy for too long. Again, a lot of families have this dynamic that they all are supposed to be with each other all the time, especially during the holidays, but they’re not actually having a conversation. So often times it could look like they’re all next to each other on the couch, but they’re watching TV. And this is not a quality time, this is just quantity time, it’s saying, “We need to spend time together as a family, but it’s not an actual way that’s bringing you any closer.”
So when that happens, you could feel yourself kind of going crazy, take a breather, walk outside, or go to another room. You know, you’re not chained to them. Like just because they might always be around each other and like wake up and immediately be sitting next to each other the whole day doesn’t mean that you have to. You could get up and exercise, you could run an errand, you can walk the dog, you can do something else. You don’t have to be with each other 24/7.
That’s why I think often times, especially with you’re staying at someone’s house it’s just way too much time with each other, and it’s again, no one is talking all the time 24/7 unless you’re like best friends and you really just get along and want to do everything together, but most of the time there’s so many energies in the family, they all have different needs. So like get together and bond during the meals, but like in between the meals you don’t all have to be just like sitting next to each other, starting at each other like trying to spend as much time together when you’re not feeling it. So take that time for yourself.
The next thing is to keep practicing your form of self-care. So meditation, exercise, oiling your body, maybe you put on a facemask, whatever it is that brings you joy, that brings you nourishment. Take the holidays as your chance to retreat. It is your time that your emails are not bumping, your calls are not off the hook. You can take this time to do the self-care things you’ve been wanting to do. Maybe you dry brush, maybe you oil pull, maybe you do a yoga or workout video online. Maybe you do a meditation, maybe you put on that hair mask, whatever it is, take that time for yourself during the holidays.
And again, if you’re with your family, invite them to do it with you. Say, I’m doing this hair mask, do you want to do it with me?” Chances are they’re like, “That’s cool, that’s interesting, I’ve never done this before,” and they’ll try. Or, “Do you want to meditate? Or do you want to go to this exercise or do this workout video?” Chances are, too, they’ll say no, and that is also a blessing too because then you have that time for yourself to do what sparks joy for you.
And lastly, it’s just to remember that we all chose our families for a reason. So notice what’s coming up for you, whether it is anger, or impatience, or sadness, or whatever it is and just ask yourself what is the lesson here? Because we are always learning lessons, you know, you might notice that you got really impatient around your mom. Why is that showing up for you? You know, where is this impatience coming from? And if you can get to the root of that level of healing that you don’t feel that anymore with a person that might trigger you the most, then you won’t feel it with anyone else.
So noticing that, you know, noticing is there sadness, why is this here? How can I transmute it? And again, asking for help, asking for support. You know, maybe you need the help of a therapist during this time, maybe the holidays just remind you. Like there’s a lot of trauma here and I need support from therapy, or I need support from a healer, or a shaman, or a past life regressionist hypnotherapist, reiki, whatever it is. Get support if you’re really noticing that your mental health is deteriorating from spending time with your family. That means there’s a trauma there and it needs to be looked at.
So don’t feel shy to ask for support, we all need it. So I hope this helped guide you to have healthier and better relationships with your family. Remember, you don’t owe an explanation of your life to anyone, you are a sovereign being, it’s your decision, it’s your life, you don’t owe it to even the people that birthed you. They birthed you knowing that you were going to be free. No one has a child thinking that, “Okay, I own this soul, this being forever.” It’s like we all know that that being is going to be with us for maybe 18 years, and then they’re going to go on and live their own life. Like that’s the expectation here, so don’t feel like you owe your life to someone else.
And even if you come from a family that people really stick together, they don’t leave the house, they don’t move out until they’re married, they do everything together. You can be the one that changes that, you don’t have to stick with your family and do everything with them just because that’s what the expectation is. Again, this comes oftentimes from cultures that are more tribal, like my own culture is very like this, and many others around the world are. And if you have these dynamics where everyone is together all the time, and it’s like rude for you to not be, you’re here to break that bond and show that they too can be sovereign beings and live lives of freedom and stand up for themselves.
So don’t feel guilty about it because when they can see that you feel guilty, or hesitant, or getting very triggered and snapping, that opens up the invitation for non-helpful confrontation. So just say this is just what it is, and keep the conversation going. Be like, “Yeah, I’m going to go to the gym right now.” Not, “can I go to the gym? Is it okay for me to go to the gym?” Fuck yeah it’s okay for you to go to the gym. It’s your body, go to the gym, leave the situation, don’t ask for permission, and don’t ask for forgiveness either. We’re not asking for either, we are sovereign beings in this motherfucking building.
So just know that having stress around your family is normal. I think all of us have it, especially those on a spiritual journey, and just trying to make it as fun as possible. Like draw with the kids, bring your own little drawing book. I got a really cute Lisa Frank one, and I am drawing. Don’t feel guilty about taking a break to do you about, you know, doing your work if that’s what you want to do, about calling a friend, or meeting up with someone else that’s not in your family. Like it is also your chance to unwind. I think a lot of us after the holidays end up more stressed out because we haven’t practiced boundaries, an we can’t blame anyone else but ourselves for that.
There are going to be people out there who have more enmeshed and more crazy families than you, and it’s up to us to decide how much we’re going to let that impact our mental health. And you can love people without them changing, like I think that a lot of us—I know I used to feel like, “Oh my God, I need to make them spiritual, I need to make them understand me, I need to make them know.”
And it’s like they don’t have to be, but you could still love them, you could still love and respect them for having different world views from you, political views from you, religious views from you. You don’t have to see the whole world from the same perspective to love them. And that’s truly awakening, it’s to see everyone for exactly where they are at and not have judgment and preconceived conditions around, “I can only love you if you meditate. I can only love you if you’re a vegan. I can only love you if you see the world like I do.”
You can see that they’re exactly where they were supposed to be with the conditions that they’ve lived in, and the choices they’ve made, and just love them for the life that they’ve given you, and that there is such beauty in being family and so many people out there don’t have family that they can be around right now. So take it as a blessing, take it as an invitation to look at your own triggers and traumas, and to come back as a whole being.
So I hope this was helpful for you ,and for more just guidance from me, join my community Rose Gold Goddesses, the sacred sisterhood collective all about inspiring you, supporting you, uplifting you to blossom into your highest self. Doors are opening again in January, you can head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com to join that waitlist. Join us in our free five-day Rose Gold Goddess challenge where we are embodying the five goddess archetypes. Seeing how these archetypes show up, how am I my most creative self, strong self, abundant self, wild self, sensual self. How does this show up for me?
And then from understanding this you can better learn where your blocks are, where your conditioning is, and how you can come back into being a whole expressed goddess. So head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com for that and I am so appreciative of you for being here, and happy holidays, and happy new year.
If you loved this episode, I would love if you could leave me a review in the iTunes store, and as a free gift, I will share with you the first half of my unreleased book “Eat Right For Your Mind Body Type.” Simply email a screenshot of your review over to [email protected] Again, sahara, S-A-H-A-R-A, @eatfeelfresh.com and I will send you over the first half of my unreleased book, “Eat Right For Your Mind Body Type.” Thank you and Namaste.
Episode 244 – How to Have Boundaries During Holidays with Sahara Rose