I just got engaged and wedding planning is NOT going as expected.. but it’s taught me this important lesson, which I’ll share with you on this episode.
-The realization I had while wedding planning.. and every bride’s NIGHTMARE that happened to me in Mexico
-Why people turn into bridezillas.. and how to avoid that
-Why we shouldn’t live our lives planning for one special moment, yet making each moment special
-How to make everyday your wedding day
Let’s take the discussion further in the Mind-Body Balancers FB group: www.facebook.com/groups/1213662491998309/
Discover Your Dosha (Mind-Body Type) with my free quiz: iamsahararose.com
Connect with me for daily Ayurvedic and modern spiritual wisdom at Instagram: @iamsahararoseFacebook.com/iamsahararose Twitter.com/iamsahararose
Intro + Outro Music: Silent Ganges by Maneesh de Moor
Pre-order my new book Eat Feel Fresh: A Contemporary Plant-Based Ayurvedic Cookbook: www.amazon.com/Eat-Feel-Fresh-Co…sed/dp/1465475621 and receive a signed book plate, inspirational card and 10 bonus recipes
Join my Awaken Your Powers Masterclass to become a leader in the new paradigm with Shaman Durek: www.iamsahararose.com/awaken-your-powers
Episode 108 – Making Everyday Your Wedding Day with Sahara Rose
By Sahara Rose
Namaste. It’s Sahara Rose and welcome back to the “Highest Self” podcast. A place where we discuss what makes you your soul’s highest evolvement. I’m stoked to announce that my book, “Eat Feel Fresh,” a plant-based Ayurvedic cookbook is now available for pre-order on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Target, Wal-Mart, wherever books are sold. This is my book baby. I went to India to shoot all of the photography. It is alkaline, it is refreshing, it is global. I believe that Ayurveda takes many shapes and forms because it is a living science, and it’s time for Ayurveda to open its doors to different countries’ ways of eating, different ingredients. And of course making it plant-based so many vegans out there who have wanted to practice Ayurveda but have shied away because of the amount of ghee and dairy can now experience Ayurveda.
So I’m so excited for “Eat Feel Fresh” to be out. You can order Amazon, Barnes & Noble, wherever books are sold, and I will have some pre-order bonuses, including signed bookplates, bookmarks, webinars, all sorts of stuff. So stay tuned for that, all you have to do is show me your receipt and I will be sharing with you all of the bonuses I have in store for you.
I haven’t recorded a podcast in two weeks now, which is the longest I’ve gone without recording because I have been busy traveling. I was on my panchakarma, which is an Ayurvedic detox treatment, which I will tell you guys all about on another episode. And the day I got back from my panchakarma I headed that same night to Mexico to search for my wedding venue. I feel in love with this city online I had never been to in real life called San Miguel de Allende, which is a beautiful very colonial historical city that is in Central Mexico, a few hours drive from Mexico City.
And you know when you find somewhere online and you just become so enchanted by it, and you look up every single website that’s ever mentioned the city, and every single hotel, and in my case, every single wedding that’s ever happened there. I mean I feel like I pretty much know the people at this point because I’ve looked at their photos so many times. But you know, I was so just mesmerized by doing this wedding in San Miguel de Allende, and just like the wedding in general, and the planning of it, and what is it going to be like, and what is the vibe, and what are the colors, what are the flowers, what are we going to serve?
And you know, if you’ve ever planned a wedding before it is a lot of work. And I’ve always thought I’m never going to be one of those people who’s like a bridezilla who is obsessed with every detail about their wedding. But when you see how many decisions are involved you kind of have to take matters in to your own hands. So the wedding, because I am so excited about it, started to eat up more, and more, and more of my life and time. And it became this kind of escape from, “Oh, things are really hard in my work right now, so let me go on Pinterest and look at my wedding boards.” Or, “Oh, I can’t sleep, so let me think about the wedding,” and the wedding, the wedding. And every time my fiancé sits down I’m like, “So, and the wedding, da da da da da,” and I found a venue that does this, and what about the catering that does this?” And you become a bridezilla without even realizing it.
And we went to Mexico and I was so excited to see this venue that I had been eyeing for a really long time, this beautiful historical house that was built in the 1800s with all this beautiful Mexican art, original Frida Kahlo art, and such a stunning villa. And finally I went and it was the day of and I wake up with the worst stomachache of my life. And I’m someone who has traveled extensively, lived in India, been everywhere from Zimbabwe, to Morocco, to everything, and I never get sick. And I wake up with the worst stomachache ever, and I am trying to, you know, make myself feel better, and we get to the wedding venue, it’s my fiancé, and it’s my mom, and we’re right there, and I can’t even pay attention to the details or anything because I literally just feel so sick.
And suddenly, you know when you feel like you’re about to puke and there’s really nothing you can do at that moment because it’s about to come on, well, that started happening to me at the villa that I had just spent the past month stalking during my tour. And before I know it, I’m running to the back room where they had a little ink, and I’m vomiting there. And suddenly it didn’t matter what art was there, it didn’t matter how old the villa was, it didn’t matter about the flowers, or the trees, or anything.
And I had planned this elaborate 11-course tasting menu, and I had given them specific recipes, and e-mailed the Mexican chefs, and told them how to make vegan avocado mousse, and all this stuff, and I could not eat any of it.My mom and fiancé got to sit down for this great meal and I sat there and I just ate white toast, which I haven’t ate since I was like 11 years old. Because it was the only thing I could stomach and I was just so scared what if I now vomit on this table.
So it was the exact reminder that I needed. It was the reminder that I needed that none of these details matter. You know, we get so caught up no matter how progressed or whatever we think we are, we get so caught up into the future, into planning this perfect day. And what I really thought about it, what I wanted my perfect day to be like, the qualities of that were for it to be easy, for it to be luscious, for it to be tropical, for it to be cultural, for it to just be romantic, a celebration.
But in striving for this one, beautiful, tropical, easy day of my life I am forgetting the subsequent days, and I am not making my home environment the most luscious and beautiful space. I am not celebrating with my friends on the weekends, I am so fixated on the next thing, whether it is the wedding, or my book, or my work, or in general. And it’s not just me, I’m sure many of you guys do the same thing, whether it’s for a wedding or for anything else in the future.
And me getting extremely sick, which turned into a horrible fever, which turned into a stomachache that has now been nine days that it’s been going on, and it’s still happening now. So more than a week that I’ve been extremely sick and weak from I’m not sure exactly what it was, I’m going to guess it was I went to a local market there and I bought some fruits, and I ate some guavas and starfruit. I did not peel them, I washed them under water, but I didn’t peel them, so I’m going to guess there was some sort of bacteria on that and my body’s still trying to get rid of it.
But, you know, there’s nothing like being sick that brings you back down to what really matters. And it’s the love, and it’s the moments, it’s the moments of stillness. You know, I’m, “oh, I want to create cool, vibey spots for people to just sit down and just have a moment of peace in the wedding.” Well, why don’t I create that in my everyday life? “Oh, well, I want it to be really lush and surrounded by nature.” Well, why don’t I spend more time in nature in my daily life? Why don’t I go drive down to the forest on the weekends? You know, nature doesn’t exist in Mexico, it doesn’t only exist in the Caribbean, or one day on your vacation, it is everywhere. Even if you live in the most crowded New York City there is a Central Park.
“Oh, well I want my wedding to be on a beach.” I mean, the amazing thing is I live five blocks from a beach in Santa Monica, which is a wedding destination for people. But my mind overlooks it and it says, “Oh, well that’s not a good beach. The good beaches are the ones that are warm, and have dolphins in them, and you can swim in al the time,” and you know, it is the ego saying the grass is greener on the other side and makes you overlook what’s around you.
And really, what this process has taught me is that a wedding is our chance to essentially bring our version of heaven to earth. But that is also the purpose of our lives. It’s not about this one date where everything goes perfect and then you’re back to whatever it was you were trying to escape from before, but it’s about creating that vibe that you want on your special day on a daily basis.
So I want you to just take a second, like if you were planning an elaborate birthday, wedding, celebrate, any sort of event, what kind of vibe would you want? Like what are the words that come to mind? Is it lush, is it luxurious, is it tropical, is it romantic, Bohemian, quirky, eccentric, traditional? What are the things that you would love to have on that special day? Would it be still, would it be music, would there be a lot of people, a few people? And once you’ve thought about that, you can start saying the words out loud. So for me it was lush, juicy, fun, calm, escape, tropical, fruits, music, beach, friends.
Now how can you bring more of these qualities to your daily life? That could look like more afternoon walks, more weekend drives to your local national park, more dance classes, more time with friends, more pauses in your break, serving yourself beautifully plated food, having a nice massage once a week. You know, visiting cultural carnivals and festivals that happen in your very city all the time. Setting up cool lights and lanterns in your own house. You know, I was thinking about all the lights of the wedding, lights of the wedding, there’s no lighting in my house. I’ve had these lights in a box sitting for like a month that I haven’t opened. But I’m designing the entire string wedding ornament of this wedding. You know, it’s sort of ridiculous that we do that, we get so focused on this one moment in time when we are passing so many moments that we could have been living and experience.
So whether you want culture, a lot of people travel because they want to see culture. Do you know how many cultural centers there are in every single city in the planet? If you crave Brazilian culture go to the Brazilian Cultural Center. If you want to go to Chinese culture go to Chinatown. There are so many things all around us. A lot of us we want to be around nature. Nature feels so grounding for all of us because it is where we all come from. So what about putting more plants in your house? Buying houseplants, growing a vine outside of your house if you have a home, getting even succulents that you don’t have to take care of if you travel a lot. Creating that lush environment in your home where you spend everyday.
Or what are the aesthetics? Again, I was thinking about what is the decoration going to be like? What’s the vibe I’m gonna set? It’s gonna be like Middle Eastern, and lanterns, and this, and that. Well what about decorating your own space that way? What about buying little things that instead of wasting it on one day on a wedding that you’re never gonna see them again, you can spend like 1/100th of the wedding and just buy some, you know, some new mugs for yourself, some new things to put on your table. Maybe you just need a new piece of art. There are such little details we can add into our house that makes such a difference and they make a difference because our homes are small.
And when one thing changes in your home, like for example if there’s a piece of trash on the ground or there’s a sock you immediately notice it because we’re so used to seeing our homes look the same everyday. So if we just add something cool maybe once a season we just change up the look and feel of our house that in itself is a destination wedding that you don’t have to travel anywhere for.
So think about what you would want that decoration to look like and create your own house like that. Maybe you’re going to put some cool pineapples on the wall, maybe you’re gonna get a beautiful carpet, maybe you’re going to get some new curtains. Whatever it is that would make you feel like you are at the wedding of your dreams every single day. And again, why do we love weddings? It’s because of the vibration that we set for ourselves, it’s the little things. It is the music, it’s the smell, it is the attention to detail. And that doesn’t have to only exist on one day.
Instead of eating your food out of the plastic container that you bought it in, why don’t you set it up on a beautiful plate and slice some lemons, and you know, go the extra mile on your avocado, and make a little pretend rose with it if you can. And serve that to yourself while playing music, and diffusing some gorgeous essential oils, or lighting some candles, and looking out the window instead of at your computer screen.
Like that is really why we want these weddings and events. We want to bring people together and bring ourselves back into ourselves. So instead of waiting to see your friends on this day, why not have these sacred moments and gatherings with your friends on a more regular basis. Having beautiful dinner parties that you invite people over, and people can all bring something—a little cheese plate, a this, a that, so that way the pressure’s not all on you and it’s the focus is in the coming together.
It’s the community and that doesn’t have to wait until you are engaged, or until it’s your birthday, or until you hit 40; it can any time. And what I love about the Jewish culture is every Friday nights they have Shabbat. I had so many Jewish friends growing up and it was incredible that no matter what on a Friday, everyone was with their families having that Shabbat. And it’s such a beautiful reminder that you don’t have to wait for a celebration to get together with the people that you love.
So the little things, again, the details, writing a little note to your partner. While I was stressing so much about this wedding I was like, “You know, I need to just pay more attention to my beautiful fiancé.” So I just went over to like my local T.J. Maxx, bought a few little things I thought he’d like, put them together in a nice gift bag and gave it to him. And he was so like, “Oh my god, what did you do this for?” So pleasantly pleased. And we can create those moments all the time. Instead of waiting for the gift bag that you’re going to give your guest, why don’t you gift someone that’s important in your life right now.
Because it’s that giving that feels good, and it feels even better when that person is not expecting it. Just like for you when you’re least expecting it and someone gives you something and you’re like, “Wow, I’m so grateful for that.” Whereas if it’s a wedding you may be expecting to get a little souvenir, but how beautiful is it that any day, you know, your friend just meets up with you and is like, “Hey, I just bought you these flowers because I thought you’d like them. Hey, I just…”
You know, remember when people would burn each other CDs? How good did it feel when someone just like burned you a CD of songs that they thought you would like? It was like, “Oh my God, thank you so much for doing this,” and you’re so excited to go home and listen to the music, and they wrote nice note for you on the Sharpie on the front of the CD. And oh my god, I remember burning CDs for people was the best, and I loved doing it for others. And I feel like in this internet culture we’ve become a little bit lazy with the gift-giving because everything is digital and we don’t use physical items as much.
But the little physical totem of a hand-written note, a little souvenir from somewhere you go to, just giving someone a token of appreciation that just lets them know, “Hey, I remembered you, and I care about you.” The giving and the receiving of that is so beautiful and so immense, and it’s why we do this all because really a wedding is not for yourself. Like it’s gonna fly by, and before you know it, by the time you said hi to everyone it’s over. And all of that stress, and that planning, and the this and the that, you’re going to have to look at the pictures to even notice if the napkin was folded the way that you wanted it to be folded. It’s going to fly by.
But the reason why we do it is because we want to honor that moment of time, which is a beautiful thing. But it’s something that we should be doing on a daily basis. You don’t have to wait for a wedding to celebrate the marriage you have with yourself. The things that you’ve been waiting to do for this specific point in time to, you know, “Oh on my honeymoon, that’s when I’m going to go visit Tahiti. Oh, well if I had a partner then I would take more baths. Oh, if I did this, if I…” Start doing it now. Imagine your life is your wedding that you are constantly living in. And all of the tokens, and the precious jewels that you would love to experience and share with others just begin sharing them with yourself right now.
So a special shout out to the guava and star fruit that made me sick AF. You were an incredible and sacred medicine to me to really focus on what matters. And I feel more inspired than ever to buy some house plants, and to rearrange the furniture in my apartment, and to you know, hang up art on my walls. I haven’t done that and I’ve lived here for six months, but life goes by, it goes by before we know it. And if we don’t take time to create sacred moments, and rituals, and pauses, and create art and beauty then it’s not going to just show up in front of us.
And the biggest thing that I think we all could use more of is creating those sacred pauses in our day. Why do we all want destination weddings, honeymoons, this, that—because we want an escape. So why don’t we set an hour of time in our day that we go on a walk, that we pull some oracle cards, that we write in our journal, that we play with our dog, that we listen to music and dance in our rooms, that we sing, whatever it is.
Imagine if we did that every day all of the things you want to incorporate in your wedding—the dance, the singing, the music, the art—do that every day and take that break for yourself and that pause. And it’s in that pause that the things that you were stressing about in your mind finally come to surface. And it’s never when you are, “Ugh, how’s this going to work? I’m so stressed out, I’m so frustrated, I’m so annoyed. What’s the answer,” and you ask all these people to answer. If you had just taken that ten minute break I can guarantee you the answer would find you.
So reminder, especially in this time as we are beginning to enter back into fall, and things are slowly starting to pick up pace, and it’s so easy to go with that wind and find yourself somewhere really far away that you never actually intended to end up in.
To set that intention.
And to remember your values—what really matters.
That living a life of ease and grace and abundance and fruitfulness doesn’t require hustling and stressing your ass off.
It can all happen in this moment as soon as you change your mindset.
So thank you guys so much for listening to me, for hearing me out, and for being part of my journey. I will for sure keep you posted with what happens next, and I would love to hear from you guys. If you’ve ever planned a wedding, have any advice for me, please leave me a review in the iTunes store, let me know your advice, I’d love to hear it. And if you loved this episode, I would love to offer you a free gift, and that is the first half of my unreleased book, “Eat Right For Your Mind Body Type,” which is different from my book “Eat Feel Fresh,” the plant-based Ayurvedc cookbook which is going to be available October 2nd, and is available for pre-order right now.
But to get “Eat Right For Your Mind Body Type,” all you gotta do is leave a review for me in the iTunes store, take a screenshot before you hit “submit,” and send it to me on e-mail to [email protected], and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book, “Eat Right For your Mind Body Type.”
And to pre-order your copy of “Eat Feel Fresh,” head over to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Target, Wal-Mart, wherever you buy your books, order the book, it’s going to arrive to you October 2nd. But as a special bonus for preordering it, I’m going to send you a signed bookplate, ten bonus recipes, as well as some other free gifts that I’m going to be sharing with you on the “Eat Feel Fresh” website. So stay tuned for that, you can find the link in my show notes. You’ll be able to submit your receipt there and I’m so excited to share this cookbook with you. Namaste.
Episode 108 – Making Everyday Your Wedding Day with Sahara Rose